First off I'm in utter freakin' awe of the Bloggess and her whole let's get all "it's a wonderful life" just when I showed up to read about clown porn. The Washington Post of like Woodward and Bernstein fame picking up the story last night. Good God I'm inspired.
I had two interesting conversations about the whole WAHM thing yesterday. One online and one with someone who has know me 10 years. Both ended the same way. "You seem happier than I've ever seen you and I think it is in part due to not working 40+ hours in a school."
Part of me is thinking, God you don't know the half of it, but in truth both people nailed one of the reasons why 2010 rocked. I totally took a leap of faith and moved from the financial and emotional security of a 40+ hour a week job to part time at home with almost no structure.
When I hit a serious crisis of confidence this summer I do believe there was a line ready to slap me back into reality. Each person to remind me for the better part of the last 10 years I have increasingly become burned out and not the teacher I wanted to be.
Yes I have walked away from a sizable chunk of income, and yes it is scary thinking of what will happen if Bill's job tanks and I am left scrambling to find any school in the district with an opening.
I should find out by early March where I will be reassigned, possibly as early as around Easter to be expected back at 6:55am with a load of kids eager to learn about US Gov't. At this point I'm not taking anything off the table but all thoughts are leaning to if I can make this work longer termn then why, why, why would I give up the sweet deal of this fall.
When I was really questioning if I could make this work I was seriuosly concerned that I didn't have what it took to be at home all day, with more kid duty than I have ever done. And, do this kid duty without channeling Betty Draper and being bitter, isolated, and asking for depression to come take up residence in the upstairs bedroom.
There are days that are tough and I feel like I have done nothing but heard cats only to have them conspire against me. But in thinking back, what did I get out of this trade off? How about time to enjoy a baby for all of his yummmy goodness in ways I only wished with Ben. How about more time with Ben in the afternoons? I'll just throw out 6 days a week of working out for usually 90 mins a day. And then, time to do insane things like make those damn Halloween costumes.
The list goes on all because I took this leap of faith and said YES.
If anything sucks me back it will be becasue of money. Our 2011 has the potential to be very expensive. In discussing goals with Bill I have to be realiztic and priotize how much do I want to keep the online part-time thing going if it means we will need to change our lifestyle. Already we have been considering getting out of our house as the boys grow and need more space, saving for eduation and retirement, daycare cost for an infant, and then there's the plastic surgery expenses for my much anticipated surgery.
That last one, a post of it's own and you bet is making my 10 of 2010 list.