Tales from the Little Potty- Callling in Reinforcements

I met with a counselor from Project Enlightenment last Friday to go over her findings from shadowing Ben for a morning. Specially the school asked us if we would consent to having him evaluated since progress in the pooping dept is minimal since he started. I would actually say it's actually gotten worse as now I have a daily cycle of pooping, lying, hiding, then tantrum to clean up.

The tantrums are now involving hitting, spitting, and in general the best a 3.5 year old can come up with to prove that he is in control. They found and I expected that this is indeed a control issue and that he is developmentally ready to sit and go. Face it, we have been working on poop potty training since Sept of LAST year. I am simply ready to move on to another issue like keeping him from getting people pregnant. On their recommendations we are:

1. Check out their extensive library of books. One of the recommendations is titled, Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline. NICE title, I think I am raising an inmate. Her belief that stopping the lying and hiding would be key to the overall solution.

2. Work with a one on one counselor for 3-5 sessions. Got the first appointment I could in January. Some are with us to discuss overall parenting style the rest with us and Ben. Nice that we are starting family therapy ahead of the pack.

3. Consider a series of workshops when offered again in 2010 again with a focus on discipline. She thought some of our techniques used were helpful, but wanted us to increase what other items we could also do to start and stop behaviors.

I do feel that like all other struggles that given time this is going to resolve. I have tried most everything in the book to no avail. My major concern now is stopping this escalation of behavior before it develops into something worse.

Can a 3.5 year old make a voodoo doll? I hate feeling a sense of dread of what the witching hours between 3-8 are going to bring each day. I also hate that it feels like everyone has the solution because this didn't happen with their kid or if it did this was the one thing that worked so why am I not doing _____. On some level I failed that hurdle of parenting but I also know that I can only offer positive support to him not learn this for him. I fear that in my "just get it cleaned" up rush that a degree of learned helplessness has taken hold.

In all honesty Ben was an easy baby by all accounts. I needed him to be an easy baby going into a new school with difficult working conditions 3 years ago. I say this not to make anyone feel bad, but that we were due for a real parenting challenge. I am thankful that if I had to choose a time to be at my wits end of frustration it is now when work is much easier.

I do hope that before the baby comes that we will have made some progress, even if it's not full on going alone, but ending tantrums. Just getting him to sit with or without success would be a nice place to be. We were once there, briefly so I know we can return.

I am willing to give this a try and believe that they may be able to help us turn the corner and for that I am very, very thankful for this resource in my area.