Waiting....

And so it all begins. I mentioned to a friend that I can't see myself keeping a running journal about the infertility experience. Call it one of the last vestiges of my family's upbringing or the fact that I really work to make what I write more about the positives in my life. As of today, I am among the many who don't want to be on this road. I simply want a baby and not the heartache and physical and emotional pain to accompany the process.

My baseline u/s revealed a really thick uterine lining. I expected the PG test to come back negative, which it did. There is a possibility of a cyst or polyp that will be ruled out with a HSG next week. U/S revealed evidence that PCOS is still very present and likely part of the on going insulin issues. I start meds tonight and will do one booster inject able sometime mid cycle. We have decided we are trying 3 rounds with meds and IUIs each getting more progressively intense (and upping the chance for multiples) before we do an IVF cycle this summer.

I can't stop my own pretty hate machine from running in overdrive to not blame my body for betraying me when I have done so much to be in a healthier place. No amount of lifestyle changes or bargaining with God will change that this is the next step to take or accept that one child may be our family.

Bill and I had a long talk Sunday about needing to be in agreement about wanting to go through this process and at what point do we stop. Definitely not a conversation you ever envision on your wedding day. We have good odds and insurance coverage so we are already in a better position than so many. I have this sweetie in my back pocket, so I am betting the house for another miracle to happen.