Most Worthy of its own Theme Song

~Heather: The only person I know with her own theme song. Ok, so that was in the sorority days but she's funny enough to deserve one. Heather is another of my sorority sisters whom I have reconnected over a shared love of Disney. She came to it kicking and screaming, but she's a fan now nonetheless. I was delighted when our travel dates overlapped and we were able to meet up for tea at the Grand Floridian.

Such was the intro from my friend's Disney blog earlier this week on the 1 yr anniversary recapping some of the guest posts.

She nailed me to a T I tell you. Yes I really did (still do if you were to read Fb comments from old college friends) have a theme song. Complete with a dance and obnoxious lyrics best belted out room to room in our sorority house by Shon, Stacy, or Amy K.

Those were the days, right. It got me thinking about the evolution of friendships, esp in light of how easy it takes Ben to find a playground playmate. I've been lucky to have had a great group of girlfriends in high school that I literally grew up with from preschool on. We all keep up through Fb and have managed to see on another at least yearly in passing through on the way to SC.

Speed forward to college and I joined a sorority, much to most anyone's surprise. I'm NOT a sorority girl (wait, I do have a 3rd generation silver pattern and do own some monogrammed earrings, does that count?) But, in general I'm not what you would think of as a Delta, Delta, Delta can I help ya kinda girl. I namely joined to make friends. And I did with my pledge class, non-sorority roommates that I later lived off campus with for 2 years, and believe it or not also an ex of Bill's from freshman year.

I am looking forward to a sorority reunion this July at the Grove Park Inn with my old friends for a weekend of spa treatments, good food/drink, sitting by a pool with drink in hand sans kids for 48 hours.

This weekend the above author who so perfectly pegged me is going to be in Raleigh so we are getting our families together. Her family has recently moved to NC about 2 hours away and is making their first trip to Raleigh. Fun to show off my home for the last 12 years.

The evolution of friendships over time to now adult friendships both in person and those we keep up online does take effort. An effort to make sure that the relationships don't get relegated to the back burner in place of kids, spouses, work. All the things that I personally can talk myself into being more important rather than taking the time needed to catch up.

As an ESTJ personally I need to be out and about and around others. I know that when I don't make it a priority, then the walls start to close in. This morning I'm getting together with a friend who I taught with a decade ago, we reconnected at another school be both wound up teaching. We both happened to be off with new babies this past year so things kinda fell into place.

We've been trying to walk at a local park once a week when we can manage to get out of the house. Today, we are heading to Logan's for plants and a midday outside lunch while the babies play. Nice to have a reason to have on earrings and maybe if she's lucky makeup too.

Oh, did I mention that my sweet Ian will be ONE tomorrow. Not possible that a whole year has passed. I actually got a little choked up when someone saw us yesterday and asked me if he was my youngest. Yes the youngest and always my baby, even at 18 when he is most likely going to be 6 feet and all boy. Sniff.. SO not possible tomorrow.

0-60

You might want to remind me that I did willingly ask for what's coming in the next 6 weeks and likely summer when I am stressed out and whining.

As of yesterday morning we have a realtor after the barrage of potential agents in the last week. By Sunday afternoon on the 8th agent I swear I could have recited all the features of our home by heart. It felt like a Christmas pageant with everyone gunning to be Baby Jesus.

We went with an eerily looking agent to Phil Dunphy of Modern Family. He seemed to really know this area, didn't blow sunshine about what we needed to do to list in a crappy market, in general exuded a higher level of professionalism. Please no comparisons to Phil and his words of wisdom or the fact that he plays a freakin' realtor on the show. Something tells me Phil COULD NOT sell a katsup popsicle to a lady in while gloves unlike the perception of our agent.

Bill and I over the weekend came up with our big, ginormous list of room to room decluttering plan. We are taking ownership over zones of the house with a deadline of May 30th to have everything cleaned out, packed up, and extra moved to a rental storage unit.

I'll be honest while we don't live like packrats we do just have a lot of STUFF after 10 years, 2 kids, pets in this house. We also set up a budget for improvements as well as a moratorium on all non necessary spending.

I will be gone later this month for almost a week and then in Florida for another week in late May. My hope is Bill can use the time to tackle some of the bigger jobs sans noise/kids/general level of nuts in the house. Our goal is to knock out the punch list of items to be done to be market ready by June 1st.

So yes to an insane, crazy next 6 weeks. While I hope we can sell by end of summer as well as be moving before Ben starts school or within the first months, I also know that we may be here another 6 months to a year based on the current market.

The reality is we SHOULD have started this in January, but we didn't. To take advantage of the best season of the year to show our house (ie. screened in porch, outside yard, plants in full bloom) we don't want to bypass the summer. At least we finally are moving on this long standing goal instead of complaining that we are on top of each other in this 1400 square paradise (make that 1600 once we get the unfinished bonus permitted).

So help me God if anyone shows up looking like this guy A REAL IMAGE FROM A LOCAL REALTOR's site (luckily, none that we interviewed), I am running scared.

Mini Race and Mac Daddy Race

The pox on the house of Vinson is starting to lift. Laying low did us all good this weekend. As the boys were feeling good by Saturday morning and Bill's cold was better we opted to go ahead and run the 1 mile family fun run as part of the Cary Road Race.

Luckily the rain held off long enough for us set Ian's stroller decked out in balloons, a happy birthday banner, and the birthday boy himself in a cute ONE onsie. It was everything I had hoped for to meet Mondo Goal #32. Ben was overly excited to be racing and we let pull ahead in the last .25 mile so he could cross the finish line first.

He was beside himself to be the winner over the rest of the Vinson clan.

Up next was Bill's first 1/2 marathon. Last year he ran his first race, the Raleigh Rocks 5k, same race this year just the 1/2 option. Wow what a year to now have 4 5ks and now a 1/2 under his belt. Afterwards I arranged for him to use up part of a massage package I had purchased. I took the kids and met up with a friend so he could return to a quiet house and crash.

Last year I was a sobbing mess watching him cross the finish line in what now seems like a million (miles) away. In part due to being 38 weeks prego and also the sheer excitment for him. No tears this year, just a quiet undersanding that this is a new normal for us. The one where we now have a Go Mommy/Daddy Go sign that is traveling from race to race.

Have sign, will travel :)

Somewhere overheard in the last 48 hours how crazy would be be to do Vegas 1/2 marathon for our 40th birthdays together?

Crazy thoughts? Or just the start of something bigger?!?

Phone Photo Friday- A Case of the Mondays times 7

UNCLE Universe. I totally hear you and apologize for ticking you off.

This week has been an example of 7 straight days of SUCK.

As much as I really (no really) try to keep it positive in this space I gotta say this week hands down has been horrible. Just to recap in case you want the litany of Hell.

Sunday- Baby shower is a success minus that I had a full on head cold and sounded like I had been chain smokin' Kools 10 mins before it started. I intentionally tried not to touch any food or stand anywhere around it in hopes of not spreading the misery. I got home and Bill was out the door for a loooong training run for the next 2 1/2 hours.

Took the boys outside, paid Ben $ to pick up sticks and pine cones and Ian played on a blanket. I mistakenly (again) picked up poison ivy after swearing I didn't see if around the same place I got it last year. I tried to stop it Sunday night but alas it was full on by Monday am. Worked until midnight grading and making up the loss of time from LAST weekend in SC. I'm really behind and have been all week. It's midterm, it's push time with 7 weeks left and also spring break for their schools over the next weeks. We don't get a spring break so I feel like I motivating no one.

Monday- Even sicker with the cold and poison ivy. Work all day and make myself go to the gym once I get Ben. As insane as this sounds I take advantage of when I'm sick and not eating much to really work out and bust off weight. I know it's BAD idea. No need to tell me, but I do it every single time because it's always a kick start a plateau. Ian and Ben also have colds but seem to be getting better. Bill is staying far away from all of us to avoid being sick with race day in 6 days.

Tuesday- Repeat of Monday misery, this time with the chore of grocery shopping added after the torrential rain passes. Kids better, my cold is better but poison ivy spreading. I run 3 miles, walk 2 in the afternoon. Feel ok and bail on a nighttime commitment when a work meeting runs way over until almost 9 pm and I feel like crap and not sociable. Realtor visit while Ian was napping so lost time working so I make it up unit 1 am.

Wednesday- Ben had puked in the night, mainly dry heaving and was better by am but keep him home. Ian better, Ben is in time out before 9 am for hitting Ian and talking back to me. Oh brother, looong day ahead. Cold better, but poison ivy is spreading to both arms and to leg. Skip all gym due to kids sickness and walk the neighborhood for the dog. Another 2 Realtors appointments while kids in quiet time. Thought about cancelling but it's late, I give them the upfront about the pox on my house. Loose any work time and work I kid you not until 3 am. SOOOO not a goood plan as I kept falling asleep and having to redo work to get it in by morning deadline.

Thursday- Ben has been puke free 24 hours, seems ok and is jumping off the cough so I take him to school. Another potential realtor dowb, then go see a house in an attempt to start looking at neighborhoods in play. SHOULD have cancelled, but really want to be out of the house as a friend is keeping Ian. Cold almost gone, but poison ivey has now spread to both legs and I'm trying to keep it wrapped up (see pic above). I missed getting Bill's help in wrapping it yesterday and Ben refused when I asked him to hold the end. I wind up using the kitchen counter and it's a mess resulting in more itching all day. NOTE: Ben V will never be a doctor with THAT bedside manner.

Bill comes home early by 5 sick with my cold, pissed about the 1/2 race he's been training for now in jepordory (rightly so). Get the Ben has puked call after lunch. Ian thankfully takes a nap. Ben sleeps then puked all over the couch and floor by 3. Fun. No luck to get an morning Dr appointment for a steroid shot we split the kids and I take the non sick one.

ALSO in the file it under stupid and obstinate, I will do must anything to avoid taking a round of steroids. After having walking pneumonia and packing on a 6 lb weigh gain that SWEAR I still have not lost from steroid treatment, I always try to avoid them. YES I would rather be sick than fat. SO much wrong with that :(

I consider walking the 2 miles to the dr as it's close by and I've now gone 48 hour without exercise and I know the more days I miss the harder it is back. Not a fast walk, but thought I could do it with the jogging stroller. I opt (by some good sense) to drive. We wait 30 mins in which time I run into people I know who are chatty and I am not. Gotta love small town living.

The poison ivy is bad to the point that I am prescribed antibiotics to treat where it got into a cut. The shot really, really hurts. Probably because I was holding a squirming Ian as I forgot the stroller and he was full on wild after all that waiting.

Get home, take the dog out, make something to eat for all concerned. Punt on book club as no one needs to be around me and my walking germ factory self. Grade until after 1am as I missed time again today. We have a front runner on agents and by Monday will be done with this part of the process. Again we are at the point of do this now or wait and miss the window.

Friday- Ben will be home all day, we are staying put, laying on the couch with the puke bucket and Mom working to get caught up. Ian will be Ian into everything. Bill may (I really hope) work from home so he can take a nap and work on getting better and hope upon hope help me with the kids. Uh.. have I had a nap all week, even on the 3 hour of sleep day).Ben puked in his bed about 11 pm, got him cleaned up in time for Ian up near midnight crying but he thankfully is back in bed. He has been sleeping until 6:30 all week. Something positive. Really.

Next week has, has, has to be better. Cary Road race a bust this weekend for me and the boys (very glad this was not my original first race), disappointed but if we can get everyone well by Ian's birthday that is a better goal.

The final realtors and a landscaper coming this weekend. There is a definite post on the intentional speed up but man I tired and going to bed.

Thanks for hanging in there if you are still reading. Give my your address and I'll mail a co pay. Really I will as only someone who really love me or is possibly I would have to pay for the session would hang in there with me.

PS. I love you people for NOT telling me that 1. things can be worse (I know, I don't need the guilt) 2. Working out while really sick is a bad idea 3. not taking a medicine because I fear weight gain is STUPID. Yeah to all so don't say it.

Back Monday with a better attitude, hopful poison ivy free body and no cold/sickness for any family member.

Ugh. UGH times 7

Better Late than Never

So much for a 4/1 month goal post, 6 days late sounds like my MO for life. Always 10 mins late for life. I read that Elizabeth Taylor's funeral started intentionally late per her desire to commemorate her predilection for tardiness. uhm...may have to consider that for my will.

April Goals already in progress, some already accomplished.

1. Keep the good thing going on the whole sleep and work thing.

2. Cary Road Race this weekend. Only running the 1 mile family fun run with Ben and Ian, but what a happy 1st birthday for my sweet boy.

3. Celebrate Ian's first birthday. Mainly a family focus, but in the last days have thought about a small pay it forward as a personal celebration. More to come but just thinking about the possibility is smile inducing.

4. On the birthday front, get Ben's booked for June. Checking out several options. Top contender is a pool party, but want to check on expected parent participation. Can't think of a nice way to say, "expect to be in a swimsuit" in the invite. Our gym has a beach entry and all kids that can't swim are in life jackets. Thinking on this one as the May/June birthday party onslaught is time consuming for parents. Don't want ours to be a dreaded party.

5. Family Pictures at Duke Gardens. Jon-jon induced cuteness guaranteed. I'm from SC so I get a pass for one shot in sweet smocked goodness. Seersucker pants and white bucs on Ben would push it, right? Like I could ever get those clothes on him unless I allowed wind/athletic pants in all the other shots.

6. Book spa treatments for summer sorority reunion at the Grove Park Inn. DONE and now dreaming of 48 hours sans children, sitting by a 5 star spa with drink in hand.

7. Continue logging min 20 miles or 300 mins per week. Have hit a plateau in the weight loss dept, trying to change up cardio and did spin, fartleks, and weight training in place of 2 days of running last week. My knee is acting up again, think I may need to be seen to prevent injury.

8. One new date night idea with Ben and one with Bill. May date night?- Hangover 2 for sure.

9. Most likely another SC run to help out with mom. Brian needs it and on some level I do to to live with myself long run.

10. BIG huge, already rolling plan: Get going on the getting out of the house goal. Interviewing realtors this week and a need get going on the laundry list of repairs. Still most likely no way until much later in the year to actually get it on the market, but Bill and I are ready and together on making this a priority for 2011.

Bring it April, I plan on spending any and all reasons outside loving my 2nd favorite month of the year.

The Man Cold vs. The Mom Cold

Like a 2 pack a day smoker, that's what I sound like as of Friday night. Both boys have colds so likely the fun was spread around.

I'm trying to knock it out early so it doesn't turn into a man cold. Moms are allowed one man cold a season, and I'm all out.

Man Cold: that debilitating sickness of epic proportions defined by complaining,whining and a total lack of parental responsibility.

Mom Cold: defined by no one in the house even noticing the plethora of medicines on the kitchen counter. I woke up the dog coughing last night. Fun times.

In the meantime I owe myself an April goal post, the weekend round up of babyshower hostin' and monster truckin' with Ben. Definitely opposite ends of the spectrum. Luckily the shower co-host did SO much work, food prep, super cute decorations. I felt like I kinda showed up with the cake, mixed some punch, took some pictures. The mom seemed to be was happy with the final product.

The boys and I went to the park and finished up some yard work once home while bill finished a training run for his 1/2 next week. Grass mowed, weeding started, flower beds tilled. The boys played with a ball on a blanket and wore each other down. I had the first realtor out on Friday, two more this week. Hearing the (long but expected) punch list is kicking the desire to get moving into gear in a good kind of way.

I have a feeling things are about to be crazy/busy(ier).

All the way to the Final Four Baby!

Last day of the month and keeping with month long goal focus for 2011.
March = awesome. Here's the recap from my Un-Madness March Plan.

1. Work and Sleep- from my March plan, "Chapter 912, maybe this month I will kick my own a$$ for not doing just paying lip service to what I *know* is my downfall."

*****************SCORE******************************************

Almost all nights except this week post trip, I MANAGED TO BE IN BED by MIDNIGHT and consistently got 6 hours of sleep. Major difference in the quality of life, stress reduction, being up with Ian by 6 am or earlier and not felling like hell. I could write a million posts about a lifelong issue with sleep and I am super proud for sticking it out and not caving and more importantly not having to go the sleep med route.

Note that it did come at a price, I bailed on both book clubs, Bunco, a girls night, coffee with Eileen, Wednesday walking with Sandy to get work done at a reasonable hour. But I managed almost all 4 weeks to make it out of the house with earrings on and out with someone that is not male and Vinson.

I did of note turn down a 2nd student teacher and picking up a new item writing contact. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about, the power of saying NO THANKS. Repeat, please.

2. Date nights with Ben and Bill. Ben- super secret date night to Science and Life complete with blindfold and 20 (ok 4) questions on post it notes. Picnic afterwards at Duke gardens. Can I just say how much I love Ben date nights. Bill and I got together with friends to game and grill out. Double win.

3. South Carolina Run- Done. Most likely back again in April. Repeat monthly if possible as it was needed and appreciated.

4. Co host a baby shower. Upcoming this weekend, didn't want to leave the co-host hanging so the earlier SC run allowed for me to be more help. SHE (not I) is pulling out some all out craftiness. I did arrange for a custom cake by my friend so I did technically contribute something cute.

5. My 1400 sq. foot Paradise. Not much progress but have the first of several Realtors coming out this Friday for a walk through (my foot high, needing to be mowed yard) house to give us an idea of what we are looking at getting/to be done. It's a starting place for a major undertaking to be out in the next year.

6. Taxes- First time in 4 years, REFUND. Bill's already spent it 900 ways in his head.

7. Read at least 1 if not 2 books. Finished Corrections- 2nd time in audiobook on all the SC trip runs (yes ironic of all books to pick given the trip focus), a super icky shouldn't have finished it but did and now swearing off anything again by BEE, and currently I Feel Back About My Neck- Short Stories by Nora Ephron. Very funny and redemptive after the Imperial Bedrooms trainwreck. Seriously I *should* have left Clay, Blair, and Julian in 1987. What a waste of my time, at least it was time on the elliptical from cover to cover.

8. Get jogging stroller fixed for the Cary Road Race. DONE! Have been running the neighborhood with Ian and the dog.

9. Buy some spring clothes- swimsuit, 3 shirts, 1 pair of shorts, 2 pairs for sandals (from an old fart vendor, but miraculously they are cute.) Yep, going to be seeing me in the same thing all summer.

10. 2nd consult with the P. Surgeon- Deposit paid, date on the books for December. Excited ? Scared? You bet your sweet (and my much smaller) body.

CRAZY BONUS POINTS! FOR FINISHING THE RACE, Passing 250 MILES since Jan 1, and getting my 2011 to-read list posted in Good Reads.

Hello April, with all this (extra) sleep I'm all in for anything.

A New Normal

A couple days of laying low to recoop from the weekend to get caught up on work and to recover from some exhaustion.

Overall a good trip to SC. We made it down earlier since I didn't have to pass the kids off to Bill after work. In fact time we got there for Ben to play at the playground with my brother and for me to get a 30 min run in through my neighborhood.

Nice after being in the car with 2 un-sleeping children for 6 hours. Luckily the iPad was a sanity saver. As of Friday we are officially a 2 iPad family. Yeah, don't ask why my 4 year old now has his own. I got nothing on spending money with the surgery on the line.

The highlight of the weekend was celebrating Ian's birthday a little early with my mom and brother. As requested by Ben we made pink cupcakes and decorated them with jelly beans. To say Ian inhaled the one he crammed in his mouth would be an understatement.

Brian and I did talk over some money issues related to keeping a private duty nurse coming after her insurance payments stop. She needs help with with bathing, IV set up, and in general just taking some pressure off him as full time caretaker. Even though she has been home a few days, he's spent and if the weekend is any indicator we have got to consider some help to pull this long term. So far his work has not been impacted and he has not had to move to a different surgery team to work around her schedule.

I was able to get most of her errands run Saturday as well as spot cleaning the house and prepping some meals for the week. With the rain the kids were nuts, absolutely tearing the house apart nuts. While she was at dialysis on Saturday we met up with a high school friend and let our kids play for a few hours. It was heavenly to see an old friend and a nice break in the day. Some relationships you just pick up where you left off.

What I realized more than anything is that this is a new normal for my mom, for us, for Brian. I need to pick up the slack and try to go down once a month if possible. Brian took the weekend off, saw friends, watched basketball, slept. Mom seemed happy to see the boys and I think going the extra mile to make the weekend a nice homecoming and birthday celebration was appreciated.

Besides, Ian really enjoyed that cupcake and we are revving up for his birthday in 2 weeks! NOT POSSIBLE that my baby is about to be ONE!

Finished for Friday, Roadtrip prep edition.

Heading out of town for the SC run this time with the kids.

My mom was released last week from what we had hoped would be a 30 day step down stay at a nursing home. Instead we were given the option of leaving at 10 days but with 30 days of daily home health coverage for setting up the daily IV of antibiotics, and helping her with a bath/ get settled for the day. It seems almost insane that she has been in either a hospital or rehab unit since Dec 6. Very, very thankful for the ongoing (and well used) insurance care she has and the options it bought us.

Brian and I have to discuss and figure out how much it would cost of this type of in house care costs. He wants to continue working on the same surgery team and not change to a later am rotation. Brian currently works 4 x 3 schedule with 10 hour days. Dialysis days are covered but we really cannot leave her alone if he is not there. A lot to discuss over a short weekend.

Time for that long haul discussion again. This time involving money.

I am taking stuff to do while there for Ian's April birthday. Ben has requested to make pink cupcakes. I also am changing all the Christmas wrapping paper to birthday saving myself from having to buy birthday gifts. All plans to make it the best possible weekend of visiting and helping out.

In preparation I've been trying to work ahead this week as I am loosing the weekend usually spent on school stuff to stay afloat during the week. Not too bad in the sleep dept and given that Ian is consistently getting up around 5:30am I'm calling it at midnight. Really.

On a big note this week, I turned down picking up a 2nd student teacher and a new item writing contract until the end of the term. Yay me for saying NO when I normally would have bailed and just regretted it.

So here goes for this week:

1. Freeze ahead to take for Mom's freezer: breakfast casseroles, chicken and rice, lasagna, stuffed shells, pork loin over stuffing, steakhouse chili
2. Bunch of meetings for work related to impact of state budget cuts.
3. Trying on 11 swimsuits and finding a keeper that was clearances. The thought of shopping for this dreaded item next year makes me giddy.
4. Enrolled Ben for summer camp.
5. Got Ben signed up for t-ball.
6. Have a lead on a 1 or 2 day a week 1/2 time day care situation for Ian.
7. After 12 days ended my own version of the Hunger Games by going to the grocery.
8. Swapped the gym several days for daily walking with the kids to the park, did the one mile trail yesterday at Harris Lake followed by the playground. Ben has asked to quit walking so much after school as he's tired.
9. Managed to get out of the house two different nights. Nice to wear earings again.
10. Ian took a decent naps 3 days this week. That's gotta count for something.

All plans to be home earlier than normal on Sunday and to have a safe trip.

Trying Not to See This as a Parental Fail of Epic Proportions

Just before I went to bed last night I checked to see if the magnet results had been posted. It was after midnight of the well publicized 3/24 reveal.

I knew getting in to the one and only school was going to be a long shot. As I detailed back in February that after a month of school visits that we would take our 10% chance and likely know that we are going to be at the base school this fall.

Still though, hearing that we had made the lottery would have been nice. It would have bought us some options we wanted for next year. I feel the need to get out of this house even more and what has really not gotten much attention this month is getting moved up somehow on the priority list.

Our next door neighbors put their house on the market over the weekend and nosy me was curious enough to check out the specs. Similar house plus some upgrades we don't have so I'll be curious to see what/how long it takes to sell.

We are still on the plan to get it market ready by early next year but I also want to step up starting to look, now with the need for a solid base school being the top of the list more so that Bill's desire for a theater room. Part of me says don't rush just to try to be somewhere by fall, but then given I put 100 miles on my car in one day just being back and forth to civilization, it's time. It doesn't hurt to just get stuff rolling in whatever time I can find to start this project.

Not once had we mentioned anytihng about the chance for different schools to Ben, it just seemed confusing. I know in my heart he is going to do fine wherever he his and in the end that is the most important thing. I just feel like for the past 3 years I have spent an enormous amount of time and energy on school visits, sitting through presentations in little chairs and frankly somehow hearing an acceptance would be validation of time well spent.

Since the start of the year, Bill and I have privately said that moving him this year has been a mistake. Not with only 2 months to go in the year would we consider a move, but for the ease of having him closer we traded what I think was an important pre-K year. It's been a gradual realization of how things run at this current school and the level of simple disinterest. I won't elaborate in this public space but I'll be glad when May 31st gets here and we are moving into summer camp. Ask me how much it kills me when Ben continues to tell me how much he misses teachers, friends, things he specifically did from last year.

I put on my happy face and ask him about all the good things he is doing and usually that sidetracks him, but all the while I'm seeing it as a epic parentental failure for not being able to give him a better opportunity for success. Ben for the most part is not excited to be at school. Frankly he never has been regardless of where he was and that too feels like a parental failure for not encouraging him enough, working with him enough, just something doesn't feel like I've done enough or he would want to be there more. I'm trying really hard not to feel this way but on some level it's nagging me.

Whether getting in was for his best interest, my own ego, some type of bizarre thank you for working in this school system I am disappointed. Disappointed that now I feel a bit of failure for not being able to ameliorate the last 3 years with what felt like a sure-fire win.

In Defense of the Selfish Mother from Her Bad Mother

Not the post I had planned to write, but man what food for thought on the same day I was asked over coffee yesterday with a friend, just why do you do _________ (fill it in with whatever you have 2nd thoughts/mommy guilt about doing instead of being with the kids.)

Mine was why are you working so much, we haven't see you in weeks, maybe like January". Uh... how much time to you have. Can I leave a co-payment at your door if you want the full version?

Totally worth a full read, a skim, a ponder. I couldn't agree more that taking time, a hour if I can manage it or the 10 mins to write this post (and another 10 to edit) is totally worth the time I wasn't spent doing something kid-focused.

I've been giving alot of thought on extra sleep and what has to get dropped to make it a priority. Add to that I've taken on a "good enough mantra" on all aspects of life this Month. Full report by month end, but March has been my best month yet of 2011 finding some balance and then sticking to it.

From Her Bad Mother 3/22/11

In Defense of the Selfish Parent

ps.. Loving her #14... like minds.

And I Would Like to Thank the Academy...

Last thought on the weekend race since I had 60 uninterrupted child-free mins on the treadmill today.

Thanks to anyone and every one's comments and FB comments. I do appreciated the support more than you will ever know.

I told Bill tonight (after he got home late from seeing a movie.. I took my one free hour and spent it at the gym.... what doesn't add up, oh he ran 10 miles yesterday I forgot minus the moaning most of last night.)

Agreement to split the weekend to try and get outside more. I'll take whatever day just some time to be outside over the treadmill. Today I was more crazy tired than normal and walked 8 mins of the 60 and was drenched in sweat.

Also plans to check out the 1 and 5 mile trails nearby at Harris Lake Park. Trail running seems to be something that would build endurance over the long haul plus it's outside.

When I think back over the last 4 months of this one change to my exercise and diet, the addition of the running, however slow it is, has been the only thing to bust off some weight after a good months long plateau.

On that note and at least another 30 more pounds to go before end of year, so YES... I am going to keep this up. I want to move on to researching learning how to train to maximize what I am doing to 1. bust off more weight 2. learn better technique 3. Be able to really "do" a race.

What I mean is Saturday all I wanted to do was just finish. At one point I saw this kid and her mom ahead and though, "by God I cannot let that some 10 year old beat me" So I skipped over to my "when all else fails" playlist and pushed ahead. I did pass them but seriously was one of the LAST people to come in. I am fairly sure that had Bill not had the kids he could have taken a decent nap while waiting.

I think the walkers-only were only 5 mins behind me. So... again, it's a place to start, move forward and set some new goals.

Like a Doughnut on Fire (part 2, With Sprinkles on top)

Part 2 of Like a Doughnut on Fire... BONUS.... SPRINKLES for the POST RACE WRAP UP!!!

Beautiful, Sunny 60s weather under a Carolina blue sky for Sat am 5k.

Thanks Universe :)

I probably could have pushed out harder on parts and maybe finished a little faster. My own child in his 4.75 wisdom commented, "is Mommy going to beat anyone" I can vouch for people in front of me that were walking/running that finished ahead of me. But,

I wanted to finish in under 45 mins without a step of walking no matter how slow I was jogging.

Goal accomplished. A first PR of 40.15.

All plans for the Cary Road Race with the kids in the Family Fun Run in April and ....gulp....Warrior Dash in August and most likely something else in the fall.

Note to self that I need more outside runs, weekly if possible as it's so different than treadmill running.

Bigger Note to Self that training in the heat this summer is a must so I DO.NOT.DIE or have to be Medivac-ed out humiliating this team of insanity-driven ladies I'm joining. Summer training advice welcome.

You have to start somewhere so that you can acknowledge commitment and progress.

Here's to a great starting race, finish within my goal, support cheering at the end, and the sheer excitement of kicking part of Team #317 to the curb.

Sprinkles on top, you bet.

Show Me the Mommy- Like a Doughnut on Fire (part 1)

***New Freeze Ahead Post for Mama Dip's Chicken and Rice. Seriously good southern cookin' at it's finest.**** Gasp that there's actually a new post up on the long forgotten 2nd blog.

Overhead in the last 10 years, "yeah..snicker..snicker.. the only time you will ever see me run is

1. Someone is chasing me

2. a Krispy Kreme Doughnut shop is on fire and SOMEONE needs to save the merchandise"

I'm totally eating my words (and also 4 Krispy Kreme doughnuts consumed this week on Ben Date night)

You can only have a first race once, so why not run all the way with that inside joke as your motivation on a custom hat.

So freakin' proud of myself for sticking out making this Mondo Goal a reality tomorrow.

As I wrote about in my Team 317 post, I'm totally in awe that this accomplishment because I know what it took to get here. Not just over the last 4 months of running several times a week but really the last 10 years.

But enough with the After School Special, SO....

Go sticking to my guns, Go making a commitment and keeping it, GO ME!

How's that for some shameless self promotion?!?

Send me some good thoughts tomorrow morning around 8:30. I opted for one last short run yesterday. My knee felt good until the last 1/2 mile and I was within 5 mins from the time I am shooting to finish. A first race is a guaranteed PR. SWEET!

As I proclaimed at the start of the New Year that I put 2011 On Notice for Potential A$$ kicking all year long.

Team 317 totally kicked to the curb tomorrow while I smile (and hopefully don't become a big ol' hot sobbing mess) all the way to the finish line.

Yeah, Yeah You'll All Agree

Been a little MIA. But all for a good reason. March plan for more sleep in full swing. So a little random for mid week.

+++ Ian turned 11 months on Monday. He has totally lost the newborn even baby look in favor of burgeoning toddler face and body. He is so very close to walking unassisted and is into everything in breakneck speed. Can I shrinkwrap my house?

+++Ben is much better after 4 days of strep throat. Luckily he didn't pass it to anyone before we went to the Dr on Friday. Day 4 = reinacting Wipe Out brought him a return to school.

+++Work has been extra busy due to state budget cuts and "need" to prove that online education shouldn't be axed. Lots of meetings, lots more to do, lots of prayers needed I can keep my sweet deal going.

+++Loving the book, THE BIG SHORT by Michael Lewis. Very good and *not* a boring econ book detailing the fiancial meltdown and curent recession. Really, it's good.

+++Weather for Saturday race is 80 and sunny. 8:30 am start shouldn't be too cold. A little worried that after 4 months of running, my knee is really hurting for the first time. Took time off last week with a sick kid and have only ran 3 miles not usual 5 Monday. Walked it Tuesday and plans to lay off until Saturday. Getting a little nervous about not being able to run the whole thing. Major disappointment given I've been running 5 miles 3-4 times a week since January and really want not to walk a single step Saturday.

+++Watching footage from Japan is sobering. Wow. Just Unbelievable Wow. While Japan is an industrialized country, we all need to give something to charities that are providing help. I saw a photo of a mom holding a baby being checked with a geiger counter yesterday. Cannot imagine that reality. Starting to think Japanese moms are the real Tiger moms.

+++Weekend trip to the Celebrity Dairy. Much fun on a beautiful spring day. Write up and pics once edited.

+++My mom has trasitioned well to the nursing home for the 2 week step down stay. It feels good to say that outloud. Brian and I are talking hiring a daily nurse/assistant to help for a couple of hours each day once home. Costly but I think it's the only way she can be at home without Brian filing for FMLA leave.

+++Cooking on the agenda this weekend: Mamma Dip's Chicken and Rice, Stuffed Shells, Veggie Lasagne, and Mac and Cheese. Most going to SC for trip next weekend, but some staying here to fill the freezer. NEED to update freeze ahead blog that I considered shutting down. But I actually have used it for quick recipies this month.

+++Sleep. I love you. No I really, really love you. Have managed to get 6 hours most nights. I feel SO much better. Trying to priortize on work but feel like I'm still (always) behind.

Send my knee some good thoughts and please give to Japan recovery.

Show Me the Mommy- Diagnosis: Lots and Lots of Pac Man

Ben woke up in the middle of the night crying with a sore throat. By yesterday morning he was still really lethargic and complaining that "a prickly leaf scratched his mouth."

He also was running a low grade fever and complaining that his tummy hurt (although thankfully we didn't have the pucky puke.)

A sick day. I called the school to let them know, cancelled my gym appointment. Asked Bill if there was any way possible to try to be home before my online meeting to help with the kids. A lot of negative and extra work in light of lots of state budget cuts. Needless to say I've been pulling late nights this week, again :(

For the most part Ben wanted to lay on the couch, watch TV and tell me that he was dying. Or better yet rerun the same conversation about who will die first, me or daddy, Ben or Ian, his dog and yes... those damned cats.

Thinking of giving him an urn for his birthday to keep the memory going.

Most of the day I juggled the kids with talking to schools, teaching my 3 classes, answering emails, grading, documenting what seems every single thing I do. I did manage to get the dog walked before the deluge of rain hit. Ben asked if he could wear this around the neighborhood. Why not, when else can you wear boots and wagon wheel/fringe pj bottoms and not pass for certifiable.

I got Ian to take a much needed nap, got dinner going, made a cake (how very housewifely of me), more work for school and the meeting, and then played Pac man in bed with Ben on the iPad.

I love Pac Man. Ben loves Pac Man. We all love Pac Man. But not to the degree of owning the 45 of "Pac Man Fever, having matching sibling shirts from the Anderson, SC Jockey lot, or remembering my teacher asking who the owner of the 101 Pac Man jokes book left on her desk (culprit, me).

The crazy thing is that I don't remember one time being sick at home as a kid. I'm sure I HAD to be sick at some point. I mean come on, kids get sick. I do remember getting sick any time I ate Italian food when I was in the 1st or 2nd grade and trying to wash my hair and change my linens without waking anyone up.

Ben was unbealiabley pathetic asking me to carry him up the steps, cover him up 900 times, feed him. I watched Maters Tall Tales and then Wipeout twice with him. I suddenly needed make school calls when Minute To Win it surfaced.

I'm all for some compassion and extra snuggle time, but I mean come on Ben, there's milking it and then 4.5 man cold status.

Note to self, I should never, ever say outloud, "my kids rarely get sick due to my passing along some teacher antibodies."

Totally eating my words as we start Sick Day, Part 2. All hopes that over the weekend we can get him back to his normal rambunctious self and keep Ian from getting sick. Mom on the other hand CANNOT be sick. Contract work = no sick days.

Trading Up

Not that it was planned for this to happen on the same day but serious coincidence yesterday. Following up on a goal for 2011, I called our fertility clinic last month to see if they could use the scores of unused needles and unopened meds for practice or as they indicated to offset someone (try everyone) without fertility coverage.

I kept meaning to drive it out there all month. But I didn't when the month got busy.

The plastic surgeon's office is across the street from our fertility clinic so I took the opportunity to donate on the same drive out All hopes it brings a little fertility paying it forward to someone.

This was not a rash decision, as I've known we are done as of last summer. We talked about being a +2 or potential for more throughout the fall and said we would make a final decision by the time Ian was one.

Looking at the basket of all our stuff each day in the closet is some type of daily reminder of where we've been and frankly it needs to go. So...

I traded in this,


for this,



Deposit for 1st surgery paid. Date scheduled for late December when I am off for 2 week winter break and my mother in law can come for an extended weekend. Serious logistics to be worked out, but this is the best possible time to move ahead with a long standing dream.

I kept it together during the 2nd consult as we went over mortality rates, complications, and post op expectations. I did refrain from saying holy shit when the before and after pics came out(unlike last time).

I kept it together carrying that basket of unfun while carrying the squirmy result on my hip. I don't think I could have gotten out of there fast enough to avoid exchanging glances with the hopeful in the waiting area.

But, on the drive home I lost it. I cannot even begin to express what finally having a date to project the last 7 years on feels like.

Crazy Scary, Crazy Ready.

The Hand that Feeds

Coming off a self imposed week long break to continue digging my way back. Productive weekend and hopes that this week (like last) I can get more sleep.

Much on the agenda this week: 2nd consult with plastics, 2 more appointments, mom being moved to a nursing home till end of month, been asked to mentor a student teacher (or not) on my plate.

Not sure how much will get posted, but it's out there on the horizon.

Alas we finally remembered to shoot a quick of Ian in the double-hand feed. This kid is eating us out of house and home.

For Breakfast Ian ate:

Bowl of Oatmeal with 1/2 applesauce
Tub of peaches
Cup of YoBaby yogurt
Piece of Toast
At least 2 handfuls of Cherrios
1/2 bannana
Bottle

Mom ate- piece of string cheese and 2 cups of coffee.

To feed these children I am going to have to either mortage my house or sell a lung. Maybe both. I never went to the grocery last week. We've been having, uh let's say creative meals. Or simply put, we have been existing on crackers and air. I HAVE to go today.

Boys=Grocery Budget Breakers.

An Un-Madness March Plan

Ah March, the start of spring, return to daylight savings time, anticipation of beautiful warm days ahead.

Also by end of month one really big milestone, FIRST RACE! on Sat 3/19!!! I had originally planned for the Cary Road Race to be my first, but wanting Ian's 1st birthday to be a family event talked Bill and Ben into doing the Fun Run instead next month.

So what else is on the agenda:

1. Work and Sleep- Chapter 912, maybe this month I will kick my own ass for not doing just paying lip service to what I *know* is my downfall.

2. Date nights with Ben and Bill. After Feb. big fail, trying again.

3. South Carolina Run- Like a hole in the head I want to go, but with my mom transitioning from rehab, to a nursing home then finally home by end of month I have to. Trying hard to keep it to only one weekend as well as things in general in perspective.

4. Co host a baby shower. Since I am most likely going to be in SC the shower weekend, I offered to take care of some behind the scenes work including ordering a cake, trays from a local grocery, and sent out the invites. Note I am NOT doing anything crafty or time consuming.

5. My 1400 sq. foot Paradise. Finish compiling Realtors and start calling to get some appointment booked.

6. Taxes- Some things I will always farm out. Met with the accountant yesterday. Please God, don't make us pay 3 years in a row.

7. Read at least 1 if not 2 books. I miss reading something more than the back of a Cheerios box. Updated my library list with plans with an earlier bedtime incentive.

8. Get jogging stroller fixed for the Cary Road Race.

9. Buy some spring clothes. In a smaller size:) Chances are for a black tshirt in the mix.

10. 2nd consult with the P. Surgeon we have settled on after much debate. Time to put my money where my mouth is and book a date and pay the deposit. Wow. This really is going to happen before the year is out.


Serious Scary. Seriously ready or at least be on the road to this goal.

Bring it March Madness or lack thereof.

Photographic Proof I Didn't Hear My Name on the Loudspeaker

Thanks to Ben's request for the race car cart and an extra thick blanket to wedge Ian in, grocery store success. (and also a cute phone pic)