Old School Panic

Another post when I should be attacking the mound of stuff still left to do for work. I will be at school over the weekend, making copies, leaving lesson plans, basically thinking of any "govern-menty" movie out there to show while out.

Think John Q about teaching healthcare reform-showing it, The Patriot- yes, please. I may even pull out Pauly Shore in Jury Duty if I'm desperate. Not really as I do (or should) have standards.

Friday is my last day at either job for the next 3 weeks. As God as my witness, no work email will be checked, anything graded, even thoughts about work. Totally honoring that I need to focus all attention on recovery. Seriously on the pain meds I'm about to be on I don't need to be trying to be all professional or writing anything high as a kite. Bad, bad plan.

A common question asked has been, why not just wait until summer break?

1. Post surgery limitations on being in a pool due to infection/sun exposure on scaring = 2 boys needing daily pool time
2. Post surgery abdominal garment wearing mega hot/no showering
2. Plans for the Aug 2012 Kenya trip
3. My own personal goal that once down to my pre-pregnancy weight, surgery a go

So what is going on this weekend:

trade time for Bill since he's about to be solo parentin' it all next week until his mom gets here on the 24th.
taking Ben to see the Nutcracker at my school (10 bucks says we go a bit early and he runs the halls, literally, while I prep sub plans)
birthday party for a friend's kid
Catching up with Eileen for a pre-surgery taco party
Pick up library books before they are re-shelved.. hello Divergent is up....
At least one more Target and Grocery run, get Christmas food ordered, last minute prep to get the house in livable order for the week

Not loose my cool about being seriously stressed that something is going to go wrong

Bill and I were talking over logistics plans again yesterday and this is the part that I'm panicking about outside of the whole 7 hours of surgery and going home same day part. Yes, I'm really going home the same day, hopefully very medicated up the stairs to my bed for the next week. For someone who cannot be idle this is going to be really hard. My guess is my pain level is going to force me to rest.

Last surgery there were no kids involved, I like told less than 5 people, not even my family about a 90 min laproscopic procedure. This seems so much more on are you nuts scale, no one can possibly get it.

Monday I'm totally taking off to do things I want to do: early am mother of all last chance workouts with the trainer, volunteer in Ben's class followed by lunch (ok for him, not me as I'm doing the icky day before surgery diet.. this could be a good thing NOT to eat school lunch) then doing a spa for some last minute stress reduction for the old school panic that is seriously settling in.

I'm jumpy, not focused, and am likely to punch you if you piss me off. Note that I have been boxing weekly for the last 3 months.

The thing that I can't seem to get my head around is how much of whole piece of my identity is about to change. For all the planning and prepping I think this is truly a part that is super scary. How do you see yourself moving forward when for so, so, so long you only had one perception?

This is old school panic that needs to find resolution. Before Tuesday, not likely, but a major goal for the new year.