What Does the Big Baby Belly Buy You?

I have been thinking of all the ways the sight of a prego lady makes you either sympathize with her, pity her for what is to come, or if lucky to be a mom share a smile knowing the pure joy that comes with bringing life into this world. Alas I didn't have a cute prego belly with Ben or this baby either. I just have this large 3rd boob mid section that screams I am really fat. At 40 weeks prego with Ben someone asked me if I was disappointed that I had put back on some of my weight, having no idea that I was prego. Needless to say I was speechless at their insensitivity and wished I had punched them in the mouth instead of picking my own up off the floor. Last night after standing and running the "spinning wheel of free Chick Filet Food" at an NHS fundraiser for 3 hours, only a handful of folks recognized I was commented I was prego.

This round I braced myself for similar comments of unbelief that I was indeed about to have a kid and not just fat. I have been wearing maternity clothes since I had the forethought to take a maternity pants to Boston during the hyping up on IVF meds. Good that no one pointed out I wore them the entire week! As of this week, I am down to 3 pairs of pants, all which I continually tug to keep on. Other than one t shirt I bought and a pair of hand me down pants I am wearing my 1st prego stuff to the bitter end and I swear I plan to burn them when done, actually more likely into the first months post arrival.

The stubborn side of me keeps a rules for prego/no prego life that including if you put on weight beyond what I deem reasonable +/- 10 lbs, then you are not rewarded with a shopping trip. Instead I suck it up and use it as the catalyst to curtail gaining more or getting into shape. I once had a college friend who would put on her most tight formal dress when time to write a term paper, since nothing is a good motivation like being uncomfortable. After I lost all my weight I literally cleaned out my closets of anything too big as to never be allowed to "grow into something again." In some weird way Bill has done the same thing ridding the house of any and all fat clothes and it down to 2 pairs of jeans and a handful of shirts.

Seeing that I started this prego at the same weight when I had Ben, add 10 lbs from the IVF injections, add 21 lbs to date and nothing fits as it is all based on clothes from the first preg a good 60 lbs. I know... stupid logic, insane giving that of COURSE you are suppose to put on weight, something would be seriously wrong if you didn't with a normal preg. I am wearing one of 2 pairs of pants that look remotely like spring today and REFUSE to buy anything else based on this rule and the fact that I am not rewarding starting this prego since I didn't loose back down to start.

After loosing all of the 25 lbs I put on with Ben PLUS 10 more bringing me to within 15 lbs of my original goal weight I then put it back on my first year teaching amd helping open a new school. Call it working full time at a place with insane expectations, not eating well, and not exercising for almost a calendar year while I juggled work/family life. The weight came back on, despite the tight clothes I didn't make more of an effort to really try to get it off until Summer 2007.

I pledged to change lifestyle habits, including going to the gym several times a week, eating better, and tried to manage stress all around. But nothing seemed to take off weight. I'm not sure if it was that I had finally plateaued from surgery, PCOS rearing it's ugly head (lab values indicated increased issues with hormones being out of whack during IVF testing), or post prego changes, or just getting freakin' older.

Needless to say I am dishearten to be seeing numbers that I never wanted to see post surgery again each time at the OB. Of course I am not going trying to diet or do anything to harm this baby but like with my prego with Ben it's also not open season to do what I want. For some reason, maybe like I didn't have a kid already, I managed to exercise all the way to the day I had Ben. This pregnancy I am doing good just to get home, get people fed, clean up and pack lunches, do school work, and crash into bed. I can't believe that while prego with Ben I worked on a state curriculum document, presented that document at a state conference, and did my National Boards. Again, I attribute being 60 lbs lighter to having more energy with only myself to take care of.

Bill hit 150 lbs yesterday, pushing past my total post surgery weight loss of 147 lbs at the same 9 months out from surgery. While I am totally celebrating for him I'm also crazy desperate to be back to exercising, not feeling like a big glob of fat, and feeling the need to defend that no I haven't put back on weight, I am about to have another child, and by the way thanks for the support. Want to weigh in on gender or brestfeeding to make me feel better?

All I can say is that come mid April I will be pushing a stroller for exercise, getting back to a gym, and starting on the plan for plastic surgery total body lift by the end of 2011. Anyone else want to weigh in on looking forward to over 100 stitches, 2 month post op recovery all at the out of pocket expense of a nice car?