Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Just How Many Bags of Turkey Meatballs Can Stave Off Panic?

I'm buried under in a massive pre-surgery to-do list this week/next. Is it possible to feel some sense of nesting if you aren't prego?

Actually with less than 2 weeks to go I'm starting to feel the same old school panic as before surgery one. I have this need to get the house organized, plan easy to fix meals for the kids (hence the stockpile of turkey meatballs), get my classes/lesson plans/copies made for a potential extra week absence, and finish off a mountain of important paperwork. Added bonus for the cold I've been nursing all week.

Massive primal scream about now.

Last night was paperwork central finishing up some work on our wills, looking for the remaining tax documents I forgot when I met with the accountant on Monday, the ADHD paperwork for parents, packaging the school version with confidential envelopes to deliver today. Then there was probate paperwork. Somewhere I commented to Bill that I now know where the phrase, "I will spit on your grave" comes from: an estate in probate court.

Actually I've had it easy as Brian has done 99% of the work and handled the outstanding medical bills. In actuality whatever is left that would come to me is going into a trust for Ben and Ian's education. On some level it makes me sad that with the close of the case, it is officially the end of her "life." I know that she would be happy that providing for her grandsons was the end result of a long, arduous process. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I miss her. Even with all the issues, I would do anything to have more time, especially to have the boys have had more time. I fear that later in life they will barely remember her.

Later today is pre-op. I told Bill last night I am really scared about the recovery this time. Not that the other surgery was a walk in the park, but my surgeron tried to talk me out of stacking these procedures given the 8 hours under anesthesia. He later recanted with the mother of all comments.

Maybe because Pam is not able to be here to help with the kids and Bill is under a deadline at work, I just feel like the recovery has the potential for problems. Maybe with the added stress of Ben's behavior and wrapping up probate I'm stressing myself out even more. How about just being slap worn out at the end of the day from this traveling teaching schedule that everything just feels harder this time.

We will see, in the meantime I am setting a moratorium on turkey meatball purchase.

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