Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

Make that no automobiles but lots of walking all week in Boston. I flew home last night as our IVF cycle quickly took off after meds adjustment mid week. I was seen this morning in clinic and my doctor was utterly amazed at the 25+ eggs most close to maturity. I have a 10,000 unit(not a mistype) shot of hcg that Bill has to give me tonight. Retrieval is 10:30 Monday and should things go well during the week, transfer will be next Saturday.

On the Bill post surgery front he is down almost 25 lbs!!! I could tell a major difference when I picked me up last night.

So home with highlights and pics of a chance in a lifetime week at Harvard.

We stayed in Harvard Square (which is like Franklin Street/UNC-Chapel Hill's campus on crack). A group of us had dinner every night outside and enjoyed beautiful sunny weather. Most of our dinners contained free street entertainment. The best of these was yesterday on train when two guys got on my train break dancing with a 1980's ghetto blaster. I'm telling you I was impressed at a triple flip to the point of applause.

Thursday I took a solo trip down to JFK Presidential Libray after finishing early on a mondo research project. I held my own with a project on the birth control debate pre/post Griswold v. Connecticut (1965). Of course I made it over the the Kennedy School of Government with a shirt to commemorate.

I met some really amazing teachers from across the country that shared a diverse social, racial, and sexual orientation. It was incredible to come together for a common purpose, each of us with a passion for some aspect from the women's rights movement.

On the first night my roommate Liz (who teaches in Vermont) met another Liz (teacher in Chicago Public Schools) and her roommate Felice (teacher at an all girls school in Harlem). We did alot together during the week. We had so many conversations about having the same struggles as well same successes with our kids. It was nice to talk shop as fellow teachers who get you in a way no one else does.

I was utterly amazed and the breadth of experience and teachers who were actually active in Second Wave feminist activities in the 60's/70s. This was old school at it's best and to hear about it first hand only added to the week.

Glad to be home given how badly I felt most of the week, but I am so, so happy for the opportunity to be a student as well as participant in history twice this year. My Obama shirt was worn among friends this week!

My reward was $9.00 in candy

I have bailed from my 2nd morning lecture as I feel really bad from IVF meds. Didn't get the best of all news this morning, so I look for meds to be increased once my dr calls with results. Major time delay having all the scans and bloodwork here and then being sent to Raleigh. Send good thoughts!

Boston is awesome and frankly the diversion I needed this week. I finally settled on a research topic and have first deadline today. Given the recent decision by the 5th Circuit Court of appeals upholding making Plan B available over religious objections, I decided to go with research tying the widespread use of the Pill to other types of bc available post Griswold v Conn.

The library we are working out of has amazing primary source materials. Literally, all of Betty Friedan's research notes and drafts of the Feminine Mystique were used in class yesterday. This is teacher-crack at it's best.

On the "what else have you done besides research" note I have eaten too much good food. The best falafel ever, noodles at Wagamamma last night, and going Legal Seafood tomorrow night after touring more of Boston. We toured a bunch of feminist sights yesterday, but several of us want to see some of the Revolutionary sites too.

I have already picked up gifts for Bill and Ben (a crab hat) and mistakenly read a sign for bulk candy as 1.95 not 11.95, so my take home prize is 9 bucks in chocolate pretzels.

I am so glad for this opportunity and especially to meet so many incredible teachers from across the country, each with a personal passion for women's rights. Take a wild guess what the most common first name is??? Hint, it's not my stripper/porn star name!

Hit Me With Your Best Shot!

I couldn't resist taking a Day 1 photo of all my meds, needles, instuctions, and IVF loot. It's a little sobering to think that for the next 107 days I will be taking daily injections, most of them with a 2 inch needle that goes in my hip. Fun!

For the next week I will be mixing 2 medications to take daily via one injection (that I can give myself). I am a little spooked by trying to remember all the instructions from clinic the other day, so Bill and technology to the rescue. I am posting pics and instructions to pull up in Boston at the end of this post for my use (or your curiousity).

Once I get home on Cycle Day 10 I will take another combination of injections followed by a egg retrival procedure and hopeful transfer of healthy embroys somewhere around the 24-27th of July. I will continue taking progesterone shots daily until the end of the first trimester/mid second semester should things go well and we hear the sweetest words ever... Ben's going to be a big brother! Ben totally enjoyed playing with my good luck charm, a Mr. T in your Pocket that plays 6 famous lines like, "I Pity the Fool". Yes, if you are wondering it too is going on this trip for my 3 visits to Mt. Auburn Hospital for follicle monitoring and bloodwork galore.



I don't plan on posting alot about doing the shots, how crappy I feel even tonight on shot 1, photos of brusing, or clinical results once I start seeing if the meds are working. Frankly as much as this the the ultimate tailgate party you really don't want to host, I know that most people just want to know did it work.

It's just a little too much into my privacy, if I have any left after all this. If you want an education about what IVF entails or the PGD process we are also doing, check either of the links.

We really apprecate all the support this week from Bill's surgery. He is super excited to be off of clear liquids by monday as as of this morning is down a total of 17 lbs since he made the decison for surgery. I also appreciate the emails, freezer food, and in general being a part of our lives right now.

Heather you can SO do this sister!
Step 1- Gather all materials (Follistem, Menapur, Q- cap, 27 gage needle, 22 gage needle, alcohol swab, sharps container). Turn off Wow Wow Wubzzy if at home like today or better yet, go to another child-free room!

Step 2- Draw up 300 mg of Follistem. Each Cartrage contains 3 doeses. Add needle LAST and keep protective sheath on until step 6.

Step 3- Take off 22 gage needle and replace with sterile Q-cap

Step 4- Draw up 1/2 cc of saline via Q-cap. Discard rest of saline.



Step 5- Mix Saline into Menapur via Q-cap.



Step 6- Press Follistem into the mixed Menapur and take off needle, repacackage the pen for tomorrow. Remember to refridgerate!!!!



Step 7- Ready to GO!!!



1 Down and Keeping my Eyes on the Prize!

Prerequisite Scooby Doo Shirt Required!

Since Bill is obviously making progress I have the green light to fly out Sunday for a week-long teacher institute in Boston on Sunday. You might want to sit down, better yet lay down when I tell you it's at Harvard.

The real one with really smart people. And yes out of a nation of HS Social Studies teachers I was picked to attend. Quit laughing at the image of the person who used to play "Will it burn and can I steal this Bunsen burner from Chemistry class", sitting among real teachers for a week researching the origin of the Women's Rights Movement.

It's a toss up as to if at registration on Sunday they will force me into wearing a Scooby Doo shirt for the duration of the week to identify me as a product of the South Carolina educational system. Or maybe everyone will be encouraged to throw quarters at my feet while I talk in my redneck hick voice and repeat such beauties as, "git me sum porkrinds and a tall RC cola to goes with this there moonpie and chewing 'bacca"

I seriously think I am going to be out of my league and need to keep my mouth shut until I test the waters. I noticed that someone from our cohort of 30 is from Kentucky so either they will become my BFF for the week or I will compete for title of "no, really was someone smokin' crack when they got to your application"

For the past 6 years I applied to the Gilder Lehrman Institute of American History that runs teacher-porn on such fun topics as "the Global Lincoln" and "America's Moral Crisis- Slavery in the 1850s". And every year I was rejected. I waited until the day before the deadline before deciding to apply AGAIN this year. I was hot off of being home from the inauguration so I figured write about that as well as my awesome semester with AP Government.

When I got the syllabus I literally think I wet myself in glee reading the guest lecturers and topics to research. I have WANTED to do the preseminar all the readings and annotations. But then I have a little secret, I love being a student and given the chance would get a second masters degree anyday given the chance.

My dream grad school that I have NO chance of ever getting into, the Kennedy School of Government is literally next door to the Schlesinger Library we are working out of for the week. I am at least going over to walk the halls and check out their library and try not to scream, TAKE ME, I promise you can have your pick of the Octuplets"

We are staying in Harvard Square in a hotel for the week and from researching the area it looks awesome. I've only been to Boston area once, on a mission trip to Wooster building houses in like 1990. Within walking distance of our hotel are 90 restaurants and 8 bookstores! Tons of nightlife to enjoy as a child-free adult!. Plus the program has been great to work with me to set up being seen in a local hospital for IVF related appointments while there.

Bill has predicted who will be drawn to a program like this and to that I say a Woman's place is in the House and also the Senate. I am mighty thankful for those before me who paved the way to give me opportunities not imaged even the year I was born.

Being given the chance to study a topic that is near and dear to me and frankly made IVF possible as a viable option in the area of reproductive rights, it's so worth wearing that Scooby Doo t-shirt all week need be.

Resilience- A Must Read of 2009

Bill update! Bill wrote a home from the hospital post that details how he is recovering. If you haven't checked out his blog before, visit and send him some good thoughts (and admire his pics of furry animals).

I have read quite a few books this summer, but Resilience by Elizabeth Edwards goes on the top 5 this year. It's the type of book that deserves to be passed on to a friend with you favorite passage marked. I really appreciate LauraC making this a part of a IVF basket for me. I have been waiting to read it when I knew it would mean the most. I think July, 2009 qualifies!

I remember seeing Elizabeth in person when the Edwards/Kerry ticket came to a Raleigh just days before the 2004 election. I had gone to the rally with some teacher friends as more than Kerry, I really liked Edwards as a NC Senator and now as a VP contender. His stance on healthcare and poverty are very much in line with my own views. His positive, upbeat nature was contagious and standing beside him was a women who in our local area is a celebrity in her own right. She looks like your best friend, the mom in your car pool, the lady who let's you use her reward card at the grocery. Basically she is a working mom like so many of us.

I now know from the book that at that same rally where Elizabeth was smiling and waving she had earlier in the day been at UNC hospital being tested for cancer. This makes me beyond sad to know that not only did John not know on that day, as she chose to be alone in her suspicion until after the election.

When I read her first book, Saving Graces, I was enamored of her strength and storytelling of her grief in losing her son. To bury a child must be among the most difficult tests mortal man is ever faced with and she does it with the grace of a true steel magnolia.

I read the entire book while waiting on Monday. First waiting with Bill and then waiting by myself in a series of places. I felt so completely alone sitting there, walking the halls, waiting to hear good news of successful surgery and not all the impossible what-if scenarios running through my head.

I have spent so much time waiting in hospitals in the past 10 years, mostly for my parents through surgies and sickness. Each time my brother or Bill was there to help me pass the time, make bad jokes, and remind me that all was going to be ok.

This hospital wait was different, I felt like more was on the line than ever. Having a child in the picture does change everything and as the night drug on I just wanted to as Edwards writes, "close my eyes and fall back on the pillow of all those who have loved you." I could not image how much my world would be destroyed if the news was not good, to hear of complications, or words too awful to even give voice.

Finally as the last person in my 3rd waiting area on the night, someone came to get me. Bill's surgeon was coming to see me. Relief, a prayer answered, and finally another person to share in this experience even for a few minutes.

I thought about how much strength Elizabeth Edwards has shown both in her private grief as well as public humiliation. What a model to emulate as best as I can muster as a supportive spouse and a mother to my son.

I though about who I wanted to pass this book on too. I wish I had passed it to my friend battling cancer last year, or another friend after a long year of contemplating doing another cycle of IVF, found out this week she is pregnant. While I did things for both at the time, I think this book would have been a source of comfort.

So after some thought it's going to someone I only know online that has recently been hit with the news of a long 6 month wait before TTC after miscarriage. I marked my favorite passage and included an inscription. I am passing it on in hopes that it will bring her much needed comfort and will pass it on to someone else in the midst of a storm.

Make this a book to read this year and then pass on.

Bill Surgery Update

Sorry I can't think of a funnier title, I had thought of "gold metal hospital sitting" but since this is an update on Bill I thought I would focus on him. All is going well 24 hours out but it has been a really long day and night for all.

Yesterday the hospital called to say we needed to be there 2 hours earlier for a 2pm surgery. We scrambled got there only to wait in pre-op holding until they were literally cleaning the floors and at 5:30 moved us to the recovery holding area and FINALLY took Bill back. His surgeon came out to talk to me around 8:30 and said that all had gone well and that he expected no complications. After being booted to TWO more waiting areas they finally brought him to a room around 10 pm.

I stayed until just after midnight drove home and crashed. Like the clean freak Nazi I am, I had gotten up at 6 am to clean the house before taking Ben to school. Have I commented how much I miss my cleaning service!!! Luckily I have the whole house down to just over 2 hours.

Today I had an IVF appointment that ran over by an hour. My frustration is a post into itself, but all tests came back with a green light to FINALLY be starting. When I got to the hospital I found out that they had moved Bill into another patient room tower, so I had to go looking for patient information. Luckily they had moved the family pics and Ben artwork I put up before I left last night.

He spent most of today cycling between sleeping, being super nauseaed, trying to get up to walk the halls in the oh so lovely hospital gown, and in general feeling like he had been hit by a bus. Knowing how bad he felt I tried to make him comfortable as possible. I brought in my nausea bands that worked for me but to no avail.

When I came back with Ben around 6pm he was much better and was starting to taper of the morphine pump. His nausea was also getting better and he out of the bed. Note to self, do not take a 3 year old to the hospital. I should have know this was going to be a short visit based on the way he acted at the dr office for preop.

I had to wrestle a fake stomach used for patient education away from his mouth as he was using it as a horn. Ben could have cared less about seeing daddy only about slamming the get well balloon to the floor over and over followed by trying turn over Bill's IV poll. We abruptly left as Bill was getting frustrated and I frankly was at the end of my rope.

I just talked to Bill and he is working with his night nurse to try and make it on the pain meds he will go home on tomorrow. This is been a long past few days but he is recovering well and already down at least 10 lbs since his liquid diet on Sunday.

His surgeon's parting words to me last night were "I hear you are going to be Bill's biggest cheerleader in his recovery and that you make a mean protein shake". I was a little taken aback that Bill had even mentioned my surgery to him, but I will take that as one of the best complements ever given. I am so very proud of him for these first steps and what it to come.

Got Firetrucks? Got Trains? Got Fireworks? You Got my Weekend

Our 4th of July weekend was a *blast* Friday night we went out for Bill's last supper. We had planned to get a babysitter and see a movie, but note to self that finding a babysitter on a holiday weekend is harder than the Sanford/Palin 2012 ticket finding votes.

Ben and I made homemade pancakes for Bill Saturday morning before we headed out to firetruck "wetdown". Basically a local fire station was christening a new truck and in keeping with tradition they invited the community to come help wash the truck.

This had to be a 3 year olds fantasy as besides getting to wash the truck, the firemen let the kids shoot a hose, climb all over the trucks, wear fireman gear, eat hotdogs/popcorn, and they opened up a hydrant and the kids went nuts in the water!

Sat night I took Ben to the Regency Park Concert and Fireworks. I was a little nervous about taking him by myself, but we took a car over and parked near the exit. Bill dropped us off and I only took one bag in. I planned to only stay as long as he held up, and ditched the fireworks once he was scared. We wound up running into someone I know that also just had her daughter so we sat together and let the kids literally play in the dirt while we watched the concert.

Sunday, Bill slept in while Ben and I went to church and a BJs run. We headed over to the New Hill Train for 12:15 steam engine ride which Ben also loved. We even got an additional 30 mins on the train when it got stuck on the track. Ben seemed to love my story that it had gotten stuck in the mucky, muck and that Dora was going to come and push the train back to the station. Oh to be 3 and gullible!

Bill and I wrapped up the night watching our town fireworks display from our front porch. A great family weekend and just what the doctor ordered going into this week!

Finished for Friday- Insane in the Brain

I have tried to make this week about getting ready for the storm! From July 6th--August 6th my husband will have surgery, IVF cycle, I will fly to Boston for a conference, drive to Florida to see family, see if IVF results in a pregnancy. Yeah...you could say while I know we can "Do Hard" this is not going to be fun.

The major thing I got done this week was freeze ahead cooking to make the next 30 days a littler easier for my self. I wrote a rather lengthy post earlier in the week about how I set up cooking sessions and my tricks of the trade to optimize $$$ savings. Very proud of my 19 meals with more to come!

This week Ben has taken swim lessons at a local parks/rec pool. He has LOVED them and we will definitely be doing this again next year. The added benefit of doing the lessons at a pool with a spray park has meant he has been super exhausted for longer naps!

I have made exercise a priority and have been 4 times this week including a class. Wish I could say that I have been eating all of Bill's fav foods as he says good bye to them, but I have :-( NOT the way I wanted to celebrate my own surgery anniversary date, but I know once he is on his liquid diet, I will not have it in the house.

Bill and I also got a major insurance filing completed and all 44 pages of claims and receipts faxed to his insurance co. We loose our coverage tomorrow and will be picking up COBRA :-( until he has a new job. Thankful for the option but with an extra 1,300 coming out of a stretched budget we met yesterday with the investment company we use to strategize and possibly refinance our house.

Fun plans for the weekend. We are going out for Bill's "last supper" at a favorite place, local Fire Truck Wash, local concert/picnic/fireworks, ride on the New Hope Valley Railway on Sunday, and finally our hometown 4th of July events including MORE fireworks on Sunday.

Literally we are heading into this crazy month with a BANG! hahahahah

Got 25 lbs of Ground Beef? I'll Be Right Over!

This post should be called "insert your meat of choice here" O-rama as it works with so many meat/vegetarian meals. Keep reading if you decide that freeze ahead cooking might work for your family or you just can't resist asking what a Ground Beef O-rama entails.

Every since I can remember my mom and I would engage in extreme cooking pre Food Network. We would buy 25 lbs of ground beef when it on a super sale and then cook for a straight week usually on the hottest week of the summer. Meatloaf, Chili Pie, Spaghetti Sauce, even something my dad demanded we make from his days on base in Vietnam called "Sh*t on a Shingle" were prepped in an assembly line fashion.

At the end of the week we would have a filled freezer for busy school nights. Since I was the major cook nightly from about 4th grade on for my family as my mom worked a 2nd job teaching piano and my dad worked alot of overtime, these freezer meals proved to be invaluable. I have recreated the same insanity of freeze ahead cooking every summer for myself on a much smaller scale.

Last summer taking my idea as well as a plan a friend in Wilmington does as a meal exchange I proposed some similar to other mom friends. What worked for a couple of months went by the wayside for many reasons. Personally I need smaller portions that what most freeze ahead meals make.

Plus doing a swap with too many people was hard to coordinate. A friend who also teaches talked about trying to keep it going and we have had several cooking sessions throughout the past year. So far as of today I have put back 19 meals into my freezer this summer. Some will go on to my mom to help on days she had dialysis. Since I live out of state this is one of the ways I can help with her care.

When I posted last Friday that I was doing this I had a couple of people wonder how I set it up. Here's my guidelines and what I use to save optimal money.

1. Invest in a Freeze Ahead Cookbook. I love my Super Suppers book and have recently been introduced to Cooks Illustrated! Warning, not everything you love freezes well.

2. Plan only 4-5 things at a time to cook. Elizabeth and I recently did all chicken dishes and doing only one meat at a time helped speed things up. If you can and the recipe allows for cooked meat, use your crockpot to help cut down on prep/cook time.

3. Shop for meat on sale or marked down. Once you get it home, if you are not going to immediately use it, take it out of the store wrapping and put in freezer bags. I will often go ahead and portion it out into smaller bags.

4. Buy cheap disposable pans (Dollar Tree) or as my friend did, buy several heavy duty, reusable pans (13x9, 8 x8). Grab your sharpie to label and always use freezer bags and heavy duty foil to prevent freezer burn.

5. Sit down and go through all recipes and make your grocery list. We often try to pick dishes that we will not have to buy additional spices to make. And we also try to use up canned goods/staples already on hand.

6. Arrange for someone else (husbands, babysitter) to watch the kids.

7. Pick a time that you can finish all the dishes. We typically assemble and prep for no more than 2 hours as session.

8. Label all finished dishes with cooking directions so you don't have to play peek a boo (obviously this has happened).

9. Trade houses for where you cook as someones kitchen is gonna get messy. If I am heading to my friend's house I will try and remember to bring something chocolate to enjoy once we are finished.

10. Set a cooking session price guideline. We typically shoot for $5-7 a meal to feed a family of 4. We trade off buying meat. Last session we had Buy 2, Get 3 Free bags of Skinless chicken and we both walked away with 5 dishes each. That was a SUPER bargain likely not to be repeated again, but with planning you can make family favorites for less than assembling from scratch.

11. For all you type A people like ME! Make a freezer chart using a dry erase maker to keep up with what you have and amounts.

I goal by summer end is 40 meals, 10 of which are going to my mom. Most I will likely consume as Bill recovers from surgery to minimize cooking smells in the house. As I head back to school I typically will defrost 1-2 meals a week and with a quick salad or side it's more than enough for dinner and lunch the next day.

BTW for all you Econ nerds out there (all 3 of you), when I tell my kids about my ground beef o rama they NEVER miss a test question on the theory of economy of scale!

Tommy Chong Called and He Wants His Shirt Back!

Our local arts council set up a tie dye booth last sat at our local farmers market. Check out our super cool summer shirts. Ben and I wore them today to his 3 year dr and dentist check up as well to his swim lesson. I packed WAY too much into this day and miraculously he was a trooper. Even the dentist asked what I had promised him!

Everywhere we went today we got comments about our shirts. I took pride that Ben loved his "paint shirt" and refused to take it off at the pool so he took his swim lesson in the shirt today.

We started a week of lessons with the Raleigh Parks and Rec at a local pool that also has a spray park. Ben has LOVED lessons and after hating the beach I am happy that summer fun is not a total loss.

Today we stayed extra late to play longer in the spray park. Ben immediately found any age child and played along. It makes me really happy to see how much he is a social people person and is at ease making friends. I know this is common of this age, but it makes me smile as he transitions to a new school this fall I know he will make new friends quickly.

Next week he is trying out his new preschool with another little boy who I know his mom from bunco. The theme is "water week" and in the plans are water balloon racing and washing the school bus. Ben is SO going to be in heaven!

The BEST 5 Year Anniversary Gift

I was having dinner with friends the other night and someone asked me why I was eating off a bread plate. Thinking how can someone not know I had through weight loss surgery in 2004, someone else pointed out not knowing you before it is really hard to imagine you 147 lbs heavier. I reread the post I wrote last year about my surgery anniversary of June 30th, 2004 and really wouldn't add anything.

I am incredibly thankful for the opportunity to change my life. Now that my husband is about to know this same rebirth I cannot tell you how much this is a 5 year prayer answered. The night I returned from Florida in April he told me he had made appointments for initial consultations. I am proud that this is his decision and he has come to on his own.

It has utterly amazed me what took me a year approval and presurgery testing took Bill 6 weeks. He is motivated in a way I have seldom seen and I hope that he will carry this with him when it become hard. Bill's recent blog post reflects a real desire for a healthier life.

I am committed to helping him make what can be a really hard diet work with food options and ongoing support. I think for the first time ever he finally understands why this decision is one of the most important of my life. For my 5th surgery anniversary I got exactly what I wanted, a healthier family.

Jackson Mania!

Is anyone else getting a little tired of Micheal Jackson coverage? I am sure you will hurl your Thriller album at me for saying this but can we move on? Tonight it was again the 1st story on network news, followed by the death of Oxy clean pitch man Billy Mays, THEN a story on Iran, finally what had been NPR's lead story of the day the military junta takeover in Honduras. Even my beloved TAL found a way to work in Jackson titles and music on their weekend show. Ira, I am very disappointed for pandering to the Entertainment Tonight crowd.

A story about how June 30th marks the end of military presence in all cities outside of Baghdad was nestled in in the last 10 minutes, just before another 5 minute tribute to Jackson. An endless war that defined one presidency and will likely define another bumped to 20 minutes in. Nice priorities.

I totally get it that he is famous and is a global superstar, but after day one this is making me want to scream. There is so much more going on in the world. It's a sorry state when the Daily Show gives the situation in Iran more screen time.

So Americans, I implore you to let this family bury their son and brother and let's all get on with our lives. If you feel nostalgic remembering when you where in the 3rd grade and the most popular kid worn a red vinyl jacket and matching glove then so be it. I personally want real news back.

Finished for Friday- Relaxing and productive all rolled into one

I cannot believe that 2 weeks of my summer vacation are already gone! In keeping with my less is more goal for the summer we can mark off other family summer list: overnight trip to the beach and trip the aquarium. We had a great short trip earlier in the week.

On the productivity list I got 5 meals (summer goal: 30 for me, 10 for my mom) made yesterday and in the freezer. I am shooting for a double batch of cornbread dressing today bringing the tally to 7.

As far as today, Ben is in school so I hope to get the following accomplished: mow the grass before we need a goat, grocery for super-double coupons, work on insurance filing, finish the last 75 pages in a book, laundry. I had planned for a yoga class this morning, but after staying out WAY to late at book club I choose sleep.

Note to self, there is a reason I always leave by midnight during the school year, Not to feel like a car hit me the next day. Think I can attach coffee to the mower?

Beach Trip Recap

Could we have packed more into 48 hours??? NO! We did everything I wanted to do for our short trip and best of all we have found a new place to stay come our annual Thanksgiving trip at the beach.

The trip down Monday involved stopping on an exit ramp to poop in the little potty under a tree (this excitement was short lived as Ben proceeded to poop at least 3 times each day in his underwear, all changed at various interesting places including the Ferry bathroom standing on a sink). I also had the great pleasure of once again washing the comforter at the all-appealing beach laundromat due to nighttime pee.

Monday afternoon we headed to the pool and then out to dinner at our favorite hole in the wall restaurant, walked on the pier, then drove over to the lake to walk off too much fried shrimp.

Tuesday I attempted to get Ben interested in going to the beach. He was fine digging holes and burying our feet but was petrified of the water. Every time I would go near the water he would start shrieking about crabs and sharks. This is truly Bill's son as I would rather sit in the surf all day given the chance. Back to the pool again, then a nap with daddy while I sat in the surf in total relaxation.

That night we went out for dinner and had planned to play putt putt but decided to pass when it was going to be 20 dollars and a sinking feeling of endless frustration of Ben chasing the ball all over the course. Good call as we wound up at the Carolina Beach Boardwalk only to discover a carnival. We rode rides, ate the BEST homemade donuts and walked around people watching.

On Wed morning Ben and I took a long walk on the beach and then returned to the pool again to play. We were so loud that the clerk came out to see what all the commotion was in the pool at one point. Shamelessly we were the only ones in the pool at the time but Ben was jumping in from the side and playing dinosaur shark.

We headed out byway of the Aquarium and then the ferry to Southport for lunch and then finally home. While we were waiting on the ferry Ben met up with some other kids and climbed his first tree. I'm telling you this kid can talk to anyone. The other kids were at least 2-5 years older and Ben was holding his end of the conversation up by saying "poopy" over an over and dying laughing.

We did everything we wanted to do in the short time there. I am so ready for a longer trip to Florida in August where the pool is just outside the bedroom door. This would be Ben's fantasy to jump in directly in his pajamas.

Baby Daddy

Bill gets the ultimate father's day award, going with me to SC to my mom's 60th Birthday celebration. It actually was a comedy of errors as we had to go back to the house 3 times for forgotten items, stopped at the new IEKA in Charlotte thinking we would have time to shop but only had time to eat and check out the kids stuff.

It was Hot as HELL outside and even hotter in SC (state motto: NO Shirt, No shoes, NO problem in full glory). My mom changed her mind 3 times for her 60th bday dinner resulting in food from the world's greasiest hot dog place, called Skins. Ben projectile vomited all over her and her couch, and we went to sleep at 10:30 after a misunderstanding about pillows.

At least on the trip home all Vinson boys slept for almost the whole ride home.

To my awesome husband who loves me enough to visit my family, I love you and am very, very glad our own family is heading to the beach in the morning. I can't wait to walk on the pier, eat seafood, play putt putt, take the ferry to Southport to eat more seafood, hang out at the pool, and walk on the beach with my 2 favorite men.

Wishing you many more Father's days to come to do what YOU want to :-)

Finished For Friday- That Girl's (NOT) on Fire this Summer

I have posted twice this week about goals for this summer while at home from school being: 1. Family Time

2. Time spent not doing household chores all summer but rather things that feed my soul

The reality is that my house is clean, organized to the degree that I can live with, and overall my focus is staying as relaxed and not stressing about all that is going on both with my family here as well in SC.

I am beyond proud that I can look at these 8 weeks and be ok not making a list of 70 things to accomplish. What I am going to aspire to is these few items that I think will make me feel productive without feeling like I spent each and every moment in a frenzy of physical productivity. My summer mantra, Napping is OK

So here goes for a first ever summer to do list with less than 10 items in the checkout line:

1. Bill- Keep up with our weekly Thursday date lunches and day to get household chores done while Ben is at school. Trial run yesterday was magic. 2 hour max spent on house cleaning, appointment, lunch, movie, errands, pick up Ben. Repeat all summer long.

2. Read instead of watching TV. Yesterday I posted books on my summer list. What are you reading... want to share? I must admit Bill and I plan to get caught up on several shows we missed during our crazy year. Are we like the last people to see this season of Lost?

3. Find ways to stay relaxed: Yoga class on Monday night, Acupuncture, i-phone relaxation app, visualization IVF CD. Cheesy, but I totally buy into mind-body connection so throw on a unitard and join me or keep negative comments away from me.

4. Sleep. I am finally sleeping through the night again! After months of my 5 hour a night routine I am sleeping 7 hours most night and I feel better already. I even let myself cat nap suring the day and didn't feel guilty.

5. Cook- Try to put back a month of meals. Summer days are a perfect time to prep a busy July and fall. Plus doing it with a friend has shared in the cost while the kids play. A double win and I will thank myself later.

6. Exercise- Find something everyday to get moving and burn off calories and stress.

7. Making ourSummer of Family Fun a reality. I think this summer of being laid off and medical procdures can be what we make it, an endurance test or possibility the best summer ever. I am opting for the 2nd plan and with a little weekly planning, it can be. Just writing the post of summer plans got me excited!

ps- I really DID get something done today, I cleaned out our first aid box and restocked it with boy-injury friendly items. Woo-hoo to productivity on the summer schedule.

Overdue to Read More-Summer Edition

I kinda lied on my post yesterday about not making a list of items to do this summer non family related. With about 8 weeks of free time I would be nuts if I didn't do a few personal "to do" items before heading back to school.

On the list every summer is to catch up reading. During the school year as much as I try to read before going to bed, Bill usually finds me asleep with the book over my face on the same page that I started. I have a really bad summer habit of watching bad, bad TV instead of sitting on my porch at night on my chaise lounge under the fan with drink in hand. Once I do I question why LA LAw reruns "seemed" so much more important.

I have emailed a couple of friends that are voracious readers and sometimes share similar tastes for some recommendations. I am also including any books that made it on my 2009 master list that has yet to be read. So for my summer personal to do list I hope to finish 8 books. In no particular order up for reading:


The Tortilla Curtain- Started this last night and had a hard time putting down
HomeSafe
Perfectly Irrational
The Return of Depression Economics and the Crisis of 2008- So I didn't get to make this latest Krugman part of my summer AP assignment, but I really want to read it!
Stumbling on Happiness
The Black Swan
Animal, Vegetable, Miracle
Hocus Pocus- My 11th grade English teacher would smile after I did a whole project on Vonnegut for class.
Night (Bookclub selection but am going to reread)
Lovely Bones (also bookclub and I still haven't read this book, Am I the only one)
Music For Torching
Let your Life Speak, Listening for the Voice of Vocation
PreSchool Wise
Mommy Guilt
Bad Mother (Super excited about this this new book and will likely be the only one I buy after hearing the author Ayelet Walman on Fresh Air)

Notice that the Unauthorized Biography of LA LAW did not make it on the list. Does a book even exist? Please don't tell me, I "might" show interest :-)

Also notice there is not a "historical" social studies teacher book among the lot. I think Team of Rivals did me in for 2009 after an almost 20 hour audiobook. I do have at least 2 books for my summer session at Harvard on the Women's rights movement but annotation does not equal summer reading fun.

Now Taking Applications for Camp Mommy and Daddy

The original origin of this blog in 2007 was to keep up with a massive to do list. I again made my all summer consuming to list of almost 70 items the focus of my blog last summer. This summer all bets are off. I AM NOT GOING TO MAKE THIS SUMMER ABOUT HOUSEHOLD CHORES!!!

Instead with Bill likely home for the duration of my 2 months of summer break, we are making this summer about family and doing things daily as a family what we either have not had time to do or feel we won't have time to do once the school year starts back and/or Bill has a new job and of course if our family of 3 grows.

We opted to keep Ben is one day a week day care so that Ben can see his friends, we can get a much needed opportunity to get something done at the house, allow us to have a "date" over lunch using up our BOGO Citipass book, as well as keep a weekly appointment.

Over the next two months we hope to do the following things as a family. We kicked off our plan over the weekend with a visit to the NC Museum of Natural History to see the dinosaurs. Last night we played Chutes and Ladders as well as played with our stomp rocket (indoors no less) after a dinner of Daddy made chicken tacos.

1. Overnight Trip to the Beach
2. NC Zoo
3. NC Museum of Art
3. State Farmers Market
4. NC Aquarium at Fort Fisher
5. Durham Science and Life
6. See an IMAX movie
7. Scrap Exchange Workshop
8. Start a family game/puzzle night
9. Start a family cooking night
10. Make homemade ice cream
11. Make a stepping stone for Ben's garden
12. See an outdoor movie
13. Go to Pullen Park to ride the train, carousel, and picnic
14. Check out the NC Railroad at New Hill
15. Weekly trip to the Library
16. Try out the Airport Playground
17. Play at one of the area bounce houses with a friend(with my BOGO coupons)
18. Go on a nature hike at Umstead or Eno River State Park
19. Host an artwork show of summer art projects created by Ben
20. Invite friends down to have a car wash, completed by preschool labor
21. Go to the pool or play on the water slide on really hot days
22. Get together weekly with friends to play
23. Make Smores and roast hot dogs over a real fire
23. See a car race (not NASCAR but something involving wheels for our car-lovin' child)
24. Take Swim lessons through Raleigh Parks and Rec
25. Plan and take an awesome road trip to see family in August to Destin, Florida. This will know be the 4th time Ben and I have made our great adventure and this year Daddy is going with us!

Ben vs the Front Steps

Ben has his first official black eye. It's more like a swollen red eye, but we are counting it as a "first" for childhood. Sunday night we decided to take our dog for a quick walk after dinner. Our dog is a Jack Russell/Begel mix and is 100% high energy. Ben and I have been working on how to hold a dog lease and walk the dog as well as feeding/watering the dog as a daily chore.

I should have rethought letting him hold the lease as we made it down the steps as Vegas (the dog) pulled him down and into the last step face first. Poor guy, the dog took off across the street and I ran to pick up a sobbing Ben.

Luckily a trip by the neighborhood playground remedied the crying and placated the dog. While we were there Ben proceeded to tell the other kids about his dog trama and showed off his hot wheels band aid proudly.

Why do I have a feeling that this story is going to be retold all week and become progressively more in Ben's favor than the poor dog.

Random Thoughts at Graduation

Today was a bittersweet day as a teacher. Kids that I helped start my current school in August 2006 passed out of my life and into their own. I have sat through many a graduation over the last decade of teaching. They are all about the same, but with this class I feel like we had a shared experience of being the new kids on the block and finding our way to build a high school from the ground up under what were at times very difficult and challenging.

As a Senior homeroom teacher I had to sit on the stage in full academic regalia as well as hand out my homeroom diplomas. As I sat there I did have some random thoughts on the day... funny, bittersweet, it all comes with the job.

- damn it's hot under these lights, wonder if I should have worn a tube top and daisy dukes under my masters robe?

- New Million Dollar Convention center my ass this place looks like a Costo Warehouse. I am waiting on someone to come over the loudspeaker and say, "need a price check on the value pack of Trojans."

- Really, we have to go out to the parking deck to actually give the kids their diplomas, as the District graduations are planned back to back... classy

- Who's choice was it to wear bright purple robes. Grimace or Telletubbies, most unflattering.

- Was there a requirement that all graduating ladies had to wear stripper heels?

- Check... taught him... check... taught her... hell did I teach this entire graduating class Civics their Sophomore year? They better vote!

- I almost didn't recognize the PE department with out bad polyester too tight coaches shorts and a smell that resembles only the joy a gym coach knows

- Oh look theres my old principal who is now in Central Office. God why did I leave a good thing?

- Nice touch blowing an air horn as your child walks across the stage, but I got you beat. At my high school graduation in South Carolina (insert your own joke here), someone showed up with a giant cow bell they ran continuously. Yes, I will so be required to wear a Scooby Doo T-shirt at Harvard this summer to identify me as a product of this State education system and to not let others mingle with me for fear of ricket contamination.

- Another year down. I am beyond sad that this was not my graduation day from a career that I am ready to leave. But, what hopefully a final graduating ceremony to attend. I really and truly loved some of these kids while I had them in my classroom. I couldn't help but wonder what Bennett Davis Vinson as well as his siblings will be doing once they walk across the stage. Hopefully making me proud.

Waiting, Part 2

Why does it seem that these days it is one step forward and two steps back? Thank you to all the comments and supportive emails in response to my recent post about starting IVF. It is much appreciated and to even be able to publish that post is a major accomplishment for me.

We were so very excited when our kickoff to the IVF cycle we have been planning to start this week looked good with initial u/s and bloodwork. Yesterday afternoon we were contacted by the head embryologist to say that we were going to have to bump our start date from this Saturday to start our follicle stimulating injections to July 11th. She is taking time off around the 4th of July holiday and it will impact our retrieval and cycle. Needless to say we are upset, angry, and once again feel like can't we just get going with all this. The office itself has been really great to work with overall and I don't fault them, I just wish we had know so we could have started last weekend. I will still be able to do my Boston trip in July, just now with monitoring visits the week I am there as I will be injecting my Follistem on my own that week. At least I am not having to cancel something I really want to participate in and is frankly chance in a lifetime to have been chosen.

I have really worked hard these last weeks to emotionally get ready to this cycle. With everything else going on with my mom's hospitalization and Bill's job loss I have felt that starting IVF has gotten relegated to the back burner until all the meds arrived earlier in the week. I think it hit us both what we were about to embark on and needed to get our game face on.

I really appreciate the support, food for for the freezer, and encouragement. I hope that in all things sometimes we don't know the reason for why things happen and that waiting a month will give us the end result we really want regarless of when it happens, a healthy pregnancy.

Happy 3rd Birthday Ben!

Happy 3rd birthday my sweet blue eyed boy. What a day it has been. First you met me with the biggest smile this morning just so I could be the first to wish you a happy birthday.

You had an extra special party complete with decorated tables with artwork from your friends and mommy made cupcakes. We shared a special family dinner and ended out night with a birthday book before bed.

How much you have changed in the last year. A year ago you had few words but today we have whole conversations about your day, your friends, your favorite toys. Hearing you say, "I love you mommy and daddy" makes anything that has happened that day relative. Your love is pure, unconditional, and given freely. As I have watched your personality develop over the last year, you have a empathic nature that resounds in the way interact with your friends and your family. Keep this my sweet son, even when others will expect you to be a man.

I want so many things for you: for you to enjoy a child's imagination for all your days, to always find the funny in life even if you are the only one laughing, to find deep and unrequited love with a life partner, to hear your child's first cry, experience fulfilling work that gives you purpose, and know that your life had meaning for whatever choices you make

You carry more than a generational namesake as Bennett, you are your own individual and will mature into the growing boy you are more in the coming year in ways we cannot imagine. You will start preschool this fall and I hope that we made the best choice for you as you begin your formal education. As all parents we only want to set you up for success in life by providing options. It is up to you to make it your own.

Know that you are loved, were wanted beyond reason, and that we believe in your 3 year old self even when you test us. As I look at your 3 year old face I wonder what the next year will hold for you. You no longer are the baby I once rocked to sleep, you are all sticky arms and legs.

I look at you and I see the growing boy and wonder where the last 3 years have gone. I wish for time to stand still so I can gaze at your beautiful face and remember how blessed I am to be your parent. You are my gift of ultimate goodness and light and regardless if you are ever joined by other siblings, you will simply be all my reasons to be a mom.

I love you-

"Daddy, Don't Eat my Face" aka Ben's Birthday Recap

Ben's 3rd birthday party was awesome! I'll restate the awesomeness for your reading pleasure: No rain, low humidity, an ass-kickin' waterslide for the kids
parents seemed to be having a good time, plenty of food and drink, and a cake featuring Ben and Lucy's picture from the invitation.


The last of which Bill ate the piece of cake with Ben's face on it which Ben has been telling everyone, "daddy ate my face and dying laughing." Minus the poison ivy I got while cleaning up and the almost electrified water slide created as we almost emptied it on top of the power supply (emergency room visit diverted luckily) this party rocked! I even got my wish of actually enjoying the party, talking to the adults, and best of all watching Ben totally enjoy his party. I did have to channel a little Martha Stewart with the gift bags with foam animal hats for the kids and homemade jam for the families, I really and truly spent less time this year in all ways prepping and planning. I again thank Bill for all the behind the scenes work to get the backyard party ready. I hope everyone had a good time and enjoyed the party for their kids as well as themselves. Here are some of my favorite pictures of a really great birthday. And a big thanks to LauraC for her photo magic.

Finished for Friday... Let's Get this Party Started!

I cannot tell you how excited I am for this party tomorrow am! Excited for Ben as well that Bill and I have pulled off amazing feats this week. In addition to the party I got some other major stuff done. Here's the recap:

1. Booked tickets and got all my books/reading for my teacher trip Boston in July. I am so excited I am going to be my dream job of an eternal student for a whole week!

2. Made ahead 2 dishes for our summer 0' medical treatments. If I can keep this up then I can restock my freezer for the whole summer!

3. JamFest '09 is finished! Got 14 lbs of strawberries, I'll show you a sticky good time.

4. Party Prep Galore- Picking up a extra table/chairs, borrowing a power washer, realizing said power washer was leaking gas, onto plan B of scrubbing the porch and deck by hand, mowing/weed eating, Round-up the Weeds, making gift bag tags, cleaning up inside, getting all the food ready... AND I don't feel stressed out thanks to Bill's awesome help! This party is on like Donkey Kong!!!

5. Moved Ben to a big boy bed and underwear at night with only one rolling out of the bed and 2 pee pee incidents. Only one night did he get out of bed and owned up to it when there were more stuffed animals in the am than at bedtime. I am smiling that something went easy in the realm of parenting.

6. All IVF meds are HERE (minus extra larger gage needles that arrive on Monday). I have set up my Medication Center out of reach from little hands. The ultimate tailgate party starts on Monday!

Busy week but cannot wait for the weekend!

Super Supper!

I haven't updated my crockpot love column lately. I'm still using it most weeks, but I wouldn't count boneless chicken with barbecue sauce as an entry. A few months back I bought the Supper Suppers Make Ahead Cook book after checking it out the library and flagging tons of pages.

This book is put out by the franchise of the same name that does meal prep and dinners to go. A friend and I have been recreating the same division of labor every other month and as a result I have stocked our freezer for much cheaper than the commercial variety. I hope to have a cook a thon in the next weeks and will post what we cook.

We typically plan 5 dishes to make and shop the sales for the meat then get together for about 2 hours of meal prep. We try to pick family and kid friendly dishes that will freeze well. I love this cookbook and wanted to share two dishes.

Mediterranean Shrimp and 5 Bean Salad- 8 servings

Drain and Rinse all beans

1 lb cooked shrimp (I grilled my with a marinade of olive oil and balsamic vinegar)
1 can sliced black olives
1 can red kidney beans
1 can Garbanzo beans
1 can white navy beans
2 tomatoes chopped
1 jar of marinaded artichoke hearts (add marinade to other seasonings)
3 tablespoons of olive oil
Juice of one lemon
1 tsp dried oregano
1 tsp salt
1 tsp minced garlic
1/2 tsp fresh pepper
1 cup of Feta (I used cubed fresh mozzarella)

If freezing ahead mix all ingredients EXCEPT cheese and freeze up to 2 month. Defrost in the fridge and add cheese.

You could also add sliced summer sausage instead of shrimp or grilled chicken

Orange-Tarragon Glazed Chicken (Crock Pot)

6 med boneless chicken breast halves
1 cup orange juice concentrate- thawed
1/2 cup chopped onion (I used sweet videlia)
2 tablespoons of Veg Oil
1 tablespoon of crushed dried tarragon
1 tsp salt

Place chicken in a plastic bag. Combine with all marinade ingredients. Put in crock pot on high heat for 2-4 hours or freeze for up to 2 months. Defrost completely before using.

I paired this with their recipe for Fruit and Nut Couscous which was really good!

1 cup couscous
1 1/2 cup hot water
1/2 cup thinly sliced green onion
1/4 cup dried apricots
1/4 cup dried cranberries
1/4 cup chopped cilantro
1/4 cup sliced almonds
2 tablespoons of golden raisins

Mix together and top with a marinade of 1/4 cup olive oil, juice of one lemon, salt and pepper

T Minus 3 Days Until HotDog Cake!

This is the first year and Ben is really excited about his upcoming birthday party. Last year despite hyping it up, it was not until the day of his party when he ran outside and saw all the baby pools and the slip and slide that he turned to me and said "Me Mommy?" What a look of pure joy and elation.

Since we have been going to birthday parties for friends in the playgroup almost every weekend in May, he is well versed and is ready for it be his turn.

I got alot of party prep stuff done last week and this week we are getting the house and yard ready. Please pray for NO rain on Saturday. The idea of rescheduling the now 16 kids and 22 adults coming makes me nervous.

Ben is convinced that he is having a hotdog cake and has talked incessantly about eating hotdog cake as well as the giant water slide at home as well at school according to his teachers.

We are doing a party with another child in his class since we both had parties planned on the same day, were inviting the class to both, and frankly wanted to save money on both sides.

I think I should get an award for coupons used to purchase party items as I have shopped sales and couponed to get most items... including spending .27 (not a typo) on all the soda using a combination of extra care bucks and a gift card. Literally I have saved at least $75-$100 if you count me asking for a discount on the water slide itself in exchange for having it for less time that they normally rent.

We went through the bag o' toys put away from sales throughout the year and picked out gifts for Ben's real birthday on the 9th. His major gifts are new puzzles, washable paint, a sticker book, new books, a stomp rocket for outside, and maybe a starter lego set is we can find it on sale.

Bill is sad that unlike years past we are really having to watch spending. Birthdays and holidays are scared to him and typically all bets are off as far as plans and gifts. We compromised this year and instead of more stuff we are planning a family night to go see a matinee movie of UP and then opening gifts at home afterwards with a special mommy made cupcakes.

I cannot believe my sweet baby is turning 3. When we hung his birthday picture last night next the one at 3 months, it hit me that he feels so much older this year. For the first time ever when I look at Ben I see nothing of the baby but rather as the boy that he is and the young man that is developing inside.

As much as I know I will likely attempt to channel my inner Martha Stewart at the party Saturday, I want more than anything to just sit on my swing and watch Ben live it up and love his day. If anyone wants to bring me a hot dog you know where I (hope) to be.

Happy 100th Post for 2009!

I realized I passed this milestone with my weekend wrap up post yesterday! WOW O WOW. Looking at my past posts I only had 83 in 2008, and 18 in 2007.

I am much more comfortable writing for myself and that is a milestone in itself. I wanted to celebrate this early New Years resolution with a post that has been rattling around my head for the past 6 months.

If you had asked me in July 2001, July 2008, and July 2009 what the odds of having a baby would be I would have answered, "likely never, bet it will only take a few months again, and did we bargain for more than we can handle." By the end of this month we will hopefully be at the end of IVF cycle 1 and waiting out a long two weeks for positive news. The past year of trying for a 2nd baby has been a testament to patience, letdown, bitterness, and finally relief to be starting what I have known in the back of my head would likely be our fate if we wanted children.

Without going into alot of personal medical history, a primary issue for most PCOS patients is infertility. After hearing that I had likely had this my whole life I was relieved to put pices together but also really angry that religious upbringing precluded what would have been a better treatment in the long run.

With the 2001 diagnosis I thought then that likely infertility was going to be an issue if we wanted kids and if I made a real attempt weight loss, took Metformin daily, and tried to reduce my stress then maybe we would luck out without IVF. Somehow the other longer term side effects of increased risk of diabetes, cancer, and heart disease haven't totally hit me but I know at some point in life I will have to wonder what if diagnosis 20 years earlier would have bought me?

Speed forward to last year when after 6 months of procrastination we decided to try for a 2nd. I fully expected that it might take the summer and maybe into the fall and am fairly certain I had a chemical pg along the way. But come January we decided that 2nd time out we needed to own up to this not happening without medical intervention and that Ben is a walking/running miracle.

I had actually seen the RE we are now with back in July 2005 right after a trip to Vegas to do some initial fertility testing before we officially started. Lo and behold we got pg in Vegas but soon after miscarried. I really liked her practice even it was a haul to Duke to see her. So naturally I knew who I wanted to see again if faced with a difficult call again.

So we jump through all the testing hoops throughout Feb and March. We had planned a much less invasive procedure for both months, but then cancelled the last minute when issues came up. By the time we got to a very long meeting with her in March she leveled with us that IVF was likely our only option and that she wouldn't waste time or money moving forward.

Direct, frank, crushing news but what I think I needed to hear. She had been honest with us about terminating with a d/c in 2005 as opposed to waiting out the miscarriage. I respect her position that waiting around is often not the healthiest option and once again I know she is right about not wasting time.

She offered for us to do an April cycle but with the end of school stress we decided to wait until June. We went ahead and did our information class, shot class, signed more paperwork than imaginable and made such decisions as "if in the case of death, what will become of the embryos." It was one of the times in your marriage there are no words to explain how you feel, you just push on.

If you had asked me in March how I felt about this being basically end of the fertility road for us I would have said, "sad, disappointed, and really not wanting to advertise that we have been complete a complete failure at something we KNEW we could do."

I am really glad that we waited until June. Not because our lives are less stressful, anything but, but I think I have perspective I didn't have a couple of months ago. We have especially had time to think and talk about the ways a potential multiple pregnancy and birth might affect us as a family, couple, and individuals.

My IFV meds are due to arrive today to start our process on June 8th. I still have residual sadness that this the path we are on. I can't see what seems pregnant people around me everywhere and wonder how much did they have to pay physically and emotionally to be pregnant. Haven't I already paid enough in for this to have been a little easier?

I have hope and faith that something good is going to come out of all that's ahead.
Please send us prayer, luck, karma, even a cheesy token that you support us. I have to believe that all this will not be in vain and a testament to demonstrating that Job is not my family member.

This I believe that all struggle has an end goal, even if not apparent in the present. This I believe that there is something more than being tested by God. This I believe that good things can happen and we are just as worthy as anyone else.

This I believe that July 2010 will bring happiness or acceptance, or maybe a combination of both. Believe with me-

Fruits of My Labor

This post should be entitled, How much can I shove into one weekend, but yet still feel more rested than the past week? I hightailed out of my 84 degree classroom on Friday and was at the pool with Ben less than an hour later.

Sat am we met a friend to pick strawberries at a local farm. An couple of hours later with a 14 lb basket in tow and a visit to pet the horses and goats we were back home for Jamfest '09 to begin. Picking your own is the way to go as for a 30.00 investment in berries, one 5 lb bag of sugar, and 3 sets of plastic jars (finally found at Walmart in Easley, SC no less), I had 24 jars of jam for adult party favors plus a very large container I froze.
While Ben was napping in his new toddler bed I snuck in an hour alone at the pool. Getting Ben to buy into sleeping in a big boy bed was the major task of the weekend. We made a big deal about saying goodbye to the baby bed and as if we were not nuts enough, he slept in underwear overnight too. No accidents and No getting out of bed.

Woo=Hoo! For Once, I called this the right way to wait on moving him. Ben has never expressed a need to climb out so frankly I've been lazy. But I am a little embarrassed to admit my almost 3 year old son was STILL in a crib. Next up was working in the yard. While I pulled weeds and mulched, Ben and

Bill "washed" his little car. Plans underway to let Ben wash our 2 Honda CRVs all summer. Please God, don't let him work at a carwash as a dream career.We grilled steaks and had the last of the lettuce I had grown for dinner on our porch, got Ben to bed and then watched old 80s movie F/X.

Sunday we went and got Ben's birthday pictures made and I am happy to admit I stayed within budget by only picking the one pose package plus 1 extra sheet for grandmothers upcoming birthdays. We finished up birthday party purchases at good ol' Target and feasted on BOGO lunch.

I watched an actual whole movie while I got housework and party stuff done and when Ben was up we ventured out to a local festival. Bill has been battling a cold all weekend, so I solo parented it and to my surprise I did ok.

That was until Ben peed all over the ground just in front of the bathroom door. We lost an ice cream cone in the clean up process but for 13.00 in rolled change he got to ride 5 rides, eat ice cream, and most importantly peer at racing lawn mowers through a fence.

It was good, relaxing, family-oriented weekend that was super productive without being super tiring. Ok, I have to admit I WAS tired of strawberries at 9 pm last night, but look what I have to show as the fruits of my labor!