Mothers Day Thanks to TAL

Damn you TAL and your rebroadcast of one of the BEST shows ever last Sat! How can in the course of one hour can I be laughing my ass off to wiping away tears and hoping the boys will sleep 'till I get home so I can hear the end.

So on that note Dan Savage's piece about his mom, her extraordinary but yet ordinary life, and how much he misses her is the reason I bow at the alter of Ira Glass for bringing this story to me.

It is also on that note that we are leaving mid afternoon to visit my mom for the weekend. I didn't decide until last week that I couldn't in good conscious not go when I have gone every mothers day since Ben was born to usually help her around the house, cook, clean and in general give my brother who is her full time live in caretaker a weekend break. Plus she is unable to travel to Raleigh to see the baby so we are going to her.

Typically I go by myself whenever I head to see her. No expectations that Bill should have to come for any the visits that end with me needing about a week to decompress. He nonchalantly mentioned that he didn't want me driving all that way tired with both kids. LOVE HIM... again and yes to an IKEA trip on the return home!

So I am doing the right thing, sucking it up, trying to take the high road and going. I even called her church to tell them we would participate in the once yearly child dedication they have on Mothers Day. Think grandmothers parading children dressed in traditional southern church garb while the congregation oohs and ahhs. I have spent a ridiculous amount of time finding the perfect coordinating outfits that will be grandmother approved this week.

As for what I am giving her this is a little bizarre but I am restocking her freezer freeze ahead cooking for dialysis days, printing out a ton of pics of Ben and Ian, and lastly made a new grave arrangement. I am going to take it out to my dad's grave on Sat night and then drive her out after church on Sunday for her to see it. I am also doing a big Mothers day breakfast as well as picking up Sat dinner at her fav place in Greenville. I am also taking a basket of art supplies for her to help Ben make a ME Timeline for school next week.

What changed? Not really anything other than owning up to the fact that I have no right to keep her from her grandsons regardless of my relationship with her. I can't expect Ben and Ian to want a relationship with me unless I make the attempt with her. Call it being stubborn and not learning from years of trying to make this right, call it recognizing that one day I'll not have a reason to be traveling to SC on mothers day. All I will have is guilt and regret for not trying to make it tolerable while she was here. You can't pick your family but you can make the best of what you have.

Happy Mothers Day to her, my mom friends, all those wanting to be moms, and to my 2 beautiful boys, thanks for making me your mom.