Hot House Action, SC Style

Once again I am proud of my home state to reinforce the sterotype that we are home of the loony, irate, bitter, and nuts citizentry. When I pulled up my email this morning there several messages from friends dating back to high school regaling that South Carolina once again has proven their stupidity when Rep. Joe Wilson, R-S.C., shouted out "You lie" when the president said illegal immigrants would not benefit from his proposals during his speech on Healthcare last night. Thanks SC, you never fail to give the Daily Show it's headline sketch.

Is it not enough that the sitting Governor is refusing to vacate his office pending removal for his "appalachian digressions", or that one of their Senators sounds like that whiny kid you know would out the class to the teacher for playing eraser chase on the sub.

In honor of my utter lover (and embarrassment) of my home state and my desire to at some point serve as their Public Relations Director, I bring you my greatest hits of the stupidity of the state that started the Civil War.

1. 1856- In retialitation for a anti-slavery speech, SC Rep Preston Brooks beat MA Senator Charles Sumner with his cane, proving that even boys with pansy ass names and likely a seersucker suit are really rednecks ready to "git a fight on" if defamed

2. In the 1980s Gov Carroll Campbell opened the states boarders to accept nuclear waste from across the nation at the Barnwell Site in the name of the education funds that it would raise. Once again, giving credence to Cory Hart's famous song, " I wear my sunglasses at night"... for real

3. The state still offers a license plate emboldened with the phrase "In God we Trust" with the flag of the great state of the confederacy just under the stars and stripes.

4. Road Work Signs throughout the state that read, "Let'em Work, Let' Em Live". An example of SC's stellar educational system. Don't even get me started on the long time Tourism campaign, "Smilin' Faces, Beautiful Places"

5. While we are on statistics, 1st in Domestistic Violence, 1st in Teen Pregnancy, 1st in Rickets.

6. The mini-bottle law leading to being 1st in Drunk Driving for the fact that your non-watered down bar drinks is the perfect way to cap off a Tuesday am bender with a 24 oz Long Island Ice on your way to before work.

7. My friend's 2nd grade teacher who misprounced every spelling word, like D-U-N-K-Y. Seriously, my 10th grade homeroom teacher bragged she had been kicked in the head by a horse. My Geometry teacher's favorite quote before she put her head on her desk to sleep was, "I can answer that question with a NO or a HELL No"

8. The sitting Governor (the one being investigated), showed up for his 1st day in office carrying 2 pigs, just in case you didn't catch either he wanted to reduce pork barrel spending, or maybe just that he ALSO has a farm fetish.

9. The re-election of the late, great Strom Thurman. The man who holds the filibuster record at over 24 hours railing against a truly horrible bill, the 1957 Civil Rights Bill. I wonder if by the end if he fell into the arms of the sweet young thing that was with him when I had the unfortunate meeting with him in 1983. Even in 3rd grader on a Girl Scout trip I knew he was a total sell out.


Gone are the days when a low country accent evoked images of bow-tied gentlemen sipping cocktails on a shady front porch, yes ma'am/no sir manners and home cooking so good you would slap your mamma. These have been replaced with images of NASCAR sponsored BBQ sauces, secretly gay pastors, and super sized people shopping for XXX-L Git-R-Done shirts at Wal Mart.

Thank you Joe Wilson, for making me once again glad I escaped north of the border.