Thursday, March 1, 2012

Because this week needed this

Yep. That would be a handwritten note from Ben detailing his behavior in the after school program. The same program that we are one write up away from being dismissed.

At the walk of shame/pick up yesterday I knew it was not going to be the stellar report hoped for when told, "wait here while I get the director."

Upon entering the library yesterday Ben did a running slide on the carpet into a bookshelf eventually tumbling into a group of already sitting (and quiet) girls.

While not the official FINAL write-up dismissing us, the librarian was upset enough to require Ben to write the note and sit out half of his outside time.

Goodbye to a special scavenger hunt and Leap Day prizes. I packed up the scavenger hunt cards as soon as we hit home all to a chorus of giant tears and hysterical sobbing and also lying that he didn't do the things he detailed in the note.

Further compounded by Ben trying to get me to call Bill who was working late to get him to reinstate the scavenger hunt.

Nope. Goodbye TV for the rest of the week as well as an early bedtime with dinner in his room.

Here's the deal beyond how this is the ongoing issue with Ben ad nauseum. Earlier this year Ben along with the rest of the boys in his class were invited to a drop off playdate. We couldn't go due to a conflict but I remarked to Bill that Ben has enough exposure already at school to this child and I don't think he needed the additional time to be influenced, esp with one parent and the potential for 10+ boys in a private home.

Bill agreed but then later came back and said that we should reconsider and maybe try to contact the parent about playing at a nearby park with parents present. We hear from Ben and have both observed when we have volunteered in the classroom that this child does not have many friends. Ben himself calls him a "bad kid".

Ben and I have talked about being a friend to him in positive ways and how maybe our good choices could be an example to help our friend also make good choices. I brought this up to Bill and we agree that to some family (and likely more than one) the kid named BEN VINSON is used in context of don't play with him because he's a bad influence.

Here lies my ultimate issue. I truly believe that the 5 year old Ben is setting the parameters and character for the future versions of his character. Because I see and work with "bad kids" on the high school level, the ones that are absent more than in class, have 6% averages despite parental intervention. I think I am highly sensitive of what I don't want to see him as in 10 years. I want to think I am doing everything I can to be setting him up to see himself positively and also ACT appropriately.

Last night a bedtime we as we always do review the best thing and worst thing about our day. Best: Getting 4 checks and going to the treat box.

Worst: getting in trouble in after school and then as my heart is breaking as he says: Making me so sad that I hate you. Thanks Ben, it's been a long week and that made it so much better.

I have to think that if Bill and I continue to stand firm, are on the same page with discipline and not giving in to whining and lying, continue to work with his teachers that he will develop into somewhat of what we hope. He has made progress in maturity as well as listening according to his teacher from the Day 1 Come to Jesus meeting with his teacher.

I hope so. I pray so. I need others to step up with a "me too" 'cause I feel like I have the worst kid on the playground despite effort, time, attention, and consistency and did I mention the oodles of patience?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

you are a fantastic mom from what i can tell and i think his handwriting is awesome! ha! see if you can form a friendship outside of his classmates...something to mix it up...maybe even a girl. i have a kid that i fear no one wants their kid to play with for different reasons despite ALL my efforts, its just who she is. a lupo