Hello April 2010 on your last day. How long have I wished to turn to this month on our family calendar and wonder what day sweet baby would make an appearance. I came across a post on Ask Moxie last weekend and felt compelled to respond. I typically just glance at the question and a couple of responses but that night stoped, thought about what advice I would give and then posted it.
As much as I am sure that friends are just about tired of hearing me mention the trials of the last year, getting to this month, this birth, and all that happened in between feels like a major celebration to finally be at the end of this month and move on.
Someone posted among the responses, "It's hard to look at a child you wanted so very badly and not carry just a little bit experience with you every day of that child's existence." Not that I am going to be screen printing t-shirts for Ian's first birthday with that sentiment, but I agree. I don't think time is going to help me forget how wanted he and his brother were before they were named. So here is what I posted to be added to the stack of posts from moms who understand something so very much they wish they didn't. Those moms who are carrying around a little extra thankfulness to be in the sorority of motherhood after a long process to be there.
I am reading through so many of these comments and wished I had tucked them away in our journey through IF. I found AmandaToo's especially comforting.
1. IF can impact your marriage in more ways that you recognize. If it helps to work with a therapist, do. Husbands often feel helpless or if part of the issue at fault. Talking helps. Your marriage came before your desire for kids, protect it however you can.
2. Surround yourself with friends who love you but also don't want to feel like you are fragile. Every conversation shouldn't involve your IF. By the same token friends who can't recognize that some things are painful can just as easily accept a nice card and gift without your attendance at their shower.
3. IF is a process, often arduous, isolating, filled with setbacks, and demoralizing to your spirit. Find support with others if considering procedures to know what to expect, consider RESOLVE chapters, work with RE that has your health before their success rates first.
Parenthood can take lots of routes, pick one and pursue even if it wasn't the original plan. Sending you hope that a child will be in your future.
Posted by: heatherv | April 24, 2010 at 09:14 PM
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