Got Two Matching Windsuits? Sizes 18 month and 5T?

Date: A week ago at Ian's 18 month check up

Time: last appointment of a recent Friday with our pediatrician after a reschedule for me being so late, sitting 45 mins waiting to get worked in only to be told by the practice manager I would just have to come back. Proud mom, you bet.

Overheard during the wait:

"Ian don't take off your diaper. Really? you pooped now, pleeeese don't take that off as I scavenge for wipes and wish for air freshener"

"Ben, when the the doctor comes in you will have to stop rolling around the room on the stool as a crashing car"

"boys, get out from underneath the exam table, repeat x912 times"

"can we please not lay on the floor, hepatitis for Thanksgiving sounds un-fun"

"to myself... why did I stay at school and deal with discipline for someone else's kid making me miss my original appointment and now having to bring both of them to a reschedule"

Once the doctor arrives it takes both of us holding a thrashing Ian down to examine him. Quickest. Exam. Ever. Is is eating, pooping, walking/running normally? Uh.. look at him as he broke free,ran, and hid behind the trashcan.

Words? Yes many more since we were last here. He says Momma, Dadda, Ball, dog, baby, duck, night night, bye bye, hi, uh-o.

Doctor- Good, while he's still a little behind this is a improvement for which I credit being in daycare.

Somewhere during this super quick visit Ben is bouncing off the walls. I look at him and say, "push-ups" He drops to the floor and starts doing the kind where he slaps his shoulders between each set. Then runs through at set of mountain climbers, jumping jacks, and attempts sit-ups.

All this to the hysterical laughing of our doctor who proclaims, "I've lots of parents with bouncing off the walls kids come through this exam room, but never can I remember a parent actually encouraging more activity to distract."

It works beautifully, Ben one step away from a a 1983 Jane Fonda-esque VCR fitness contract allowed us to finish the exam as well as talk over the speech issues.

Stats: 25 lbs (32%), 32 inches (47%), 18 1/2 inches (25%) All healthy and no concerns

As we left she asked what I taught as I still had on my school ID. "freshman and sophomore history".

Doctor who has a dry wit just like her husband who is my OB, "really? Have you considered being heavily medicated to deal with this amount of insanity daily"

Me.. bahahahah... yes, does it show?

Thinking matching red wind suits circa the Royal Tenenbaums would make a killer Christmas gift for the boys.

So How About a December Repeat

Super awesome call for Monday. I got so much and yet nothing at all done.

On the check list: refilled all my prescription pill counters (really this is an issue as I haven't taken the time to do it and spend precious time in the am in a blurried-eyed state looking for pill bottles). Did the whole rest of the month. Just call me Medicare.

Talked to my brother about him coming for Thanksgiving. Yay. Cannot even begin to tell you how excited I am for him to spend part of the holiday with us. We have some probate stuff to deal with but mainly just hanging out for the weekend and showing him the area for the 1st time. Love me some Brian Hendricks dry wit as well as kick ass cooking.

Did a bunch of errands, phone calls, mail sans kids screaming or being hauled into places.

I bailed on getting the farmers market. Thinking of taking the family out over the weekend and pair it with a trip the State Farmers Market Restraunt. Super yum biscuits, meat and threes, and did I mention the hushpuppies covered in molasses.

I also discovered a part of the Cary Greenway that leads from from our neighborhood to Ben's school. Original plan was to run to the school and walk back with Ben. But given the time, I just ran it alone and then drove over to pick up to avoid 5 pm traffic.

Organized my freezer and made a list of if I have time freezer stuff to make pre surgery.

Worked on our big holiday list and what was priority, not worth the time, and needed ticket purchse now.

I washed the dog, made a vet appointment for my old girl. Major mistake to take her on a 2 mile weekend walk, she's still hobbling around.

Cleaned all the bathrooms as to not have to preface any vistors to never mind the smell of 5 year old boy or lack of toilet paper.

Graded a bag of work while sitting on the porch drinking an insanely big glass of iced tea and loving some 70 degree weather and falling leaves.

As much as I came back to tons o work on Tuesday, it was worth every.single.minute to have day without kids. I honestly cannot recall the last day I had this many hours without them.

I love them dearly, but man was I in heaven. So much so that I'm planning on taking my pre-op appointment day off to voluneer in Ben's class for holiday craft week as well as the day before my surgery to volunteer again, have lunch with Ben and then have booked a massage, facial, and pedicure.

Guilty? Not a bit.

Monday Morning and Not the Norm

Hello from my kitchen table where I'm watching leaves fall. Come again Vinson, don't you like have like surgery next month and need to save every single sick day.

yeah..I do but about 7 pm last night I just called it and said I'm staying home and getting some some stuff I want to do today.

I'm already coming off a 3 day weekend since school was closed and I spent all Friday day with the boys as well as a good portion of the weekend. Busy with this church thingy, lots of errands, a playdate, a family meeting, and in general a sense that not a whole lot got accomplished. Maybe it has something to do that Thursday night I fell asleep in Ben's bed as I was reading him a book, the migrated to Bill's office in my attempt to watch a Daily Show backlog with him, then onto the the living room couch as I tried to get caught up Good Wife (yes a backlog, heavens you are too busy) and finally awoke at 3 am still wearing my name badge for school and the tv still on. Tired you think?

So why today?

Saturday I had this crazy epiphany that that whole "how you live your days is how you live your life" mantra I so want to do right by has been falling by the wayside this fall. As much as I'm doing the more sleep thing so much better, I feel perpetually behind in everything. So I'm just taking today to get a punch list of stuff done.

So some randomness for today:

- I'm still in my pajamas drinking coffee after staying up to almost 2 last night. I love me some late night quiet around the house. I'm listening to the recent middle school episode of TAL. Oh my. It's like 1989 around here today and frankly teaching freshmen all day gives you an insane perspective about how high school plays out from the adult perspective and why I seriously cannot watch Glee. Instead I've been making overdue phone calls and catching up on bills, mopping and trying to clean some serious nasty off the wall via Ian. Earlier I worked on our December calendar after Bill and I did the sit down discussion of the level of holiday insanity we want/don't want.

- I might start to grade the two shopping bags of work that have not moved since Thursday night from the back door. Maybe. Likely since I took this day under the pretense of getting caught up I think I'm going to divide and conquer and do a bag today and then break the other into small bits each night this week. At least online work is done. Did I mention that I've already decided not to work next summer and am most likely not in the spring. I think I'm about to be voted off the island if I keep even a single section by my family, a friend who when I mentioned it to her I thought she would smack me. Even my own therapist the last time I didn't cancel on her mentioned it was a bad idea.

-I'm heading out to get some errand run without kids including a trip over to the state farmers market for apples and veggies and new flowers. My beloved giant porch ferns need to go. Goodbye Prince of Tides wanna-be front porch. You're about to see the likes of traditional Williamsburge style that's been a brewin' in head since I first set foot in this house.

Note that giant inflatable Santa in an outhouse as seen this weekend at Lowes will not be purchased. Some random man was just about cracking up at the Christmas decoration showdown going down over rights to the front of the house.

I think the words, "I gave you Halloween for decorations, Santa emerging from an giant outhouse with elf holding his nose, nor giant colored flashing lights that can be orchestrated to music does not jazz with an Apple Board on magnolia leaves or Della Robbia wreaths" may have come out of my mouth. Likely repeatedly as I pried the Santa out of Bill's hands. No crying, no cursing, but I'm standing my ground that I'm at least getting some topiaries at the front door. Bill I think may have told me I'm Fun-Less and this side shy of a Disney villain prototype.

Throw in a much needed workout and some general house pick up and by 4:30 I hope that I made the most of this day.

First up, a shower. Gotta get on that about now before I smell worst than the dog that also really needs a bath.

Food on a Stick was Only the Beginning

Good weekend all around: date night, time with the kids, family walk, church with an ongoing series of messages I'm really connecting with, a friend came and did cooking with Ben as an incentive for behavior, we finally got the Halloween decorations stored, gym workout.

Throw in heading downtown to the annual Jr League Christmas Shopping Spree and I did absolutely nothing for work until late Sunday night. SWEET!

Our weekend paled in comparison to our trip a couple of Sundays ago to the NC State Fair. Can I just say that we spent 7 hours with an 18 month old in tow. Sadly the only picture I have of Ian that he is not moving, he looks like he's being lead to his execution. Take my word that under his tough, 18 month old typically throwing a fit exterior, he had a good time.

Crazy? Yeah I guess, but believe it or not but the kids were well behaved for the bulk of the trip. Our plan was to get to the fair when they opened to hit the kids rides before the crowds. We had prebought tickets, ride coupon books, and tickets to the demolition derby ahead of time.

We ran into our neighbors and did the kids area with them allowing Ben and their 5 year old to ride together. We opted to take Ian and their toddler daughter on several rides, which they loved.

After hot dogs, biscuits, roasted corn, and mini doughnuts we headed over the the arena for the demolition derby. I kid you not, I would pay good money again next year just to people watch before the show.


I give you the trifecta of awesomeness within 10 feet of our seats:

-Man with waist length hair, ZZ top beard, Scooby Doo Shirt, Camo shorts, and a trucker hat covered in mud

-Man with a walker, I HEART Jesus hat, bright safety yellow t shirt with fringed sleeves that was a good 3 sizes too small

-Teen boy sitting next to me with a white 10 gallon hat, shirt unbuttoned to the mid-nipple, and Smoky and the Bandit glasses.

Classy. I tried taking pictures but decided the odds of potential ass-kicking divided by opportunity to preserve via photo was just too high.

I did take the boys over the Dixie Outfitters t-shirt display and seriously thought about buying Ben one of the many inappropriate South will Rise Again shirts for sale. Had I not thought that the proceeds would go to fund Confederate Reenactments I was all in.

The demolition derby was a scream-fest of car crashing good time. Even Ian was clapping and smiling and until Bill took him out when the V8 15 car showdown, he held out and didn't melt down.

Both boys had a great time, loved the rides, animals, food, and yes the Demolition Derby.

Oh NC State Fair, goodness grows in NC. Indeed it does!

There is no crying in parent/teacher conferences

Earlier this week we met with Ben's teacher for a scheduled 1st quarter conference. Bill and I have both had the chance to meet his teacher, volunteer both in the classroom and on a recent field trip. We both really like her classroom methods and feel she's a good fit with Ben's personality. In particular she seems to have a never ending bag of tricks.

In the past weeks a month long streak of overall better behavior was broken by first hitting someone at recess last Friday and then on Tuesday, hitting in PE. Everyday has felt like a return to the daily pick-up walk of shame. Needless to say we have been in lockdown mode for a large part of this week with early bedtime, no Halloween candy, no tv, and several serious meetings. I felt as small as possible watching him sign his name to an incident report.

I'm needing the longest child-free weekend ever about now. Instead I'm going to settle that I'm not traveling to SC this weekend to deal with on going issues with Estate Probate, I'm caught up with all grading, I'm going to the Raleigh Jr. League Christmas Show, and the weather looks great to be outside.

Overall the majority of the conference covered that Ben is testing and working on average. His teacher gave us some ideas on additional things we can work on at home to help with penmanship, reading, and counting. Most of his homework is completed as part of his Friday take home bag and she wants us to add 10-15 mins if possible nightly.

Her take on Ben is that he is very capable, interested in learning, but also very quick to give up when challenged with new situations or ones that he comes bored with easily. Part of me knows that Ben is a typical, very active 5 year old boy with the attention span of a gnat. Bill and I often see the same attitude of giving up when challenged at home. We also are in the middle of whole new level defiance played out in multiple ways.

At this point due to the hitting and Ben's apathetic attitude afterwards we agreed that we needed to try a behavior contract. I am all too familiar with behavior contracts on the high school level. I have spent a large part of this week making those before the report card arrival calls. I also know that when you can create buy-in that you can change the outcome. We are talking over some new strategies at home and a new reward system that will parallel a daily check in with the behavior contract.

My biggest concern is the growing feeling that Ben identifies himself as a bad kid. His first words most days at pick up is if he had or didn't have time out. I try to meet him with a big hug and immediately tell him I'm really happy to see him and that's let talk in the car about all the good and also better choices we could have made. Just hearing how he talks about himself, it's completely in terms of being bad vs good.

I have no real words of wisdom or even that I feel I need to be doing anything differently that we already are. As much as I wish I could write a rosy,
Ben is doing fabulous and one step away from permanent accolades as a start student to be bumperstickered to my car, I'm also going to be totally honest that too many days than not, we are struggling to give it our parenting best and it has to be enough.

Halloween- the wrap up

Only a day late on the Halloween update but alas a new post. Despite the icky weather we had a great holiday weekend. We opted for Bill to only take Ben who joined up with our neighbors and their kids to hit the 20-30 houses within a 5 min walk of our house.

I stayed on the porch, put Ian in his costume (a Monkey, complete with banana in the pocket) and handed out candy. Ian couldn't have been happier stomping on the porch, dumping out the candy bowl, looking confused as I hit the fog machine each time new kids walked up. He got the best of Halloween without having to be out in the rain. Kudos to Bill for volunteering to do all of the trick o treating duty.

By 7:30 Ian was wiped out, was melting down, and the smell of poop forced us inside to get him in the bath and into bed. Ben followed shortly after and after a warm bath and inspection of the candy haul he too was also in bed.

One of the best aspects of the weekend was the block party Sunday night on our street. The kids of our newest neighbors have been planning this for over a month and they delivered a fun party for around 30 surrounding kids complete with planed games, a scavenger hunt, tons of food, music.

I know this is getting old, but I am so very glad that we took the leap of faith to buy this house when we did. We have loved getting to know this neighborhood through daily dog walks, becoming friends with our neighbors in a way we never did in our old neighborhood, and in general be reminded daily how much everything has fallen into place as we have fully moved in.

Bill as expected came home yesterday with bags upon bags of discounted Halloween decorations to be stowed away. Plans are already forming for Christmas decorating and what will be I'm sure another holiday to remember in our dream home.

and another year :)

passes by on my favorite day of the year. Last year come October 28th, I was on a one month media hiatus with no posts on this day. I looked back and this is what I wrote as a pregnant 34 year old in 2009. I have to agree I feel the same today.

"....a date that matters to no one but me. No big fanfare or sharing the day with family or friends. You know, those little dates in time that are not celebrated with cake or flowers but that you know the significance."

I had hoped in 2009 for a normal day to detail baby kicks and a then pooping in underwear Ben who cried when his balloon floated away. Today I was a typical Friday filled with a 18 month squealing at his first school party as well as his daily accident report to sign, a 5 year old with a discipline report and resulting early bedtime, dinner that was ordered while I walk the dog, and a mound of end of the quarter late work to grade before Monday.

For this normal, even boring day, I'll even throw in removal of a staple embedded in my thumb and even a consult appointment made today (for me) for a Cardiologist to rule out what I already know is not an issue. No worries today, I tell you.

Exactly what I want. A normal, nothing significant day and the chance to do it all again tomorrow.

One of our favorite fall activities

One of our favorite things to do as a family during the fall is a pumpkin patch visit. Like everyone else, we will carve pumpkins for Halloween. We also have two fake pumpkins that we use every year until the real ones are cut. Our house has been decorated for Halloween for the entire month of October.

Sadly Bill has been outdone by our neighbors who put up a giant, inflatable moving black cat over the weekend. As you can imagine we are already in pre-Christmas decoration planning mode. This weekend we have our neighborhood fall festival as well as a block party on our street. We are again dressing up as Woody and Jessie with the boys going as Captain America and a Monkey.



Hill Ridge Farms is hands down one of our favorite places to go during the fall. This year they offered free admission to not only teachers but their ENTIRE families opening weekend. YAY!


We met up with friends and drove out to the boondocks outside Raleigh for a fun afternoon. One of the reasons I love this pumpkin farm more than other, closer locations is simply all the things to do besides just a pumpkin patch.


From spring to late fall the farm is open for birthday parties and school groups. There is a train, giant slide, petting zoo, feeding fish, bounce house, 2 mazes, separate hay and corn jumps, a tee-pee (very smelly inside), and a fort. We were here around 5 hours and finished our visit with a haywagon ride to pick out pumpkins (also free for teachers!)


We've been to other pumpkin patches in the area but Hill Ridge is worth the drive for all the extra things to keep two very active boys busy. The added bonus that we went for free and walked away with four pumpkins was even sweeter.

Field Trip!!!

20 kindergartners on their 1st field trip of the year = wrangling cats just might be easier.

Bill and I are both trying to be as involved as possible by each chaperoning a trip as well as volunteering in Ben's classroom once a month this school year. Being part of this trip was actually Ben's teacher's suggestion back in the first weeks of school as a way to see Ben interacting in the class as well as to see how she and the teacher assistant run the class.

Plus as a county employee I was already cleared and didn't have to go through the volunteer process.

This was a WIN-WIN situation as Ben's behavior was some of the best teacher reported she had seen since the start of the year, plus who doesn't love getting to feel like they are back in elementary school among 20 energetic five year olds.

I had a small group of all boys, including Ben as well as several of his friends. This too was helpful to see Ben interact with kids whose names (and misbehavior) have become dinner conversation.

Part of the morning was spent at the State Farmers market where the kids had specific items to find and buy with chaperon help. Later we traveled to a local park for a picnic. Sadly the final part didn't happen due to the weather, but you have never known they were missing any planned activity. They had a blast from start to finish.

I decided not to mention that I was a school employee. We've just come off a contested school board election as well as a very controversial vote about student assignment. Good call, as the conversation among the moms was about the politics of the board.

Instead I focused on making the most of the day away from work and spending it with Ben. At bedtime we talked about our favorite parts of the day, the scavenger hunt to find our group mystery object, yellow mums, eating lunch together, the nasty bathroom, and recounting that his teacher commented on his good choices all day.

Super Score on all levels.

take two

Apologies for the negativity yesterday. When you start the day sliding across the floor in cold dog pee before 6 am, there's really only one way to go. Lots of ick yesterday including issues with my mom's probate court case and behavior from everyone. By 8 pm I called uncle and got out of the house once the kids were in bed. I did a bunch of work, came home and watched mindless tv (ok, it was really nerdy Frontline)

I'm taking a day off to chaperone Ben's field trip today. Later I'm going to work with the trainer and sadly I'm looking forward to whatever she has in store. It's totally worth an unpaid day to spend the day with Ben and take a much needed day off from school. I might be tempted to just stay home again soon and do something wild like fold laundry, alone.

Here's the deal, things are going well even if I can't shake the feeling like I started the school year running to catch up before day 1. I'm really trying to make life work this fall and approach everything with a positive do what is most important and let the rest go attitude. Really, no repeats of past work mistakes.

So, can you remind me of perspective when I'm sliding in dog pee as my wake up call?

Calling All Cars

This post has been intended for the last good two weeks, but then life happens and somehow keeping everyone in clean underwear takes priority. As much as I wish I could make time everyday to journal the banal of my thirtysomething life, I just don't have or better yet take the time.

So what's been going on in the last couple of weeks.

1. Seriously considering giving up the online part time job. Even with just one class the amount of work is taking up a good 2 + hours a night and a block of time on the weekend. I usually start as soon as I get the kids in bed,kitchen cleaned up and lunches packed, so from around 9-11on a good night I'm still "at work". Kid you not that I fell asleep talking to students and parents on the phone the other night. I think that might be a sign?!?

If I give it up I most likely will not get summer work as with a lack of a state test there is less demand for the class = less sections of the class to be taught. The question here is "why am I keeping this is I don't intend to go back to only part time work in the near future."

2. A colleague in my department was diagnosed with cancer days before school started. We have all been teaching his classes, planning, copying, grading, ect. While any of us would step up even if it wasn't the expectation it's more work. When I say I have been bringing home a shopping bag of work, it's no exaggeration.

3. While on the work issue, permit me to say that not having a classroom sucks like something fierce. I'm a super organized person to begin with, but being all over a school making my way through 2,000 students with no home base is hard. Period. The plus is I've lost weight as I have no time to eat most days, unless I can do it one- handed. Maybe I'll get some good "food on a stick" ideas at the state fair this weekend.

4. On the whole weight loss issue, I'm down thanks to the roaming mobile home, being too tired to eat once I cook dinner, trying to still get 15 miles in a week, working with a personal trainer who has me running 1 mile sprints interspersed with 20 mins of boxing. Can I just say I LOVE being able to punch something. This might be the best form of therapy ever.

5. On the personal training, once we got the house under contract I gave myself an early Christmas present of 12 weeks of training before the surgery. This is the mother of all Last Chance workouts.

6. Surgery is on like Donkey Kong. 7 am on Dec 20th to be specific. I just recently got the days approved to be out the week of the surgery and if needed an additional week if needed in January. My MIL will be here the 24t-28th to help with the boys as both are out of school/daycare.

While I haven't been super public on this for a bunch of reasons. The reality of the surgery itself and a multi week recovery is starting to settle in. When I mentioned to someone last week I was having surgery and tried to explain a surface, sanitized version I really cannot explain what this surgery is/need for/desire to put myself through this. For the first time I am a bit speechless.

Given that I'm closing in on 70 lbs lost since Ian was born and really I haven't gotten more than, "is that new as I am wearing Pre-Ben pregnancy clothes compliment" I'm secretly hoping that I look drastically different. First to admit vanity is not my best attribute and that I live slave to some crazy idealized version of myself.

So the plus side to what seems a super negative spin on the last few weeks of being really MIA. Things really have been good, rolling along. Just insanely busy.

1. My mom's house clean out went well and faster than expected. We gleaned an entire truckload to be donated/tossed. Hard yes, but did I expect it to be a cakewalk?
2. I'm routinely getting about 6 hours of sleep without meds.
3. I'm spending as much possible time when home with the boys.
4. I really love this church I've been lurking around at Sundays. The thought of being involved to some degree has crossed my mind (time commitment is key here)
5. I've just read two really wonderful books
6. I'm chaperoning Ben's field trip tomorrow.
7. For the most part behavior by Ben has been better, esp at home and at school. He even helped me carry in the groceries.
8. Having only one house is awesome.
9. Plans to have my brother come for Thanksgiving and if possible join us at the beach for a long weekend
10. Ian while full on active at 18 months finally has a couple more words and is trying animal sounds.

So this is now. I'm trying very hard to Work 6, Play/Rest 1 a major priority, even if it feels like my life is ending one min at a time and I'm scrambling to make it all work.

NEWS SO AWESOME I AM SCREAMING IT!!!!

Yesterday we sold our house. Yes it's been crazy hard to sit on this news as we have been super mum as not to jinx this awesomeness.

We sold it in exactly 90 days. In this economy we listed on June 14th and went under contract on Sept 14th. CRAZY good luck.

We happily made someone first time home buyers yesterday as we signed over 204 Blooming Meadows to a new family.

The academy would like thank our agent, David Henry Johnson. Remember when I interviewed like a Christmas pageant of agents back in April?

The only agent not to lavish us with hollow accolades (or to quote Tommy Boy, remember that?) He was honest about the work to be done to get it market ready and then got people in the house all summer long. I would recommend him to anyone in the Triangle area buying or selling as someone super professional and also super funny (always a plus in my book.)

Ok, true confession time.

I went over on Tuesday to grab the last of the stuff. I couldn't stop crying going room to room. It was even worse when Bill and I made one last run with the kids on Tuesday night. Hot mess = borderline embarrassing.

But...

How many times did I drive into the driveway, prepare meals in the kitchen, swing and play with the boys in the backyard, walk the dog to the nearby park, remember birthday parties with a giant waterslide, live the daily grind first as newly married folk to ones bringing home two babies across the threshold.

All good wishes to the new family with two young kids with hopes they will create their home in the same space.

I give you a view from a new window. One that brings a smile to my face. The one of an ongoing baseball game in the front yard. The current site of so many Halloween decorations we look like a Target post decoration fire sale. ***Note*** that Bill is still not finished and has been banned from displaying anything detailing arterial spray.

102 is the house where the boys play everyday with our neighbors, the house of my dream fantasy of front and back porches calling for relaxing, the future site of a game room for all male Vinsons, the house where Ben mooned our neighbor's husband yesterday resulting in a public apology. The house of many memories in the making.

I'm looking forward to awkwardly posed prom pictures in front of the mantle, growth charts detailing Ben and Ian outgrowing me by a good half a foot by age eighteen, the one where they will literally eat us out of house and home in the next decade.

AWESOME NEWS INDEED. Goodbye (finally) 204.

102 was a trade up but you will always be our first love.

October is:

Pumpkin patch visits, cool nights that beg for the first fire of the season, fleeting warm afternoons reminiscent of summer days, butternut squash soup with parmesan crisps, my fall/winter uniform of my favorite jeans, a black turtleneck, and clogs, cute toddler overalls for Ian and jeans with double knees for sliding for Ben, sleeping curled up with my favorite blanket, returning inside on cold mornings for a needed fuzzy jacket, crisp apples in lunch bags, the NC State Fair in all it's deep-fried goodness, decked out front porches a glow in Halloween decorations thanks to my 3 kids at heart, warm fall spiced lattes, steakhouse chili in triplicate batches, costume shopping with the boys for the perfect ensemble, trick or treating in new places, fall walks for leaves and other outdoor treasures a plenty, time to celebrate my favorite day and also season of the year once again.

Another month of limited to-do lists other than to enjoy all 31 days with my two favorite pumpkin pickers.

Six Flags over Jesus

One of the most unlikely phrases to come out of my mouth lately has been, "I'm getting up early on Sunday to make the first service at church." Even stranger, "I'm going to church for this thing this coming Saturday night." Yes, come again the words CHURCH and SATURDAY night in the same sentence.

Back last fall I put on my Mondo list that finding a church was important. As much as I would like to find somewhere that Bill is also comfortable, I know that if I feel at home the boys and Bill (maybe) will follow. In the past couple of months I've been regularly attending a church near our new home.

A super short history of my feelings about religion:

Raised in a fairly strict Southern Baptist home. Went to church on Sunday morning for Sunday school and again in the afternoon for choir followed by Sunday night services. I went on Wednesdays for handbells and Bible Drill (in elementary school), and later youth group on Wednesday nights. I also was involved in a bible study in friends' homes on Tuesday night. Needless to say I spend a lot of time at church.

While I wouldn't say that I lived in a Footloose-esque, "dancing will get you into Hell" household, my parents (mom especially) expected that I conform to what they felt was living a moral life influence by church attendance and also participation. My mom at one point even paid me to go to week long church camp.

I'll be honest, being involved with a church anchored me, my friends were also members, at times it was something I fell back on as a safety net. I don't regret that it was as big as part of my life as it was at the time. But, I also had a growing mistrust and openly disagreed with some of what I saw then and also now as hypocrisy of what I was being taught and my life outside the church.

My parents wanted me to go to a southern Baptist college and insisted that if they were helping pay any portion, that I would "consider" at least a handful of schools affiliated with the church. My mom, grandmother, and aunts had all attended Furman University in Greenville, SC.

At the time around Sophomore year I was looking at pre-med programs and began to look at what med schools were even the slightest bit attainable. Big ol' pipe dream in hindsight. I looked at the University of Texas with Baylor University as undergrad and also Samford University with University of Alabama as a possibility. I got into both undergrad schools and in the end not only got out of premed when I couldn't pass organic chemistry after 3 times and had also met my now husband. The crazy thing is Bill and never really fit at Samford. I often say that within 12 months I managed to find the biggest sinner (or fellow sinner) on campus and then moved in with him (a serious values violation at a school with closed dorms).

You have to understand that the campus was completely dry, you could be issued values violations, had to attend convocation weekly, and did I mention that many people dated by attending the area mega Churches (aka...Six Flags over Jesus) on a Friday night. I met some wonderful, very spiritual people who I know that the school was a perfect fit, but I also know that it wasn't for either of us. Only after going to UNC-Chapel Hill for grade school did I feel like I got an authentic college experience, not a sanitized, artificial college experience.

We attended churches as a married couple and have in the 10 years that we have lived here. We even joined a church and Ben was baptized at a church that we frequently attended Sunday services. But it always felt as an adult that I am doing this because I think I am suppose to. I'm not really getting anything out of it, in fact it's been a really long time since I felt like faith and spiritually really ment anything to me.

With the move I made it a priority to start church shopping and have found a church that I actually want to go to, make it on my weekend to-do, like the format of the service, like the fact that every week I have gone I find myself thinking about something in the message long after it's over.

I like the informality, the kids like the childcare, I like that they have a strong teenage program. I like that there are no hymns or ceremony to the service. I like that these are some of the friendliest people I have ever met without feeling like they are one step away from drinking some Jonestown Kool-aid. I like that there is no pressure to participate.

I like that one of the co-ministers look like he might moonlight as tattoo artist. It's been a really long time since I felt like I was being invited to be a part of something bigger than myself instead of being preached at by a punitive parental figure.

Maybe it's because in the weeks after my mom's death I'm looking for a still, quiet place to be alone with the ick is still very much just under the surface.

Maybe.

It's really ironic that the first time I visited here was the day before she died. In my final phone conversation, I almost mentioned to her that I was had been visiting churches but then didn't. My going to church as well as why the boys didn't go regularly was a continual source of contention. It was just easier not to say anything, so I stayed mum.

Regardless, it's something that I'm making time for right now. It's something that I'm making a priority. It's something that helps center and start the week in a positive place.

ps... traveling to SC this weekend for a meeting with the estate probate attorney and to start on the house clean out. I could use some good thoughts, support, whatever you want to throw my way. While I haven't been super public in the weeks after either publically or in writing, I'm still very much working through some really hard stuff gradually.

Thanks-

Happy to report...

a good report from Ben's teacher at pick up. "He's trying, and while he does backslide during points of the day, I'm seeing him making an effort consistently every day."

I asked her to say it again in front of him with Ben repeating what he heard. He was beaming. We high-fived and did the Ben cheer in the parking lot.


At home we have been rewarding good behavior with extra books at bedtime, getting his one 30 min show back after dinner, extra time alone with a parent on the weekend. Last weekend Bill took him to the Lowes kid's clinic. This was the first time he had signed up for the make it/take it craft (a firetruck.)

A friend has offered to come do some special cooking with him if he keeps up the good behavior. Tonight he was demonstrating his karate moves and I asked him if he would like to maybe take some classes. Maybe, let's see how the next month goes.

Since poor Ian seems to be barely mentioned, he is thriving at daycare. He has made the transition well, loves his teachers and seems to be his normal happy self everyday. Being the miracle workers they are, he is taking a consistent 2 hour nap each day. He seems thoroughly worn out and ready to crash once we put him down.

I called today to make flu shot appointments and also asked if we should go ahead and been seen about ongoing concerns with his few words (still only 3 on a good day) from the summer 15 month appointment. So now we are waiting to hear if we need to go ahead with a referral, so we can discuss results at his upcoming 18 month appointment, or just need to wait until the normal appointment.

In my heart I'm not concerned, he babbles continually, points, hears normally and seems to be hitting his targets for everything else. I think this is more a case of male, 2nd kid, gross motor over linguistic ability. Still it was worth the call and in an age of early interventions if we need to investigate speech intervention therapy for him then we will.

Even though we are in the throws of 18 months toddler antics, Ian also greets us everyday with laughing, smiles, and lots and lots of squealing. He eats blueberries, really any fruit you put in front of him, like candy. He loves playing outside and almost always can be seen in his cozy coupe or pushing his play lawn mower along side the bike riding in the cul de sac. He is a bundle of sweetness (and energy) and is looking more and more like a little boy over any signs of a baby with each passing day.

I feel like a poster child for suburban life. A good life, indeed.

My Friday Post on Monday

I had planned to update my ongoing house (ok, like I post one picture then stopped) of the different rooms in our new(er) house.

Friday turned into Saturday and then well, you know.

Here was the planned post but with some editing since the weekend was a quiet, much needed weekend to get some stuff done.

I've loving looking out the back door to see double parking on tap almost every night by 6:30. For our entire married life we have always lived a minimum 30 mins from work, friends, Target.

Target alone was grounds for moving.

We now are under 15 mins for Bill, 20 mins for me, 5 mins for school, 10 for daycare and most importantly: 5 for Target.

For the first time ever as a family we are able to eat dinner as a family, split bedtime and next day prep, and in general just be able to see the boys for a longer part of each day.

While not the most attractive picture but we also for the first time have room for both cars, all the bikes under the stairs, a growing collection of sports equipment, and best of all an extra fridge and my beloved freezer.

We are investigating putting storage shelving along the walls to get stuff up off the floor.

Not the most exciting weekends on tap but plans for time alone with each kid, time to get caught up for a busy week ahead and planned SC run next weekend.

*** Weekend Update***
Nice and quiet weekend. While not completely finished with grading, I did make a dent and should have an easier week, sorted and washed fall clothes for the boys, usual shopping and errands, Sat am spin class + core work, dog walking, church, plans for my MIL to come up in Dec finalized, big freeze ahead session to split between us and my brother, successful meal out with both boys, dinner meet up with a friend resulting in us both determined to be more involved with the Obama 2012 campaign than just monetarily, and then GOOD WIFE premiere last night.

Not watching Good Wife? Shame on you.

So, So, good and a 20 year crush on Josh Charles doesn't hurt :)

New Fall Line Up

We have been working over the last month to figure out how to make the AM rush work. So far Bill and I are partnering to divide and conquer. As two chronically late people this has been challenging, and yes Ben has been introduced to the dreaded tardy slip already.

School Days look something like this:

5:30/45- Heather up
6:00- Bill up
6:20- Kids up

We try to have lunches, clothes, backpacks ready to go the night before. Bill gets the boys ready while I take care of the dog, deal with last minute stuff, and lay out everything to go out the door.

6:30- Heather (should be) leaving
6:50- Bill takes Ben to the bus then Ian into daycare.

By 7:30 everyone is at school or work. Pick up is by 5pm if at all possible earlier everyday.

From 5- 6pm Ben rides his bike or plays hockey/baseball/football in our front yard. We have 3 families with young kids within a couple of houses so there is usually a masse of testerone outside.

I get dinner going and then take Ian out and let him play while I help supervise the kids. With the super early wake up, bedtime/bath starts at 7pm.

Most notable in this new fall schedule is my ability to say No.

My new phrase for all concerned is, "Sorry but NO"

Want to sponsor a club-No
Want to take on a leadership roll within your department-No
Want to serve on this committee/meeting/chance to better yourself-NO
Want to fix this copier using only a ball point pin and your wits- NO

I am super protective of any and all things that suck time away from getting home, getting the boys, spending time with them, taking care of the house, getting online work finished at a reasonable hour and going to bed.

We are intentionally not doing a fall extracurricular activity with Ben but rather are swapping Saturday mornings for a breakfast date to do something alone with him. It's too busy to keep up a date night during the school week and the kids need the extra sleep. This also gives Ian some much needed curse of the forgotten 2nd child time with one parent. We may consider karate later this winter as a posssible good behavior reward.

Being so much closer to life was a major selling point for us. So far while there are still kinks to work out, the new fall line up is working most days.

Just Like the Preacher's Daughter

I'm on a first name basis with Ben's kindergarten teacher. He's been in school just over 3 weeks. Yes, this sucks like you can't imagine to have to do the walk of parent shame every day at pickup.

As a teacher myself I can tell you that when I know a student's name by the end of the first day, it's not good. So I can tell you that Ben's teacher most likely had already moved his seat after the first day.

Ben was very excited to be starting kindergarten. We talked it up in the weeks leading up the the big day. He had a great staggered entry day back on the 30th of August and started full time later that week.

On the first day, really the FIRST DAY of his public education I was met at pick up with a Come to Jesus meeting about behavior in class. It went a little something like this:

Me- "I hope he had a good day"

Teacher-" Can we talk just a minute, and I want you to know that I appreciate the note you sent about the recent events (moving, grandparent death). I think it's always important to know what is going on at home and how it impacts what happening in the classroom." Ben had a really rough day with behavior.

Me- "Can you give me some insight? Examples? What did he do today so that I can talk to him tonight"

Teacher- Examples given. Tons o examples including shouting out answers, getting up during circle time, telling the teacher, "I'm not going to do that", "I don't hear you" and turning his back to her. Also included lots of talking, horse playing in the hall, lunchroom, bathroom basically anywhere they were expected to be in a line". He even tried to pull a 5th grader to the ground over some paper airplane. Really Ben, a 5th grader? It's almost like he never went to preschool and was socialized.

Me- Biggest SIGH ever. I go on to say that I'm not surprised and elaborate that we have seen all of that at home at different times but that overall he had a good summer. I go on to talk about what we do at home for discipline, the ground rules in our house and also go on to say that Ben needs someone on him like a hawk due to a recent development of lying.

I think at one point I may have said he's acting like a 5 year old tool. Maybe. I hope I didn't say anything worse in my total embarrassment. I did say as the conversation got around to what I teach and that my freshman may be easier to handle than a manipulative five year old.

I at some point make the statement, "You will see him more than I will Monday-Friday for the next 10 months" I want us to be on the same page and we will do whatever it takes to reel this in and shut this down.

And we have. Most of the last weeks I have been in almost daily communication in email with his teacher. I like her. She's old school and doesn't put up with anything. She's the taskmaster that Ben needs over a touch-feely "honey don't do that kinda teacher." Ben's best preschool teachers were those that loved him but did so with an iron fist to shut down behavior. Remember the teacher that help get him potty trained. I owe her big time.

In the past weeks behavior has gotten better, but it almost is 2 steps forward and one back. For the time we are in the car alone before picking up Ian we talk about his day. Some days Ben tells me, "I am not going to talk to you." Big clue to wait until later, maybe have Bill ask. But for sure to check in with his teacher in the next 24 hours as most likely he got into trouble.

I hate this. I hate that my kid is the problem child, the one she is having to spend what time I know she doesn't have to communicate with me. If this was last summer I would take responsibility for some checked out parenting contributing to this mess.

Overall we had a good summer, even in the weeks after dealing with the stress of my mom's death and all the stuff of going back to school I swore that I was going to not check out on parenting with him. I can honestly say that where I've faltered in other areas, I've been sticking to my guns with him.

The good news is that Bill and I are on the same page. At home we are in lockdown mode on the worst days including no tv, bins of toys that are locked in my car that have been taken away, dinner in his room following by early bedtime. We are using a progression of discipline where we go over what will happen, which punishments will occur if I talk to his teacher or the after school director and have a bad report. I greet him with a big hug everyday but he also seeing me talking to the adults before we leave. Believe me, after a really long day this the last thing I need before starting the dinner and bedtime dance.

We have had some improvement and ever so slowly Ben is getting back privileges and his beloved Legos/cars/action figures. The one thing we will not take away is bedtime book and nighttime routine. We are using that time to also reiterate that he is a good boy and needs to be the "Best Ben he can be at home and at school." Since he is obsessed with superheros we have a cheer and hand gestures to go along with this daily mantra.

In the meantime I expected some type of adjustment to new school, new schedules, new friends, but holly hell child, there's nothing like you showing yourself on the first day. The teacher's kid is just like the preacher's daughter being the biggest sinner in church. For real this SO sucks.

I want Ben to like school. I want him to be a good student, even if he's ultimate C or God forbid worse student. If that's the best he can do, then that's all I can ask. I was the most average of students who played school well and gave it only what I had to get by. No amount of punishment from my parents made me any smarter or try any harder. I want lay the starting school groundwork carefully and not turn Ben off now or make him feel that he is a bad kid who can do nothing right.

I don't want Ben to be the kid that the teacher looks at and counts how many more years 'til retirement. I have this fear that Ben is the 5 year old version of my checked out, totally disinterested, waiting to get out of the house freshmen. I find myself thinking what else can I do to turn this around and am trying really hard not to second guess how we have parented in the last 5 years.

So far our strategy is to partner with Bill and his teacher on a daily basis and be consistent with discipline and consequences from school to home. I have asked his teacher how we can best help support what she is doing at home. We are all staying on Ben even when it would be easy to parent from another room or another floor or let him do something because it's easier on us. We are trying to be a united front and we are both just drained already with this fall schedule, so this is just adding to our stress.

So not the most happy of starting school reports. I know that on some level he likes going, loved this first homework project of creating a life-sized Ben complete with a rainbow shirt, camo shorts, and tattoos of a race car and a cement mixer. We sing Chica Chica Boom Boom in the car. We come up with a list of 5 good things that happen every day.

I love him too much not to fight for him and rather against him. I know that Bill and what is proving to be a divine intervention of teacher placement, Mrs. S, do too.

Good-bye Summer 2011

The recent cool fall weather ushered in autumn and the end of a memorable summer.

A much longer post in the works but to sum up our summer in my favorite pictures.


June- FL trip to see family, a big 5th birthday, preschool graduation, and packing, packing, packing up the old house.



July- Family vacation to the Outer Banks, trips to see old high school and college friends, and then Moving, Moving, Moving into our perfect family home



August- Trading day-camp for kindergarten, daycare start, return to full time work, goodbyes, and learning new schedules


Welcome Fall with cool days and nights, trading shorts for jackets, walks in the neighborhood to collect leaves and other treasures, Halloween excitment build-up, pumpkin carving, and my favorite month and day of the year.

Good bye summer 2011. Even though the list of fun didn't get anywhere near accomplished it was a great, great run.



Looking forward to many more days with my favorite V-boys. My sweet Ben and Ian who love (and fight) like brothers only can.

Back (not really), but a tiny check in

Still here. I've been laying low intentionally, protecting the time I have once home to what absolutely has to be done for work and to keep us in dinner and clean clothes. Frankly with the return to work and adjustments with school and schedule it's been a big adjustment for me too. There's some long post I'm sure coming about the last month, but not today.

So... I am still here, all Vinsons are doing ok or better, and everyone is getting used to a fall routine that involves super early wake ups.

We are in the middle of the 18 month Ian craziness/crankiness period. He's currently cutting 2 teeth and while finally sleeping at school, appears to being giving his teachers a workout. Bill is convinced Ben never acted like this and I just laugh and laugh and laugh.

Ben has been on secret double probation of late for some really nasty school behavior. Including a 1st day of school Come to Jesus meeting for being disrespectful to his teacher. Yeah, DAY ONE of his public education. Nothing like him pulling some preacher's daughter action to feel embarrassed in front of another teacher for my kid.

Thanks Ben, like life needed a little more stress right now. In all seriousness, we are clamping down and have removed all toys from his room, no tv, and as of tomorrow will be instituting eating dinner in his room with only bath and bed to look forward to once home. We've been in contact with his teacher and feel there is a conference on the horizon.

Yesterday started with my dropping an entire cup of coffee in a file box of freshly sorted work before 7 am and ended with me bailing on calling students in place of falling asleep to the Miss Universe pageant because I was too lazy to find the remote that Ian had hidden. Did I mention that 18 months is a one way ticket to crazytown.

Open house at school tonight and just got home after 9pm. Thought (seriously) about striking up a convo with the bevy (try <10 families that finally found me with my traveling classroom schedule) about how my homegirl of Miss Brazil really flubbed up her do or die question about saving the children while pursuing a broadcast journalism degree.

Think I got home early?

Nope. Plus I still don't know who won Dammit.

Back later with more pressing news. Maybe.