Trading Up

Not that it was planned for this to happen on the same day but serious coincidence yesterday. Following up on a goal for 2011, I called our fertility clinic last month to see if they could use the scores of unused needles and unopened meds for practice or as they indicated to offset someone (try everyone) without fertility coverage.

I kept meaning to drive it out there all month. But I didn't when the month got busy.

The plastic surgeon's office is across the street from our fertility clinic so I took the opportunity to donate on the same drive out All hopes it brings a little fertility paying it forward to someone.

This was not a rash decision, as I've known we are done as of last summer. We talked about being a +2 or potential for more throughout the fall and said we would make a final decision by the time Ian was one.

Looking at the basket of all our stuff each day in the closet is some type of daily reminder of where we've been and frankly it needs to go. So...

I traded in this,


for this,



Deposit for 1st surgery paid. Date scheduled for late December when I am off for 2 week winter break and my mother in law can come for an extended weekend. Serious logistics to be worked out, but this is the best possible time to move ahead with a long standing dream.

I kept it together during the 2nd consult as we went over mortality rates, complications, and post op expectations. I did refrain from saying holy shit when the before and after pics came out(unlike last time).

I kept it together carrying that basket of unfun while carrying the squirmy result on my hip. I don't think I could have gotten out of there fast enough to avoid exchanging glances with the hopeful in the waiting area.

But, on the drive home I lost it. I cannot even begin to express what finally having a date to project the last 7 years on feels like.

Crazy Scary, Crazy Ready.