Just before I went to bed last night I checked to see if the magnet results had been posted. It was after midnight of the well publicized 3/24 reveal.
I knew getting in to the one and only school was going to be a long shot. As I detailed back in February that after a month of school visits that we would take our 10% chance and likely know that we are going to be at the base school this fall.
Still though, hearing that we had made the lottery would have been nice. It would have bought us some options we wanted for next year. I feel the need to get out of this house even more and what has really not gotten much attention this month is getting moved up somehow on the priority list.
Our next door neighbors put their house on the market over the weekend and nosy me was curious enough to check out the specs. Similar house plus some upgrades we don't have so I'll be curious to see what/how long it takes to sell.
We are still on the plan to get it market ready by early next year but I also want to step up starting to look, now with the need for a solid base school being the top of the list more so that Bill's desire for a theater room. Part of me says don't rush just to try to be somewhere by fall, but then given I put 100 miles on my car in one day just being back and forth to civilization, it's time. It doesn't hurt to just get stuff rolling in whatever time I can find to start this project.
Not once had we mentioned anytihng about the chance for different schools to Ben, it just seemed confusing. I know in my heart he is going to do fine wherever he his and in the end that is the most important thing. I just feel like for the past 3 years I have spent an enormous amount of time and energy on school visits, sitting through presentations in little chairs and frankly somehow hearing an acceptance would be validation of time well spent.
Since the start of the year, Bill and I have privately said that moving him this year has been a mistake. Not with only 2 months to go in the year would we consider a move, but for the ease of having him closer we traded what I think was an important pre-K year. It's been a gradual realization of how things run at this current school and the level of simple disinterest. I won't elaborate in this public space but I'll be glad when May 31st gets here and we are moving into summer camp. Ask me how much it kills me when Ben continues to tell me how much he misses teachers, friends, things he specifically did from last year.
I put on my happy face and ask him about all the good things he is doing and usually that sidetracks him, but all the while I'm seeing it as a epic parentental failure for not being able to give him a better opportunity for success. Ben for the most part is not excited to be at school. Frankly he never has been regardless of where he was and that too feels like a parental failure for not encouraging him enough, working with him enough, just something doesn't feel like I've done enough or he would want to be there more. I'm trying really hard not to feel this way but on some level it's nagging me.
Whether getting in was for his best interest, my own ego, some type of bizarre thank you for working in this school system I am disappointed. Disappointed that now I feel a bit of failure for not being able to ameliorate the last 3 years with what felt like a sure-fire win.