Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Not on the wagon. Actually the wagon ran over me.

I am not quite sure where the person who could spend hours a day exercising has gone.  In fact I'm starting to wonder if she has permanently decided to exit the building and moved in with someone else after giving up on me.

You may remember for Christmas that I bought, wrapped up, handed to Bill a gift of 10 personal training sessions and then promptly asked for my gift back. I planned to start redeeming them before the crazy new year resolution people showed up at the gym.  So far I've gone to 3 sessions of the 10 with the plan of going every 2/3 weeks and using the planned workout in a rotation. 

Cue to the other day where I procrastinated going in for a measly 30 minute workout.  I sat and called my insurance company, waiting on hold forever and then took the time to make an long overdue appointment for a mammogram.  All that time wasted over just NOT wanting to get out of the car.  Another day that I got to the gym, upon realizing that I didn't have socks promptly talked myself out staying.  The desire is just not there to make exercise any type of priority. 

I'll be honest, I've put back on about 10 pounds since my 2nd surgery last March and the #1 reason is not exercising.  You would again think weight gain would motivate me and it has on getting a trainer and dragging my butt there 2-3 times a week.  I'm also maximizing my time so that in 30 minutes I can get a decent workout that rivals doing more for the same results.  My diet has relatively stayed the same so this is all about exercise.  

I really can't put my finger on why after years of being happy at the chance to work off stress in a child-less environment hasn't come around again. Aall I can think of is if I am leaving work early to swing by the gym that the time could be better spent on prepping dinner, walking the dog a longer distance, tackling the mountain of errands and chores that I would rather do in joyful silence before pick up starts. 

I'm flat out exhausted by 10 hour days at work, lots of issues with behavior from the kids between pick up and bedtime, finding time to keep us in clean underwear, and then often more work at night to stay ahead of grading. Doing it in the am is not an option as I'm already up daily at 5:15.  Doing it after the boys are in bed is also not an option, as I'm too worn out. My only real time is afternoons that I can carve out time.

Back in January I signed up for a color run to do with Ben later in the spring.  I figured that the training sessions plus a return to regular gym time would have be back to being able to run a 5k. I have added running back, but not to the level that I think need to be at to run the whole race without stopping.  

For that I'm embarrassed that I, 

1.  Could run 5 miles without stopping PRE surgery and now can't even make it a full mile without wanting to stop   

2.  I don't have the desire to want to be back in better shape  

3.  The same old man I see at the gym on the track seems to pass me every time we are sharing a lane. 

I have 6 sessions left that I hope to finish by start of summer.  I'm seriously thinking about signing the boys up at the Y to be able to use the child care option over the summer break.  I fear if I have to schedule super early am time to be there before Bill leaves for work I will find even more excuses not to make the effort. 

Ideas on some type of incentive to get motivation back on track appreciated short of a Jillian-screaming-in- my-face intervention are welcomed.  


Kim said...

I'm not sure what kind of equipment that you need for your work-out, but my trainer mostly had me using free weights, resistance bands, medicine balls, etc. For a fairly minimal investment, we bought some of that stuff to use at home.

The ONLY thing that has kept me on the wagon is only having to drag myself to the bonus room vs. the gym. I am happy to share the workouts that I use if you think it will help.

LauraC said...

I'm going to be in the clear minority here, but I think there is a time and place for everything. There are going to be some phases in life where the priority is not working out, and that is okay. You have a lot a lot a lot on your plate, and sometimes it's okay to give yourself permission to take a break from something that is not helping you.

You said it yourself - you have long days, you single parent a LOT, you have two kids who need a lot of attention - maybe you should spend that time on getting stuff done instead so that you aren't doing it when the kids go to bed.

When Jon travels, I give myself permission to not work out if I don't feel like it. I'm already doing so much, that I hate the guilt when I beat myself bc I didn't work out and cook and clean and care for the kids and work at my job and keep the house going and and and and and.

So.... fuck it. Grade your papers then and get a good night's sleep, instead of sleeping in work clothes. Sleep is much better for your body than exercise anyway. Or, shoot for working out ONE TIME a week and then working out on the weekends when you have more time.

Carrie77 said...

I think sleep is more important than getting a work out in... also, it does sound like you are really busy. :( Is there anything you can stop doing? I do almost all of my workouts at home, would that save you time instead of driving back and forth to the gym? I also usually do them after the kids are in bed. I don't allow myself to sit down after I tuck them in or I will fall asleep on the couch! What time are your kids in bed by? I try to have mine in bed by 8 or 8:30pm and it gives me an hour and a half of free time.

Beth said...

I'm with Laura. I have never figured out how to get exercise into my day. I know it's important, and I should do it (my schedule is way less crazy than yours, btw) but I don't. So cut yourself some slack. If you think you need exercise for stress, maybe a 10-minute run 3 or 4 times a week would be enough? Spring is coming--it will be light outside later, so maybe that will give you more options? Let me know when you've figured it out. :-)