Wednesday, March 23, 2011

In Defense of the Selfish Mother from Her Bad Mother

Not the post I had planned to write, but man what food for thought on the same day I was asked over coffee yesterday with a friend, just why do you do _________ (fill it in with whatever you have 2nd thoughts/mommy guilt about doing instead of being with the kids.)

Mine was why are you working so much, we haven't see you in weeks, maybe like January". Uh... how much time to you have. Can I leave a co-payment at your door if you want the full version?

Totally worth a full read, a skim, a ponder. I couldn't agree more that taking time, a hour if I can manage it or the 10 mins to write this post (and another 10 to edit) is totally worth the time I wasn't spent doing something kid-focused.

I've been giving alot of thought on extra sleep and what has to get dropped to make it a priority. Add to that I've taken on a "good enough mantra" on all aspects of life this Month. Full report by month end, but March has been my best month yet of 2011 finding some balance and then sticking to it.

From Her Bad Mother 3/22/11

In Defense of the Selfish Parent

ps.. Loving her #14... like minds.

1 comment:

Katrina said...

Oh man. I may not have kids - but I've got two sisters that each have 3 and 2 - making 5 nieces and nephews - and they tell me that they hear the "selfish" thing all the time. It's a way of thought, really. I can understand that one would feel guilty (dude, I feel guilty when I have to kennel up my dogs and run to fricken Wal-mart), doing something for oneself other than sitting down and playing with the kids (or doing something kids-oriented), and the fact that you DO feel that guilt - speaks volumes. I'd be worried of the one who DOESN'T. It just shows that you care and man - that's your motherly instinct coming through! However, there is a big difference in being a "selfish" parent, and being a parent that knows the fine balances of doing something for the development (and sanity) of oneself (and not just taking a breather from the kids - every parent needs a break, too!). I think it's almost like marriage as well; some people think you have to lose your identity when you get married to your husband/wife - but instead, it's two individuals coming together. Same thing with kids; some people think you need to lose your identity when you have kids - and make your whole world revolve around them. Well, the world does (and sometimes should) revolve around them - but not like that exactly - perhaps - your world and theirs should combine to *compliment and guide* each other. You can't help them grow unless you take time to grow and develop yourself, and sometimes - yes - that means taking time away from them (call that selfish if some may) and doing something that only YOU want and is only for YOU - but how else can you grow as a person, as an individual - and at the same time - give them the distance, to grow and develop as individuals (apart from you) themselves? Right?

There's a big, gigantic difference between the selfish-me-me-ME parent, and the parent who gives their children some space so they (parent and child) can grow. The good mothers know this difference and this fine balance - and that includes YOU. :)

Take care! Great link!