A Post 1165 Days In the Making

Yesterday morning Ben was "helping" me sort baby clothes and told me that he wore "swishy" pants when he was a baby. NICE! He did start impromptu singing some lullaby and swinging the baby swing and told me that he was going to be a good big brother. Be still my heart. Of course you are, sweet baby. My sweet baby born 1165 days ago.

I have have never written down his birth story and there are many parts that I want to remain just in my memory and shared with Bill. More than anything I wanted for Ben and now his brother an intimate, quiet, shared experience with as limited as possible interventions as well not have a hurried, manufactured birth experience. It was simply a gift I wanted to give him and for us as a family to bring life into the world on my own terms.

On the morning of June 8th, 2006 I thought that I had (once again) peed on my kitchen floor. Not thinking anything about it as I was 2 days from my due date I figured that damn, now I had to clean that up too. I should have thought something was up as according to at least one ultrasound I was now 2 days overdue with my 06/06/06 due date. Something that only I could make a joke about and take in stride.

So I went about my day, watched Fight Club and sorted baby clothes (yes that is a oxymoron), finished up final grades and planned for my friend Chrissy to come by and take me to school to post the grades and then onto my 40 week appointment with the only Dr that we had yet to meet. Bill had forbid me to drive anymore (or go to Target) since he was convinced that I was going to have his son my the side of the road.

When Chrissy came to pick me up I convinced her that we HAD to move this stupid desk from upstairs that she was going to sell in her shop. By the time we got to my school I was feeling bad and posted grades while she circled the parking lot with her sleeping toddlers.

Onto the Dr where the OB did confirm that I had broken my water and much to my stubbornness to me that I couldn't go home to labor but was being checked in to the hospital next door. I called Bill and my doula Robin and by 5 pm we were having a baby.

The OB, the most old-school of the bunch give me the next few hours to try and get contractions going on my own to no avail. At 8 pm he broke my water, added pitocin, and since I couldn't keep the EFM on without holding it (not a good plan for labor) I consented to the internal monitor. NOT in the plan but I maintained that I was not going to stay in the bed and I didn't for most of the next 3 hours.

In the next 2 hours I literally went from the 3 cm I had been for most of the week to 8cm with contractions coming very fast and hard. Again, not the plan and by 10 pm not wanting to do an epidural to slow down labor I agreed to a single dose of Stadol which was a horrible decision in hindsight. This was about the time that Bill was kicked out and the doulas (Robin had brought her back up partner thinking the more the merrier) were trying to help me through transition. The Stadol made me hot and drunk and when Bill returned he commented, "he didn't want to come in based on the amount of gutteral noises coming from our room". Written in my birth plan in all caps is NO Stadol as it did nothing for the pain.

By 11:30 I was at 10 cm and really, really wanting to push. Looking back on laboring Ben the pushing, crowning, and complications trying to get the cord off. (I'll spare publicly the TMI details, but needless to say it pushed my fairly high pain threshold to the limit)

Around 12:15 the mood in the room when from one of keep pushing with every contraction to Robin in my face telling me that I had to get him out in the next few contractions. I now know that behind the scenes a emergency OR was being prepped since the cord was now acting a double slip knot choking Ben's airway with each push. At 12:33 he was out and was whisked away for oxygen and CPR by the neonatal team that were also now in the room. I was obviously in alot of pain to not even notice there was suddenly another 3/4 people were in the room and prepping furiously. Bill didn't get to cut the cord and when Ben wasn't crying we both were very, very worried that my fear of losing a 2nd baby was again a reality. At 5 mins his Apgar was stable from the 3 it was upon delivery and within 15 mins I was able to hold him. It wasn't exactly the birth we planned, but he was healthy and alive thanks in part to medical intervention as well as my ability to push him at the end.

All of the pictures are from the first 4 hours of his sweet, sweet life and some that are my favorites of the last 1165 days. It took a very long time to realize that we wanted a family, to work towards healthier lifestyle to carry a child, and even longer to carry a pregnancy to term once we were ready. There has definitely been the bitter with the sweet, but we are so blessed with this beautiful blue-eyed little boy. And to do it all again making Ben the loving Big Brother I have known in my heart he is, makes the ending to Ben's birthday even more special.