Got Star Wars Cookie Cutters, Serenity Tickets, AND a Toy Story 3?

Then you got Bill's father day celebration. Funny that 3 different people told me about the Star Wars cookie cutters AND pancake molds when they debuted at Williams Sonoma! Th perfect gift for an obsessed fan that would say he's NOT obsessed in a 40 Year Old Virgin kinda way.

Chrissy and I conspired to get tickets for the Raleighwood Theater Serenity event next weekend. I totally thought I had pulled one over on Bill as the show was sold out when he heard about it. That was until Sat night he told me the owner of the theater was going to sell him a ticket from his lot. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I have already made this great card with our pics superimposed over the fearless crew of a Bill's all time fav Joss Whedon movie.

We grilled out both Friday and Saturday, spent time at the pool, and Bill/Ben went to see Toy Story 3 on Sunday. Good for the kid and the kid at heart.

Happy Fathers Day to someone born to be a dad!

Ask Moxie NurtureShock Friday- SLEEP!!!

Ask Moxie is doing an open discussion each week this summer on a chapter of NutureShock. At Bill's request after hearing about the book on twit.tv and my copy of the book continually being recalled by the library this spring before I could get to it, we listened to it on the way to the beach. Each Friday, Moxie posts her discussion I am going to make my Friday Blog post what I contribute to the discussion.

I LOVE you are doing this series. DH and I recently listened to the book together on vacation in the car. I am a week behind on my thoughts on praise, but plan to comment as parent of two boys. I am a high school teacher (currently teaching repeaters in Summer School where praise is a key element) so I am on the front line of this argument.

On Sleep, the stats are staggering as to how much brain power and opportunity for learning is being lost. I agree that the old adage that getting more sleep makes you a happier more well adjusted person is not the debate. Rather why not insist on the same for children and look at why schools are part of the problem?

As a teacher that starts teaching at the un-Godly time of 7:25 am, I can vouch for the fact that kids come in exhausted due to not being able to shut down before rising before their internal clocks would have them up. Ideally my students are most alert around 10 am, ironically just in time for lunch at my school.
As I was listening to this chapter I wanted to force every school administrator to instead of sinking money into standardized test push & prep, and instead consider buying more buses. As the book details and I can testify to, school systems use a cost effective multi-use busing plan. Who can blame them in this time of cash strapped budgets? Cutting bus allotment seems to have the attractive appeal of being first for elimination in comparison to textbook, class size, or teacher salaries.

There is no simple answer until viable options are on the table and are presented to parents that allows for a later start time. This could include year- round schools/ modified calendar year, multi track options for working parents, split day, online class options. All have benefit considering that the sole reason that schools start early is money.

You wouldn’t handicap your best athlete by not providing the best training, nutrition, coaching, or insist on keeping them up night after night. Why is education any different? If we want our kids to succeed then schools need to investigate differing bell schedule options that must include parent education on the benefit of more sleep. Encouraging parents to limiting extracurricular activities as well as gaming and staying online past a reasonable time should be emphasized as making that parental favorite, the Honor roll.

Happy Camper

Our Summer "schedule" officially kicked off Monday morning and so far I think it depends on who you ask if it's going well. This is the start to the can I stay home instead of going back, summer experiment. No word yet on the verdict, it needs time, lots of time and some serious thought.

Ben is going to Y day camp from 9-12pm each day. Bill drops him at 9 and I pick up at noon. The time in between I am using for my online class as well as getting in a 6 am workout. This being the first week of class I have been working in the afternoons and at night to to get students on, understanding how an online class works, and troubleshooting computer issues with them (that last task is laughable), and grading, grading, grading since the course which normally takes 18 weeks is shoved into 8.

Add to it swim lessons twice a week at 5:30 and we are back to being busy. Ben seems to love, love, love camp when I pick him up. But each morning I have to pull up the pics they send each day to remind him that he had a good time to combat tears and fears. He finally told me yesterday he's sad that his friend from school is not there. So we took the chance to talk about trying new things, meeting new people, and getting to do special things Baby Ian doesn't get to do.

I've also restarted the prize box with a daily sticker chart for being nice to his brother, not hitting, not whining, staying in room for quiet time, and feeding the dog. So far he has not had a perfect day, but we are working on praising effort and redos when the am has gone badly to see the afternoon as a restart.

Ask Moxie is doing a Friday series on NurtureShock and asking for reader comments. Bill and I recently listened to the book on audio on the way to the beach (something to drown out the multiple times Ben watched the Letter Factory). Wow, lots I want to say on this and it's more than a single post.

She started last week with Chapter 1 on Praise. So for the weeks she is holding this discussion, I'm going to post the comment I leave as my Friday post. Up tomorrow, Praise. Hummmmm lots to say on this being a teacher, parent, and in general believer that adults should build confidence in their charges.

Next up... chapter 2, getting sleep. Did she secretly interview me?

rethinking parties that require a shuttle bus

First off, Happy 2 months to my sweet Ian today.

Ben had been waiting for his party for weeks as we have attended the multiple 4th birthday celebrations from his 2006 Babygroup. Almost everyday he has ticked off who he was inviting and who couldn't come to his 4th birthday party. If mad at me or Bill he immediately uttered his now comical phrase, "you're not coming to my party." Really, buddy if we don't come and foot the bill, there will be no party.

My ground rules for this year after the water slide/grill out double family party in my yard extravaganza that was 2009: 1. Not at my House 2. Not with another family 3. No serving lunch if we could avoid it.

In January I started looking at venues and after several great trips to Durham Life and Science in the fall I asked Ben if he would like his party to be there and have his friends ride the train. YES!

So I booked the party with the date of June 12th. I expected it would be hot, but not OMG would they mind if I toured the Dino Dig in the nude hot. At 8:30am when we were uploading the car I was sweating like a sinner in church.

Also unknown to us in January would be that Bubble Blitz would be scheduled on the same day. Since we have never experienced the insanity of Christmas holiday train at the museum, I incorrectly thought it will be a little more crowed but really with all the summer events how bad can it be. SHUTTLE BUS from remote lots crowded B.A.D.

We could only reserve the party room for 1 hour so as soon as Ben was blowing out the candles I was ripping down decorations and loading up stuff to be out before the next scheduled party. Several of our guests texted us that they were stuck in no mans land and were trying to make it. And they did, but I totally felt like they make a 30 min drive only to slam some cake down and be thrust back into the heat.

The positive were that because we got there at opening I bought tickets for all families to ride the train. We actually filled up the entire train! Ben loved it and seeing that the entire day he wanted nothing to do with me or Bill he was all too happy to ride with friends.

Totally dissed by a 4 year old.

Being Martha Stewart wanna-be and also not willing to pay an extra 100 bucks for some employee to do craft time,I brought in foam sun visors and all the items (feathers, glitter glue, stickers and the like) for an activity prior to ghetto cake time.

Sat am I had panic attack that we didn't have enough to do, so I went shopping on the way to the party and got a pin the tale on the donkey game. Bill graciously ran that while I helped kids with visors. We also set up the chairs for an impromptu game of musical chairs if we still needed time filler and a friend ran freeze dance. I have suffered through enough Vacation Bible Schools to slap some last minute "keep kids busy activities" and true to form the kids were busy.

Our Cake Runneth Over- Friday night there was a last minute panic by Bill (and me too I must confess) that after running out of cake last year we didn't think we had enough with the 1/2 sheet I ordered. On our date night, we hit BJs 5 mins before they closed for another cake. Since it had as my friend Gillian commented, "1970s airbrushed balloons on it and was likely on the cover of a REO Speedwagon album," I opened all the unused party favor hotwheels cars and spelled out "4". This just added to the ghetto-ness of the original bright orange and Blue Hot Wheels car cake.

4th Birthday wrap up- overall good to have family here to help and visit, Bill and I got a much needed night out, Ben got so many new toys that I "might" do a massive toy purge before the fall consignment sale cycle.

One parent of a nine month old, who has not been to a gazillion parties in a given 2 month spread commented to Bill, "wow these parties are like enjoyment for the kids, but hell on earth for the parents." Just you wait, your time sitting in the little chairs is coming.

Ben said it best today when he uttered what I will hear for the next 365 days, you guessed it, "I can't come to his 5th birthday party."

Redneck Rivera Recap!

We decided to do a annual family trip to the beach a little earlier this year for 2 reasons. One, Bill has very limited time off with the new job and I need to see how much time I truly need to be available during the day since I have to lead online classroom activities daily and teach what normally takes a semester in 8 weeks.

The boys and I are driving to Hilton Head in late August to meet up with my in laws and the house they have rented for a week, but we wanted a separate long weekend trip as a family.

We went to a resort in Myrtle Beach after friends had stayed there last summer and more recently in May to high praise. Bill and I both wanted somewhere we could relax, not feel the need to get out unless we wanted, and most importantly have time with the kids.

I have been to MB more times than I can remember with friends and family. The drive down is beyond boring. Bill refused to play my game of: name a misspelled business sign, point out a church with the word "Tabernacle, Praise, Full Gospel, or Assembly" bonus pts if they contain all of the above, and are the number of pawn shops= title loan storefronts=chicken restaurants in proportion to the town populuation? All bets are off if a Confederate flag is flying at the entrance.

Sissy... he knew he would loose playing against a veteran. Seriously does your state have just gem town names as Turbeville, Fitchtig, or Monks Corner?

Yep, been to MB more times than I want to count and have several shirts to prove it. None of which have seen the light of day since anyone questioned George Michael's sexuality.

We did most everything we wanted ordering room service, gorging ourselves at the breakfast buffet, sitting by the pool, walking/digging in the sand/jumping in the water on the beach, heading out one night to ride Go Karts and to an amusement park, walking on the boardwalk.

One of the features of this hotel was a splash park with lazy river for kids. Seeing that Ben loves the pool at home, we were doubtfounded that he was scared to even get in the water. We tried playing with him on several of the spray parts and Bill did get him to go down the smallest slide one time with no tears. He instead wanted to float on the lazy river, so we spent time there playing sea captain on the boats before moving to the pool.

Both days we moved to the pool and later at night the hot tub, which he loved and kept trying to scoot further and further down into the water. Why did I keep thinking he is 15 years shy of a starting role in Boogie Nights 2 as much as he kept asking to go back and get in?

Overall we had a great time, we loved being in a place where everything was close and doing nothing an option. As always we did the trip recap of fav things:

Bill- Go Karts with Ben, Room Service as well as out great meal at the Chesapeake House complete with an alligator, watching the Apple Developers Conference online while I watched the kids

Heather- spending time with the family in a relaxed place aka not at home, sleeping, and a distant 3rd but it makes my list drinking by the pool while finally finishing thank you notes and birth annoucments (seriously wanted to finish these for the last month)

Ben- digging in the sand, esp at night with a special headlamp and flashlight with Daddy, Riding Go Karts and Bumper Cars, the lazy river, early birthday gifts of new water guns since we have already broken 2 this summer

Ian- sleeping, eating, pooping, all things he can do at home for free might I add

Great trip and time together which was the goal.

Get Ready, Get Set, Blast Off!

Why am I blogging when there is about 900 things to do before my MIL, BIL, and his new girlfriend get here for grilling out dinner? Much done in the hours home from the beach.

1. Online class made and is at capacity. Participated in my online group with all the other Civics Credit Recovery (aka.. taking it again) teachers across the state last night. Much to do since I just got my course section yesterday. Luckily in laws are taking Ben to the NC Zoo tomorrow and then tomorrow night for me to get some serious work done to load the class with the first week assignments

2. Party prep in full swing. No, I am not making the cake. Call me a lame mom for not wanting to take a Wilton Class and then create a masterpiece out of staining red frosting. Some things I am just going to farm out. Since they were out of the cake topper, came up with my own, so a crafty touch none the less. Still have to pull the craft for the kids together and make gift bags. No homemade jam for parents this year.

3. Finally found a workout bra after many, many returns. No less it's was at the PennyRich Bra Patch here in town. A busty girls dream store with lots of pretty not all institutional undies. I do have to wonder when the owners were thinking up store names where the idea for a "patch" came?

4. Ben had a fab family birthday. Pics to come and also the beach trip, but needless to say he went to bed with a giant leggo plane and a big smile on his face. Skype worked well with my mom and brother to celebrate with us.

5. Heading to school to return my laptop on this the last day for teacher. I inadvertently infected it with a virus somewhere in the last week, much to Bill's happiness. No really, he's been pushing me to get a new laptop with the new online class and not use my crappy, no battery life one from school. SOLD with the virus. I saved off all my files and it's going back. Funny that other than bringing home a couple of boxes there is NOTHING I would have to do other than resign not to return in August. Think this is a sign?

He is graciously letting me use his command center in his office for my class. I promised him I wouldn't mess it up (or attempt to clean it up).

Happy Birthday Ben!

Happy 4th birthday my Sweet Ben! You woke up to your decorated room and "sparkle" doughnuts in bed to celebrate the day. We are planning for "choose a gift" on the hour tradition, playing with Connor, and then a big birthday meal tonight after you talk to Mema and Grandmommy through Daddy's special camera.

I'm glad that you as of 8 pm last night, I can come to your party. I was getting worried after you have disinvited me about 900 times in the last few weeks. Hate to tell you, but if momma doesn't come, there will be NO party.

You have grown up so much this year as you moved schools, finally mastered the all encompassing hurdle of pooping on the potty :-), have learned your letters and number and can recognize simple words, moved to a new bedroom, took swimming lessons, played a soccer on a team with friends, and became the wonderful Big Brother I knew you were waiting to become given the opportunity.

We spent our last morning on our family beach trip yesterday doing what you loved best, digging in the sand and jumping in the water. What more could I ask for but to watch you be totally in the moment with a smile on your face and filthy dirty.

I was so happy to be apart of your 4th trip around the sun celebration at school before the year ended. We had fun making your "timeline about me" poster as well as your fav food of blueberry muffins to share with your classmates.

This weekend you will finally get to have your party with your friends at Durham Science and Life in the Butterfly House complete with a birthday train. Since you have been planning this party for a good 6 months I hope it lives up to your 4 year old expectations. Believe me, I will do my best not to be disinvited before Saturday!

I love you my sweet, loving, inquisitive, adventuresome, ACTIVE, blue-eyed boy. You make me smile with your unconditional love and morning hugs. To hear your sweet cackle of a laugh makes me want to hold you in moment in time all of my days.

Be Still my Heart, my Beautiful Ben.


love mom-

Too Freakin' Cute

Ending the week on a much needed positive note. Over the past holiday weekend the Pressley folk came down to grill out with their boys. Ben idolizes their sons. Let me repeat, he talks about them as if they live in this house. Yesterday while at Trader Joes he bought bananas for them and wanted to wrap them up in birthday paper and then have me drive him to their house to deliver them.

Much of the get together was spent on the Slip & Slide they gave him last year for his birthday. The same Slip and Slide that stays up until Labor day as it is in use so much. My new en masse birthday present that I bought by the pallet for the multiple birthday parties we have been to this season. After dinner we were treated to a concert on our deck with handwritten lyrics by the 8 year old for an original creation called "Playtime Rules". While you can't hear the lyrics, it sounds more like a GWAR concert circa 1983, he wrote them out and indeed Liam is a budding songwriter.

supposedly they had spent time choreographing a fabulous ending to the song and in true style it didn't disappoint. Both Pressley boys still call Ben "Baby Ben" 4 years out, and it hasn't been until holding a tiny baby again that Ben looks SO old and more like one of them. I am betting if there is a way to get Baby Ian on the Pressley family trampoline Ben, Connor, and Liam will find a way.

Looking forward to our upcoming beach weekend, a much needed laid back, time stopping still vacation with lots of sleep, frosty drinks, and playtime with the kids.

Does Home Depot Install Urinals?

Again, where has my week gone? Camp Mommy is in full swing and no I don't count taking the dog to the vet for an almost hour wait and then appointment in the pouring rain yesterday on the agenda. We all, baby Ian included, looked like we had been in a wet tshirt contest. My vet actually used the words, "pitiful owner" when she brought up the dog was way overdue on vaccines. We are not talking the Rabies one here folks. Today Camp Mommy will involve a trip to the ABC store for Book Club liquor. I can't imagine what could go wrong with a stroller, a 4 year old, and lots of glass.

Appreciate the good thoughts I didn't mean to sound the alarm bells Friday. Thinking about options, how to settle into the 2 child thing, and remembering that working harder is not always smarter. In the scheme of things, this should be easy street. I'm bottle feeding,have a cleaner through the summer, and froze ahead like crazy. I need to get it together as this could be soooo much harder.

I'm looking at time wasting crap including what can I feasibly blow off without the pissing others off factor. I really have stayed home, and not over scheduled myself this week, even last week for those who don't believe it's possible.

Truth be told, staying busy, even an insane crazy busy is always preferable in my world, it staves off negativity and gives some fleeting sense of control. Believe it or not but going to the gym the past 3 mornings at 5:45 is worth the sacrifice of an hour of sleep. These next two weeks are the trial run for am workouts before the online class starts to roll and the summer routine starts. I live and die by the all holy routine, and that is a huge part to this stress is re establishing or better yet finding the two kid routine.

Tuesday I had Ben, Ian, and one twin. It cycled between pouring or so humid I thought my hair would explode if we ventured outside. It was a long afternoon in which my repertoire of camp (indoor) mommy fun was running thin between taking care of the babies. Play dough had long since become tiresome, Dora was about to be given an AZ come to justice deportation and I left the double stroller on the porch to be soaked leaving a trip around the neighborhood out of the cards once the rain stopped. Well Done Camp Director.

Ian was up continuously and was crying for a good chunk of the time. At some point of the day it occurred to me that as a mom to 2 boys, 3 maybe 4, even 5 on occasion when friends are over, that installing a urinal in the middle of the living room would save so much time. Call it a fleeting thought or a stroke of DYI brilliance.

take your pick-

Seriously.. It's Like Friday Already?

Does having the 2nd kid somehow suck time away in some new way that the solo child parenting experience doesn't? Stupid question, but Dude where's my week? It seems like yesterday that we were watching Lost.

Well meanwhile back at the ranch it has been kinda busy:

1. Final week of Preschool for Ben. Camp Mommy (an unfun camp with no-sing along) will start Monday until Y daycamp on the 14th. Everyday will not be fabulous and fun, but some plans up my sleeve including a weekend beach trip, trip to the zoo, farmers market, couple of play dates, and can watching mommy feed and diaper count as an activity if glitter is involved.

2. Interviewed for a job I didn't think I would likely take due to hours and in state travel. But they offered it and I hope that at some point it's an option. I'm always keeping choices on the table for my one, five, and ten year goals on the dashboard.

3. Working furiously on setting up my online class to start the 14th. Was told to expect around 100 hours of training and prepping as a 1st timer. I wish that was a mistype but alas I am working about 5 hours a day to pull off learning how to do this. I'm learning that not a lot translated from being a Face to Face teacher other than knowing the content. Before you say, ahh Heather did you just write about not shortchanging your kids lives for a career recently?

Teaching online, once established, will give me more time at home, a flexible schedule, and the ability to continue to do something I like without the things about it I am not fond of (6:45 start time, lunch duty, 5 zillion meetings, double daycare expense). Again, it's about putting options on the table and summer is the trial run for the change this fall working from home full time.

4. Sick dog resulting in midnight emergency visit to the local pet hospital and a very expensive bill. Monitoring for 24 hours with no confirmed reason for reoccurring grand mal seizures. In addition the medicine prescribed that normally makes dogs uber sleepy, uh...not here. Instead we have a manic, crazed dog that broke her leash and wound up 2 streets away yesterday with Ben, Mom, and baby in tow running after her. This after peeing and pooping multiple times on the floor. Think she could wear a size 1 diaper?

5. Have hit a real patch of anxiety lately. Thinking it may be time to be the adult in the room and ask for the blue, red, whatever pill. Ten years in and haven't succumbed to the med route, but questioning my quality of life is smacking me in the face. Thinking long and hard on this decision as I don't want this to be a way of life and hoping it's just post partum fun.

6. Plans to hit the gym this weekend as I haven't been since early week (again online course may move this goal to am when Ian is sleeping longer). I HAVE to make time for this whenever I can get it in. 6 am sucks, but if I'm committed, then I have to schedule it as part of the day.

7. Make that keep working to help Ian try to get on some type of sleeping longer schedule. Not to self, maybe the dogs medication would help. Just kidding of course.

Happy Memorial Day weekend to all. Plans for pool time with the family, more online work, friends to grill out with on Monday,and sleeping... me that is.

Going Back to the Island One Last Time! (Spolier Alert)

I can't help myself not to write about LOST finale last night. Plus I am really putting off working on the online class, so I am giving myself time to write and then back to work until Ian is up again.

Series Finales should live by one cardinal rule.... Give your viewers what they WANT. We invest in watching your show week after week so don't take us off on some crazy, it was all a dream (the St Elsewhere finale approach) ending leaving us shortchanged. Seinfeld followed this rule beautifully as they paraded in all the ridiculous characters that made the show great in an over the top final episode that proved it really was the show about nothing.

ER which I watched until the last couple of seasons and then came back for the finale was HORRIBLE, contrived, and a shell of a good show by the finale. Should have ended it when Doug reunited with Carol. I want back that hour of my life. Same thoughts for my beloved West Wing. You overstayed the party.

SATC- Great final episode but your final season SUCKED.

My personal fav TV show (even after LOST) still remains Six Feet Under. I can watch that final 10 mins character montage still sob. I bow at Alan Ball's temple for making a show so good for all of it's seasons, making me care more about the Fisher family than mentally healthy, never jumping the shark, and to wrap it up exactly the way I wanted.

Sopranos- If I ever meet creator David Chase, I going to punch him. IT SUCKED! And don't even get me started on the finale of nip/suck.

My hopes were high with LOST. I can't remember why we decided to take a change on the Pilot as for the record we really don't watch lots of network shows, even fewer Pilots. But we knew that JJ Abrams of ALIAS fame was involved. Why wouldn't be sucked in after the plane crash on the beach? I re watched the Pilot at the gym Sat night and damn if I wasn't picking up on things I totally missed! MUST re watch this series from the start. SO GOOD!

SO here are my final episode thoughts-

I liked but was not blown away by the final scene. Ending with everyone had died at some point either on or off the island and were meeting back was the same reunion theme that almost every season ended. Bring in the soring music and the slow motion camera with everyone hugging each other and it was kinda old hat. Anti-climatic for what they had built up!

Bill and I both thought as the finale was progressing that Jack was not going to make it off the island and that in turn the ending scene was going to involve his death. Bill called it with the location in the bamboo. Ah.. Jack, what a quintessential good guy. I forgive Matthew Fox for Party of Five uber sappiness level with his portrayal of Jack Shepard.

While a nice touch reuniting Jack with Christian was a little red bow for me. But since personal conflict was a major theme, why not let Jack die in peace with his father's approval.

Why was Desmond such a major player in the final few episodes, I would have though Sayid? I thought they killed him off with little fanfair for such a key character. There was more focus on Jin and Sun not making it off the sub, but what about a character that literally was written to break stereotype in our xenophobic culture. Seemed like a missed chance to send him out with more than a bang, literally.

Loved Hugo's Sawyers one liners and any last chances to say "son of a bitch" to Hurley's DUDE once more. Add to it more random social references than Chuck Klosterman can publish. And DAMN if they didn't name a major character Locke for my benefit to teach social contract theory for 6 years in Civics.

I could write more, but my timer is up.

What did I LOVE in the Finale??? The main characters realization of their life on the island. To me this was was better than the actual reunion at the end. For all the cool special effects, plot twists galore, introduction of new characters, and superior writing that connected a show in a unique and ground breaking way, none of these reasons were what kept me watching for 6 seasons.

It was in the end was the relationships between the characters. Not since SFU have I felt personally invested in specific characters and wanted to watch just to know how individual stories would play out. I loved that they started and ended with why people were on this fated plane and played it out to the end.

LOST didn't disappoint by any means and I'm feeling a little let down this morning knowing it's all over.

And I Was So Hoping For A Hemp Bag

Ben's school year ends with a half day next Friday. I chaperoned the field trip to the strawberry patch yesterday and loved watching him pick and more often stomp berries with all the classmates I have been hearing about all year. I feel like I personally know the lives of Kian, Noah, Demir, Smirti, and Luka through his eyes. When we moved schools last year I really struggled as I sat in a parade of little chairs attempting to find the right match for what I felt was an all too important 3-4 year old timespan. Since I missed most of the events for parents due to work during the school year, it's been good to get to participate these last weeks.

I recently read that have three consecutive years of a good teacher can go more to help a child succeed than most any other measurable indicator. I have to believe that good teachers can truly make a difference regardless of when you have them. Ben's lead teacher Rebecca is the old school teacher that you know will love your child to pieces but also bring it when needed. We saw her at Target earlier in the week and Ben was over the moon to see her outside school.

Although we are changing schools (or at least that is the plan) since I will need infant care I would have to really think that if my plans change would stay for another year based alone on the motivation and impact she has had on him? In Montessori children stay multiple years in the same classroom and teacher and I think in the final year before Kindergarten she would again work her magic.

I was SO hoping that the hippy school would make hemp bags for mothers day. I did get a cookbook of fav foods they have cooked at school complete with Ben drawn pics and his face in a giant chef's hat on the cover. Instead I got so much more in the working relationship with someone who has really made a difference to him during a really trying 3 year old year. I give Rebecca props for being the straw in the potty training saga for nothing else.

Ben asked me today why his school was ending and that he is going to miss his friends (and eating ice cream after the monthly walks to the library). Rebecca told me today about a great new park in Cary that they had done a field trip to back in March. So to reward listening and good behavior at pick up we went by after school. We will be back, I love, love, love the design of the playground and have to wonder where was this fun when we were kids??

Busy weekend ahead and Bill is at a conference for most of it. But plans to do a family afternoon at the pool on Sunday. As well as make a 2nd batch of these strawberry muffins.

The Collective I Told You So

wow... a whole week almost between tending to the blog. Shame on ME! Although we have had sickness to deal with with 3/4 of us and the reality that I am kinda a little overwhelmed with the whole 2 child thing and don't really want to admit it. A post unto itself, and then the fact that Ian is sleeping in 2-3hrs at best, and damn if I'm not in stupid tired mode 24/7.

BUT.... then there is the preventable stupid like at the end of very trying month in part to changes at school also meant that the way something has been done in the past would not be the way it was to be done now. Enough said as it has been the month from hell with blowback with me in the end having to publicly eat a bunch of humble pie. It goes to say that I SHOULD have listened to my gut reaction back last July when among all the stress I agreed to stay on another year.

The result was me planning, organizing, setting up, and then cleaning up a ceremony and then reception for 300 on Tuesday night. So why might you ask when family and friends asked what I had to prove to stay on another year? Well yes, but since I literally built this chapter from the ground up since June 2006 (also note that I was in the hospital having Ben when I was given the choice between Organizaiton or SGA) and I'll be damned if I let someone else run it my final year teaching. Control issues you bet, but also I have a sense of personal pride with what I have helped facilitate in 4 short years.

So I stayed on despite this year my co-chair moving schools, my long standing committee being reorganized all the while kicking myself in the ass for being this stubborn and doing it alone. Tuesday night came and had it not been for those awesome and amazing students I would have not pulled it off.

When my outgoing President gave me a big hug she said, "Mrs Vinson I don't know of many people that would do what you have done for us, esp this year with all the changes with structure of the school, but you need someone to help you for next year as you look really tired even before you had a baby."

She's right along with everyone else who repeatedly told me that my priorities needed some adjustment. I'm still tinkering with going back in August or likely January to teaching. As much as I hope I am not burning some bridge I might later need, I'm needing a break to do something else. I am teaching a single online section of Credit Recovery in Civics for 8 weeks this summer with the hopes that it might lead to another section this fall. I also was contacted this week about interviewing for a job that I had researched last year, one with flexible hours that would allow me to have more time at home. Going to the interview with an open mind.

Regardless of what the future holds, I have more guilt about not being a better mom with Ben because I think I put work first more times that I want to admit. I swore that I wouldn't do this with a 2nd child too. I know myself to know that being a SAHM in the end is not good for me psychologically. I need routine, structure, order and some type of outside work to help fill that gap between cleaning up messes and wiping someone's butt.

As selfish as it sounds I work for my sanity more than for the $$$. BUT I learned a BIG, HUGE, RESOUNDING lesson from the last 30 days. I'm holding myself to this..

Happy One Month Birthday Ian!

Where did the first month go my sweet blond haired and blue eyed boy? You have put on almost 2 lbs in the last 30 days and just look less and less like a newborn (which is good because I hate the way all newborns look like constipated old people) and more like your brother and father.

You have brought me so much happiness and joy getting to know you, smell your sweet head, rock you in the middle of the night, try to keep Ben for playing full contact sports with you. Waking up to your cooing and also crying reminds me that it's all just comes back without thinking.

You were dedicated on a very special mothers day to be loved and cared for all your days. I could drink in all your baby goodness and sweetness as before long you will be moving and exploring your world and trying to keep up with your brother.

Watching you discover the lights and try to pull up in these past few days, while small milestones, remind me that I need to remember that 2010 was to be about realizing that I only have this time with you and your brother and that everything else can wait.

For now I will hang onto every moment I can get with you, to eat up your sweet baby feet, and to snuggle with you in the early morning when the whole world stops for just us.

love you- mom

Wed Gumbo

I am reading two books right now for two VERY different book clubs. One, the Shack that I am having a hard time getting into it, despite hearing alot of chatter when it was the IT book. I pledge to finish it though, as I didn't read last month book and only went for the food.

The other, Drop City, is my choice when I host Book Club next month. LOVE IT! I got it on audiobook with the intention of uploading onto my iPod while walking with Ian. I am hoping that others finish it as it will make a good discussion if you aren't turned off by the language and sex (I obviously am not, he..he)

I am freakin' tired, super tired. It seems like night comes and I just dread knowing that tomorrow I am going to be even more tired that I am today. I am not good at "trying to sleep when baby does" I didn't with Ben and the same MO is going down with Ian. I feel hungover when I get 1 hour here and there. Better to just stay up. True Confession but I never realized how much harder the whole more than one kid thing was going to be. It's like more housework descended on me and I can't keep up.

Twins are ASS hard. Repeat! AND, they are not even MINE! AND, I only had Max along with Ian. I helped with Max and Leo again yesterday and damn I was tired within one hour and was trying to keep crying to only one child. On the good news front the weekly visits are helping the the upcoming surgery prep this summer and I love, love, love getting to visit with my old friend and see the boys. As much as I tried to anticipate to have stuff within reach, I still was running the entire afternoon. I again say there is a special type of mom, and I don't think I'm it.

I rejoined the gym on Monday. More to come but I have been shopping for new workout clothes as an reward and incentive and to NOT look like I'm going to my 1993 Jamaica Me Crazy Sorority party in a long since prime t-shirt. Baby step to a goal I really want to reach. Going tonight no matter how tired I am once kids are in bed and dishes done.

I signed off on my paperwork to teach an online course this am. Step one to making a career change and giving me more time with the boys.

Lastly, Bill took some pics of me and the boys in my mom's front yard on Sunday after the service. I really liked some of these, although I look kinda drunk... or maybe just tired.

Post Game Wrap Up

Pro- Bill offered to help drive and be of support all weekend, GReenville Zoo, playground, and picnic on Sat, my mom was able to hold Ian for the service without assistance, the service on Sunday was nice and I know it meant alot for my mom to participate.

Con- Ian didn't sleep more than 2 hours straight either night and I pulled all night duty both nights so Bill could do AM Ben duty, screaming children in Charlotte traffic, arguing on mothers day, digging through the IKEA ball pit in search of the few pairs of matching socks Ben owns, total exhaustion while driving and most of the weekend

Just Funny- the THREE busloads of matching t-shirted church youth spilling out of chartered buses at the SC welcome center in the midst of Ben runinng in between and knocking over trashcans while I attempted to feed and diaper Ben.

My brother's continual comments about removing my Obama sticker unless I wanted my car keyed, by the Pastor.

Ben telling us that, "I won't go crazy" just before we walked up to the pulpit area to join the 13 other families also dedicating their kids. I just about busted out laughing out loud, but I think the man dressed in head to toe seesucker including a bowtie. We were very, very out of place in Camp Palin. They accounced Raleigh, NC as it was another planet. I think Newberry was the next farthest away that family had come for the annual dedication...aka... How much hand smocking and jon jons can one stage stand. It looked like the Kappa Alpha Old South Ball, Childrens Version

Mission Accomplished- GrandMother happy with clothes, baby and Ben time, food and gifts well received.

Mothers Day Thanks to TAL

Damn you TAL and your rebroadcast of one of the BEST shows ever last Sat! How can in the course of one hour can I be laughing my ass off to wiping away tears and hoping the boys will sleep 'till I get home so I can hear the end.

So on that note Dan Savage's piece about his mom, her extraordinary but yet ordinary life, and how much he misses her is the reason I bow at the alter of Ira Glass for bringing this story to me.

It is also on that note that we are leaving mid afternoon to visit my mom for the weekend. I didn't decide until last week that I couldn't in good conscious not go when I have gone every mothers day since Ben was born to usually help her around the house, cook, clean and in general give my brother who is her full time live in caretaker a weekend break. Plus she is unable to travel to Raleigh to see the baby so we are going to her.

Typically I go by myself whenever I head to see her. No expectations that Bill should have to come for any the visits that end with me needing about a week to decompress. He nonchalantly mentioned that he didn't want me driving all that way tired with both kids. LOVE HIM... again and yes to an IKEA trip on the return home!

So I am doing the right thing, sucking it up, trying to take the high road and going. I even called her church to tell them we would participate in the once yearly child dedication they have on Mothers Day. Think grandmothers parading children dressed in traditional southern church garb while the congregation oohs and ahhs. I have spent a ridiculous amount of time finding the perfect coordinating outfits that will be grandmother approved this week.

As for what I am giving her this is a little bizarre but I am restocking her freezer freeze ahead cooking for dialysis days, printing out a ton of pics of Ben and Ian, and lastly made a new grave arrangement. I am going to take it out to my dad's grave on Sat night and then drive her out after church on Sunday for her to see it. I am also doing a big Mothers day breakfast as well as picking up Sat dinner at her fav place in Greenville. I am also taking a basket of art supplies for her to help Ben make a ME Timeline for school next week.

What changed? Not really anything other than owning up to the fact that I have no right to keep her from her grandsons regardless of my relationship with her. I can't expect Ben and Ian to want a relationship with me unless I make the attempt with her. Call it being stubborn and not learning from years of trying to make this right, call it recognizing that one day I'll not have a reason to be traveling to SC on mothers day. All I will have is guilt and regret for not trying to make it tolerable while she was here. You can't pick your family but you can make the best of what you have.

Happy Mothers Day to her, my mom friends, all those wanting to be moms, and to my 2 beautiful boys, thanks for making me your mom.

The First Rule of Fight Club....

Oh wait, I meant to say "book club" is that if you don't read the book, don't go for the snacks. I am ashamed to say that neither book intended got read for the month of April. I DO get a pass that I had already read the neighborhood book, East of Eden in high school. I only stayed last week for an hour to visit and for the yummy food that I didn't have to cook.

On the other book, Father Father Melancholy's Daughter, I bailed after a good 5 attempts to get past the first 50/60 pages. I even took it to the hospital.. yeah... bad idea. although if I hadn't had to do a stack of NHS denial letters I had put off then I would have had time to read something.

So for the month of May I have already gotten both books, started the first chapter on Drop City last night and I think this is going to rock! I love dust jacket write ups as well as the artwork on the cover. I often wonder if the cover is going to be anything related to the book or it was some hairbrained idea of the editor. Can we say TC Boyle looks like an escaped member of the HBO show Carnival and the cover with a circle of naked people, yeah I'm interested in this plot.

The later book is The Shack. I remember this was the IT book a few years back. Is it religious? Thinking it is as everyone I remember talking about it did so in the context of a bible study. Going to give it a fair shake. After Drop City I might need something to redeem myself.

Onto to some freeze ahead cooking and picking up the last of mothers day stuff for the trip tomorrow. Going all out this year.

scary stuff

Imagine what could possibly be worse than a missing child. I cannot imagine the anguish of not knowing where they are, were they taken or did they leave on their own accord, and in the darkest of places to wonder if they were hurt or dead.

When I got to school for afternoon pick up Monday I couldn't even turn onto the street where Ben's school is located for the multiple news vans and a host of local EMS, police, and firetrucks.

I seriously don't remember what I said out loud, but I wanted to throw up when I saw the blocked off street. Bill had called me en route to say that am email had just gone out that kids were missing from the school and to text him as soon as I had Ben in the car. I parked on a side street pulled Ian out of the carrier and took off towards the school.

As I was making my way past all the other frantic parents some news guy asked if I was here to help search ... uh NO I am here to get my son and I pushed past him.

All the kids were on on lock down in individual classrooms and the teachers were doing the best as I could tell to keep it together. I asked one of the pm teachers what had happened and the story was that 2 eight year olds hopped the back fence when time to come in. There were looking for them, but as of 3 pm they had been missing since lunch around noon.

Here was the "official story" that went out to parents in email from one of the directors.

The two lower elementary girls who left the playground were found on the dirt road near the end of Byrum St. towards Walnut St. They said that they climbed the chain link fence along the back of the playground as their class lined up to come in from recess. The teachers missed them immediately but the girls said that they ran through the neighbor's yard and went towards the woods at the end of the dead end road. Unfortunately, they hid and did not answer the calls of the teachers and parents.

Needless to say, the plan will be to erect new, TALL wooden fencing to replace the chain link ASAP.

The staff and HW families are so relieved that this had a happy ending.

While I am not upset at the fact that this happened, as I think it could happen even with the best of staff. I am more upset that when interviewed last night on the local news and again today at pick up the director has taken a "kids pull pranks" attitude. Ah....no as director of your school there is no room for a nonchalant attitude. I am pleased that it sounds like they are moving to install a better barrier around the school. I hope to see that they will also buzzer the front door and make the two front gates also with some type of coded entry.

Back earlier this year when we were deciding what options we had for care for Ben and Ian this fall we decided that were were going to move both boys back to a school closer to home. Doing double drop off and pickup was not in the cards, even if I go back to work in January. I have already been making the hour round trip after school for pickup and while I gladly have done it another year, I can't logistically make this work with two. As our current school does not take children until 18 months the decision was kinda already been made.

We looked again at all the schools/daycares in the area and both Bill and I toured one in particular over Spring Break. We have decided on a new school that is near our home for Ben in late AUgust and for Ian in either August or January. I also know of 3 other teachers at my school that have been with this new school since they opened in 2007. As much as I hate to move him knowing that he only has one more year until kindergarten, my hands are tied as to what is best for our entire family but more importantly be a good fit for Ben.

I don't regret for a minute that Ben has had this year at the Montessori school, or the outstanding teachers, or the chance to mature using much of the curriculum. But with that being said, the events Monday do make me pause to think that the school itself is a bit to comfortable. The fact that being located off 2 major intersections and surrounded by neighborhoods they should have better security.

This was a preventable disaster that so easily could have ended badly. Even a friend that recently picked up Ben commented that she thought the security was a bit lax when they didn't ask for her license at pickup. The fact that people can literally walk into the building with an open door and take a child without being stopped is scary.

Ben and I took this chance to talk on the way home today about always making sure that we listen to our teachers and other adults. Interestingly enough he brought it up so obviously it had also been emphasized at school also. I just can't imagine if one the missing children had been my kids. Really and truly that is incomprehensible.

the good, the bad, the ugly, and the super ugly

The good was a great time out Friday at the season opening concern at the American Tobacco Campus (old Lucky Strike factory that is now a revitalized corporate and dining establishment.) Our local public radio that is on the property hosts Back Porch Music free bluegrass concerts all summer.

We met up with friends which in turn lead to running into even more people knew from Bill's old employers. The music was great as well as the company. We got home around 10 all exhausted!

Sat I took the boys to a 4th birthday party at a local farm. I wasn't sure that I was going to head all the way out there as it was over an hour drive, but a glad I did. The farn featured a train, haywagon, hayjump, a giant slide with potato sacks, and did I mention feeding animals upon animals. I did get to listen to TAL in it's entirety on the quiet ride home.

Note again that we were all exhausted. We headed out for dinner, Target, and then all crashed. Bill and I both traded time to get a block of makeup sleep.

the Bad was Ben and his loose poop on his first ever port-a-potty visit.

This led to the Ugly, Ben with a full-on stomach ache and more poop on Sunday am the 2nd birthday party (one for his class I didn't want to go to anyway) was on the chopping block. We had actually planned a quiet day to do laundry, buy plants, dishes. What resulted was Ben in sick mode on the couch while mom tended to a very fussy baby for most of the day. Did I mention I was secretly glad to have a pass on the 2nd party.

I did happen to escape from the house for a couple of hours to finish off plant purchases. Happy to say I spent within my plant budget and am planning on putting them in this week. I even couponed it to get $20.00 off my plant purchase!

So I am starting a to do list for the week and alas there are 19 things already making the cut. And this was to be an easy week in preparation for being out of town by Friday. Oh well, at least Ben has been poop free for 24 hours and back to his normal self and so far Ian is not sick.

*UPDATE* Since I wrote but forgot to post this in the wee hours of Monday. The super ugly came yesterday when two children disappeared from the playground at his school. More tomorrow, but both found and were ok.