Thursday, April 19, 2012

Of licking paper towels and guinea pig bites

This feels like the Bataan death march of trying weeks. Lots of work as the semester winds down. More importantly just more ongoing Ben issues. So far this week I have gotten notes home about licking paper towels in the bathroom and yesterday putting his finger in the classroom guinea pig's mouth, resulting in a bite.

Both super nasty on the gross out front. Both resulting in lots of tears and time talking at bedtime about better choices.

There is a post soon about working on a longer term plan for Ben. Bill and I have had more conversations in our kitchen this week in which one or both of us have exclaimed we just feel defeated. On the positive, and yes there are MANY positives here to early intervention, I think wanting to be a united front may be one of the best things for our marriage in a long time.

While horizontal bound I caught up on several books. I finally got around to reading Siblings Without Rivalry and and How She Really Does It. Both were great reads among a book club pic, 2 ADHD books, and skimming a couple of others while at home.

From How She Really Does it I took the advice that working outside the home makes me a better, more centered mom and I shouldn't apologize for saying it outloud. I wouldn't trade the year I had a home with Ian for anything, most importantly it helped define that I am good at what I do and the highly structured day of working outside my home makes me appreciate and protect the time I have at home more fiercely.

Up next was Siblings Without Rivalry. Good timing on reading as the fighting between Ben and Ian has become a daily issue. Ian can hold his own and has finally developed some language to fight back. Most importantly I took away were ways to listen to kids, making them part of the solution with their ideas, and don't cast them into preset roles. I'm on board to read How to Talk So that Kids Listen next.

To wrap up this Thursday rambling I mentioned to someone who was asking about Ben that yeah, this really sucks and feels like a major parenting fail. But there is so much positive at doing what we can for him now so that when he's 15 or 25 or whatever that his relationships, his self esteem, his ability to concentrate better at school or work or whatever will be because of the energy and yes so many tears now.

That makes me feel like it's all worth the time, stress, and tears.


Beth said...

Couldn't have said it better myself. As Dory says, "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming."

LauraC said...

My friend Joanna had some AWESOME advice for me when we were struggling with Alex's behavior. She said - you know he needs to change. You are working on incenting him to change. It is just going to take time and it's not going to happen overnight.