pieces of me...

*no picture available

2012-01-27T10:53:00.002-05:00

Since I updated on Ben earlier this week how about Ian?

So what's up with my 21 month old fearless flier?

How about finally more words: shoes, socks, Veg-hus (our dog), attempts at "Ben", and a total of about 30 discernible words. Daycare reported his first two word sentence, "more juice" last week. While he is still behind the curve in speech for age or even based on Ben at the same age, being in childcare is helping the language explosion over the last months.

We opted to wait until his 18 month check up to make the call about a speech evaluation. Most worries were set aside when more and more words kept coming and if needed we will move to a full on evaluation by his 24 month check up.

He follow directions well about sitting to eat, handing items back when asked, will bring his coat and shoes when time to leave and attempt to dress himself. Thank you day care for honest to God being in loco parentis.

Ian is a great kid. Yeah.. like we all think that our kids are awesome. I'm guilty as charged.

His belly-laugh (and squeal/shriek/yell) that fills the room, my car, his room at times to sleep are evidence of a happy child. He loves bath time, esp when soaking the floor is an option. His nightly wrestling with Ben demonstrates he might just be Macho Man Randy Savage in the making. Sadly, he can hold his own to a kid 20 lbs heavier.

Did I mention this kid is fearless in the running dept. Enter sometime in the past couple of weeks at daycare pick up. Ian broke free escaping towards the parking lot. Just when I thought in my current "running hurts like hell" state cornered him, he took off in the opposite direction.

I'm sure the daycare directors has a good laugh watching me play toddler Frogger on the outside surveillance cameras. Ben has started playing the let me protect my brother card by tackling Ian mid run.

Ian is full on in the throws of toddlerhood fearlessness, self-centeredness, obstinance, and did I mention refusal to do just about anything not on his radar.

The reality is that I see the bigger picture, the one from 30,000 feet. The one where age 21 months turns into 2, or riding the bus to kindergarten, or eventually leaving the the driveway on the way to college before I can blink. So many days amid the chaos I have to tell myself that one day I will do anything for an hour to have them at this age again. I believe that time is called "grandchildren."

So while most of my sad iPhone pictures these days are blurry due to motion of a moving child, Laura did capture this out take while she was setting up our holiday family shoot.

Think he might be planning the downfall of society or just an escape plan based on how far his roly-poly toddler body can run?

Like a Punch to the Gut

2012-01-26T08:30:00.005-05:00

Last week at my post-op follow up I had a small place where essentially all four major incisions meet that looked ever so slightly irritated. I didn't think anything was serious and chalked it up to irritation from all the daily taping of the incision lines. Needless to say I should have bought stock in Target Pharmacy for the amount of tape I go through in a week.

I still have a fair amount of swelling and numbness that is expected even months after, but this seemed worth pointing out. My doctor put me on an antibiotic as a preventative and asked me to call if anything changed.

Over the weekend things worsened and by Monday am it was apparent that I needed to get in to be seen. Alas another reason I have loved working with this practice is the speed in which calls were returned and I was brought in early on Monday.

Bill had several very late night calls with my surgeon during the first weeks out, all returned very quickly, even when he was not the physician on call.

Ask me why a million times over I am glad I opted for this practice and in particular my outstanding surgeon. When I interviewed several area practices this was the type of care I envisioned. I have been told by a couple of colleagues who have had experience with post breast cancer reconstruction as well as my dermatologist that my surgeon has an superior reputation as well as a great bedside manner.

At this point I feel this is like no doctor/patient relationship I've ever experienced short of a therapy relationship. In part due to the type and amount of surgery but also due to the time he has taken with me (and Bill) to make sure in every step questions were answered. Heaven forbid if I or local friends ever need plastic surgery related to illness, I would recomend this practice.

Without diving into the ick factor, around 5 inches of my 31 total inches was infected. I left with another antibiotic to take in addition to the existing prescriptions and instructions to return the next day with a record of dressing changes.

Ugh.

The one major concern I had going into this surgery was the fear of post-op infection. After all the care with my parents, both of which became septic at some point before they died I know how very, very serious infection can be and how in a matter of days something not so serious can become life threathing.

I called my brother on Monday night and talked to him extensively. I took away that while not anywhere in the ballpark of my mom at her worst, the fact I was being brought back so frequently that the situation was serious. Add to this that on Monday my doctor was stumped as to why now and not immediately after surgery I was having any issues. In office he did a minor procedure to help relieve some of the swelling which due to the numbness was not too painful.

Fast forward to yesterday when I returned again for a incision check and to have the site repacked. The good news is for the first time this week I got a positive report, the additional meds seem to be working and even bought myself a pass not to make a daily trip in until Monday.

I've had several people ask if doing this surgery was worth the pain and recovery time.

Yes.

A million times yes that this was worth it. Knowing I'm with an outstanding surgeon is part of the reason I'm moving ahead to finish this work sooner than later.

Turning a Corner and Finding Some Wood

2012-01-24T09:32:00.003-05:00

Every time we have hit a 1/2 year disequilibrium Ben's behavior has been right as predicted: challenging, difficult, leaving us looking for what we need to be doing differently on the parenting front.

Somehow 5 1/2 either came really early and was coupled with starting school issues or we are just late and Hell have no fury and this spring will be rough.

I'm going to hope that the 1st day of school call out by the teacher, the daily behavior contract, toy timeout resulting in bags upon bags of toys in my car for weeks at a time this past fall have not been in vain.

Is this to say that he's a compliant child without whining or driving us nuts with gazillion questions, silliness, and more wrestling matches with his 21 month counterpart would be lying. But over the last couple of months Ben has become so much more compliant. Behavior both during he school day as well in after school he has shown real improvement. At home he's more helpful, nicer to Ian instead of treating him like a toy for his owe amusement, and in general more pleasant to be around.

It's almost like he made a 2012 resolution not to be a pint-sized tool.

Throughout this fall both we as well as his teachers have noted a improvement with attention, listening, finishing work, and in general making choices reflecting he is thinking without acting simply on impulse.

Granted we are withing 1 strike from being dismissed from the after school program due to 1 hitting incident and 1 pushing incident, but overall at both home and school we have massive improvements.

One of the things we are doing is using the daily contract system his teacher notes which of 5 areas he had problems (unit centers, literary centers (not finishing his work), carpet time (not sitting still), hallwall (dancing, being out of bubble space), Electives (not listening, talking). He is learning the hard way that playing around in class means he misses any chance to watch his beloved one episode of Turbo Dogs after dinner since we are making up classwork.

Each day he has the opportunity to earn 5 checks on his behavior contact. 3= a bear buck at weekend payout. 4 or 5 = 2 bearbucks. Just what are these illustrious bearbucks may you ask? Try a bucket of plastic green counting bears a friend lent me from her elementary school teacher stash. I'm not sure if the tangible aspect of counting bears and putting them into a bank have make this system work, but it's working.

You can ask Ben at any point of the week how many bears he has and he will rattle off what he has and how many he needs to go into the prize box. I took a suggestion from a friend's discipline plan and stocked our rewards box with more than just Dollar tree junk that it simply going to get tossed by month end.

Instead when the book fair was in town, Ben picked out 10 new books for the box, including the first picked, Aliens in Underwear. Bill and I also have stocked the box with little Lego sets, activity books, doughnut coupons, cars and figures, and also events like making cookies with my friend Katie, a movie out with a parent, trip to Marbles or Durham Science and Life alone with his choice of parent.

Since we no longer can do weekly date nights due to the super early start, this is a great way to ensure more one on one time. One of the other positive things we waited to start was karate. We opted to have Ben wait out the fall and prove that he was working daily to improve before starting weekly lessons.

Lo and behold if at the first sessions since he started does the class reinforce the same qualities we have been working to enforce all fall.

I guess you can say I'm looking for a big piece of wood to knock on and hopes this continues.

****Note that the crappy picture would be Ben spiking his hair over the weekend. I resorted to taking him to buy hair product, only after finding him using lotion and a brush for the better part of a 1/2 hour. Yesterday he also spiked Ian's hair too.***

How to Plan a Birthday Party- By Ben age 5

2012-01-20T07:36:00.004-05:00

From Ben upon waking up around 6 am.

"Mommy, you need to go outside (the house). Daddy, Ian and I need to hide and yell surprise, 'cause that's what you do on birthdays."

We wrapped up a family dinner with a cake selected by Ben and eaten on Transformer party plates. To say Ian enjoyed the cake was an understatement

At bedtime I asked to read our favorite book, The Kissing Hand snuggled with the boys in bed.

Thanks family and friends for your kind thoughts and wishes yesterday. I smiled reading your sweet comments both here and on FB thinking about where in my life I know you.

37 is looking good already.

And if I didn't need someone to add to the sweetness, check out Motherhood Uncensored thoughts on Jan. 19th, 2047 and try not to want to hug your kids an extra time.

Party Like its 1999, or Maybe 2012

2012-01-19T07:23:00.004-05:00

40-3 = is the new 20 (to me at least)

Last year on my birthday I posted my Mondo List. Taking a quick look back in the past year some dreams were achieved, others in continual development, others need retooling.

Looking back during my 36th trip around the sun:

I lived a healthy life filled with movement, found more time to spend with my family, made positive work related decisions, found a church home, made a final decision about being a +2 or more, moved forward with planed surgery, contributed to our children's college funds, trained and ran a race for Ian's 1st birthday, met up with old high school and college friends while continuing to strive to be a listening participant and cultivate the relationships I cherish.

Other less quantifiable goals like encouraging our boys to live unabashedly bravely or seeking out grace and humility in hopes the same will return is an ongoing quest.

I can honestly say that I look forward to what is unfolding this year and hope by the next birthday to say that the choices I made, the time I spent, and relationships tended mattered.

While I am not rolling out new goals today, but rather want to continue to cultivate the list by continuing to live a life with purpose and intention.

Happy 37th and as promised yesterday a picture

4 Weeks Post-Op Super Short Summary

2012-01-18T07:57:00.005-05:00

Say that like 3 times fast.

As of yesterday I am four weeks out from surgery and am back later today for a incision check.

The short version is I'm doing well healing up with the exception of one area where the vertical and horizontal incisions meet. Of my 31 inches of incisions that have to be taped and medicated everyday only about 5 are not healing as quickly.

Coughing and laughing are much easier but still hurt if it is prolonged. Good thing that most all the funny movies Bill and I have been lounging watching have not brought the funny (not even Hangover 2 although expectations were low going in).

The results are tear invoking amazing. Despite looking like I need a pole being WAAAAY out of proportion on top this was a good call even with the pain and post surgery nastiness I cannot even begin to tell you how much I'm glad I did this surgery. So much so that I have already scheduled the 2nd and final surgery for March 27th.

Same expected 2-3 recoup time over spring break. Why not wait?

1. I am ready to be done and after seeing the results I want to just be finished and healed up.
2. Compresison garments worn 24/7 afterwards for up to 3 months= uber hot. Have you been to the south in the summer?
3. Want to limit new scaring to direct sunlight. I'm already need to be pasty train but I also want to take the boys to the pool as much as possible.
4. Clothes- waiting on swelling to do down to really start replacing, but to be able to buy dresses or frankly pants that really fit I need to do the other procedures first.

The best outcome outside of the physical appearance has been having to slow down to rest, as in taking a nap daily before getting the kids. I swear I have taken more naps in the past 30 days than I have in the last 10 years.

I plan to keep a good thing going with coming home walking the dog, napping, and prepping dinner going as I start into spring semester next week. I feel amazing on just about all levels.

As far as working out and adding more intense exercise back? I still can't totally extend my arms and walking dog a couple of miles daily is enough for now.

You can bet that once I can get my elliptical and boxing love back on I will, just in due time.

Pictures?

Saving it for the birthday post tomorrow.

cause it doesn't get more perfect...

2012-01-16T22:12:00.002-05:00

than a work week that starts on Tuesday, ends on Wednesday includes a Monday holiday and my birthday by week end.

YESSSSSS.

An Occational Friday 2012 Series- Project Runway

2012-01-13T07:51:00.003-05:00

As I listed in my 2012 goals, replacing my wardrobe to match a post surgery body is really not just a goal but a reality. I've already had one situation where the shorts I was wearing recently to walk the dog nearly slid off mid walk.

Wardrobe malfunction, you betcha. Nice if you were a motorist passing by wondering if nudity is a HOA violation.

Last summer when I was shopping for something to wear to my sorority reunion a friend offered to do some online leg work and sent me several ideas. She has impeccable taste and can make even a white t-shirt and jeans rock like nobody's business.

She told me that she was putting a list of wardrobe basics that would allow me to replace my closet without breaking the bank.

Super Score. Super Friend.

I told her before she offered to look at what I currently have and can wear, that I needed to do a massive closet clean out. Before the house move I took a truckload of already too big clothes to a local charity that supports a women's shelter. I've never in my life seen anyone happy to get size large size professional clothes.

At this point all current pre-pregnancy pants/skirts do not fit and I have bought a few staple items in the 12 I am currently wearing (grey cords, herringbone trousers, a pair of jeans). Paired with a lent cargos and black pants I have enough to get through a work week with the existing shirts/blouses I have.

I hope once the swelling goes completely down to be a 10. A size I have not been since I was in Jr. High. I cannot tell you how excited I am to be able to shop in regular stores after so many years shopping with limited options.

Thanks in advance to anyone who wants to encourage me to wear less black (no less than 10 blacks solid tshirts/sweaters) as part of my go-to summer or winter uniform.

9th Grade Boy vs. Girl Syndrome (a Parent Primmer)

2012-01-12T08:16:00.015-05:00

Hello last day of classes yesterday. Heading into a full week of exam days meaning I come in give the exam, have a couple of hours of quiet to work and then the kids LEAVE early. Throw in several end of semester work days and I feel some afternoon napping coming on.

I even managed not to have to administer or proctor anyone else's exam this semester.

Score.

Yesterday I finally revealed a description of something I reference repeatedly in a funny and yes sarcastic way over and over during the semester. Suffering from freshman boy or girl syndrome.

I promise on the final day of class to give the full list of symptoms as well as the cure.

Again, this is done not in a mean way or calling anyone out. I think you should get a medal at the end of your first year of high school for having any self esteem left after for most a tough year. I see one of my sole functions in the classroom is to build them up and hope they leave with some semblance of a better idea of who they are becoming.

As parent to two boys I can tell you now that Ben will suffer badly from this disease. As much I hope I am laying groundwork to curb some of the hallmarks, he is a midget version of most of my freshmen boys. Ian, I fear will be the child that leads his friends in whatever fear producing, injury-filled activity he can imagine. It will most likely involve something used in a purpose never intended.

Freshman boy syndrome- Marked by smelliness, sloppiness including wearing of sweatpants in public or even shorts even on the coldest of days, repeated requests of hat removal will go ignored, earbuds will be hidden in the collar as to listen to music when in the halls or even in class for the non observance or frankly old teachers, backpack resembles a toxic waste dump of stuffed papers, crumbled balls to be used for am impromptu game of trasketball, ownership of a least one bottle of AXE bodyspray required, use also required in heavy rotation to cover up the ever present chili dog smell. When asked questions appropriate responses are "huh, what, are you talking to me", a a myrid of excuses why something has not been completed.

The cure is maturity. these same boys return even over the summer rid of the sweatpants (thankfully) and some degree that the purpose of high school is two fold: to get out and move on to bigger and better as well as social in that girls only are interested in boys who are interested in them more than video games (while in their presence).

Never fear, video gaming will take up hours, and hours and hours of said boy's time. Wearing of t-shirt proclaiming such love will identify you quickly in high school. By senior year these same boys will tower over me, have figured out a wardrobe resembling that of someone with ambition (even just to pledge a fraternity to revert back to Freshman boy status). It brings tears to my eyes to watch this transformation of maturity and social grace over 4 short years.

Freshmen girls- Very, very glad I will never have one inside my own home. I have watched grown men cry in conferences over behavior that my guess is was never imagined when fantasies of walking them down the aisle is more positive.

Cattiness, backstabbing, drama over every conceived miscommunication is played out and out and out some more. I often say that while I know this is super important today, 10 bucks says next week you won't even remember why you were so upset to often crying ladies being consoled in the hall.

Typical attire of fall 2011 has included continued wearing of UGG boots with anything including pjs. My personal favorite look is the knee-high I'm stepping off my sled boots pairs with a mico mini skirt in June. Do they know that the market on smelliness (of the feet) has already been taken by the 14 year old boy. Daily slathering in Bath and Body works products that have names like "amber summer" or "berry explosion" permeate and fight for smell space with the Axe body spray. A resurgence of anything 80s including techno colored skinny jeans and I dare say splatter paint one shouldered Flashdance-esqu shirts have been spotted.

The Cure- also maturity and the realization that while school is two fold: Get out and move on to more mature guys and also that leaving sooner will greatly increase the chance of positive relations with other family members. By senior year it fills my heart with joy to see girls break out of the mold and be original, authentic, and willing to not follow a pack mentality.

I've taught this same group over and over and over for the past decade. Part of why I love teaching students on the starting end of high school is watching what happens in a few short years by the time they leave. High school is just a microcosm of our future adult lives. We want approval from our friends and family, have to learn the hard way through failure, try to meet now self imposed goals, and mostly figure out a way to be happy with the person we are.

Coming back to classes of 35+ kids this fall has been hard but I have realized that I have missed this day to day interacting with them. Online teaching is just a different relationship. One that doesn't come with seeing the end product while enjoying a daily aroma like no other.

More than lip service support

2012-01-10T07:41:00.009-05:00

Bad, Bad teacher to forget the working on the Obama re-election campaign is a goal for 2012. In by working I mean more than here's my $ and slapping a magnet on my car.

I was having this conversation with a friend about the re-electability of incumbent presidents, namely Obama and made the statement,

"the zenith of his presidency happened on his Inauguration, everything from there on was going to be a fight just to be re-elected"

As I was standing in the freezing cold in that moment of history in DC in 2009 I had so much hope that Congress would cooperate, there would be a refocus on domestic over foreign policy, and hopes that the baby steps needed to repair the economy would start with Obama.

Sadly my expectation that so many people who voted for this president expected a miracle worker with a return to the salad days immediately with a new President in office.

No. Didn't think this at all, given the compromise needed to simply function day to day and get even a iota of your proposed agenda passed.

While not all decisions have I supported, I can tell you I stand by my vote and know that a re-election is going to be difficult. My friend and I have pledged to be involved with our local office to canvas, phone bank, or simply do more than just lip service support on this campaign.

I don't plan for this to take oodles of my time, but I feel very strongly that if I stand on the sides expecting others to build a re-election campaign the odds are I'm going to be left on election day disappointed.

The NH primary is today, or as I like to call it "who can pledge they do more justice to an LL Bean catalogue cover". Not surprisingly I have been following the election and while my Civics class is coming to a close, I will totally take it as positive that on the night of the Iowa returns last week in came the following FB message, "Mrs. Vinson, you are the reason I am still watching this at 1 am"

Nice.

Bring it Election 2012. Next up SC primary where any and all Republican front-runners are going to claim that Jesus is their BFF.

2012 Goals- Exhibit D (Final) "Use the fancy glasses"

2012-01-08T21:34:00.008-05:00

I never got around to finishing or posting the final day of 2012 goals Friday. Needless to say a full day back at work post-op was met with lots of craziness and exhaustion.

Last week I covered most all of the main categories for 2012 Goals/non-resolutions (fitness, family, time). To wrap up here is a short list of the other goals: Read 30 books, raise all $3,500 cost of my August Kenya Mission trip, Update/get lost on GoodReads/Pinterest, walk the dog more often, be more appreciative of the small things (from Bill especially), keep monthly date nights going (with Bill, Ben and add time alone with Ian), take a basic sewing class, replace my wardrobe slowly and with guidance, practice grace and humility daily, make better use of iPhone apps to simplify life, catch up with both high school and college friends over the summer for reunions, plan a weekend trip with Bill, consider saying yes to a friend's 6-woman marathon team in fall (will need to build back up to a solid 5 mile run again post surgery), seriously consider getting ride of the 30+ year curly in place of permanently straight hair, keep up last year's theme of being enough is all I need to be.

With that my biggest goal for 2012 is to use the fancy glasses.

Meaning: don't wait to do, say, ask, plan, speak what is on your mind. Today may be your only chance to thank someone, pay them a compliment that they carry all day, share a secret, pass on a random act of kindness, take the time to actually listen without talking/judging, analyzing, and to find any and all reasons to pull out your best glasses and use on a daily basis.

All all the re-dos I want for last year it was one conversation, the last with my mom. If I take nothing else into this new year (already) full of opportunity is to not have regret for a chance I didn't take.

Instead of checking back towards the end of month on what got done on the almighty golden to-do list in the sky instead I am going to check back on this list of goals. Some quantifiable, but so many just in the way the day unfolds and choosing to say yes to the courage of new opportunities and paths.

2012 Goals- Exhibit C, (Non) Family Feud

2012-01-05T21:50:00.006-05:00

Most nights our upstairs hall is the scene of naked boy wrestling of Olympic proportion. Take one kindergartner + one 20 month old minus clothes on the way to nightly bath and you can imagine why I want a valium lick with mandatory compliance at my back door.

I have quit expecting my house to be anything less than loud. ALL.THE.TIME. Luckily since I teach high school kids for a living I can tune out most any craziness and a part of me has just accepted that a house of boys = activity at epic proportion.

Over the fall the boys have begun to play together in every way possible. It is sweet, sweet happiness to watch Ben help Ian, introduce his friends to his little brother (typically by picking him up and demanding you tell him hello), and more often that not keep my fearless Ian from nearly killing himself on a daily basis.

In 2011 I felt like we became our family of 4 in so many ways. The decision that are are 2 and done was made, moving from babyhood to God help us toddlerhood and needing to double up parenting when needed, and the ability to move into other long range plans with the house off the 2012 plans.

Goals for our family this year:

1. Fine tuning the am rush of getting me leaving by 6:30am, Ben on the bus at 6:55, Ian dropped off at school and Bill to work on time. For a family of lateness I want to cut down on everyone starting their day stressed. In general Bill and I both need to work on patience and not becoming frustrated when Ian in particular pushes us to his Toddler limits.

2. Goal of spending as much time with the boys on weeknights and finding some one on one time with each child at some part of each weekend. Our Tuesday date nights have now moved to weekends due to the early weekday start. Bill is doing Karate with Ben starting this Saturday while I do a walking stroller date with Ian at the playground. I tend to walk the dog with Ben on the nearby Greenway most Sundays while Bill takes Ian. We take turns helping with homework which has both helped us support what is going on in his classroom. We also are both trying to volunteer once a month in his class.

3. We want to take a family vacation in July. The trip we want to plan may be more than we want to take on with a toddler so while we have blocked the week we are talking over if this is the year to do CA Disneyland and San Fransciso. I say yes.. want to weigh in on Bill? I am traveling with the boys to FL in June and Ben is likely taking a solo flight to see my MIL in March.

4. Keep up the Sunday night weekly family check in for Bear Bucks Payout to Ben, check in on everyone's schedule for the week, and any issues that need to be addressed. We started this last goal this fall in the midst of attempting to reel in behavior. It's a plan I hope we can keep going as the kids are older, more involved, and by the teen years need to hear that despite all being involved with work and school we are first and foremost a family that supports each other.

My family goal for 2012 is much the same as most years to make our family about experiences not stuff that the boys will remember. 2011 was a good year for our family so keeping up the supports already in place is the 2012 plan.

2012 Goals- Exhibit B, The one where my friend had a flat tire and still arrived before me

2012-01-04T21:36:00.010-05:00

True story: was meeting a friend for lunch when even after having a flat tire she still made it to the restaurant before me.

That is the very definition of late. I am the butt of my own joke that if you tell me a time to meet, add 30 mins.

So for the first time ever I am going to put Time as a whole category as a goal. Again, I know that I'm setting myself up for failure it I rigidly say I'll just be on time all year and time's twin brother, " I won't overstretch myself on time commitments."

Yeah. Sure. Repeat offending before you likely get to the end of this post.

So in keeping with the Perfection vs Satisfied plan I detailed yesterday I'm applying to how I use my time in 2012

1. Being on time: Perfection-Consistently be on time for work, leave work and get the kids before the 5 pm traffic rush, be on time for meeting people, be on time for appointments.

Satisfied- Make any real change that lasts to include consistently planning cushion time to get out of the house. This includes not adding extra tasks thinking it will take just a minute to finish. The minute becomes 15 and the start to my spiral into lateness.

2. Overextending myself- I feel like I make strides in this dept in 2011. As someone who literally has done nothing for either job while out with this recovery be proud. No really, I didn't even want to do anything and more importantly didn't feel guilty that I was letting anyone down. I asked for help from dept members to help cover my classes and told people that was not available until 1/9. It has felt wonderful and freeing. And repeatable.

One of the biggest and hardest lessons I have learned in the past year is that work is not worth.

I've even go as far as it took a jaw-dropping sermon in which I have too long equated my personal contribution as a wife, parent, friend, employee with what I can accomplish had been called out.

This was sit in the car for like 30 mins after the service unable to drive home thinking about this issue called out or better yet was screaming at me.

The seed of what would you do with that time you are currently spending on stuff I don't need to be doing got planted. And grew. Grew. GREW.

I actually compiled a list of what I do with more time including: Doing absolutely nothing and not feel unproductive.

So for as much as I love the satisfaction of a to-do list mark-off I can tell you in 2012 my priority is doing less in every aspect of my life. I even abandoned a 2011 goal to list what I hoped to do by month end when I realized with the house move that I had to pare down my focus or I was going to loose my mind.

The perfection would be to not go back to additional jobs, not take on any other commitments that I am already starting with on 1/1, not negotiate with myself that I need to prove that I can do everything and not pay the price in the end.

The Satisfaction is to again make real change by not doing or taking on new tasks in 2012. This also includes planning down time then not feeling an iota of guilt that I was unproductive.

This is a HUGE, HUGE, HUGE goal. Note that I don't think I have ever put "be on time as well as be lazy" as a goal and actually made it out of a week before breaking it.

***I happen to meet up with that same friend today and lo and behold I was 10 mins early****

Even she asked if being on time was some type of 2012 resolution.

Ha.

2012 Goals- Exhibit A, you can body check me for repeat offending

2012-01-03T15:11:00.021-05:00

I'm kicking off a week of goals not resolutions for 2012. I really liked Simple Mom's Ideas about resolutions (again this year). She strives for Excellence not Perfection, so I am going to put out there my ideal and my satisfied for Body related goals for 2012.

-Return as I can (safely) to exercise. In an ideal world I would love to pull 20 miles/5 hours per week but I will be satisfied with 15 and 4. Would love to include a 5k in 30 mins as well as trying some new types outside of my faithful elliptical.

-Sleep. Yet again old friend. But I am going to throw in adding a bedtime routine that does not include the 10 o'clock nap to keep working late, sleeping in nasty gym clothes on the couch for the night, or falling sleep while talking to a student on the phone (really, it happened, more than once).

Bedtime routine to include pjs, washing my face and moisturizer so a face lift is not on my plastic surgery punch list, and remembering to take nighttime meds. Time to read without falling asleep with the book on my face = bonus points. Perfection all work nights, Excellence is making any type of change that sticks to nothing less than my magic 6 hours.

-Eat healthier by pre-planning meals for me and the family. Perfection- Weeknights and packed lunches/snacks for the boys Excellence- Make some type of lasting change that results in me maintaining this new weight and the family eats with intention not out of hectic, non healthy defaults.

***Note that while I've been doing some clean out of stuff from my mom's house I came upon the following Goals from 6th grade, note that sleep is on there, as is being on time***

How about in this year strive to just make meeting the excellence and by year end be satisfied with progress.

Destination

2012-01-02T22:19:00.006-05:00

I was sadly at the gym today to drop Ben for a day of camp when Bill texted me with the following message,

"do NOT stop to exercise, REPEAT do not.. you are not cleared"

I will have to admit seeing the wall to wall people making fitness resolutions on Day 2 of the new year was just about killing me. Come on I had on fitness clothes as the compression feels good on my stomach even with the oh so lovey post surgery garments, I even had on my ever present sun visor... alas no working out until cleared.

Last year I choose not to make resolutions, but rather goals for the month, goals for this space, and overall quantifiable goals for myself for the year. I can honest to God say I didn't go back and look exactly what I wrote until I was writing the year end post and realized, I actually met most of them. Amazing what keeping more relaxed life rules can do :)

In hopes of making 2012 goals attainable I want to take some aspect each day this week to post a few meaningful and attainable with effort goals.

We rang in the new year quietly at home with the kids after a grocery run for dinner where all bets were off. Want it? Get it. Eat it.

Ian ate blueberries and chocolate cake
Ben chocolate covered pretzels and chicken nuggets
Bill the nastiest EZ cheese in a can on top of water crackers
Me a cheese plate. Yes I even thought for .912 sec about pork rinds, but wavered

Bill and I put the kids in bed and watched The Change Up and by a few mins after midnight we both were in bed. We spent New Years day: church as a family, yes even Bill who commented that he didn't burst into flames upon entrance.

Breakfast at Cracker Barrel, Bill date with Ben to see the Muppet Movie while Ian and I napped, and then a trip to the nearby park in shorts in flip flops given the crazy warm weather over the weekend.

We met up with our neighbors and rode bikes outside while Bill grilled burgers. Another movie (disappointing Crazy, Stupid, Love) and we had just the weekend needed before the start to school, work, daycare grind again.

All four of us have literally been together in this house for the last good 10 days and minus remember how much I am ready for this 18-24 month phase to pack it up we've done well. Ben of note has has some of the best behavior we have seen from him with his helpfulness, maturity, and in general not being a tool.

I'm staying home a few more days, given I just now feel at all up to doing much outside of laying on the couch. I'm back to the surgeon for another visit on Wednesday and taking some time to finish up some things around the house before the full start back most likely Friday for a gloriously one day work week.

My destination for this year has so many places: family time, planned trips with friends and family, even the daily monotonous grind, thousands of miles away for 9 days in Africa.

I am so unbelievably hopeful about this year and the destinations ahead for all those I love.

Rewind 2011

2011-12-31T11:46:00.015-05:00

In 2011 we: turned 36, 36, 5, and 1. moved into a new space that fits our family perfectly and made someone 1st time home buyers, met up with old high school and college friends for reunion weekends (Heather), started kindergarten and daycare successfully even after a rocky start (Ben), decided uttering some first words and walking rocked (Ian), read 21 books, wrote 134 blog posts, (re)started a Freeze Ahead Blog then ignored it (again), enjoyed the beach twice, dressed up as Captain America (Ben) and a Monkey (Ian) for Halloween, ran a 5k race + a Warrior Dash (Heather), a half-marathon (Bill), cleared over 1000 miles together in a fitness competition, maintained a healthy lifestyle, and took a giant Mondo step with a planned surgery.

When I looked back at my 2011 goals, I shockingly had met almost all the major 2011 contenders. Wow.

I feel like I have shortchanged some end of year posts in the last week of laying low online. I am total sucker for Year in Wrap Up editions. I think I may have collected almost every Year in Pictures when I was a kid. Opiate-infused post surgery blogging seems to be a plethora of misspellings and grammar errors waiting to happen folks so its been a quiet week.

Back next week with some thoughts about 2012.

2011 Best in Show time....

Best Books- The Kissing Hand (Ben), Little Bee, The Immortal Life of Henrita Lacks, The Theory of Light and Matter.

Currently reading Divergent and Zeitoun. Both are some of the best books I've read this year. Major 2012 resolution to beef up my bedside reading list on Goodreads.

Biggest Guilty pleasure/Time Sucker- Logging into Pinterest. Spent a good evening here the other night repining Christmas ideas as setting up a new board: #1 80s Superfan. You know I am totally on some Hypercolor shirts and Sassy Magazine homage.

Best Movies- Bridesmaids for bringing the funny. Runner-up for Super 8, The Help, Black Swan, Blue Valentine (Warning: the WORST date night movie)

Best TV- Hard as I didn't watch a ton of TV this year. Modern Family, True Blood, and most recently Weeds are marathon worthy. Mad Men... you better be on in 2012. I need a Don Draper fix stat.

New Restaurant Tried- Anywhere we can pack it up in 5 mins and exit with a shrieking toddler.

New Family Outing Location- The ongoing new places we've tried for Ben date nights, some repeats, some new places but always worth the time and energy for one on one time.

Best Children's Toy/Book Purchase- Hexbugs, Legos, Legos, Legos and oh yeah we are a a duel parent/child ipad family. Did I just say that outloud? What a 1st world statement.

Biggest Surprise- Finding a church I want to return and be part of. Six Flags over Jesus? Not here. Seriously I am on time for nothing but will fight you if you make me late. I'm committing to 9 days in Kenya next summer as part of a team of building a clean water project with this church, that's how much this means to me.

Moment of total sobbing like a baby in public- I hate crying. Public crying is even worse but sitting in the Messiah earlier in the month I missed my mom more than at any other moment of the year.

Moment of total lack of parenting skills- Being paged in the grocery to claim Ben in the manager's office.

Moment most proud of: buying and selling a house in this economy, finally being content with both boys schools, giving up my other job, actually asking for help repeatedly in 2011. Not easy, still a massive-ass character flaw but getting there

Most memorable moment of 2011: around 10:30 am on August 8th. I have worked hard these last 5 months to not disappear post being on the other side of my mom's death. I'm hoping the woulda, shoulda, coulda feelings about this one single calendar day in August doesn't have to mean my arrested development as we move into a new year.

Even though I know I was put forth the effort to approach every trip down in the last years with a good attitude and patience, in the end I only continued to see her through one lens. A do-over magnified as a litany of conversations that now only exist in my head.

Best decisions of 2011: the extra time to be a SAHM leading to the decision to go back full time, moving ahead with surgery, kept going back (to church), posting entries I sat on and really debated putting out wound up being the ones that really defined my year.

Lesson I'm taking forward into 2012- Just your gut, you know the answer already.

For all of the times sadness for my family, for dear friends, for our country that feels like faltering hope is the last man standing among economic negativity I'm ready for a fresh start tomorrow.

There were also so many moments of unbridled joy with the kids, standing on the porch for the 1st time of our dream home, a strong year in our marriage as we celebrated 15 years of mutual support. For these I have no regrets that we have weathered the hard among the happiness.

2012-so much hope, so much promise, so much ahead that we have no idea what is to unfold in the 52 weeks ahead.

While I didn't take nearly as many pictures as I wanted in 2011, I love these that I captured of the boys. I look at my mini-Bill x2 and part of me wants to to freeze every moment of sweet loving goodness before another year slips by into growing boyhoods.

Happy New Year, New Dreams, New Adventures in 2012

Final thought- Tonight marks 10 years since my dad's passing from this life to another. With sadness I morn grandchildren he never knew and a life cut short due to illness. I know that so many decisions made in the last decade I have wished to honor his short 55 years by living on what he couldn't.

Jack Bennett Hendricks 12/9/46-12/31/01

I hope you are eating Skins Hot dogs while listening to a never-ending Earth, Wind, and Fire concert with mom.

-h

Post Surgery (Not Large) Livin'

2011-12-30T13:55:00.004-05:00

Been on the lam or more like laying on anything horizontal for most of the last 1 1/2 weeks. Finally. I mean FINALLY on DAY 10 folks got my two drains out. I'll spare you the nasty but I've had two drains post surgery to help cut down on infection. Going into the surgery it was expected to get them out around day 5.

Nope

Nada

Un-showered nastiness

Let's not go there

Ask me if you want to watch me sob like a baby to the point I could (aka laughing, coughing, crying all still hurt like a Mofo) upon hearing I was not getting them out on Days 5, 6, 7, 8, 9....

Ok so what do you really want to know? What do I look like? How much did they take off? Are you in unbearable pain? Was this a major mistake? Are on you on the Joan Rivers Plastic surgery train to stack the next two procedures for 2012.

No pics yet but I have been living in the only three pairs of pjs that I can cinch up for the last 10 days. My surgeon took 20 lbs. Yes 20 lbs of my body. Even he commented that he was thinking a lot was going to be pushing 10 lbs. I will take some pride that he also commented that it's because of all the exercise that I'm lean muscle under all that skin.

Thanks and you bet my butt is back to whatever I can once cleared to exercise.

Looking at my elliptical and my shower from the vantage point of my bed has made me so, so, so sad this last week.

I seriously need to make a Target run for something to wear in a smaller size from what I'm measuring somewhere around an 8/10 so I can leave the house in something other than pjs. I'm a little hesitant to buy much until my swelling goes down and I regain some feeling as my stomach is still almost completely numb.

Pain. Yes like nothing I could have imagined and I lived in a mega opiate haze for most of these last days. The first days I thought I was doing ok, was even moving more and more each day. I even made it to Christmas eve service. But moving down to the lower level pain meds and still moving around lead to some real pain for most of the early part of the week.

I stayed put, have not left the house and taken it really easy. My MIL as well as Bill have been amazing in taking care of the boys, the house, and me. I've been watching lots of tv, reading a couple of good books, getting caught up on several small house paperwork related projects. I promise I'm not painting, raking the leaves, or doing anything remotely effort exerting. The extent of my energies are spent on the boys playing and spending some extra time with them while they are both home.

I'm down to Extra Strength Tylenol during the day with pain meds at night to sleep through. I also think I may have caught up on my eternal sleep deficit to the point that I've taken more naps and gotten more double digit hours at night than I can ever remember.

So where am I at now? I'm still really, really sore and while I have abandoned my walker I'm still housebound, not driving, and borderline feeling like my house may be a stand-in for the Overlook hotel in the Shining. I'm still planning on taking the additional week off to ensure when I do go back I don't have a relapse. I cannot even imagine all the walking and moving I need to be able to do to be back full time. I may go back next Friday so that I have the weekend to recover for making the full 5 day workweek dive in on Jan 9th. Online teaching starts back Monday, which I can do from home.

As far as moving forward with the other two surgeries? I am almost for sure planning to stack into another (and final) surgery. I'm weighing the possibility of looking at spring break giving me time to heal up before summer. I want to investigate one of the procedures further as far as recovery time and the potential for what to expect for return to work.

After this first round I want to take the next month to two make sure I want to move ahead, continue healing up, and make sure this is a good decision for both me and our family.

Good decision. Yes!!! After the shower I get to finally take tomorrow I will be ready to tackle whatever 2012 has waiting. At this point it may just be putting up decorations or maybe just moving a little easier in a new body.

Through the Looking Glass

2011-12-20T03:04:00.003-05:00

Yes, it's late but like sleep was going to happen. WAAAY nervous to sleep. My house is quiet, the boys and Bill have long gone to bed and I am about to finish up my Christmas cards.

After all I am going to be napping the day away tomorrow and likely the rest of the week in a drug induced haze in traction.

When I wrote about a state of liminality earlier in the year, I can tell you that the past 7 years have felt as if I've been suspended between physically loosing weight but yet in my head not feeling like I look different.

It's not like after tomorrow I'll never have to diet, or exercise, or keep choosing a healthier lifestyle, but after 7 years of making what was a life changing and extending decision getting to this day feels unbelievably cathartic.

Whether you have 10 pounds or need to loose 1/2 your body weigh, the struggle is the same. The feeling that others only see your weight and not you becomes your constant. You judge yourself as you think everyone else sees you. Your weight becomes your worth.

While I can show you a picture of me at my heaviest, words cannot even begin to describe the shell of life that I led. If you ask why today I'm intense often to an extreme, driven, and have boundless energy (most of the time), it's because for years I literally lived hoping to fade into the background.

For all the reasons I moved forward to change my life, to give myself time with Bill and later our boys I have not one single regret. I don't think I will after tomorrow either, even knowing the physically painful recovery ahead.

I happen to find all my old work IDs during the house move. Evidence of a really long road behind me, more still ahead, but never a day I want to re-live a former life.

2004

2 months out

1 year out

Today 7 1/2 years later. By far my favorite pic. I look as happy as I feel day after day to be at 1/2 my original weight.

Back maybe next week with some end of the year wrap up posts. Thanks for good thoughts, prayers, anything you got and want to send my way today.

A big thanks already to Bill and his sense of calm these past days and for his caretaking in the days ahead.

See you on the other side of 7 hours of surgery and a celebration of being on the other side of the looking glass.

Old School Panic

2011-12-16T00:10:00.005-05:00

Another post when I should be attacking the mound of stuff still left to do for work. I will be at school over the weekend, making copies, leaving lesson plans, basically thinking of any "govern-menty" movie out there to show while out.

Think John Q about teaching healthcare reform-showing it, The Patriot- yes, please. I may even pull out Pauly Shore in Jury Duty if I'm desperate. Not really as I do (or should) have standards.

Friday is my last day at either job for the next 3 weeks. As God as my witness, no work email will be checked, anything graded, even thoughts about work. Totally honoring that I need to focus all attention on recovery. Seriously on the pain meds I'm about to be on I don't need to be trying to be all professional or writing anything high as a kite. Bad, bad plan.

A common question asked has been, why not just wait until summer break?

1. Post surgery limitations on being in a pool due to infection/sun exposure on scaring = 2 boys needing daily pool time
2. Post surgery abdominal garment wearing mega hot/no showering
2. Plans for the Aug 2012 Kenya trip
3. My own personal goal that once down to my pre-pregnancy weight, surgery a go

So what is going on this weekend:

trade time for Bill since he's about to be solo parentin' it all next week until his mom gets here on the 24th.
taking Ben to see the Nutcracker at my school (10 bucks says we go a bit early and he runs the halls, literally, while I prep sub plans)
birthday party for a friend's kid
Catching up with Eileen for a pre-surgery taco party
Pick up library books before they are re-shelved.. hello Divergent is up....
At least one more Target and Grocery run, get Christmas food ordered, last minute prep to get the house in livable order for the week

Not loose my cool about being seriously stressed that something is going to go wrong

Bill and I were talking over logistics plans again yesterday and this is the part that I'm panicking about outside of the whole 7 hours of surgery and going home same day part. Yes, I'm really going home the same day, hopefully very medicated up the stairs to my bed for the next week. For someone who cannot be idle this is going to be really hard. My guess is my pain level is going to force me to rest.

Last surgery there were no kids involved, I like told less than 5 people, not even my family about a 90 min laproscopic procedure. This seems so much more on are you nuts scale, no one can possibly get it.

Monday I'm totally taking off to do things I want to do: early am mother of all last chance workouts with the trainer, volunteer in Ben's class followed by lunch (ok for him, not me as I'm doing the icky day before surgery diet.. this could be a good thing NOT to eat school lunch) then doing a spa for some last minute stress reduction for the old school panic that is seriously settling in.

I'm jumpy, not focused, and am likely to punch you if you piss me off. Note that I have been boxing weekly for the last 3 months.

The thing that I can't seem to get my head around is how much of whole piece of my identity is about to change. For all the planning and prepping I think this is truly a part that is super scary. How do you see yourself moving forward when for so, so, so long you only had one perception?

This is old school panic that needs to find resolution. Before Tuesday, not likely, but a major goal for the new year.

Making a List and Checking it over and over and over

2011-12-12T00:29:00.005-05:00

Another short post. Nice weekend filled time with the boys, anniversary dinner, lots of holiday themed fun, as well as a chance to get caught up on lots of household chores.

On the holiday front we attended a holiday party and we went Pullen Park Holiday Express. Pullen is hands down one of favorite parks in the area for the train, boats, boxcar, and oh yeah.. a super updated playground. We were bummed last year when they were remodeling. The changes were awesome and we can't wait to be back on a warmer day to play.

On the list making front over our anniversary dinner when we had more than 5 child-free mins when one of us was not working we drafted a master to-do lists (actually for me there are three more each for one of my jobs and a general house chore list.)

I'm in the process of putting everything in a Google Doc as a calendar with tabs for each of the relevant needs of the next few weeks: kids, house, food/groceries, and one for just Christmas related. Bill and I have a bad miscommunication issue of phones being off or being unreachable.

Attempting to control the uncontrollable brings some measure of what over the weekend is some nervousness about recovery as well as feeling like everything needs to be in some semblance of order.

Sadly getting as much sleep and rest and trying to stay well even made it on the list.

Down to a single digit countdown.

Vinson Family Tackified Tradition

2011-12-09T08:46:00.007-05:00

Growing up Christmas in my house meant a couple of long standing traditions.

1. Eating a pre-dinner before going to my grandmothers where you would wonder just who would put raisins in that dish? Is she secretly Lane's mother from Better Off Dead? Thank God Christmas doesn't have a french theme.

2. Holiday tacky light competition. Ground rules: pit the worst house you can find in our neighborhood against any other found during the holiday season. Commense with a battle of all out tacky tackiness.

Winner got bragging rights for the whole next year plus first dibs at not having to help my dad put up the lights in the attic.

We had favorite neighborhoods, the trailer park near Tiny Town (which got it's own award being a entire yard covered in miniatures vignettes like baby dolls dressed like cow girls standing next to Baby Jesus. Bizarre? Yes-o-Yes.

In our own neighborhood, we lived across the street from a church (not one I attended may I add). The parsonage looked like a scene from the Crucifixion, with a cross outlined onerously in bright red lights next a teddy bear jumping out of a present.

Also bizarre and a mixed message on the meaning of Christmas.

But hands down the best and almost the winner year after year was a neighborhood on the way to Pelzer and Belton-Honea Path, SC that my dad frequented as a Bellsouth lineman.

The neighborhood was near a family favorite place to eat, Black's fish camp if that tells you the calibre of addresses. The neighborhood hosted a street in which the homeowners blocked off the entrance with their cars and then walked up and down the street covered in those big, nasty bright colored bulb lights. Yes, not only were the houses covered, the people were too. I still to the day wondered how they kept the lights lit? I'm thinking this had to be the catalyst for Corey Hart's "I wear my sunglasses at night."

Again. bizarre.

As for our own house, while we didn't decorate the outside, but my mom had tons of Christmas decorations, usually with some stuffed animal decked out in some Dickensian outfit standing among a sea of fake plastic greenery. Brian and I almost destroyed her Nativity scene making the wise men square off with Mary in a fight to the death over who was going home with the myrrh. Every singe piece was chipped or broken, including a one-armed Baby Jesus

We would cut down our own tree each year at a nearby tree farm and every single year my dad would then have to tie the tree to the wall to keep it upright due to a crooked stump. The best year was when we unwittingly picked a tree with a live nest of hornets.

So it is with great joy that on the way home each night we take an extra bit of time looking at lights, driving around judging the best. We have a tie in the annual tackiest neighborhood light competition. This year's neighborhood winner is the tie between the battling homes with 17 inflatables including Santa in an outhouse vs the house with the schizophrenic lights covering every square inch timed to music. Ben has already asked to move to their street.

As I write this I am smiling remembering how much my Dad would have loved to know that Ben and Ian are carrying on his tradition. My dad would have been 65 today and I can't help but think that he will somehow lead us to the craziest house yet in the Triangle area before the season is over smiling the whole way.

Keeping it short thursday

2011-12-08T09:49:00.006-05:00

Keeping it short (as possible) and sweet today. The mound of work is growing, and growing and growing. Someone asked me yesterday if I was mentally ready for this surgery and I had to honestly respond, "uh, no... I can't even focus on getting to the end of this week, all I can see is a massive to-do list."

I haven't mentioned to many people at work or really publically about this surgery. I really don't know how to expalin what/why without some longer way too personal story. I'm leaving it "I'm having surgery and will be out for a couple of weeks, thanks for your good thoughts."

Given in this crappy economy that I am selfishly spending money out of pocket for plastic surgery just seems un justified to mention around to anyone who doesn't really know me or what taking this step means to a life-long struggle with weight.

I'm hoping this weekend or maybe over our anniversary dinner Friday night (as unappealing of a time it is) that Bill and I can get our game face on about what needs to get done pre surgery for meal prep/groceries, child arrangements/transportation since both boys are home before and after my MIL arrives on the 24th, get all the meds/supplies/even some crappy Wal Mart old lady gowns to wear around the house for my week of un-showered nastiness.

I'm excited but after the pre op visit on Tuesday, the reality that this is about to happen is settling in. Good thoughts needed to keep my eyes on the prize and put the next month of ick recovery behind me.

Before my appointment I was able to volunteer in Ben's classroom for holiday workshop. It sounds like most kindergartens are doing a version of elves working on holiday crafts. Ben had to make a bank as homework and after each craft they earn money to spend on the final day to buy items. His teacher mentioned that he has really focused this week and seemed enthralled with everything and anything holiday related.

Sound like any other five year olds?

The Difference between 1st Child and 2nd Child- Christmas Ornament Edition

2011-12-06T07:56:00.002-05:00

While unpacking the tree ornaments I found no less than 10 "Baby 1st Christmas" ornaments for Ben.

Ian's total- 2 One of while still has the stock photo the other looks to be written on with a sharpie likely at a craft fair as an impulse buy.

Nice.

Wanna See It or Do It (Holiday 2011 Edition)

2011-12-05T00:05:00.009-05:00

I'm finally getting our holiday fun list off my phone into a post. I cannot echo enough that this month is CRAZ-EE between normal life and standing commitments like getting Ben on the bus on time.

I'm also getting both myself as well as our family ready for mom to be out of commission for a good 2-3 weeks post surgery. Throw in Christmas and this has the potential to be a December endurance test.

Not my plan for Holiday 2011.

Back in November, Bill and I did a date night where the sole focus was planning our December calendar (that and me dropping the whole, Hey what do you think about me going to Africa conversation on him). I figured if we were in a public place the cursing would be minimal.

We started by making 3 columns: Must do, Want to do if time (doubtful), and Drop it like it's not gonna happen in '11.

What got dropped were activities that either: way too labor intensive i.e. big holiday trays of cookies for work, polishing silver, making door wreaths by hand, or anywhere we would need control Ian more than about 10 mins i.e a Christmas parade .

Lots of other items have made the if not in December then in during the doldrums of January or February list.

Proudly we managed to plan no more than 2 activities on any given weekend and have said no to any activity during the school week. So far we in for 5 of the following fun items below.

1. Pullen Park Santa Train!!! Finally open again!!!
2. Vinson Annual Craziest-Outside Light Competition
3. Make a Jesse Tree
4. Nighttime neighborhood walk looking at decorations (note no one in our neighborhood is a finish except the dueling inflatable display folks.
5. Make a single batch of Christmas cookies and deliver small bags to our neighbors
6. Read a Christmas book a night under the tree
7. Go to the Nutcracker (free at my school, so bolting early is no loss)
8. Picture with Santa
9. Buy items for our Durham Rescue Family
10. Pack 4 Operation Christmas Child Boxes
11. Make a package to mail of artwork and small presents for Uncle Brian
12. Decorate the house and put up all trees
13. Lego Star Wars Advent calendar
14. Cary Holiday Workshop for Kids and lunch at Ashworths soda fountain
15. Separate date nights with mom and dad to buy a parent,dog and Ian gifts.
16. Write a letter to Santa and mail.
17. Watch some classic old school holiday TV shows
18. Sing Silly Christmas songs in the car

I want the focus to be on the time together, not how much can we cram into our days/weekends. I want the kids (Ben especially) to recognize that our family values of kindness, friendship, and patience are carried out the other 11 months of the year, but especially during the holiday season.

Totally (Un) Shower-Worthy: Kenya 2012

2011-12-02T00:16:00.006-05:00

So publicly I am saying today that I am giving up my online 2nd job at the end of fall semester.

((((applause)))) from the masses.

Maybe a longer post at some point, maybe just that as I think about 2012 I've been re-evaluating where I want to spend my time, my energy, my heart.

Part of the reason I am giving it up was:
1. A spring semester move to a new platform to host the online school = more work than ever.
2. I have basic level classes of freshman next semester in my real world school. I will need to dedicate more time for parent contact/conferencing to help them pass
3. Potential for 2nd staged surgeries over spring break
4. Our other house is sold.
5. I am just plain tired and want my evenings back.

But one of the biggest reasons is this: I have committed to join a team of folks from my church for an 11 day mission trip to Kenya next summer. As part of the team the next 9 months will be filled with planning, fundraising, training. I want to put my whole self into what I know will be a life changing experience.

Last night I met our team 1/2 of which is made up of high school students and their parents. Come again Vinson, you WANT to go thousands of miles from home with teenagers you spend you entire day with? I'm saying yes to a trip to help build a clean water project in a small village 4 hours out of Nairobi. Since many on the team are also teachers we are also hoping to work with their local schools. Excited=you bet.

I cannot even begin to tell you how much this fills my heart. When I wrote back in Six Flags over Jesus, I talked about how much I had connected with a church near our new home. I like the fact that every week I have gone I find myself thinking about something in the message long after it's over. I like that on some random Friday night you will find me mopping my kitchen floor and listening to their online archives of past messages.

Yeah, I'm beyond surprised too.

To know that the universe has aligned the last months to invite me to be part of something so much bigger than myself, the timing of this trip to coincide with August 8th, 2012, the reality that instead of what I feared most processing my mom's death over the last months has been replaced with a sense of true optimism and the ability to move on is much in part to this church. Can we just say that even if I have to drag my 4 days out from surgery self wearing yoga pants I will be at Christmas eve services.

If there was ever a reason NOT to get up and live my 1st world luxury of daily showering before I do most anything,(seriously I don't do anything, including boot camp with my trainer tomorrow early am only after taking a shower) THIS is it.

This experience, this commitment of planning, this commitment to families/children/fellow teachers half a world away that I don't even know (yet).

2012 is going to be an awesome year for so many reasons, starting with a sense of gratitude for being part of something so amazing. I hope in this often personal space you will follow this transformative opportunity for all it holds.

-heather

Since Staple-Gunning Porkrinds Was Not an Option

2011-11-30T07:55:00.016-05:00

Hello dream come true to build and display a traditional Williamsburg style apple board for my front door.

Never seen such a Christmas decoration?

My entire (Christmas) wedding reception which was held in a antebellum home in SC was the inspiration. Think rooms filled with Della Robbia citrus wreaths, natural swags of greenery everywhere, sterling silver bowls filled with berries and fruit. Think over the top southern-ness on every flat surface imagined.

Think the dinner party scene from Midnight in the Garden where I nearly am giddy at the sight of a beautifully dressed table in this traditional style.

So as you can imagine standing on the front porch of my house this summer I saw my dream decorations.

Overheard during the construction during Thanksgiving weekend.

"did you think through how heavy this was going to be"

"nothing says welcome, than rotting fruit with the potential to fall on the heads of guests entering or exiting"

"I hope you like it, as I stripped the screws getting it up there" What can you put up there for other seasons. It's staying up permanently.

"Nice, from the inside you can tell we forgot to paint the backside and can see raw plywood."

"for building this you have a choice: I get the inflatable of my choice for the front yard, OR you get to finish the leaves.

Going for the leaves. Note I am resisting every urge to move that pineapple an inch to the left and straighten it up. Maybe once I have to start replacing fruit I'll re stake it with another. Total cost for this project is ongoing.

For now I'm in love, love, love that this piece of southern goodness is making my Christmas cards this year. Big thanks to LauraC for family pictures this past weekend and for capturing my Prince of Tides House at it's holiday best.

With a Full Table and a Full Heart

2011-11-27T23:32:00.001-05:00

I never got around to posting a well meaning Thanksgiving post. One of the things I am most thankful is my brother, Brian. I feel like we are a unifed front to what has happened in our family this year, each of moving on in our own ways but still very aware that this holiday season is going to be hard.

The highlight of the holiday weekend was his visit on Friday night until late Saturday afternoon. Brian had offered to work Thanksgiving and luckily was cut from the surgical rotation early on Friday allowing him to drive up a bit earlier.

As of Friday morning, our leisurely planned Saturday lunch had turned into including my paternal aunt/uncle, their son and wife and three sweet little girls for a post Thanksgiving meal since they were traveling through. I pulled out my grandmother's silver, my mom's china, and set my dining room table to welcome them into our home. With 5 kids under five I opted to covering the breakfast table with butcher paper for the kids to color for the proverbial kids table. Good plan to have waited to have recovered the breakfast chairs given there was crayon on the seats and walls.

As much as I wanted Brian to stay on until Sunday, he had a early am Monday shift at the hospital and left Saturday shorty after our extended family. A huge thanks to Bill for taking the boys Saturday morning while we cooked to Brian's ever faithful play-list of music.

When I wrote about my relationship with Brian last winter it was hard to imagine how we would connect with each other after my mom was gone. Three months into the other side, we talk/text more than ever, in part due to ongoing probate of my mom's estate, but also just to check in on each other. Before he left we took a short walk and talked about how much it has hit us in our own ways that starting this holiday season brings with it many emotions. We are John and Wendy Savage made over once again.

In this season of thankfulness and entering into a time to celebrate with family, I'm so very glad that Brian wants to be an active part of the boys lives. He graciously had cleaned out and brought with him the remainder of gifts my mom had put away for the boys. Many will go on to make their way under our tree or be donated. He also had cleaned out my bedroom of anything left of a life long since past. So far I haven't even opened the bags and may just take the to the attic to processed sometime in the future.

When I was at Church yesterday one statement really stuck with me, "a heart filled with gratitude is not a result of your circumstances, but rather a way of approaching life even on the hardest of days."

My hope for my ongoing relationship with Brian to be one of gratitude for what he did for our family during the really tough times. It's also one of hope that our relationship will continue to thrive in new ways as adult siblings.

Baskets, Boxes, Brownies and a thought on Thanksgiving

2011-11-22T07:59:00.006-05:00

Day before Thanksgiving break and doing everything to minimize what gets brought home over the looong weekend. I made brownies for my students who are participating in a debate. Ask me if this plan is going down in flames. I should have instead planned for them to watch my perennial 1987 favorite "How I Got into College" with Booger from the Revenge of the Nerds movies. That my friends, is education at it's best on the day before a holiday. Go me for being all educational and stuff.

Plans to get our Christmas decorations up, build an apple board to hang over my front door, host my brother who will be driving up on Friday, even paint the secret room created in the dormer for Ben over the break.

I really love Thanksgiving, mainly because the sole focus for my family has always been being together and sharing a meal. None of us have ever been big football or insane black Friday shoppers. The main memory I have of this holiday is just being with family, grandparents, cousins from out of state, and really good food.

I'm farming out most of the meal that my brother Brian and I are planning. Our aunt and uncle from VA are driving through to see their son in Greensboro and are going to stop and have lunch with us. Plans for mashed potatoes, green bean bundles, ham, mac and cheese, Pioneer Women apple pie, chocolate fudge pie, and as of last night the addition of dressing when I realized that I still had 2pans from the last batch my mom made.

I've been thinking a lot about being the first time ever to celebrate without parents, without trips to SC, without there being a hospital involved. Definitely too many thoughts to even begin to post today.

I leave you with:

the 4 Operation Christmas Child Boxes we put together over the weekend. Count on mom to have included underwear and new toothbrushes and Ben to included toys.

I also put together Thank you baskets for Ian's teachers and Ben's. Included were Moravian spice cookies, English Toffee cheese ball mix, loaves of homemade apple bread. I also had Ben include a handwritten card. I am very thankful for both of the boys teachers who spend more time with them awake than I do. They love them, work with them, are helping the be the best 18 month and 5 year old possible.

I really love this holiday, the symbolic meaning of being thankful and happy with what you have now. The adult realization that it is enough and that all you ever wanted is right in front of you.

Got Two Matching Windsuits? Sizes 18 month and 5T?

2011-11-20T21:47:00.011-05:00

Date: A week ago at Ian's 18 month check up

Time: last appointment of a recent Friday with our pediatrician after a reschedule for me being so late, sitting 45 mins waiting to get worked in only to be told by the practice manager I would just have to come back. Proud mom, you bet.

Overheard during the wait:

"Ian don't take off your diaper. Really? you pooped now, pleeeese don't take that off as I scavenge for wipes and wish for air freshener"

"Ben, when the the doctor comes in you will have to stop rolling around the room on the stool as a crashing car"

"boys, get out from underneath the exam table, repeat x912 times"

"can we please not lay on the floor, hepatitis for Thanksgiving sounds un-fun"

"to myself... why did I stay at school and deal with discipline for someone else's kid making me miss my original appointment and now having to bring both of them to a reschedule"

Once the doctor arrives it takes both of us holding a thrashing Ian down to examine him. Quickest. Exam. Ever. Is is eating, pooping, walking/running normally? Uh.. look at him as he broke free,ran, and hid behind the trashcan.

Words? Yes many more since we were last here. He says Momma, Dadda, Ball, dog, baby, duck, night night, bye bye, hi, uh-o.

Doctor- Good, while he's still a little behind this is a improvement for which I credit being in daycare.

Somewhere during this super quick visit Ben is bouncing off the walls. I look at him and say, "push-ups" He drops to the floor and starts doing the kind where he slaps his shoulders between each set. Then runs through at set of mountain climbers, jumping jacks, and attempts sit-ups.

All this to the hysterical laughing of our doctor who proclaims, "I've lots of parents with bouncing off the walls kids come through this exam room, but never can I remember a parent actually encouraging more activity to distract."

It works beautifully, Ben one step away from a a 1983 Jane Fonda-esque VCR fitness contract allowed us to finish the exam as well as talk over the speech issues.

Stats: 25 lbs (32%), 32 inches (47%), 18 1/2 inches (25%) All healthy and no concerns

As we left she asked what I taught as I still had on my school ID. "freshman and sophomore history".

Doctor who has a dry wit just like her husband who is my OB, "really? Have you considered being heavily medicated to deal with this amount of insanity daily"

Me.. bahahahah... yes, does it show?

Thinking matching red wind suits circa the Royal Tenenbaums would make a killer Christmas gift for the boys.

So How About a December Repeat

2011-11-16T22:28:00.008-05:00

Super awesome call for Monday. I got so much and yet nothing at all done.

On the check list: refilled all my prescription pill counters (really this is an issue as I haven't taken the time to do it and spend precious time in the am in a blurried-eyed state looking for pill bottles). Did the whole rest of the month. Just call me Medicare.

Talked to my brother about him coming for Thanksgiving. Yay. Cannot even begin to tell you how excited I am for him to spend part of the holiday with us. We have some probate stuff to deal with but mainly just hanging out for the weekend and showing him the area for the 1st time. Love me some Brian Hendricks dry wit as well as kick ass cooking.

Did a bunch of errands, phone calls, mail sans kids screaming or being hauled into places.

I bailed on getting the farmers market. Thinking of taking the family out over the weekend and pair it with a trip the State Farmers Market Restraunt. Super yum biscuits, meat and threes, and did I mention the hushpuppies covered in molasses.

I also discovered a part of the Cary Greenway that leads from from our neighborhood to Ben's school. Original plan was to run to the school and walk back with Ben. But given the time, I just ran it alone and then drove over to pick up to avoid 5 pm traffic.

Organized my freezer and made a list of if I have time freezer stuff to make pre surgery.

Worked on our big holiday list and what was priority, not worth the time, and needed ticket purchse now.

I washed the dog, made a vet appointment for my old girl. Major mistake to take her on a 2 mile weekend walk, she's still hobbling around.

Cleaned all the bathrooms as to not have to preface any vistors to never mind the smell of 5 year old boy or lack of toilet paper.

Graded a bag of work while sitting on the porch drinking an insanely big glass of iced tea and loving some 70 degree weather and falling leaves.

As much as I came back to tons o work on Tuesday, it was worth every.single.minute to have day without kids. I honestly cannot recall the last day I had this many hours without them.

I love them dearly, but man was I in heaven. So much so that I'm planning on taking my pre-op appointment day off to voluneer in Ben's class for holiday craft week as well as the day before my surgery to volunteer again, have lunch with Ben and then have booked a massage, facial, and pedicure.

Guilty? Not a bit.

Monday Morning and Not the Norm

2011-11-14T11:00:00.002-05:00

Hello from my kitchen table where I'm watching leaves fall. Come again Vinson, don't you like have like surgery next month and need to save every single sick day.

yeah..I do but about 7 pm last night I just called it and said I'm staying home and getting some some stuff I want to do today.

I'm already coming off a 3 day weekend since school was closed and I spent all Friday day with the boys as well as a good portion of the weekend. Busy with this church thingy, lots of errands, a playdate, a family meeting, and in general a sense that not a whole lot got accomplished. Maybe it has something to do that Thursday night I fell asleep in Ben's bed as I was reading him a book, the migrated to Bill's office in my attempt to watch a Daily Show backlog with him, then onto the the living room couch as I tried to get caught up Good Wife (yes a backlog, heavens you are too busy) and finally awoke at 3 am still wearing my name badge for school and the tv still on. Tired you think?

So why today?

Saturday I had this crazy epiphany that that whole "how you live your days is how you live your life" mantra I so want to do right by has been falling by the wayside this fall. As much as I'm doing the more sleep thing so much better, I feel perpetually behind in everything. So I'm just taking today to get a punch list of stuff done.

So some randomness for today:

- I'm still in my pajamas drinking coffee after staying up to almost 2 last night. I love me some late night quiet around the house. I'm listening to the recent middle school episode of TAL. Oh my. It's like 1989 around here today and frankly teaching freshmen all day gives you an insane perspective about how high school plays out from the adult perspective and why I seriously cannot watch Glee. Instead I've been making overdue phone calls and catching up on bills, mopping and trying to clean some serious nasty off the wall via Ian. Earlier I worked on our December calendar after Bill and I did the sit down discussion of the level of holiday insanity we want/don't want.

- I might start to grade the two shopping bags of work that have not moved since Thursday night from the back door. Maybe. Likely since I took this day under the pretense of getting caught up I think I'm going to divide and conquer and do a bag today and then break the other into small bits each night this week. At least online work is done. Did I mention that I've already decided not to work next summer and am most likely not in the spring. I think I'm about to be voted off the island if I keep even a single section by my family, a friend who when I mentioned it to her I thought she would smack me. Even my own therapist the last time I didn't cancel on her mentioned it was a bad idea.

-I'm heading out to get some errand run without kids including a trip over to the state farmers market for apples and veggies and new flowers. My beloved giant porch ferns need to go. Goodbye Prince of Tides wanna-be front porch. You're about to see the likes of traditional Williamsburge style that's been a brewin' in head since I first set foot in this house.

Note that giant inflatable Santa in an outhouse as seen this weekend at Lowes will not be purchased. Some random man was just about cracking up at the Christmas decoration showdown going down over rights to the front of the house.

I think the words, "I gave you Halloween for decorations, Santa emerging from an giant outhouse with elf holding his nose, nor giant colored flashing lights that can be orchestrated to music does not jazz with an Apple Board on magnolia leaves or Della Robbia wreaths" may have come out of my mouth. Likely repeatedly as I pried the Santa out of Bill's hands. No crying, no cursing, but I'm standing my ground that I'm at least getting some topiaries at the front door. Bill I think may have told me I'm Fun-Less and this side shy of a Disney villain prototype.

Throw in a much needed workout and some general house pick up and by 4:30 I hope that I made the most of this day.

First up, a shower. Gotta get on that about now before I smell worst than the dog that also really needs a bath.

Food on a Stick was Only the Beginning

2011-11-08T08:11:00.001-05:00

Good weekend all around: date night, time with the kids, family walk, church with an ongoing series of messages I'm really connecting with, a friend came and did cooking with Ben as an incentive for behavior, we finally got the Halloween decorations stored, gym workout.

Throw in heading downtown to the annual Jr League Christmas Shopping Spree and I did absolutely nothing for work until late Sunday night. SWEET!

Our weekend paled in comparison to our trip a couple of Sundays ago to the NC State Fair. Can I just say that we spent 7 hours with an 18 month old in tow. Sadly the only picture I have of Ian that he is not moving, he looks like he's being lead to his execution. Take my word that under his tough, 18 month old typically throwing a fit exterior, he had a good time.

Crazy? Yeah I guess, but believe it or not but the kids were well behaved for the bulk of the trip. Our plan was to get to the fair when they opened to hit the kids rides before the crowds. We had prebought tickets, ride coupon books, and tickets to the demolition derby ahead of time.

We ran into our neighbors and did the kids area with them allowing Ben and their 5 year old to ride together. We opted to take Ian and their toddler daughter on several rides, which they loved.

After hot dogs, biscuits, roasted corn, and mini doughnuts we headed over the the arena for the demolition derby. I kid you not, I would pay good money again next year just to people watch before the show.

I give you the trifecta of awesomeness within 10 feet of our seats:

-Man with waist length hair, ZZ top beard, Scooby Doo Shirt, Camo shorts, and a trucker hat covered in mud

-Man with a walker, I HEART Jesus hat, bright safety yellow t shirt with fringed sleeves that was a good 3 sizes too small

-Teen boy sitting next to me with a white 10 gallon hat, shirt unbuttoned to the mid-nipple, and Smoky and the Bandit glasses.

Classy. I tried taking pictures but decided the odds of potential ass-kicking divided by opportunity to preserve via photo was just too high.

I did take the boys over the Dixie Outfitters t-shirt display and seriously thought about buying Ben one of the many inappropriate South will Rise Again shirts for sale. Had I not thought that the proceeds would go to fund Confederate Reenactments I was all in.

The demolition derby was a scream-fest of car crashing good time. Even Ian was clapping and smiling and until Bill took him out when the V8 15 car showdown, he held out and didn't melt down.

Both boys had a great time, loved the rides, animals, food, and yes the Demolition Derby.

Oh NC State Fair, goodness grows in NC. Indeed it does!

There is no crying in parent/teacher conferences

2011-11-04T08:07:00.006-04:00

Earlier this week we met with Ben's teacher for a scheduled 1st quarter conference. Bill and I have both had the chance to meet his teacher, volunteer both in the classroom and on a recent field trip. We both really like her classroom methods and feel she's a good fit with Ben's personality. In particular she seems to have a never ending bag of tricks.

In the past weeks a month long streak of overall better behavior was broken by first hitting someone at recess last Friday and then on Tuesday, hitting in PE. Everyday has felt like a return to the daily pick-up walk of shame. Needless to say we have been in lockdown mode for a large part of this week with early bedtime, no Halloween candy, no tv, and several serious meetings. I felt as small as possible watching him sign his name to an incident report.

I'm needing the longest child-free weekend ever about now. Instead I'm going to settle that I'm not traveling to SC this weekend to deal with on going issues with Estate Probate, I'm caught up with all grading, I'm going to the Raleigh Jr. League Christmas Show, and the weather looks great to be outside.

Overall the majority of the conference covered that Ben is testing and working on average. His teacher gave us some ideas on additional things we can work on at home to help with penmanship, reading, and counting. Most of his homework is completed as part of his Friday take home bag and she wants us to add 10-15 mins if possible nightly.

Her take on Ben is that he is very capable, interested in learning, but also very quick to give up when challenged with new situations or ones that he comes bored with easily. Part of me knows that Ben is a typical, very active 5 year old boy with the attention span of a gnat. Bill and I often see the same attitude of giving up when challenged at home. We also are in the middle of whole new level defiance played out in multiple ways.

At this point due to the hitting and Ben's apathetic attitude afterwards we agreed that we needed to try a behavior contract. I am all too familiar with behavior contracts on the high school level. I have spent a large part of this week making those before the report card arrival calls. I also know that when you can create buy-in that you can change the outcome. We are talking over some new strategies at home and a new reward system that will parallel a daily check in with the behavior contract.

My biggest concern is the growing feeling that Ben identifies himself as a bad kid. His first words most days at pick up is if he had or didn't have time out. I try to meet him with a big hug and immediately tell him I'm really happy to see him and that's let talk in the car about all the good and also better choices we could have made. Just hearing how he talks about himself, it's completely in terms of being bad vs good.

I have no real words of wisdom or even that I feel I need to be doing anything differently that we already are. As much as I wish I could write a rosy,
Ben is doing fabulous and one step away from permanent accolades as a start student to be bumperstickered to my car, I'm also going to be totally honest that too many days than not, we are struggling to give it our parenting best and it has to be enough.

Halloween- the wrap up

2011-11-02T07:13:00.010-04:00

Only a day late on the Halloween update but alas a new post. Despite the icky weather we had a great holiday weekend. We opted for Bill to only take Ben who joined up with our neighbors and their kids to hit the 20-30 houses within a 5 min walk of our house.

I stayed on the porch, put Ian in his costume (a Monkey, complete with banana in the pocket) and handed out candy. Ian couldn't have been happier stomping on the porch, dumping out the candy bowl, looking confused as I hit the fog machine each time new kids walked up. He got the best of Halloween without having to be out in the rain. Kudos to Bill for volunteering to do all of the trick o treating duty.

By 7:30 Ian was wiped out, was melting down, and the smell of poop forced us inside to get him in the bath and into bed. Ben followed shortly after and after a warm bath and inspection of the candy haul he too was also in bed.

One of the best aspects of the weekend was the block party Sunday night on our street. The kids of our newest neighbors have been planning this for over a month and they delivered a fun party for around 30 surrounding kids complete with planed games, a scavenger hunt, tons of food, music.

I know this is getting old, but I am so very glad that we took the leap of faith to buy this house when we did. We have loved getting to know this neighborhood through daily dog walks, becoming friends with our neighbors in a way we never did in our old neighborhood, and in general be reminded daily how much everything has fallen into place as we have fully moved in.

Bill as expected came home yesterday with bags upon bags of discounted Halloween decorations to be stowed away. Plans are already forming for Christmas decorating and what will be I'm sure another holiday to remember in our dream home.

and another year :)

2011-10-28T17:54:00.011-04:00

passes by on my favorite day of the year. Last year come October 28th, I was on a one month media hiatus with no posts on this day. I looked back and this is what I wrote as a pregnant 34 year old in 2009. I have to agree I feel the same today.

"....a date that matters to no one but me. No big fanfare or sharing the day with family or friends. You know, those little dates in time that are not celebrated with cake or flowers but that you know the significance."

I had hoped in 2009 for a normal day to detail baby kicks and a then pooping in underwear Ben who cried when his balloon floated away. Today I was a typical Friday filled with a 18 month squealing at his first school party as well as his daily accident report to sign, a 5 year old with a discipline report and resulting early bedtime, dinner that was ordered while I walk the dog, and a mound of end of the quarter late work to grade before Monday.

For this normal, even boring day, I'll even throw in removal of a staple embedded in my thumb and even a consult appointment made today (for me) for a Cardiologist to rule out what I already know is not an issue. No worries today, I tell you.

Exactly what I want. A normal, nothing significant day and the chance to do it all again tomorrow.

One of our favorite fall activities

2011-10-26T08:12:00.008-04:00

One of our favorite things to do as a family during the fall is a pumpkin patch visit. Like everyone else, we will carve pumpkins for Halloween. We also have two fake pumpkins that we use every year until the real ones are cut. Our house has been decorated for Halloween for the entire month of October.

Sadly Bill has been outdone by our neighbors who put up a giant, inflatable moving black cat over the weekend. As you can imagine we are already in pre-Christmas decoration planning mode. This weekend we have our neighborhood fall festival as well as a block party on our street. We are again dressing up as Woody and Jessie with the boys going as Captain America and a Monkey.

Hill Ridge Farms is hands down one of our favorite places to go during the fall. This year they offered free admission to not only teachers but their ENTIRE families opening weekend. YAY!

We met up with friends and drove out to the boondocks outside Raleigh for a fun afternoon. One of the reasons I love this pumpkin farm more than other, closer locations is simply all the things to do besides just a pumpkin patch.

From spring to late fall the farm is open for birthday parties and school groups. There is a train, giant slide, petting zoo, feeding fish, bounce house, 2 mazes, separate hay and corn jumps, a tee-pee (very smelly inside), and a fort. We were here around 5 hours and finished our visit with a haywagon ride to pick out pumpkins (also free for teachers!)

We've been to other pumpkin patches in the area but Hill Ridge is worth the drive for all the extra things to keep two very active boys busy. The added bonus that we went for free and walked away with four pumpkins was even sweeter.

Field Trip!!!

2011-10-23T23:42:00.013-04:00

20 kindergartners on their 1st field trip of the year = wrangling cats just might be easier.

Bill and I are both trying to be as involved as possible by each chaperoning a trip as well as volunteering in Ben's classroom once a month this school year. Being part of this trip was actually Ben's teacher's suggestion back in the first weeks of school as a way to see Ben interacting in the class as well as to see how she and the teacher assistant run the class.

Plus as a county employee I was already cleared and didn't have to go through the volunteer process.

This was a WIN-WIN situation as Ben's behavior was some of the best teacher reported she had seen since the start of the year, plus who doesn't love getting to feel like they are back in elementary school among 20 energetic five year olds.

I had a small group of all boys, including Ben as well as several of his friends. This too was helpful to see Ben interact with kids whose names (and misbehavior) have become dinner conversation.

Part of the morning was spent at the State Farmers market where the kids had specific items to find and buy with chaperon help. Later we traveled to a local park for a picnic. Sadly the final part didn't happen due to the weather, but you have never known they were missing any planned activity. They had a blast from start to finish.

I decided not to mention that I was a school employee. We've just come off a contested school board election as well as a very controversial vote about student assignment. Good call, as the conversation among the moms was about the politics of the board.

Instead I focused on making the most of the day away from work and spending it with Ben. At bedtime we talked about our favorite parts of the day, the scavenger hunt to find our group mystery object, yellow mums, eating lunch together, the nasty bathroom, and recounting that his teacher commented on his good choices all day.

Super Score on all levels.

take two

2011-10-19T08:18:00.004-04:00

Apologies for the negativity yesterday. When you start the day sliding across the floor in cold dog pee before 6 am, there's really only one way to go. Lots of ick yesterday including issues with my mom's probate court case and behavior from everyone. By 8 pm I called uncle and got out of the house once the kids were in bed. I did a bunch of work, came home and watched mindless tv (ok, it was really nerdy Frontline)

I'm taking a day off to chaperone Ben's field trip today. Later I'm going to work with the trainer and sadly I'm looking forward to whatever she has in store. It's totally worth an unpaid day to spend the day with Ben and take a much needed day off from school. I might be tempted to just stay home again soon and do something wild like fold laundry, alone.

Here's the deal, things are going well even if I can't shake the feeling like I started the school year running to catch up before day 1. I'm really trying to make life work this fall and approach everything with a positive do what is most important and let the rest go attitude. Really, no repeats of past work mistakes.

So, can you remind me of perspective when I'm sliding in dog pee as my wake up call?

Calling All Cars

2011-10-18T10:51:00.001-04:00

This post has been intended for the last good two weeks, but then life happens and somehow keeping everyone in clean underwear takes priority. As much as I wish I could make time everyday to journal the banal of my thirtysomething life, I just don't have or better yet take the time.

So what's been going on in the last couple of weeks.

1. Seriously considering giving up the online part time job. Even with just one class the amount of work is taking up a good 2 + hours a night and a block of time on the weekend. I usually start as soon as I get the kids in bed,kitchen cleaned up and lunches packed, so from around 9-11on a good night I'm still "at work". Kid you not that I fell asleep talking to students and parents on the phone the other night. I think that might be a sign?!?

If I give it up I most likely will not get summer work as with a lack of a state test there is less demand for the class = less sections of the class to be taught. The question here is "why am I keeping this is I don't intend to go back to only part time work in the near future."

2. A colleague in my department was diagnosed with cancer days before school started. We have all been teaching his classes, planning, copying, grading, ect. While any of us would step up even if it wasn't the expectation it's more work. When I say I have been bringing home a shopping bag of work, it's no exaggeration.

3. While on the work issue, permit me to say that not having a classroom sucks like something fierce. I'm a super organized person to begin with, but being all over a school making my way through 2,000 students with no home base is hard. Period. The plus is I've lost weight as I have no time to eat most days, unless I can do it one- handed. Maybe I'll get some good "food on a stick" ideas at the state fair this weekend.

4. On the whole weight loss issue, I'm down thanks to the roaming mobile home, being too tired to eat once I cook dinner, trying to still get 15 miles in a week, working with a personal trainer who has me running 1 mile sprints interspersed with 20 mins of boxing. Can I just say I LOVE being able to punch something. This might be the best form of therapy ever.

5. On the personal training, once we got the house under contract I gave myself an early Christmas present of 12 weeks of training before the surgery. This is the mother of all Last Chance workouts.

6. Surgery is on like Donkey Kong. 7 am on Dec 20th to be specific. I just recently got the days approved to be out the week of the surgery and if needed an additional week if needed in January. My MIL will be here the 24t-28th to help with the boys as both are out of school/daycare.

While I haven't been super public on this for a bunch of reasons. The reality of the surgery itself and a multi week recovery is starting to settle in. When I mentioned to someone last week I was having surgery and tried to explain a surface, sanitized version I really cannot explain what this surgery is/need for/desire to put myself through this. For the first time I am a bit speechless.

Given that I'm closing in on 70 lbs lost since Ian was born and really I haven't gotten more than, "is that new as I am wearing Pre-Ben pregnancy clothes compliment" I'm secretly hoping that I look drastically different. First to admit vanity is not my best attribute and that I live slave to some crazy idealized version of myself.

So the plus side to what seems a super negative spin on the last few weeks of being really MIA. Things really have been good, rolling along. Just insanely busy.

1. My mom's house clean out went well and faster than expected. We gleaned an entire truckload to be donated/tossed. Hard yes, but did I expect it to be a cakewalk?
2. I'm routinely getting about 6 hours of sleep without meds.
3. I'm spending as much possible time when home with the boys.
4. I really love this church I've been lurking around at Sundays. The thought of being involved to some degree has crossed my mind (time commitment is key here)
5. I've just read two really wonderful books
6. I'm chaperoning Ben's field trip tomorrow.
7. For the most part behavior by Ben has been better, esp at home and at school. He even helped me carry in the groceries.
8. Having only one house is awesome.
9. Plans to have my brother come for Thanksgiving and if possible join us at the beach for a long weekend
10. Ian while full on active at 18 months finally has a couple more words and is trying animal sounds.

So this is now. I'm trying very hard to Work 6, Play/Rest 1 a major priority, even if it feels like my life is ending one min at a time and I'm scrambling to make it all work.

NEWS SO AWESOME I AM SCREAMING IT!!!!

2011-10-13T23:43:00.015-04:00

Yesterday we sold our house. Yes it's been crazy hard to sit on this news as we have been super mum as not to jinx this awesomeness.

We sold it in exactly 90 days. In this economy we listed on June 14th and went under contract on Sept 14th. CRAZY good luck.

We happily made someone first time home buyers yesterday as we signed over 204 Blooming Meadows to a new family.

The academy would like thank our agent, David Henry Johnson. Remember when I interviewed like a Christmas pageant of agents back in April?

The only agent not to lavish us with hollow accolades (or to quote Tommy Boy, remember that?) He was honest about the work to be done to get it market ready and then got people in the house all summer long. I would recommend him to anyone in the Triangle area buying or selling as someone super professional and also super funny (always a plus in my book.)

Ok, true confession time.

I went over on Tuesday to grab the last of the stuff. I couldn't stop crying going room to room. It was even worse when Bill and I made one last run with the kids on Tuesday night. Hot mess = borderline embarrassing.

But...

How many times did I drive into the driveway, prepare meals in the kitchen, swing and play with the boys in the backyard, walk the dog to the nearby park, remember birthday parties with a giant waterslide, live the daily grind first as newly married folk to ones bringing home two babies across the threshold.

All good wishes to the new family with two young kids with hopes they will create their home in the same space.

I give you a view from a new window. One that brings a smile to my face. The one of an ongoing baseball game in the front yard. The current site of so many Halloween decorations we look like a Target post decoration fire sale. ***Note*** that Bill is still not finished and has been banned from displaying anything detailing arterial spray.

102 is the house where the boys play everyday with our neighbors, the house of my dream fantasy of front and back porches calling for relaxing, the future site of a game room for all male Vinsons, the house where Ben mooned our neighbor's husband yesterday resulting in a public apology. The house of many memories in the making.

I'm looking forward to awkwardly posed prom pictures in front of the mantle, growth charts detailing Ben and Ian outgrowing me by a good half a foot by age eighteen, the one where they will literally eat us out of house and home in the next decade.

AWESOME NEWS INDEED. Goodbye (finally) 204.

102 was a trade up but you will always be our first love.

October is:

2011-10-02T23:48:00.007-04:00

Pumpkin patch visits, cool nights that beg for the first fire of the season, fleeting warm afternoons reminiscent of summer days, butternut squash soup with parmesan crisps, my fall/winter uniform of my favorite jeans, a black turtleneck, and clogs, cute toddler overalls for Ian and jeans with double knees for sliding for Ben, sleeping curled up with my favorite blanket, returning inside on cold mornings for a needed fuzzy jacket, crisp apples in lunch bags, the NC State Fair in all it's deep-fried goodness, decked out front porches a glow in Halloween decorations thanks to my 3 kids at heart, warm fall spiced lattes, steakhouse chili in triplicate batches, costume shopping with the boys for the perfect ensemble, trick or treating in new places, fall walks for leaves and other outdoor treasures a plenty, time to celebrate my favorite day and also season of the year once again.

Another month of limited to-do lists other than to enjoy all 31 days with my two favorite pumpkin pickers.

Six Flags over Jesus

2011-09-29T08:21:00.017-04:00

One of the most unlikely phrases to come out of my mouth lately has been, "I'm getting up early on Sunday to make the first service at church." Even stranger, "I'm going to church for this thing this coming Saturday night." Yes, come again the words CHURCH and SATURDAY night in the same sentence.

Back last fall I put on my Mondo list that finding a church was important. As much as I would like to find somewhere that Bill is also comfortable, I know that if I feel at home the boys and Bill (maybe) will follow. In the past couple of months I've been regularly attending a church near our new home.

A super short history of my feelings about religion:

Raised in a fairly strict Southern Baptist home. Went to church on Sunday morning for Sunday school and again in the afternoon for choir followed by Sunday night services. I went on Wednesdays for handbells and Bible Drill (in elementary school), and later youth group on Wednesday nights. I also was involved in a bible study in friends' homes on Tuesday night. Needless to say I spend a lot of time at church.

While I wouldn't say that I lived in a Footloose-esque, "dancing will get you into Hell" household, my parents (mom especially) expected that I conform to what they felt was living a moral life influence by church attendance and also participation. My mom at one point even paid me to go to week long church camp.

I'll be honest, being involved with a church anchored me, my friends were also members, at times it was something I fell back on as a safety net. I don't regret that it was as big as part of my life as it was at the time. But, I also had a growing mistrust and openly disagreed with some of what I saw then and also now as hypocrisy of what I was being taught and my life outside the church.

My parents wanted me to go to a southern Baptist college and insisted that if they were helping pay any portion, that I would "consider" at least a handful of schools affiliated with the church. My mom, grandmother, and aunts had all attended Furman University in Greenville, SC.

At the time around Sophomore year I was looking at pre-med programs and began to look at what med schools were even the slightest bit attainable. Big ol' pipe dream in hindsight. I looked at the University of Texas with Baylor University as undergrad and also Samford University with University of Alabama as a possibility. I got into both undergrad schools and in the end not only got out of premed when I couldn't pass organic chemistry after 3 times and had also met my now husband. The crazy thing is Bill and never really fit at Samford. I often say that within 12 months I managed to find the biggest sinner (or fellow sinner) on campus and then moved in with him (a serious values violation at a school with closed dorms).

You have to understand that the campus was completely dry, you could be issued values violations, had to attend convocation weekly, and did I mention that many people dated by attending the area mega Churches (aka...Six Flags over Jesus) on a Friday night. I met some wonderful, very spiritual people who I know that the school was a perfect fit, but I also know that it wasn't for either of us. Only after going to UNC-Chapel Hill for grade school did I feel like I got an authentic college experience, not a sanitized, artificial college experience.

We attended churches as a married couple and have in the 10 years that we have lived here. We even joined a church and Ben was baptized at a church that we frequently attended Sunday services. But it always felt as an adult that I am doing this because I think I am suppose to. I'm not really getting anything out of it, in fact it's been a really long time since I felt like faith and spiritually really ment anything to me.

With the move I made it a priority to start church shopping and have found a church that I actually want to go to, make it on my weekend to-do, like the format of the service, like the fact that every week I have gone I find myself thinking about something in the message long after it's over.

I like the informality, the kids like the childcare, I like that they have a strong teenage program. I like that there are no hymns or ceremony to the service. I like that these are some of the friendliest people I have ever met without feeling like they are one step away from drinking some Jonestown Kool-aid. I like that there is no pressure to participate.

I like that one of the co-ministers look like he might moonlight as tattoo artist. It's been a really long time since I felt like I was being invited to be a part of something bigger than myself instead of being preached at by a punitive parental figure.

Maybe it's because in the weeks after my mom's death I'm looking for a still, quiet place to be alone with the ick is still very much just under the surface.

Maybe.

It's really ironic that the first time I visited here was the day before she died. In my final phone conversation, I almost mentioned to her that I was had been visiting churches but then didn't. My going to church as well as why the boys didn't go regularly was a continual source of contention. It was just easier not to say anything, so I stayed mum.

Regardless, it's something that I'm making time for right now. It's something that I'm making a priority. It's something that helps center and start the week in a positive place.

ps... traveling to SC this weekend for a meeting with the estate probate attorney and to start on the house clean out. I could use some good thoughts, support, whatever you want to throw my way. While I haven't been super public in the weeks after either publically or in writing, I'm still very much working through some really hard stuff gradually.

Thanks-

Happy to report...

2011-09-27T21:37:00.020-04:00

a good report from Ben's teacher at pick up. "He's trying, and while he does backslide during points of the day, I'm seeing him making an effort consistently every day."

I asked her to say it again in front of him with Ben repeating what he heard. He was beaming. We high-fived and did the Ben cheer in the parking lot.

At home we have been rewarding good behavior with extra books at bedtime, getting his one 30 min show back after dinner, extra time alone with a parent on the weekend. Last weekend Bill took him to the Lowes kid's clinic. This was the first time he had signed up for the make it/take it craft (a firetruck.)

A friend has offered to come do some special cooking with him if he keeps up the good behavior. Tonight he was demonstrating his karate moves and I asked him if he would like to maybe take some classes. Maybe, let's see how the next month goes.

Since poor Ian seems to be barely mentioned, he is thriving at daycare. He has made the transition well, loves his teachers and seems to be his normal happy self everyday. Being the miracle workers they are, he is taking a consistent 2 hour nap each day. He seems thoroughly worn out and ready to crash once we put him down.

I called today to make flu shot appointments and also asked if we should go ahead and been seen about ongoing concerns with his few words (still only 3 on a good day) from the summer 15 month appointment. So now we are waiting to hear if we need to go ahead with a referral, so we can discuss results at his upcoming 18 month appointment, or just need to wait until the normal appointment.

In my heart I'm not concerned, he babbles continually, points, hears normally and seems to be hitting his targets for everything else. I think this is more a case of male, 2nd kid, gross motor over linguistic ability. Still it was worth the call and in an age of early interventions if we need to investigate speech intervention therapy for him then we will.

Even though we are in the throws of 18 months toddler antics, Ian also greets us everyday with laughing, smiles, and lots and lots of squealing. He eats blueberries, really any fruit you put in front of him, like candy. He loves playing outside and almost always can be seen in his cozy coupe or pushing his play lawn mower along side the bike riding in the cul de sac. He is a bundle of sweetness (and energy) and is looking more and more like a little boy over any signs of a baby with each passing day.

I feel like a poster child for suburban life. A good life, indeed.

My Friday Post on Monday

2011-09-26T07:57:00.003-04:00

I had planned to update my ongoing house (ok, like I post one picture then stopped) of the different rooms in our new(er) house.

Friday turned into Saturday and then well, you know.

Here was the planned post but with some editing since the weekend was a quiet, much needed weekend to get some stuff done.

I've loving looking out the back door to see double parking on tap almost every night by 6:30. For our entire married life we have always lived a minimum 30 mins from work, friends, Target.

Target alone was grounds for moving.

We now are under 15 mins for Bill, 20 mins for me, 5 mins for school, 10 for daycare and most importantly: 5 for Target.

For the first time ever as a family we are able to eat dinner as a family, split bedtime and next day prep, and in general just be able to see the boys for a longer part of each day.

While not the most attractive picture but we also for the first time have room for both cars, all the bikes under the stairs, a growing collection of sports equipment, and best of all an extra fridge and my beloved freezer.

We are investigating putting storage shelving along the walls to get stuff up off the floor.

Not the most exciting weekends on tap but plans for time alone with each kid, time to get caught up for a busy week ahead and planned SC run next weekend.

*** Weekend Update***
Nice and quiet weekend. While not completely finished with grading, I did make a dent and should have an easier week, sorted and washed fall clothes for the boys, usual shopping and errands, Sat am spin class + core work, dog walking, church, plans for my MIL to come up in Dec finalized, big freeze ahead session to split between us and my brother, successful meal out with both boys, dinner meet up with a friend resulting in us both determined to be more involved with the Obama 2012 campaign than just monetarily, and then GOOD WIFE premiere last night.

Not watching Good Wife? Shame on you.

So, So, good and a 20 year crush on Josh Charles doesn't hurt :)

New Fall Line Up

2011-09-22T07:50:00.002-04:00

We have been working over the last month to figure out how to make the AM rush work. So far Bill and I are partnering to divide and conquer. As two chronically late people this has been challenging, and yes Ben has been introduced to the dreaded tardy slip already.

School Days look something like this:

5:30/45- Heather up
6:00- Bill up
6:20- Kids up

We try to have lunches, clothes, backpacks ready to go the night before. Bill gets the boys ready while I take care of the dog, deal with last minute stuff, and lay out everything to go out the door.

6:30- Heather (should be) leaving
6:50- Bill takes Ben to the bus then Ian into daycare.

By 7:30 everyone is at school or work. Pick up is by 5pm if at all possible earlier everyday.

From 5- 6pm Ben rides his bike or plays hockey/baseball/football in our front yard. We have 3 families with young kids within a couple of houses so there is usually a masse of testerone outside.

I get dinner going and then take Ian out and let him play while I help supervise the kids. With the super early wake up, bedtime/bath starts at 7pm.

Most notable in this new fall schedule is my ability to say No.

My new phrase for all concerned is, "Sorry but NO"

Want to sponsor a club-No
Want to take on a leadership roll within your department-No
Want to serve on this committee/meeting/chance to better yourself-NO
Want to fix this copier using only a ball point pin and your wits- NO

I am super protective of any and all things that suck time away from getting home, getting the boys, spending time with them, taking care of the house, getting online work finished at a reasonable hour and going to bed.

We are intentionally not doing a fall extracurricular activity with Ben but rather are swapping Saturday mornings for a breakfast date to do something alone with him. It's too busy to keep up a date night during the school week and the kids need the extra sleep. This also gives Ian some much needed curse of the forgotten 2nd child time with one parent. We may consider karate later this winter as a posssible good behavior reward.

Being so much closer to life was a major selling point for us. So far while there are still kinks to work out, the new fall line up is working most days.

Just Like the Preacher's Daughter

2011-09-21T08:22:00.034-04:00

I'm on a first name basis with Ben's kindergarten teacher. He's been in school just over 3 weeks. Yes, this sucks like you can't imagine to have to do the walk of parent shame every day at pickup.

As a teacher myself I can tell you that when I know a student's name by the end of the first day, it's not good. So I can tell you that Ben's teacher most likely had already moved his seat after the first day.

Ben was very excited to be starting kindergarten. We talked it up in the weeks leading up the the big day. He had a great staggered entry day back on the 30th of August and started full time later that week.

On the first day, really the FIRST DAY of his public education I was met at pick up with a Come to Jesus meeting about behavior in class. It went a little something like this:

Me- "I hope he had a good day"

Teacher-" Can we talk just a minute, and I want you to know that I appreciate the note you sent about the recent events (moving, grandparent death). I think it's always important to know what is going on at home and how it impacts what happening in the classroom." Ben had a really rough day with behavior.

Me- "Can you give me some insight? Examples? What did he do today so that I can talk to him tonight"

Teacher- Examples given. Tons o examples including shouting out answers, getting up during circle time, telling the teacher, "I'm not going to do that", "I don't hear you" and turning his back to her. Also included lots of talking, horse playing in the hall, lunchroom, bathroom basically anywhere they were expected to be in a line". He even tried to pull a 5th grader to the ground over some paper airplane. Really Ben, a 5th grader? It's almost like he never went to preschool and was socialized.

Me- Biggest SIGH ever. I go on to say that I'm not surprised and elaborate that we have seen all of that at home at different times but that overall he had a good summer. I go on to talk about what we do at home for discipline, the ground rules in our house and also go on to say that Ben needs someone on him like a hawk due to a recent development of lying.

I think at one point I may have said he's acting like a 5 year old tool. Maybe. I hope I didn't say anything worse in my total embarrassment. I did say as the conversation got around to what I teach and that my freshman may be easier to handle than a manipulative five year old.

I at some point make the statement, "You will see him more than I will Monday-Friday for the next 10 months" I want us to be on the same page and we will do whatever it takes to reel this in and shut this down.

And we have. Most of the last weeks I have been in almost daily communication in email with his teacher. I like her. She's old school and doesn't put up with anything. She's the taskmaster that Ben needs over a touch-feely "honey don't do that kinda teacher." Ben's best preschool teachers were those that loved him but did so with an iron fist to shut down behavior. Remember the teacher that help get him potty trained. I owe her big time.

In the past weeks behavior has gotten better, but it almost is 2 steps forward and one back. For the time we are in the car alone before picking up Ian we talk about his day. Some days Ben tells me, "I am not going to talk to you." Big clue to wait until later, maybe have Bill ask. But for sure to check in with his teacher in the next 24 hours as most likely he got into trouble.

I hate this. I hate that my kid is the problem child, the one she is having to spend what time I know she doesn't have to communicate with me. If this was last summer I would take responsibility for some checked out parenting contributing to this mess.

Overall we had a good summer, even in the weeks after dealing with the stress of my mom's death and all the stuff of going back to school I swore that I was going to not check out on parenting with him. I can honestly say that where I've faltered in other areas, I've been sticking to my guns with him.

The good news is that Bill and I are on the same page. At home we are in lockdown mode on the worst days including no tv, bins of toys that are locked in my car that have been taken away, dinner in his room following by early bedtime. We are using a progression of discipline where we go over what will happen, which punishments will occur if I talk to his teacher or the after school director and have a bad report. I greet him with a big hug everyday but he also seeing me talking to the adults before we leave. Believe me, after a really long day this the last thing I need before starting the dinner and bedtime dance.

We have had some improvement and ever so slowly Ben is getting back privileges and his beloved Legos/cars/action figures. The one thing we will not take away is bedtime book and nighttime routine. We are using that time to also reiterate that he is a good boy and needs to be the "Best Ben he can be at home and at school." Since he is obsessed with superheros we have a cheer and hand gestures to go along with this daily mantra.

In the meantime I expected some type of adjustment to new school, new schedules, new friends, but holly hell child, there's nothing like you showing yourself on the first day. The teacher's kid is just like the preacher's daughter being the biggest sinner in church. For real this SO sucks.

I want Ben to like school. I want him to be a good student, even if he's ultimate C or God forbid worse student. If that's the best he can do, then that's all I can ask. I was the most average of students who played school well and gave it only what I had to get by. No amount of punishment from my parents made me any smarter or try any harder. I want lay the starting school groundwork carefully and not turn Ben off now or make him feel that he is a bad kid who can do nothing right.

I don't want Ben to be the kid that the teacher looks at and counts how many more years 'til retirement. I have this fear that Ben is the 5 year old version of my checked out, totally disinterested, waiting to get out of the house freshmen. I find myself thinking what else can I do to turn this around and am trying really hard not to second guess how we have parented in the last 5 years.

So far our strategy is to partner with Bill and his teacher on a daily basis and be consistent with discipline and consequences from school to home. I have asked his teacher how we can best help support what she is doing at home. We are all staying on Ben even when it would be easy to parent from another room or another floor or let him do something because it's easier on us. We are trying to be a united front and we are both just drained already with this fall schedule, so this is just adding to our stress.

So not the most happy of starting school reports. I know that on some level he likes going, loved this first homework project of creating a life-sized Ben complete with a rainbow shirt, camo shorts, and tattoos of a race car and a cement mixer. We sing Chica Chica Boom Boom in the car. We come up with a list of 5 good things that happen every day.

I love him too much not to fight for him and rather against him. I know that Bill and what is proving to be a divine intervention of teacher placement, Mrs. S, do too.

Good-bye Summer 2011

2011-09-18T23:50:00.002-04:00

The recent cool fall weather ushered in autumn and the end of a memorable summer.

A much longer post in the works but to sum up our summer in my favorite pictures.

June- FL trip to see family, a big 5th birthday, preschool graduation, and packing, packing, packing up the old house.

July- Family vacation to the Outer Banks, trips to see old high school and college friends, and then Moving, Moving, Moving into our perfect family home

August- Trading day-camp for kindergarten, daycare start, return to full time work, goodbyes, and learning new schedules

Welcome Fall with cool days and nights, trading shorts for jackets, walks in the neighborhood to collect leaves and other treasures, Halloween excitment build-up, pumpkin carving, and my favorite month and day of the year.

Good bye summer 2011. Even though the list of fun didn't get anywhere near accomplished it was a great, great run.

Looking forward to many more days with my favorite V-boys. My sweet Ben and Ian who love (and fight) like brothers only can.

Back (not really), but a tiny check in

2011-09-13T22:25:00.004-04:00

Still here. I've been laying low intentionally, protecting the time I have once home to what absolutely has to be done for work and to keep us in dinner and clean clothes. Frankly with the return to work and adjustments with school and schedule it's been a big adjustment for me too. There's some long post I'm sure coming about the last month, but not today.

So... I am still here, all Vinsons are doing ok or better, and everyone is getting used to a fall routine that involves super early wake ups.

We are in the middle of the 18 month Ian craziness/crankiness period. He's currently cutting 2 teeth and while finally sleeping at school, appears to being giving his teachers a workout. Bill is convinced Ben never acted like this and I just laugh and laugh and laugh.

Ben has been on secret double probation of late for some really nasty school behavior. Including a 1st day of school Come to Jesus meeting for being disrespectful to his teacher. Yeah, DAY ONE of his public education. Nothing like him pulling some preacher's daughter action to feel embarrassed in front of another teacher for my kid.

Thanks Ben, like life needed a little more stress right now. In all seriousness, we are clamping down and have removed all toys from his room, no tv, and as of tomorrow will be instituting eating dinner in his room with only bath and bed to look forward to once home. We've been in contact with his teacher and feel there is a conference on the horizon.

Yesterday started with my dropping an entire cup of coffee in a file box of freshly sorted work before 7 am and ended with me bailing on calling students in place of falling asleep to the Miss Universe pageant because I was too lazy to find the remote that Ian had hidden. Did I mention that 18 months is a one way ticket to crazytown.

Open house at school tonight and just got home after 9pm. Thought (seriously) about striking up a convo with the bevy (try <10 families that finally found me with my traveling classroom schedule) about how my homegirl of Miss Brazil really flubbed up her do or die question about saving the children while pursuing a broadcast journalism degree.

Think I got home early?

Nope. Plus I still don't know who won Dammit.

Back later with more pressing news. Maybe.

3990? yeah I'll be all over that, maybe more like not likely

2011-08-31T23:17:00.013-04:00

Welcome back Mrs. Vinsen, Vincent, Benson, Venison, really...

How about Vinson folks, I did used to work here at one point. Just a sampling of some of the ways my name has been spelled on the various items welcome back to full time work need you to fill out paperwork.

Best yet was finally getting my work email operational after not opening it since 4/1/2010. Yes, a full 17 months ago.

3990 emails in my inbox. The one time I tried to open it during this hiatus, I shut my computer down. Taking that a sign from God that I need to remember my whole work/quality of life ongoing issue, I never opened it again until I showed back up two weeks ago.

It's been a memorable August. Actually I'm very ready to close the door on this month and move on. You know why, I know why.

I mailed the last of the sympathy thank yous today only to receive a two page handwritten letter from my mom's high school best friend. What a nice and unexpected gesture from some lady I've never met. I may keep it, as her words while tear invoking, were genuine, authentic and recalled my mom as young, healthy, with her whole life ahead of her.

Just thinking about the planned trip to see my mom that was suppose to happen this holiday weekend, the one celebrating kindergarten and day care starts is going to make for some hard days ahead. It was the first time in a long time Brian was going on a beach trip with friends. While he is still going, I feel a little lost not about to pack up for the weekend trip and do some of the special things I had planned.

The last time I talked to my mom part of the conversation was her excitement about this weekend,how much she was looking forward to seeing the boys and wanted to be a part of their new school year.

As I move into September with almighty plans to just keep moving ahead, keep trying to make the most of the time with the boys between school pick up and bedtime, trying to stick to my plans of not working more than I need to, plans to keep exercise and sleep as a priority, simply keeping going.

No insane crazy posted list of productivity for September, only to remember priorities. Believe me cleaning out 3990 emails is not anywhere in the top ten.

Warrior Dash = Multi-Shower-worthy

2011-08-30T08:43:00.002-04:00

Laura's write up yesterday was a perfect recount of our weekend trip for Carolinas Warrior Dash. In particular I am reeling in disgust and now renounce that I found the lake my favorite obstacle after seeing the algae. Was I SO ready to be done that I didn't even notice the vile filth I was wading through?

SO.GROSSED.OUT

More than a couple of students commented on my very nasty weeping blister and skinned knees in class yesterday. When I mentioned a race with obstacles over the weekend, the look was priceless. These new kids have known me 3 days. I'm looking for rock star status if I can keep up this insanity of a teacher who is a really a wanna-be Katniss(laughable).

I'm thinking that if I can pry the hat off Ben I will be wearing it for my World History class olympics this Friday and keep this charade going. A fitting tribute for what was one of the most fun and also physically exhausting days of my life.

At some point after signing up I must have looked back at the obstacles. Surely, I did or was I that nuts not to bail earlier? It wasn't until the riding in the car that a little panic set in as we recounted what to expect. As we took off and I fell behind our group running the first leg I started having a sinking feeling that this was really going to be a struggle to finish and I was indeed the weakest link.

Struggle as defined as punting on the VERY FIRST obstacle. By the end I bailed on 2 of the 8 and walked at good mile of the 5k run. Not quite the finish I had wanted but I finished all the same. A huge thanks to our team for waiting patiently for me to make it to Lake Nasty to finish as a group.

Somewhere after the oh so lovely pulling myself out of a garbage dumpster and rounding the next leg of running did my left arm start tingling and then went numb. It spread to the right and at some point I started walking trying to catch my breath and also figure out what was going on. I realized yesterday that pulling myself out of that dumpster must have lead to some type of injury as I have a crazy nasty bruise developing in a none to fun place for this busty girl.

Warrior Dash was pure awesome adrenaline-fused fun. I never in my life, esp the one where I dreaded having to run a mile in gym class every Monday, that 20+ years later I would be crawling through mud and jumping fire and loving every minute of being able to finish something so physical.

Will I ever do another Warrior Dash? Maybe, post surgery and post some better outside running stamina building. My summer plans were high jacked by summer insanity. As much as I would love to make a 1/2 marathon a goal for my 40th birthday, I now realize just how far that dream is from attaining.

Hands down I will be moving forward with a Wipeout themed 6th birthday party planing. While no mud, jumping fire, or anything as crazy as Warrior Dash this is happening. Based on Ben's comments watching the WD promo video online, thinking I'm IN it no less, this kid is so ready for a pint sized version to get crazy messy.

Warrior Dash-So multi-post-shower worthy indeed.

I admit I read this book because of ONE cheesy Oprah interview comment

2011-08-22T06:56:00.008-04:00

"for such a short time they are yours, and then they belong to the world"

From Rob Lowe's name dropping-a-thon trashy good read in reference to his now teenage sons. I dare say that reading about raising sons and being raised in a family of boys is opening myself up to some community judgement. Pretty-boy Rob Lowe giving parenting advice. Really.

While I don't recommend it to be adopted for the next edition of the Norton Anthology, it was a quick, good time of a read. My attention span has been non existent of late, so this was a nice bridge into the mindless.

A short check in as with the start of school later this week it's going to be a repeat of last week's 7 days in crazytown.

Back full time, full time for daycare after phase in, Kindergarten teacher reveal and assessment. Since I don't have a classroom and am traveling throughout the school day into other teachers' rooms and I'm really tired. I may be 150 lbs thinner since I last had to travel classrooms, but I'm 8 years and 2 kids older.

I spent most of the first days back unpacking a decade+ of teaching into a single cubicle. Even after a major purge I still have too much stuff. The thing is, in teaching since budgets are never really flush with funding, you keep stuff believing you will never have time or money to replace. Hence why I still have 10 year old projects of sponge replicas of the Federal Court Model.

Ian seems to be settling in, Ben is in the last week of camp and will have his single staggered entry day the following week. He's very excited and after MUCH discussion (and Bill doing full on am rush routine alone), has relented to let Ben ride the school bus in the am. Ben is beyond syked to ride a real bus, but is overly concerned about the lack of a bathrooms on school buses in general. Thus leading to many a conversation about why the bus driver will not stop on the side of the road.

Staying busy is helping but in the quiet, still (and rare) moments it's not being able to tell my mom about Ben's crazy bus story or share in the start of new school for the boys. This is the part that is going to continue to be hard to want to check in with her and remember that I can't.

Most likely not back this busy week, but expect by next Monday for some mud covered weekend pics of Warrior Dash Carolinas.

Checking In and also Out for a bit

2011-08-15T06:55:00.002-04:00

Thank you to everyone who commented here and also sent me private messages of support in the last week. It meant the world to know that even if I didn't respond that Brian and I were being held in your space.

Most of last week I spent in continuous motion with Brian dealing with planning, making arrangements, and in general doing anything I could to push the impending task of being in her house, getting through the funeral, and the after to start.

The after has definitely started and the drive home and the last couple of days have been very hard. For as much as I was ready for this, I also wasn't. Without turning this into an over-share regrettable post that has no place being public right now, some of the revelations that accompanied last week have almost been harder than the death itself.

Some people keep a lawyer on retainer, me a therapist. I've already left a message with her service for when she returns from her annual August long vacation to contact me. I was wrapping up seeing her and frankly have not graced her door since spring. I felt that I was way overdue to end what has become more like a quarterly check in rather than real work. Looks like in addition to the vacation house I have built out of co-pays that I'll be adding a guest cottage.

With Ian starting day care today, Ben kindergarten Tuesday and me a return to full time work on Wednesday I am dropping out of posting this week, maybe next. It's going to be a really busy week and I need every bit of energy I have to exist.

After my dad died a decade ago I shut down and cut myself off from friends. To my credit I was a 1st year teacher drowning in work and a daily 1 1/2 hr commute. Add to it Bill's long term unemployment on top of coming off of my dad's long illness. I did some real damage to our marriage, to friendships, and to myself for letting regret and guilt consume me in the months after. Even though his sickness and death were the catalyst that pushed me originally into therapy, I let myself spiral downward and it took a really long time to get back.

I cannot do this. There is no room to be anywhere near that despair again. Ben and Ian deserve better, Bill deserves better, and I deserve better. I've been in such a better place of late and I need this school year to go well.

Many of my brothers' friends came to both the funeral and also to the house afterwards. Most I didn't know and I am so very thankful that he has their support. I asked the same of them that I ask everyone who knows me to not let us disappear.

Please don't take our mutual stoicism that we both subscribe as a badge of honor for more than it is. Call us out for lying to you in the days, weeks, months ahead that we are totally fine and back to normal.

While I'm not looking for Thanksgiving invitations or hand holding, know that even though we both knew that the end was coming at some point, finally being here is unbelievably hard. Leaving the graveside services to ride alone in the family funeral car as parent-less children was gut wrenching difficult.

My mom kept a car from Ben and a rattle from Ian on her kitchen table to remind her that they would be back to visit. I included both along with a letter and photo of the grandsons I know she loved.

I know she wanted us to be happy and move forward with life after she passed. I also know that for all the regrets I have now and the encroaching guilt of missed opportunity, I have to move ahead and love Ben and Ian for her.

I'll be back with news of kindergarten and daycare starts and hopefully that I'm figuring out a new normal in the days and weeks ahead. In the meantime tend to all your relationships, even the hard ones that you want to control, with unconditional love.

the other side

2011-08-09T06:14:00.003-04:00

My mom died yesterday.

When I asked what life without her might look like last December I was prepared to let her go.

I wasn't yesterday.

Brian and I planed a funeral over texting, as neither could talk on the phone without losing it. Last night I called what seemed half of her church and my dad's extended family with the funeral details.

Next step? Keep it together, think about how and when to tell Ben, figure out what the kids can wear, get summer grades posted, go by school to move some stuff so I can snag a decent cubicle for my year of traveling classrooms before the new people show up this week, haircuts for the kids, mow the grass at the old house, run anywhere as fast as I can once the kids are in bed.

Keep busy and really not think about this until I actually can say that the one thing I have dreaded/anticipated/guiltily wished for, outloud without wanting to puke.

I hope you are happy, talking up the last ten missing years with my dad, in a good place with no pain. It was not the ending I had braced myself for, but an ending all the same.

Damn. Not Expected. Not Ready. Messy. Released? Can I get a re-do on that last rushed Sunday night phoned-in conversation? This is where one story ends and another begins.

Know that I hope I made you proud as a mom to Ben and Ian and that truly loved you for my 36 years.

Marilyn Hall Jobe Hendricks 6/20/49-8/8/11

I really wish I had a Flobee to rid this house of rat-tailed children

2011-08-08T00:06:00.006-04:00

Happy weekend all around with a date night to finally see Super 8. Think if Lost and Red Dawn had a most amazing kid it would be this visually epic, reminiscence of all great 80s films movie. Bill has managed to see a movie a week in his annual summer movie season of explosions, superhero, and goo-pod qualifying movies.

What can I say, he doesn't own a boat, fix up cars, between gadgets and first run movies this is what he does with his blow money. I on the other hand negotiated going to the grocery alone with my 2 hours of time and only taking one kid to shop for school supplies. Priorities people.

This is the one week between the end of summer school and the start of fall online semester as well as the start to back to full time. Being the last week of freedom you know this lady has some plans.

1. Gradually work my wake up time back to 5 am. Boo.
2. Massive freeze ahead to restock my freezer and prep an upcoming SC run. 3 items a day to the tune of a $250.00 grocery bill for supplies yesterday.
3. Oil change, pay vehicle tax. Clean out car of summer gunk/sand.
4. Mow the grass the the old house or rent a goat.
5. Box for passing all 6-12 month baby clothes.
6. Check out the status of Ben's back to school clothes. Got athletic, nylon pants in a size 5. I'll take all colors.
7. Massive clean out of two boxes of paperwork and an annual file cabinet purge.
8. Clean out fridge/freezer in the garage for use for overflow groceries.
9. Try to finish the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo on audio. Damn, saw that Christmas release trailer again this weekend. Even if the movie adaption totally sucks I am totally buying the soundtrack. Badass I tell you and so worthy of a workout playlist.
10. Ian Dr appointment with shots and meet his teachers for day care start.

Other stuff like catching up on the last weeks of SYTYCD online, making a giant weekly task list to laminate for the fall, trying on all my school clothes, getting 25 miles logged, buying new bras. LOTS of fun going down this week.

But without saying I gotta put taking the boys for haircuts to rid them of their redneck rat-tails is tops. We are at a record for needing haircuts. I would ask around if anyone had a Flobee just for the laugh factor alone.

Countdown to fall restart starts now.

A New Phone Friday Series- Room by room, it's all RAD!

2011-08-05T08:19:00.004-04:00

Thanks for good thoughts on going back. I got my schedule yesterday and as expected I would call myself bottom of the totem pole. I will be traveling to different classroom/floors with an all Freshman load. If I thought I could count my miles per week walking for the competition, I might consider it. Instead I'll be pulling out my most geriatric shoes and stocking up on protein bars.

It's all good and in the end, I'm thankful in this economy, esp when normally recession-proof teaching jobs are being cut that I have a job with a reasonable commute.

Since the house is completely put together, I feel good sharing something other than just the exterior. Instead of some crazy long post with pics room by room I thought for the next few Fridays I would do a include quick pics I like about the new house.

Up first a big reason we love this house: lots of open space downstairs.
When we opened the door we saw an open kitchen, sunny breakfast area, and the porch/deck that you can see from almost everywhere downstairs.

I LOVE this space. The area is open, lit with natural light all day. I seldom turn on the lights and just work at the kitchen table under the sunlight.

We put the play kitchen which was a great decision for the mealtime rush and given the perpetual mess in the playroom, this is easy to clean up by the boys.

Since a mudroom was among the few things I didn't get with this house, we are instead using the storage bench for shoes, backpacks, lunchboxes. Ben already was accustomed to putting his shoes and backpack here already, so it's a great place to catch everything as we come in the door.
I cannot tell you how much we love this house. We were prepared for the long haul that it may take to sell our our old home when we took this leap of faith to buy before selling. I know that every reason we said yes to our new home has been confirmed every time I walk in the door.
Happy weekend.

A much needed and overdue date night planned. Prediction of planning for the return to full time schedules to be discussed, budget fun, kindergarten and daycare starting. Not romantic, but needed.

A completely work free week coming up. I can't wait, getting oil changed and paying my vehicle tax never seemed so fun.

Inevitable or the whole returning to full time work post

2011-08-03T00:09:00.021-04:00

**yeah, it's long. Probably because I made this decision then sat on it for several months. Even with several edits, it's just a long post no matter what I cut.
The short version is I'm going back to full time work as on Aug 17th, read on if you want the specifics, why the wait, how the year as a WAHM played out, and why in the end this is a good decision**

Thanks for support as this was a monumental decision in the works for a while.

After an afternoon of rehire paperwork signing yesterday, this is really going to happen in about 2 weeks.

In late March, my Principal contacted me about my intentions, letting me know that instead of being released to the county to reassign me to any of the 20+ high schools, that he had requested me to come back to my school.

This given the politics of our public schools was the best situation in which to return if I ever had any intention to teach in this system again. Also, unlike the 2010 decision, this one was under new circumstances. Enter in a new house with a higher mortgage, having a house still on the market, a 25% across the board salary cut from my online position due to state budget cuts and well the decision made itself.

When I took this year off I really hoped that the asinine question I posed last summer would have only one answer. The outcome is that all fears aside I made this year work. At times it was soul crushingly monotonous, uber lonely being in my house taking care of a very active, frequently non-napping baby with little adult interaction.

I made myself get out of the house whenever possible. Almost everyday to work out, walk the dog, go to Target, and if possible once a week to put on earrings and have an adult conversation with someone named Vinson. At times it was really trying juggling the kids, the house, and attempting to work the online gig and not feel like I was drowning. I learned that "at home and part-time" have very different meanings than what I expected.

I know that in a game of misery poker I will always have a loosing hand. This year could have been SO much tougher had two+ babies, children who were sick, my mom's ongoing health issues that while not resolved, are in a holding pattern, Ben's discipline that finally rallied by fall, being stubborn and not owning up to things not going well and refusing to ask for help. Any could have really sidetracked me and fortunately by comparison my life has been a cakewalk compared to what could have played out.

But it was hard enough and at times it felt like the walls were caving in in part to not saying no to more work while parenting an increasingly fearless child as well as trying to reconnect after an awful summer with the other.

My commitment to put the family/kids before work regardless of how and when I finally got work done led to that slippery slope of sleep issues. Again. This spring was esp tough carrying 3 sections and a contact to write test items. In hindsight I took on way too much and then was stuck. The decision this summer to only take a single section when offered more was a really good call given the house move.

Why did I take on the extra work? Money to make up for the deficit in not working full time, taking on a new subject to give me more opportunity should my subject demand dry up since it will no longer be state tested.

Why test writing? More opportunity to keep the at home thing going as long as possible by checking out a new venue. Frankly, I don't know of many teachers that only work one job, everyone has side work. It's the nature of being chronically underpaid.

Somewhere there is also some crazy work productivity/self preservation argument, but I'll leave that alone. It's been analyzed and picked apart and just is part of who I am.

In general that I don't think I am suited to day-in, day-out SAHM life. Yes it was nice to make my own schedule and I took on other items that I am convinced would not have happened had I been working full time. I don't think the new home search and subsequent move would have happened nor a real commitment to loosing weight and getting serious about hopeful future surgery.

Add in that most anyone who I worked with or just knows me would agree that burned out = not the teacher you want for your kid. I needed to take time off and decide if I really wanted to stay in the profession for the long haul.

From working with my online kids this year, all of which were repeating the course, many in not optimal situations including many students in a group foster home or many that were frequently incarcerated one truth stood out. Because I believed in them and worked closely with their schools, many of them believed they could pass and finally graduate. This is what keeps me in the profession. I can't explain it other than I know I am really good at this aspect of my life, and I can't just walk away.

As far as did I answer that asinine question. Yes, I think I was a better parent for taking the year. I have not one single regret that I had more time with the kids. Which sounds in theory utterly ridiculous for anyone NOT to want to have more time. But as I wrote last year, would more time be better quality? The last thing I wanted was to be trapped in some Betty Draper-eque life in which I resented my kids.

I spent so much more time with each child. Watched Ian grow from an infant to a toddler in ways I missed with Ben. I also worked on my relationship with Ben and our joint parental Of late I am working on greater responsibilities with him. There's a post in here someday about what I'm sure looks like poor parenting and likely to draw criticism but at age 5 and the start of school there are some things that I think are the right direction with this plan. So far we are having one of the best years yet with him at a more mature stage than ever.

So am I going back to rerun past mistakes of existing in a permanently exhausted state of negativity? I hope not. Already this summer I've been trying to put things in place that by school start will be 2nd nature. Yes to more sleep, curbing work earlier, making the changes that need action and not just lip service.

As much as I don't want to admit that better living through chemistry works, it has for me. I feel so much more on an even keel most days. Overall I feel less stressed, less intense, more ready to roll with the punches. Add lots of exercise and weight loss and I am really in a good place going back to full time life.

I already know that going back means up super early, a longer commute, juggling the house along with a true full time job. I am keeping one single section of my online class as not to loose my place for future work. It's good money even with the salary cut and frankly given the economy and the 2nd mortgage we can use it. One section is manageable in every scenario I've played out and discussed with Bill.

How many people can say they had a 16 month maternity leave? It was a good run and our family was better for this time.

How very glad am I that I took this leap of faith and trusted myself that I knew the right answer all along.

I got your ONE word for August!

2011-08-01T06:50:00.004-04:00

Routine!

Get it planned, get it tested, get it tweaked, get it in motion for the return to full time work, 2 kid drop off am scramble pre 7:30 am (gulp), startin' kindergarten, startin' day care, getting in the Vinson Zone of productivity to milk this maternity leave final two weeks and start back on top.

Weekend of everything we wanted. Trade time for down time, SLEEP, pool time, time with the kids, exercise, TRUE BLOOD season 3 finale!!!, RAIN, final push to get the garage inhabited by TWO cars (which will be possible once the kid you not, 40+ paint cans are gone)

Plus.. I made these amazing Veggie Crepes. Repeat please. I (heart) summer foods.

AND on tap is to make these gut-bustin' insulin dependent Peanut Butter Stuffed Fudge cupcakes.

Happy August.

Double Parking on Tap

2011-07-29T08:32:00.004-04:00

We are at the point in the new place that I'm really happy with the new placement of items and am getting into a routine with cleaning and keeping up with organizing.

I'm one of those everything in a place and a place for everything people ad nausem. Clutter actually makes me nervous so you can imagine how much I abhor unpacked boxes. I have offered to help Bill this weekend with the final few boxes in the garage that are (his) odds and ends.

One of the many reasons we LOVE this house is the tons of storage. I mean if you ever needed a place to stash a body, I got you covered. Our #1 goal this weekend is to finish the garage, make a trip to the landfill for the ridiculous amount of paint that conveyed, a final charity run for the "shouldn't have moved it" pile, freecycle the final electronics and park the cars in the garage.

I had lots of time on the drive last weekend to think about being back at work full time in a matter of weeks, how I want this fall to play out, and in general what I can drop from my life to give me more relaxation in this home I love.

We have not had tv in the new place since we moved in and I can honestly say I've not missed it. I'm also really sticking to not working past 10/10:30 pm regarless of how much it will helps to stay ahead. Instead I've been going to bed much earlier, reading and falling asleep naturally by midnight. I've got three books going right now, a record by my standards.

How can I translate this into the pending fall schedule? Lots to think about, maybe a post in the works since I really want to make this a positive transition for all stakeholders with no repeats of the past insanity. Will be rereading Brene Brown's thoughts on how pace of life = quality of life prior to the fall kick off.

Sweet Home Alabama

2011-07-28T08:12:00.009-04:00

****Note to everyone who believe I only hate on Alabama, not today. Beside you know I love my home state of South Carolina first****

When I tell people that I was in a sorority in college I usually get the same look as when they hear I am a teacher of real-live public school children. Polite shock with a little amazement usually followed by laughter.

I have to agree on some level that I'm not the stereotypical type of either. I also never expected when I started college that because of a sorority I would meet my future husband at a pledge bash.

Amazing weekend catching up with old friends, my little sister Alex, my good friend Beth whom I roomed with and was a major reason why I wanted to be a part of this house.

The Grove Park Inn was everything expected in a luxury hotel. We ate wonderful food, drank without regard for university values valuations, stayed at the spa the entire day Saturday. In general left our thirtysomething selves behind and relived being young with our whole adult futures ahead of us.

It was as if the last 15 years had never happened.

500 miles in 2011 Challenge- Update

2011-07-25T23:47:00.015-04:00

***Amazing weekend at the Grove Park, longer write-up with group photo soon***

We just passed into week 30 in the 500 miles in 2011 Challenge. When I got back to outside running last night I was astounded that my last week in the Couch to 5k restart was on JUNE 28th. Wow. I've been feeling especially sluggish, given the heat, the move, being on vacation but this is really inexcusable. I *wish* I could say I exercised at all during the last month, but outside of walking the dog, nada.

As of yesterday I was around 415 miles. Nearly 100 miles off off where I wanted to be mid year with a personal goal of 1000 miles by year end.

You would never guess that practically one month from today I'm participating with friends in a Warrior Dash Carolina. I need to pick up the pace if I have any intention of not embarrassing myself even if with the extreme heat we walk parts of the race between the obstacles.

When I started this competition in January I made it a personal goal to try to clear a minimum of 20 miles a week and for most of the spring I met the goal, even with the insanity of my spring teaching load. I made it a priority and didn't negotiate.

But then the move and the listing, the packing, and most recently the unpacking... has just sidetracked me. I managed to get 12 miles in last week, including 2 while at the Grove Park this weekend. With the start of school and return to full time work as well as keeping a single section of online, I've been considering how I'm going to keep up with my 2011 fitness goal. After all one of the reasons that I put back on a good 15 lbs the year Ben was a baby was a return to full time work and totally neglecting exercise outside of walking the dog.

So far my plan is to keep our gym membership for cold weather as well as weekend working out, plus use of the indoor pool with the kids. I'm also putting the elliptical we bought 3 years in the master bedroom dormer window with plans to use it as much as possible during the week. As much as I want to quantify a goal of time, if I can make exercise on the priority list even 3-4 days a week and something over the weekend then I will be pleased.

With returning to a 5 am wake up time I have GOT to make this a priority, as much as I want to move ahead with my planned surgery in December I also know that personally won't commit until I have lost the reminder of the weight.

Also, with a 3 mile trail running through the new neighborhood as well as access to the Cary Greenway and the America Tobacco Trail, I really have NO excuse not to be taking advantage of an outdoor opportunity. Come on, who wouldn't want to run with this steps from your front door?

"security, I think we need backup"

2011-07-22T08:05:00.002-04:00

I wanted to snap a quick shot of the fruits of my labor this week: more than 50 boxes flattened and waiting for a freecycle pick up yesterday. Alas I went outside and they were already gone.

So you will have to believe me that this week has seen some serious productivity and I am leaving later today with every single box (that was mine or the boys, Bill is on his own) unpacked and neatly in a new home.

About 9 months ago some old college friends started talking about trying to get together in 2011 for a sorority reunion. Later today 20+ friends are meeting up for a girls weekend and the Grove Park Inn in Asheville, NC.

Can I just tell you how excited I am for a sunset reception overlooking the Blue Ridge Mountains followed by a 4 course dinner (that I don't have to make, feed, or clean up?) Or to room with my good friend Beth C whom I have not seen in 15 years, or that I will have to be physically removed from the spa upon closing time on Saturday after spending most of the day sitting pool side with drink in hand.

Can I also add that I am re-listening to a favorite book, The Time Travelers Wife in the car. Alone, without 912 stops for diaper changes, drive through runs, and whining.

All week when I've been about to pass out from moving boxing from garage to attic in the 100+ heat, I've been coming back to this for some inspiration.

Moving into our dream house, lakeside weekend with high school friends and now a 15 year reunion. Can I just say that July 2011 is going down as legendary in the awesomeness dept.

So Maybe I Need Another 48 Hours

2011-07-18T09:03:00.004-04:00

I had really, really hoped to have the entire house unpacked by weekend end. Well...

Instead I'm going to have to go with by week end as there is still lots of big, bulky items in the garage to walk up to the attic. More pics of the finished house once we can do the House Beautiful walk through but here is the status

#1 Priority- Serious Babyproofing. Already in progress but Ian is everything Ben was at age 15 months and MORE.

Kitchen-DONE!!!! (thank you friends)
Family Room- Done
Dining Room- Haven't even touched (who is planning on fine china anyway)
Porches/Deck- Done including plants
Playroom- All toys unpacked, but needs organization (and a 2nd thinning)
Master- DONE!
Boys Rooms- 1/2 done (beds and furniture in place, need to unpack extra the closets)
Master Bath- Closets done (under the sinks not done.. have to contact paper and buy some organization containers)
Boys Bath- Need to finish the walls, organize/paper the linen closet. Make directional signs about lifting the toilet seat and washing hands.

Over the weekend I met up with my high school girlfriends at Melissa's lakehouse in Charlotte. While the trip which was planned back a few moths ago, it seemed like bad timing with the move. I wouldn't have missed it for anything, but I showed up exhausted and tired (and also expected, late.)

We spent Saturday on the lake on the Potter's boat, enjoyed a big barbecue and socialized on their deck overlooking Lake Norman. Everyone brought their kids (and spouses, minus Bill who as I hoped would take advantage of the time to unpack his office and network the house.)

What a great and much needed break after a really long week. I'll leave you with this shot. As you can imagine, Ben rehashed my expected wipeout with the embellishment only a 5 year old can create. I believe by the time Bill heard the story I had lost an arm and a toe eaten by a fish.

Lots still to do this week, but the first blog post from a really happy place in the new home.

Goodbye 204, Hello 102

2011-07-13T23:52:00.005-04:00

Moving day is tomorrow. Whew, what an unexpected ride for 2011. I feel like so little time has been spent at the old house this week other than sleeping in place of painting, cleaning, organizning, and prepping the new home for the move.

It goes without saying that sorority hazing week was to my 18 year old self as moving with a heat index of 105 with two kids in tow is to my 36 year old self.

This (old) house has never looked better, kinda like trying to rekindle all the reasons it was your first love in these last hours calling it home.

When I expressed a little saddness that a decade of memories where about to wrap up in the old place, my friend in her widsom reminded me that all I needed to do was to stand at my window, see my kids and remember the home that was created in this space.

I know that wherever I can look out and see this, I will be at home.

See you on the other side of a new window.

Vacation...All we ever needed...Vacation, had to get away

2011-07-11T09:01:00.004-04:00

No long play by play but I'll sum up a week of:

relaxing at the beach, by the pool, at the neighborhood marina at a 4th of July regatta, shrimp eating, fireworks over historic Manteo while eating ice cream, kite flying on the beach, hammock shopping, True Blood Season 3 watching, sleeping in, doughnut eating, go-kart riding, napping, day trips to the Hatteras Lighthouse and Ocracoke Island via ferry, book reading, more trips to the beach side playground that imagined, and a kayaking trip on the Albemarle sound with my pint-sized crew member.

It was exactly what we needed.

It was exactly want we wanted for our 2011 family vacation.

It also gave me a most memorial Ben date night of the year, maybe ever.

All (we) Ever Wanted

2011-07-01T00:24:00.012-04:00

Remember a few months ago when I posted that finding a house we BOTH agreed on would require either a marriage counselor or a really good realtor?

In a surprisingly fast few weeks we found our dream house leaving plans to move in 2012 in the dust.

It didn't even take a smackdown pitting Vinson vs. Vinson in the compromise on dream home priorities. We found the house that had it all, low-country South Carolina charm for me and an already wired electronics set-up for Bill.

We knew when we opened the front door that it had the potential to be everything we ever wanted to continue making a home for our family.

It was the ONE when we saw our boys in every room of the house and especially the backyard.

Yesterday it became ours.

June 1st Compared to June 30th

2011-06-30T08:30:00.005-04:00

PACKED (or as close to it as possible). Every drawer, closet, bin: sorted, tossed, recycled and packed. Except for the items we are using daily to function, we met our goal.

June 1st

June 30th

An extra happy closing today, we have earned it!

Leaving Preschool

2011-06-29T00:33:00.003-04:00

Ah June, one more day and you are done. What a crazy month. Ben is going to day camp this summer and loves it. Correction: LOVES it to the point that he is exhausted from swimming, games, whatever else a bunch of college age kids can do with a roomful of energy each day.

Each Wednesday they go on an off-site field trip via chartered bus. So far they have been to Frankie's Fun Park (Ben calls it "freakies") a Durham Bulls game, tomorrow the Carolina Railhawks soccer team is visiting. The best part the camp is at our gym so I can work out, even take Ian to the pool, and then pick up.

We finished preschool at the end of May and attended his graduation a couple of weeks ago. Without recounting (again) feelings about preschool, moving schools, general expectations not met suffice it to say that I am glad he will be starting at a new school with a stellar reputation this fall.

The graduation was nice, organized, and minus including Ben in any of the video presentation that appeared to have only come from pictures after we left, it was what I expected. Ben didn't seem to notice and the only tears really came from me. If I had one issue as a do-over more than not brestfeeding, going back to work, even the trials of potty training feeling like I failed him in providing the best pre-K education is my sticking point.

I know that he is going to be on par with his classmates come August. He is reading simple sentences and knows all the prerequisites entering school. I just wish the whole experience had been better. Better for him and selfishly better for us.

In the decision to return to full time work this fall comes the decision about childcare for Ian. Bill and I have talked ad nauseam about what options we have given the upcoming move, double drop offs, after care arrangements. I want Ian to be at one place until he is going to kindergarten and most of all I don't want to look back with regret that the experience could have been better. I really want to get this right and not spend the next five years second guessing our decision.

Only When You Are Five

2011-06-28T00:06:00.002-04:00

Dear Age Five,

Where have you been hiding out? Had I known that this level of compliance and happiness were mine for reaping last summer I would have been a MUCH happier camper.

I love the kisses for no reason, watching Ben make a beeline to hug me at pick up, pointing and telling others "this is my mom, you should say hello" to complete and total strangers. I love this window being the apple of your eye.

Hence why your 5th birthday was a week long celebration. I think birthdays must mean more to a five year old than at any other age (even 18, 21, 30...)
How else can you explain five separate parties to usher in this glorious age.

1. Party at school- Store bought cupcakes consumed on what was Ben's final day with his class. One-Two punch of celebrations.

2. Surprise Party in FL- I had SO much fun decorating the house for him to discover after being out with Grandmommy (Bill's mom) and Uncle Jamie.

3. Party in SC on the way home with my mom and brother. Ben requested pink frosted cupcakes. My mom delivered.

4. Party at home complete with TWO sets of Dunkin Doughnuts. What to you get with Mom buys said the 5 YO favorite pink sprinkle doughnuts by the dozen only to realize that dad had the same idea? 24 doughnuts and a lot of guilt for eating so many in the days after.

5. Kid Party at Marbles Museum. After Ben's 4th birthday party at which guests got stuck in an insane (and unbearably hot) June event requiring shuttle buses to be ridden just to get to the location I gave Ben 2 options for Year 5.

Ground rules for both included minimal parent effort other than showing up. After discovering that a pool party at our gym required all parents to be in the pool at all times with the kids I began to push for a party at a favorite date night location, our local kids museum. Ben was game, and I was breathing a sigh of relieve not to include the words, "plan on joining your kid in the pool for the duration of the party" on invites. Nothing says, "worst party of the year" than requiring swimsuit clad parents stay in the pool for the duration of the celebration. Talk about flipping the coin to see who takes that party solo.

I asked Ben what kind of cake he wanted and as you guessed he wanted a pink race car. While I'm sure we got many a WTF looks for those who don't know he is obsessed with all things pink, know that I would have moved Heaven and Earth make it a reality.

Ben specially asked if we could eat the car at his new house so as you can imagine what will be hand carried to the new kitchen, a pink Hot Wheels Car complete with BEN 5 license plate.

Of course Ben has already started planning his 6th birthday. At this point I am still invited, until he gets mad and dis-invites me. When I mentioned maybe we could make a WipeOut course in our new backyard for the party I think I sealed my fate for 2012 party planning.

Because how sweet would it be to usher in age 6 covered in foam while running an obstacle course?

The Boy(s) of Summer

2011-06-27T01:09:00.011-04:00

I've been a little MIA for good reason, we are down to the last days before our hopeful and uneventful closing. My days are spent teaching my summer school section, spending time with the boys at the pool, trying to keep this house in one piece for showings, and packing if possible. Nights have been spent grading and contacting students, then more packing once the kids are in bed. Needless to say we are tired and very ready to be moved.

So much awesome has happened outside of the anticipated move this month between birthdays, FL roadtrips, t-ball, day camp, preschool graduation. Before June is packed up (literally) I hope for some short recaps.

First up, T-ball.

Yesterday was the end of season celebration with Ben's t-ball team, the YMCA 4-5 year old Mudcats. One of the parents (not me may I add who said no when asked), oraganized a family day out at our local basball franchise. The kids in full uniform got to run the bases, run out on the field with the team during warm up, and sit in a special section.

This is the first time we have played t-ball after trying soccer, swimming, basketball, and a sports sampler (inline skating, flag football, soccer, basketball, tball.) What I had hoped from the sampler was to check out without a full season committment for any sport (namely skating). In the end, Ben loved the weeks of t-ball, hence sign up for a summer league.

I cannot say enough postive comments about the YMCA program, coaches, facilities, and skills learned. From the start in April to end of June he has really fallen in love with a sport and has markedly improved his skills. We will definately be back again next season. Even with a weekly practice and game committment it was worth it to find an activity that Ben truly enjoys and looks forward to playing both with the team and with us at home practicing in our backyard.

Nothing like a hot summer day eating concession stand goodies and watching size XS white pants taking the field. Nothing like watching your child take pride for learning something new.

Want to See It, Wear It, Read It, Eat It

2011-06-21T08:16:00.002-04:00

I'm waaay behind on reading and esp commenting on blogs but I so loved a recent post on Carrie's summer To-do list that included a Mom column.

It got me thinking that while we have knocked out a few items like camping and smores off our summer list, ours is understandably kid focused.

So how about a short list in this summer of moving for some things I really want to do by summer end.

1. Keep the Couch to 5k ReStart outside heat/humidity version going. What a difference non-treadmill exercise adds for endurance. Ask me how excited I am about 3 miles of park that run through our new neighborhood along with easy access to a local greenway.

2. Find some cute summer shoes. I went shoe shopping while in FL. I tried on at least 20 pairs of wedges thinking about how cute they would look. Maybe it's just me but they just looked so not right. Ideas? I really want to pull off this style before it passes on and we are back to crazy pointed toe ankle boots in gold lame. Last night I came across these. LOVE them. Really would anyone even notice your outfit with these beauties on? I think not.

3. While we are on clothing, I want a cute sundress. Not all frilly eyelet lace or over the top girly, just pretty, cool for our humid days, and something if possible with a cap sleeve to hide my lunchroom lady arms. So far nothing really looks right. I am shopping challenged and I admit it. Internet ordering has shamed me into not actually shopping in stores.

4. Eat or Drink it. I love, love, love cold summer drinks. With spirts or without, nothing is better on a crazy hot day. I found a couple of cute ideas to try like this ice cream cake made from ice cream sandwiches with the boys from Real Simple.

5. Farmers Markets- Love them. Meeting up with a friend today for a basket of NC goodness (and some kick butt biscuits.) I will be recreating this summer veggie crepes with my loot today. Filling: zucchini, corn, green beans, ricotta cheese and chive cream sauce. Farmers Market on a plate I tell you.

6. Movies- I must see Bridesmaids as I want in on this conversation. Can just one more person ask if I have seen it and then shake their head mentioning, "raunchy comedy, why were you not first in line?" Hangover 2, while panned, is still a date night option and then there's Super 8. I must see this on a big screen. So jealous of anyone who has seen this already. Too bad we have kids that keep us prisoners like North Korean hostages on Friday nights.

7. Reading- Started our July book club book last night. Short stories: always good for those with the limited attention span. While on vacation I am finally going to start the Stig Larsson trilogy. Even if I am the last person on Earth to read them I must finish if I have any intention of see the Christmas release of Hornets Nest (have watched and re-watched the trailer several times and I am impressed with the casting alone.)

Not a mention of old house woes, moving stress, or kid-free list. Seven things in the next 2 months. Totally can do this.

A Moving System Only a (Kindergarten) Teacher Could Deploy

2011-06-20T07:26:00.013-04:00

The weekend saw some major productivity in packing. Friday night Bill took Ben camping so I took advantage of a quiet(er) house and packed the kitchen. Wait, aren't you still living in the house until you officially move? What kind of family weigh loss plan are you enforcing?

Yes, so don't plan on a dinner party given I kept out just enough to keep our family afloat. At this point we are eating down on the pantry/freezer. Mighty creative meals, you bet.

When we started packing unlike previous moves, where ultimately furniture and lots of stuff eventually would be hauled away to charity AFTER the move, I planned a different system. The end game being I want the entire house moved in one day and if possible unpacked in 48 hours. Coordination of carpet, paint, cleaning, then moving is a challenge given we have a beach trip planned just before we move and are leaving a couple of days after closing.

Had I know in early March when I booked (without the thought of needing insurance,) that we would be in the middle of a move then I wouldn't have planned to back to back major events. Instead we are using leaving for the trip our catalyst to get the entire house packed before we leave.

This is a mighty task may I add. The kids are, let's just say do not share this plan of productivity, thus almost all packing happens after bedtimes.

From one of the moving companies I had gotten an estimate was the suggestion of color coding rooms using post it notes. This may around CRAZY not to write on the boxes the location or even the contents but instead just box it, tape it, mark it by room, and move on.

The idea is that the movers we have hired work on an hourly basis. Time is money. If at all possible I want to have the house loaded and moved under the 8 hour time estimate. I'm shooting for 6, 5 if we can dissemble furniture before they arrive.

Instead of parking someone near the door to tell the movers which room is which, make a color coded sign highly visible on the front door, sticky note each box, then put the same color sticky note on the door frame.

I added a strip of packing tape across the sticky note to make sure it didn't come off in transit and have also tried to wall up common boxes together in the garage. I also suggested to Bill that we pull all our shelving out of the attic and use to build a stronger base for the boxes instead of just thrown on top of one another.

We will see if this elementary school cut and paste approach works and helps us get moved from one place to another faster. You better believe that my motto of keeping something only because I use it 1. Once a day/week/month 2. Seasonal 3. Everything else goes, is in full force.

Ask me how much grief I gave Bill when he innocently asked if Ben would want his purple air brushed Blue Angles t-shirt. Take a wild guess where it went.

Did you guess the 4th car load of stuff to charity?

Good, you win (not that shirt my I add.)

I Will Sell This House Today

2011-06-17T00:42:00.006-04:00

Minus the red slip, I might be mistaken for Carolyn Burnham these days. On Monday morning I walked outside and found a 4 foot sign gracing our yard, Tuesday we listed, and by midweek the house has started to show.

Needless to say my plan of packing at night has been railroaded by the start of summer school. I have major plans for weekend packing while Bill makes a 2nd attempt at a camping weekend with Ben.

I have a plan to have the house ready to show within a hour by trying to keep it in meticulous order and clean. YES that is possible with kids underfoot, even a toddler into everything. The trick I've found is to work upstairs to down, prepping each room all the way to the front door. An extra laundry basket works well for the last minute items to go in the car along with the kids and dog.

We have drastically paired down toys, clothes, and general kid related stuff as we pack. I also have a short room by room list of items to do should someone else have to prep it to show. Don't ask if lamination was involved :)

Our online listing looks great in part to fantastic professional photos that really capture every reason to love this house. In particular the fresh coat(s) of deck stain looks amazing.

The feeling I want potential buyers to walk away is seeing themselves in this house, raising a family and spending time together. There's a typo (yes I actually noticed it) on one of the fliers stating "checking out this LOVING instead of LOVELY HOME."

Maybe it's not a typo at all.

At What Point Do You Throw the Barbie Horse from the Car?

2011-06-15T01:04:00.008-04:00

Back in 1983 my family went on the only vacation that wasn't to Myrtle Beach or Gatlinburg. We were SO predictable that we even stayed in the EXACT room, in the same motel every single vacation. My dad also requested we make a ham ball that had to travel on ice for the trip down to be consumed in transit. Memories I tell you.

On this one and only summer we drove across the state of NC on the way to the Outer Banks. I don't remember much about that trip other than being sunburned, my brother getting sick and puking inside some giant boat he was touring with my dad, and my Barbie Horse being throw at 60 miles an hour out of our family car.

Why would any parent do this? I now know after driving Ben and Ian 1600 miles to Florida. I remember when we were packing the car and my dad saying, "Heather, for the love of God why in the Hell would you bring both a Barbie Car and Horse on this trip? Let me tell you that 1. only one is going and 2. don't be surprise if we don't have room and have to loose it along the way."

I never should have doubted him that at some point when Brian and I were in the cargo hold of the station wagon, and we started throwing toys at each other that both my Barbie horse and Brian's G.I. Joe Hovercraft both were hurled from our car somewhere on I-40.

Now as a parent who restricted what could go in the car to 5 items (because Ben would turn 5 on the trip)I get it. Knowing that we would be bringing back more gifts from meeting up with family + we had the iPad which I am eternally thankful for having on the trip. Minus having Angry Birds drowning out Tina Fey the time in the car was manageable.

So at some point I realized I had missed my exit outside of Atlanta probably because I spent an enormous amount of time on the phone with Bill dealing with house buying/selling stuff while on the road. Really, should I be making decisions about a large financial purchase while drinking a 44 oz drink from the Hot Spot Gas Station while eating a bag of my *restricted to road trips only* purchase of Turkey Creek BBQ porkrinds (also from the Hot Spot.) Probably not, but I realized I was entering Alabama two hours earlier than expected.

I decided to stop at the welcome center and couple a pit stop and ask for directions. I got a map from the heavily made-up and love chain wearing lady who reeked of Designer Impostors Body spray circa 1987. Do you love Giorgio? No, and you shouldn't either. Just give me a damn map lady do you not see my children? One has grabbed my shirt and is trying to pull it over my head and the other is jumping off a display of brochures and rolling into the floor. Feel my pain, I am single parentin' it and we need to get back on the road, o'smelly lady.

She gives me the map, directions that are the WORST ever resulting in another hour of backtracking on the GPS and we are on our way, back into the 106 (really it was according to the one bank in the one stop light town she had us drive through) heat. Reason #912 I no longer live in Alabama outside of the too close for comfort nostalgia for SC, the heat that lasts a good 6 months of the year.

I DID snap this great photo outside and I can't help but think they forgot to add, "the right to not wear shoes inside this welcome center"

Ben is intrigued by the map and at some point I let him have it to "help me." I got nothing from him let me add. Help turns into him covering himself and Ian playing tent. Cute. I start to hear growling like a bear, asking what is going on I then hear the sound of ripping, no busting out like a jail break channeling Shawshank Redemption, and the sound of paper ripping into a zillion pieces. Ian is also in on the action and is squealing with laughter and also trying to tear paper.

I am still finding shards of paper in the car. I wish I had a picture of the first real time I think the boys conspired against me. My laughing at them likely didn't help.

So what do you think happened when at Chick fillet last night before t-ball practice Ben got a MAP of the NEW ENGLAND states as the kid toy. Who the hell comes up with their toys anyway? Wendy's currently has Minute to Win it games so as you can image we ate Wendy's a lot on the trip.

I made him give me the map to avoid a repeat 5 mins before practice and have him acting keyed up with the coach. What he doesn't know is I am all over busting out of that map with him.

Map = Barbie Horse = Different parenting approach

4th Annual Vinson Family Big Summer Fun List

2011-06-12T00:47:00.003-04:00

Not quite sure why looking at the calendar that this week kicks off summer in my head. Maybe because our new summer schedule of day camp and summer school section I'm teaching kicks off tomorrow. Maybe because we've been on the road and now home focusing on the summer move. Or maybe it's because it was the first weekend we spent a majority of time at the pool?

Four years ago when I started this blog is was to post an insane list of items to finish off with my then one year old. Since then the summer list focus was on family fun. This year between the house moves we are full on in summer mode.

Ben is on a traditional school schedule so he will not start kindergarten until late August giving us the whole summer to play, travel, swim, and wear flip flops as our official footwear of the season.

1. Stay in a beach house
2. Host a bike/scooter car wash
3. Start a family cooking night
4. Eat S'mores
5. Go camping
6. Plant Ben's all pink container garden
7. Catch a fish
8. Go to a baseball game
9. Walk or wheel to the library each week
10. Go to a farmers market
11. Wash the dog outside weekly
12. Eat Shrimp
13. Go to the zoo
14. Visit the aquarium
15. Participate in a bike parade
16. NC Museum of Art Kids Saturday or puppet show series
17 See an IMAX movie
18. Scrap Exchange Saturday
19. Family game/puzzle night
20. Make ice cream
21. Try gymnastics
22. See an outdoor movie
23. Go to Pullen Park (once reopens) to ride the train, carousel, and picnic
24. NC Railroad at New Hill
25. Try out the Airport Playground
26. Go on a nature hike at Umstead or Eno River State Park
27. Watch fireworks
28. See a car race
29. Take swim lessons
30. Ride go-karts
31. Move into and decorate a NEW BEDROOMs and PLAYROOM!!

Wrapping up a 1600 mile road trip in 1 picture

2011-06-10T00:53:00.004-04:00

And your week?

And Five Years Ago Today,

2011-06-09T00:04:00.005-04:00

We welcomed Bennett Davis with open hearts and open arms.

Happy 5th birthday to my favorite Ben, my firstborn, my mini-Bill in looks but mini-Heather in attitude. You talk a mile a minute, make me laugh like no one else, have boundless energy, and attempt to befriend everyone. I think you would fit well in any profession where talking is essential. Used car salesman or politician anyone?

In the past year you have moved even further into boyhood as your love of sports, Leggos, any and all reasons to be active outside, and most recently graduating to video gaming with dad.

Your sweetness outweighs your grumpiness 10 to 1. You more than anyone else named Vinson that reminds me that life is way too short not to find a reason to play everyday.

Watching your relationship with your little brother develop has reaffirmed all my reasons that +2 is the right fit for our family. Your love and protection and recent attempts to integrate Ian into your play is goodness indeed. You fill my heart to watch the lifelong bond that is developing between you.
As you move to start kindergarten and a new phase of your life I have to let you go, ever so slightly. Why you are ours, you are also more the Worlds with each passing day.

For now hearing your voice, feeling your arms in a "Ben Monster" hug, catching and pocketing kisses are mine to cherish for this day and for all the others that I will call you my son.

Happy 5th birthday my beautiful blue-eyed boy.

Love-Mom

When Does A House Become a Home?

2011-06-02T11:06:00.003-04:00

For the last 10 years this house has been filled with many things: a new-ish marriage, babies into children x 2, many days and nights of decisions about the serious and not so serious.

Last night we signed what seemed like a bazillion papers to make our home someone else's dream. In the past weeks of crazy days trying to get everything market ready is has been easy to forget that I have loved this house for so many reasons. On a hot summer day much like today we rounded the backyard for the first time, saw the porch and knew if was our house.

We have spent many a sundrenched afternoon under the shade of a huge fig tree on that porch, watched the boys play from the swing, and walked to the nearby park nearly every day.

For all the reasons we have called it home it was a good, good run. As someone who would rather do most anything than home improvement, the last weeks have been tiresome and frankly I have been a real joy to be around. The last thing you will most likely hear me say involves a love of products purchased at Home Depot.

I leave this morning with the boys on a week long trip to see my mom for a few days then onto Florida to see my inlaws then back to help with my mom who recently had two minor surgeries. We will stay for a couple more days with her before returning home late next week.

Ben's 5th birthday, the official start to summer, a new daily schedule, new schools for Ben and Ian, con't nightly packing and cleaning, and a transition to a new home will take up our days when we return. But for the next week I will lounging by the pool, taking the boys to the beach, and staying up late with like-minded late-night lovin' family (which is all of them.)

I never imaged that I would spend a decade in one place and I think I underestimated just how much 10 years would look like in a well loved home. As we walked through last night with our agent, he pointed out just how much this house has to offer, esp to someone similar to us a decade ago.

I agreed and I hope the right family is out there waiting to know the same.

May 2011: On like Donkey Kong: Bonus Round or How I figured out how Demi Moore pulled off Striptease.

2011-05-30T23:44:00.021-04:00

Back on May 1st I proclaimed this month would leave me either:

1. insanely proud of my ability to deal under lots of stress
2. in a corner crying uncle while sucking my thumb in a fetal position.

While I am equally enamored with to-do lists and the crazy high of 3 am productivity, I know where over scheduled insanity leads. I pulled it off minus a few items and I'm telling you there was some insane work that went down in May 2011.

This list of 17 items was the weekend to-do. Note that only 3 remain including de-greasing a grill. I have skills I never knew I had in all this house prep.

Did I plan to find a new house in the midst of all this insanity? No. Did it up the insanity meter, yes. It also pushed us to list as soon as we could and get this house packed provided everything works out with the closing. And for that, worth it.

Here's the wrap up:

1. Wrap up Spring teaching. Already have turned down extra Summer work commitments in light of maintaining two houses and that during summer the course compresses 18 into 8 weeks. Good Decision and one I'm already not regretting. I SO want there to be pool lounging and good times with the boys to recap our summer.

2. Celebrate mothers day the way I've always wanted, at home. Bill took the kids and I got a boatload of work done. PERFECT.

3. Keep moving with 300 mins or 20 miles/week. Kinda. I logged somewhere around 12-15 most weeks and if I could count all this house prep work I would have killed my goals. I never made it to ONE day of 30 Day Shred. Maybe if the title had been, "30 Minutes More and Jillian will tuck you into Bed"

4. Sleep. Keep a good thing going.. up until last week. Finishing this semester will help immensley get back to the good thing.

5. Get out of the house at least once a week nightly- 3 out of 4 weeks not bad and none of those outings was I sportin' the sun visor that is normally permanently attached to my head.

7. Bust it to get this house market ready by June 1st. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! And I now know how Demi Moore was glistening in Striptease... she stained a deck. Good God Almighty, I'm still finding stain in my hair 48 hours later.

May, you were put on notice for serious productivity and brother I delivered.

Bring it June. I got only one thing on my TO DO list: MOVE!

Friday Gumbo with pics

2011-05-27T15:07:00.012-04:00

This is the current state of my garage in progress. All hopes for more organization by Monday including staging area by area of the house.

And to think this time last week we were still waiting to hear if the 2nd counter was accepted. In one week we have moved quickly for our loan, all inspections, getting Ben registered at a new school, checking out daycare options nearby.

We are meeting with our agent to list ours next week with a plan of staging the garage with a whole house pack up by close date.

I took advantage of the few hours of being in the new house to also meet up for carpet measuring and our contractor. We now have estimates on painting and some playroom build-ins including a toy/box windowseat/booknook and walling one of the dormers for a secret hide out for the boys.

I've been checking out ideas for playrooms on line and am IN LOVE with some of the ideas. Esp this from pinterest for book storage

It's been a really busy week but much done. I'm feeling a little better knowing we are going to be gone for a week and that things are in motion. Ben has a friend over tonight for a sleep over and Bill's "camping" as in backyard version in hopes of the real deal next month.

Paired my 60 students down to the 15 with a shot of finishing by Wednesday final, final, deadline and have officially turned down all but one summer section of classes to focus on the houses. Yay to saying NO when I normally would say yes and then complain all summer about being stressed. I've also said no to a leadership role for consideration that I just cannot stretch myself more when I and the kids pay the price.

Bill's taking the kids to Charlotte tomorrow to check out playroom storage ideas while I really try to knock out the last bit of work. Thank you Bill!

The best pic of the lot. I knew this was a great house when I saw the porch, the backyard begging of boys to play, and a fulling blooming hydrangea hedge.

When I got to the house yesterday the current owners had left a very nice note and a bouquet from "our" yard. Really thoughtful and indicative of how despite all the craziness of the past few weeks everything is falling into place.

May. June. Insane in the Brain. Period.

2011-05-23T01:20:00.004-04:00

No, not a self portrait. Yet. This will likely be my only post this week and maybe next. It's hell week at school wrapping up the first of 3 deadlines to get my 60 kido to the finish line either Friday, Tuesday or the final, final, final deadline of next Wednesday. Don't ask but it's the mother of multiple chances.

SO why no post other than work...because I signed a contact on a new house on Friday. to close on June 30th and have to have everything inspections done by June 10th.

did I mention that I will be gone from June 1-8th driving to Florida?

The super.awesome.fantastic.bursting at the seams happiness news is that this is our dream house. More to come later including pics once I feel I won't jinx myself by publicly publishing.

Know that when I questioned on Friday if all this stress was worth it.

Yes.

A million times YES.

A wink and a nod from the Universe YES.

2011, the year of YES.

Because Dylan and Brenda can SO pack it up

2011-05-20T00:47:00.002-04:00

So this was a post intended for like days ago, but life has just circled (and smothered) any time there was to finish. We are a week out from the home hell repair and I *wish* I could say I had gotten so much done on packing, cleaning, all the fun stuff still to do since Sunday's uber productivity but I haven't. If you find my productivity mojo, please return.

I hope the weekend brings some good tidings to report of where a substantial part of the week went. Really and truly I need to be reminded that it's all worth it. Return thoughts of the upcoming FL trip to their upright position every time I'm feeling stressed.

If EVER I wished to have family close to just take these kids for a few hours and let me get something done it is now. There simply are so many hours in a day to cram the extra insanity on top of the already insane going down in this house.

Enough with my personal whine. Let's see some before and after pictures!!!

So just to recap the great reveal of what farming out the contract work brought.

First up, gone is my late 1990's wallpaper and border.From my lovely and very cluttered with kids stuff/art kitchen. Anyone want the Lenox china spice set seen in the background I traded the surplus of 28 dinner plates in my Christmas china to buy in 1996. Really no takers. Guess what, I never even put real spices in there anyway.

Without the kitsch we are now sportin' a streamlined non cluttered kitchen. Note the Diaper Genie and Pack and Play will be put up before showings or I may just early potty train Ian. Right We also banished all toys downstairs to Ben's room as NOT to look like a Babies/Toys R US exploded.

I bought big portfolios to keep special items each boy. We are drowning in papers that don't need to be packed to move. I for see some midnight trash removal as not to upset Ben that we didn't keep everything.

Our dining room was a lovely red/burgundy that was nice, about 10 years ago when it was trendy, back with 90210 was heading into the geriatric years and Donna Martin still was a virgin.

The room was always really dark, esp in pictures. I like how much lighter everything seems.
I didn't take pictures of the floor repairs, Ben's room, or the porch re screening but they too look refurbished. I also didn't take pictures of the master bath before but due to the layout of the master bedroom into bath, we wanted to try to separate the rooms more. We took down the large mirror and replaced with smaller picture ones. In addition we swapped out fixtures. Both look more updated. I still have to repaint the bathroom which will also help. Nor did I take pics of the deck and porch which as of today are only 1/2 finished with plans somehow to finish this weekend.

It feels like we really didn't change that much, since we left the upstairs alone. Still, everything looks fresh, cleaned, less cluttered.

Well worth it and kinda sad I most likely won't get to enjoy nearly as long as I did Carol Walsh's kitchen set.

The Butcher, The Baker, The Candlestickmaker

2011-05-16T09:41:00.024-04:00

We survived ripping the band aid off home repairs in a single week. As I literally am the landscaper, the cook, the cleaner, the laundress, the primary child care provider, the organizer, the planner it is no surprise to know that the only way this house is going to be ready by June 1st is because I have made it happen.

Not to brag but I have pulled off some amazing feats in the past 2 weeks. In addition to ongoing cleaning out every closet,drawer, container of toys with Ben's help, my stuff (which is mainly baby/kid related stuff) in the walk out attic I’ve also been farming out the work I literally not physically able to do.

Yes, I agree I *could* have rented ladders and painted our vaulted ceilings, yes I could have borrowed a powerwasher and cleaned grime off the house and roof, yes I could have dug out ginormous bushes and chopped them up. But there is a physical and time limit to what can happen in 24 hours each day.

Given I have 60 students in the final weeks of class to finish or they do not graduate I’m a little busy with daily (or nightly) mounds of grading and school contacts even before the recent decision to push getting the house market ready.

May '11 is going down as a Cluster**** of insanity not seen since our summer of IVF and Bill's simultaneous surgery. I'm really trying to keep it together and just hunkerdown with a daily to do list and keeping my eyes on the prize of just getting to the end of May. Needless to say that the only way I am handling stress is sleeping as a priority and trying to get to the gym or outside to run with the dog. I literally use every single minute from the time I wake up to I finally collapse to get something done.

Yeah, yeah quit complaining, but allow me to detail what has gone down in the last week. Part of me loves this type of (temporary)stress from the high of productivity. Kinda sick, right? The other part is reeling from exhaustion when I stop at the end of the day. Telling you, amazing feats in the past 15 days.

Contractors here the entire week. They were AWESOME and I highly recommend them if local. I got them to beat a bid to re screen my porch as well as powerwash my driveway and outdoor swing for free by bundling jobs. Super Score for some negotiating.

So what happened during the week of home hell renovations:

Stripped my icky 90210 era wallpaper
Repainted the kitchen, dining room, and living room, stairs, hallway
Took down my gaudy brass light fixtures and ginormous mirror in my master bath and replaced with portrait mirrors and new lighting
Rescreened the porch including the damage from the tornado
Fixed siding that I had hit with the weed eater
Reattached the downspout
Replaced boards in the hardwoods
Fixed some cosmetic issues (aka 5 year old fun)in Ben's bedroom and then repainted the wall

Yes it was crazy not having use of most of the downstairs for most of the week, Yes Ian's napping with airguns and powerwashers going off was less than stellar with several days of NO nap at all or an abbreviated version of his already short one nap a day schedule. Yes I got behind with my class and worked late into the night almost the entire week to catch up.

Sunday while Bill was at a birthday party with Ben I took advantage of Ian's crazy long 3 hour nap (all the time he didn't sleep during the week I'm guessing) and mowed the grass, scrubbed down all the porch furniture, and stained the porch.

I had started Sunday by running 3 miles at the gym thinking it was going to rain and I would punt on the outside work so needless to say I am crazy tired and sore today.

On the punch list is ONE item still to complete before month end:

Final contractor to jackhammer out and re pour the front porch.

On my list: buy and plant 3 bushes, annuals and flower pots for the porch. 2nd coat of stain on the porch and also stain the deck that I skipped yesterday due to time. Weed the hosta bed as well at the mailbox planting (note site of the nasty poison ivy), put out mulch, paint the master bathroom, attach new master bath fixtures (Bill's job I hope while we are in Florida, if not I'm calling the contractor again as I have no idea how to do plumbing). In the meantime I am sorting, cleaning, tossing, donating, and in general doing everything I can to move with the least amount of stuff.

Yeah, I'm tired. Crazy, insane tired hence why I've been very MIA to most everyone not named Vinson and under 5 or one my students. Even students I am keeping office hours to manage my time during the day. Things will definitely slow down after the end of my classes on June 1st and hopefully once we get the house listed. Did I mention that I am driving the boys to Florida on June 2nd with absolutly nothing to do but side by the pool, enjoy the extra help from grandma, and if I'm lucky read Rob Lowe's new trashy tell-all book.

All hopes that all this hard work is going to pay off with a house that sells over the summer and in the meantime make it 15 more days.

And On My Mothers Day Weekend,

2011-05-08T23:40:00.002-04:00

I busted it out with a 120 min workout on Friday. Barbell Strength + 60 mins of Cardio. Man I was tired and sore come Saturday.

Heard back about my December surgery. I have a date with Dr. Troy, finally.

Had a date night involving 4 house walk throughs (one we both loved and may go back again). Hello playroom and bonus room and TWO, I tell you TWO, kitchen pantries.

Talked over the INSANITY of the upcoming week with contractors here every day over dinner at a new restaurant. Logistics of working from home are going to be ROUGH (add to it a mobile baby to contend with this week.)

One final freeze ahead Session with a friend about to pop with a baby 2. Seeing that my mom lost a bunch of the food I had taken last trip due to a power surge that killed her freezer it looks like my lot is spoken for next trip down.

Went to a surprise baby shower where the only way the mom to be would come into the restaurant was being told they were giving away free gift cards inside. Watching her frantically ask everyone at the hostess station from afar was just next to funny.

Packed up and took down everything downstairs in prep for painting.

Settled on paint colors. Sad to see my dining room color go but this kitchen wallpaper can suck it. It looks like 90210 was filmed in my kitchen it's SO dated.

Bought a haul of mastery bathroom fixtures being replaced including new lights, mirrors, hardware to be installed.

Picked out flooring for the kitchen. Finalized work on the porch.

Whew... tired yet.

But wait....

Working on deadline to get 60+ progress reports and individual make up plans sent to my classes, their schools, and parents.

Getting financial stuff together for a meeting with a mortgage lender tom morrow.

Bought all of Ben's birthday party paper goods and treat bag stuff. Also scoped out soccer goals for my mom to give him.

Watched not one but TWO really crappy movies while working on grades. Do not watch 127 Hours or the HBO doc about Jack Kevorkian. You will wish you had a suicide machine or at least those hours back. Really.

Celebrated mothers day by sleeping in until 8:30am ( granted I HAD stayed up until almost 2am working)

Bill took the kids the bulk of the day so I could work on my classes. YAY. They brought me flowers, cards, and best yet

I'm mom to a bonafide TODDLER... Ian took 6 steps in row right before I put him down so I'm counting it as an awesome mothers day gift.

It was a great mothers day. Better yet the best I think I've had. Minus having to punt on outside plans due to rain, I was with my boys and that was just what I wanted and needed.

Love you Ben, Love you Ian. My Cup Runneth over to be your mom.

I'm Putting Mothers Day on Notice

2011-05-06T00:03:00.004-04:00

I am asking for 4 things on this first ever mothers day. I say FIRST because I cannot remember a time since I went away to college that I didn't drive home for mothers day.

I decided to go and pull out all the stops for Easter in SC to have Mother's day to myself, with my own kids, not on the road and frankly so tired once home (and usually frustrated) that the day is chalked up to "next year I'm going to do something different and not feel guilty."

Next year is this year and I'm asking for 4 things:

1. Please let me sleep. Please take the boys anywhere away from the house between the hours of 7-9 am and let me sleep and not awaken to crying/screaming/yelling/running/whining/ TV blaring or any combination of the usual way I wake up the other 364 days of the year.

2. Please don't give me anything (no flowers, no promise of a watch to replace my old that has now been offered up for at least 3 different holidays, not even a loaded up Starbucks card). Other than not minding me spending $ to print some of the recent family photos, I want to spend the day with my family.

3. Please plan some type of Sunday outing with the kids. A picnic, go karts, paddle boats, ice cream, anything that is outside and the only phrase I hear is, "it's planned, the kids/car is packed, just be ready by say 10 am once you have leisurely gotten up and I can stop by the house to pick you up.

4. Please keep these kids entertained when I stain and seal the deck. No plans for Mothers day labor, all bets are on next weekend if the weather holds out. I don't need helpers, I need the time to do it in peace.

Thank you.

Love your spouse, the mother of your children, the good daughter, the really tired mom.

Happy Mothers Day!

Of Baby Chain Smokers and Pint-Sized Hobos

2011-05-04T07:20:00.006-04:00

*****Team 317 (Vinson vs. Vinson) are the Meet the Challengers Interview today in the Move It 2011 Competition****** Come check out our story.

Really I needed some more stress this week given we moved up painting the entire interior by 3 weeks to save money. Painters are here Monday-Wednesday. Direct quote from our realtor, "you are not letting any grass grow under your feet." After a day with a professional landscaper I will answer, "and how much would you charge me to cut said grass and get me on the market faster."

But back to the fact by day-end yesterday I had managed to sadden both kids by medical appointments for each.

Kid #1 sounds like a pack a day smoker. Most people almost immediately ask if Ian is sick with a cold after being around him. No, he was diagnosed with tracheomalacia or a "floopy trachea" 2 weeks after birth. At every dr appointment I have asked if we needed to be seen by a specialist. No, by 12-18 month it should disappear, nothing to worry about.

At his one year appointment I brought up that I don't think it's getting better, rather that he frequently begins to choke and gag on just air, even when not eating. At meals it's even more pronounced as he often sucks his thumb to push the food down making the choking worse.

We saw a ENT yesterday and after running a fiber optic scope down into his trachea through his nose he confirmed no structural issues, he looks fine, even good. Luckily I was expecting my super wiggly boy to be super duper wiggly and also crying. I asked Bill to come and help me hold him.

After the initial crying he was ok with hugs and kisses. To our complete surprise nothing is structurally wrong with him and the ENT questioned the original diagnosis. So at this point, he is still gagging and choking with no answer. We are going to evaluate if this is more of an eating issue and consider a swallow study if by his 15 month appointment he is not better. We also are going to reevaluate what he is eating as with only 1 tooth even with smallest bites of cut up food he is swallowing most everything whole. We may move back to a stage 2 soft diet. Overall I am thankful that while they didn't find anything, frustrated wondering what is going on with the choking on simple air. In the scheme of issues this is really not a big one, just one we would like to find the answer for. Believe me this kid is thriving. Just check out my grocery bill.

Kid #2- The pint sized hobo- Prior to both pregnancies I never had a cavity. After Ben I had 9. After Ian 7. The only explanation I have is being post bariatric surgery and missing the ability to metabolize 12 known vitamins, likely more I take a lot of supplements. As in in have two separate pill cases I filled to the brim daily. I should get reward points at Target pharmacy. And you might want to consider buying me a cane for my 37th birthday.

When Ben showed up with two small cavities at his cleaning recently I immediately wanted to die the bad mommy death in that I *think* I do a good job. He brushes every night, uses a fluoride rinse, doesn't drink juice at home, has never had a soda in his life.

Ugh. Super Ugh. We have not been making a big deal about his sick tooth. I mentioned in the morning that we had to go back so his sick tooth could get medicine. He was good with this explanation and not until we were going in did he pull the rarely seen shy Ben mode of standing behind me and tugging on my leg.

Enter shy Ben. I asked if he wanted me to go back. Yes, please Mommy. I had to change Ian and the hygienist came to tell me he agreed to walk back with her and to meet them in exam 8. Good. I was hoping if she could get him settled watching the tv then he would not be scared. When I wheeled back I was standing where he couldn't see me and the hygienist was talking to him in preschool terms about picking a mask for the nitrous (he picked pink, his favorite color)and talking about painting tooth shampoo (the filler) onto his tooth. I gave the thumbs up and wheeled Ian back to the front. The Dentist came to talk to me about 15 mins later and said he was fine just a little confused why he couldn't feel his mouth. We paid, booked the other appointment and headed home with one quick stop.

I had promised Ben a pink sprinkle frosted doughnut if he was brave and let the dentist make his sick tooth better. Don't even comment on the whole Doughnut=Brave at the dentist thing. I know but in desperate times, I will opt for desperate measures. You better believe we were barely in the car before he was asking about his doughnut.

As I was crashing from the stress and late nights this week I had to get some coffee so we stopped. I told him that he could have it for dessert to which he said, "you can have yours too for dessert". Obviously he doesn't understand the immediate need for caffeine. He promptly ate, no inhaled, the doughnut and chewed it on the non numb side.

Not that I wish for him to have a mouth full of cavities and seeing we are remembering to floss every night plus add am brushing he did really, really well. In part because I think we didn't play it up other than in some simple preschool terms and I left the room when the momma bear really wanted to stay.

Glad that the only appointments today are 2 house related events. Mouth of a hobo and my little chain smoker, you bet. Pros at being a big boys(both of them) makes be happy to see them able to handle the an out-of-the ordinary dr appointment without a meltdown.

May 2011 is on like DONKEY KONG!

2011-05-02T00:42:00.009-04:00

ok folks, May is rolling and based on the CRAZY productivity over the weekend this month is going to leave me either:

1. insanely proud of my ability to deal under lots of stress
2. in a corner crying uncle while sucking my thumb in a fetal position.

I'll opt for 1.

As I mentioned on Friday in my April wrap up, by month end we are facing end of Ben's preschool, final push to get students to finish my class allowing them to graduate, and oh yeah getting a house we have lived in a decade ready to list.

No stress here. NOPE.

While I am equally enamored with to-do lists, the high of crazy productivity at 2 am, and my overall sense of accomplishment I also know that this could also lead to ever present slippery slope of where lack of sleep and over scheduled insanity leads.

So I'm keeping the list short:

1. Wrap up my spring online sections. Note to self that I kicked my own butt thinking I could pull of 3 full sections and camp mommy at the same time.

2. Celebrate mothers day the way I've always wanted, at home. Hopefully on a Bill planned, organized day out with all my boys. (hint, hoping for a picnic or other outside event.)

3. Keep moving with 300 mins or 20 miles. Adding 30 Day Shred to help on the days I know I will never make it out the house due to insanity. Exercise cannot take a back burner with all this house prep.

4. Sleep. Keep a good thing going, don't be my own worst enemy.

5. Blog posts for Move It 2011 participant interview (done and running this week), Disney guest post, keeping up here at least 3 times a week, and even post a couple on the Freeze Ahead blog (2 already up for May since this is my long lost child.)

6. Get out of the house at least once a week nightly, with earrings and without a sun visor on to be around someone whose name is not "vinson"

7. Bust it to get this house market ready by June 1st. SO much here it's a post unto itself. SO much work, donating, cleaning, purging already happening. Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy to see organization out of chaos.

*note to Bill don't ask me should we keep this, my answer will always be NO and why the heck do you have that anyway"

May, you have been put on notice for serious productivity and hopefully not losing my mind in the process.

Bring it April, and I DID!

2011-04-29T14:42:00.005-04:00

Monthly round up and baby I was on fire.

1. Keep the good thing going on the whole sleep and work thing. Minus this post SC run/loss of the weekend this week catch up I have been averaging 6... wait for it... sometimes 7 hours a night. I feel awesome.

2. Cary Road Race. DONE! Only folks running with a decked out stroller with balloons and streamers.

3. Celebrate Ian's first birthday. That kid loves some cake I tell you. Simple, family, perfect way to celebrate my now Toddler. Sniff, Sniff. Don't make me regret that we are done and I am letting the 3 in the freezer go end of year. Remind me of the odds and insanity of triplet possibility.

4. Ben's 5th party booked and it doesn't require adults in swimsuits. Score. All bets off for next year in a post surgery body!

5. Family Pictures at Duke Gardens. Jon-jon induced cuteness guaranteed. Be still my heart these pictures are breathtaking. Need to post some favs now that I think about it.

6. Book spa treatments for summer sorority reunion at the Grove Park Inn. DONE and Heatha Hendricks will be breakin' it down all weekend with drink in hand by the pool.

7. Continue logging min 20 miles or 300 mins per week. Minus a big zippo last week between the beach to SC run I'm over 300 miles. Starting 30 Day shred on Monday because I am insane and also on the days I don't make the gym I won't feel as bad (literally)

8. One new date night idea with Ben and one with Bill. NOPE on Bill, plans for Hangover 2 in May with a sitter for the kids. One Ben date night did include the Monster Jam Truck show aka "Can I get those 90 mins of my life back." Actually I admit I loved it and cat called like the SC resident in hiding I am.

9. Another SC run. Done until drive through on the way to Florida next month. I pulled out all the stops for a nice Easter for my mom. Repayment will be spending first ever mothers day with my boys only.

10. Get going on the getting out of the house goal. Realtor on board, landscaper starting monday, waiting on a final estimate between two contractors for the inside work.

May is going to be INSANE. Warning now that you might want to keep your distance as we finish the whole house clean out, deal with interior work, outside work and then list. Oh and it's the end of Ben's school and the final 30 day push for my students who are all under the gun to finish or not graduate.

Not stressful at all I tell you. At least there is a Florida road trip at the end.

A boy mom edition #109759

2011-04-28T08:37:00.003-04:00

Mission: Yesterday afternoon dodging rain storms, returning clothes, buying t-ball gear, attempting to buy mother day cards.

Reality: Play it Again Sports is like Hoarders for sports equipment addicts. Could not even push a stroller among all the crap on the floor. Score for taking back Bill's (yes Bill's) sports equipment for store credit. Glove purchased, strike out on pants. This kid needs extra small (how about, "will blow away in a strong wind" size) for Sat am practice.

Then Ben found this: and proceeded to wear it out of the dressing room wearing only his underwear. On backwards as to see the pictures, telling everyone within earshot "Do you like my transformer underwear? I like my transformer underwear. My brother can't wear Transformer underwear, he's too little. He only wears stinky diapers."

Then we hit Marshalls looking for cheap kid's flip flops to replace those Ben destroyed wrestling with Connor at the beach. No interest in flip flops. Instead he wanted to try on girl shoes, and he convinced me to join in. We then made it to Old Navy to make returns. Mid return and I looked over and he was pulling the mannequins pants around her ankles. Then mounting the fake dog. THEN licking, yes licking, the fake dog's head. So wrong and funny all at once. As I was wrapping up and pulled him off the dog the man behind me said, "I have three, I understand."

We never made it to Hallmark to buy cards, I was too wiped out to risk him likely breaking free of my death grip to peruse the cards. My good friend and mom to two elementary boys reminded me last night, "wait until you are shopping for the athletic cup, you will know your status as a boy mom for sure."

11 %, No way.

2011-04-27T07:25:00.003-04:00

No way that my little guy is only 11% for weight. At his one year appointment yesterday he was just over 20 lb, 70% for height and 49% head circumference.

Really? The way this kid packs it away I would have guessed at least 30 or maybe 40% after his measly 5% last visit prior to all table food transition.

This from the kid who is a bottomless pit morning, noon and night and eats more than me at most meals. For example his breakfast: 2 pieces of whole wheat toast, a cup of YoBaby, 1/2 cup of cottage cheese with 1 banana, and 1 cup of strawberries mixed in. Add to this 1 of 5 sippy cups of milk by end of day. I need a cow or maybe a home equity loan to pay for his upkeep.

Ben lives on crackers and air, Ian on whatever he can get his hands on. Literally.

His dr didn't see any real concern as according to his chart, he is tracking right where he should be as tall and thin. Given the increased food consumption in the past month all thoughts he will catch up much like his brother. Ben has grown by my count at least 5 inches in the last year.

The whole, "this is the end of the baby train" has really hit hard in the last month. Not that I want to be up multiple times at night or have the new, newborn phase insanity again, I'm just a little sad it's close to over and I will never do it again.

In the past few weeks we have traded all bottles for a sippy he will take after trying the last 3 months to find one he would actually drink from and not fling at the wall, floor, dog, himself.

The only other thing of note was we have a referral to a pediatric ENT for rule out of something more than the tracheomalacia he was diagnosed with at 2 weeks. At every dr appointment this year we have asked if we needed to consider a referral, and at every visit we were told he will grow out of this harmless condition by 12-18 months. Simply put he has a floppy airway that sounds like he continually has a cold, or is a 2 pack a day smoker.

But instead it seems like the wheezing and low gurgle is more pronounced than at 6 or 9 months. In the past weeks we have noticed that sometimes it seems he is gasping to breathe. Luckily he did it in front of the doctor warranting a definite need to be seen by a specialist.

On the side note, the doctor added "my what an active one you have." I added he's only trying to keep with his older brother. I think the source of the 11% may just be his activity level that is through the roof and food doesn't stand a chance before being burned up.

Have Testosterone, Will Travel

2011-04-26T00:05:00.002-04:00

Back from the beach, back from Easter weekend at my moms. Back to electricity and a big pile of school work, getting the house on the market in 4 weeks, life in general. I have a feeling my May is going to be a one way ticket to crazy town.

My friend Chrissy and I have been talking about doing a beach trip for the better part of 2 years. Like many ideas we have involving corralling the 4 boys between us it just hasn't happened. Chrissy and I met 10 years ago when our husbands were working at the first of FOUR (yes four) companies they have since worked together. It's a bad joke now that where one goes the other follows.

So after a 4 hour late start (image someone equal to or later than me), a van packed to the gills with beach stuff, boys stuff, baby stuff, mom stuff, snacks, video games, and yes actually children we headed to the beach for a 2 night stint in her mom's rental house.

We took turns driving, taking kids to the bathroom on pit stops, answering work phone calls for both our jobs, talking to husbands who were at one point going to do a guys trip to Kings Dominion amusement park (note this did not happen), making food, feeding kids, bathing kids en masse, collapsing into a margarita haze once said boys were in bed.

Once there we took turns keeping the crazies at bay, convinced children that the beach was more exciting than video games (major glimpse into life with elementary aged boys), walked on the pier, ate seafood, played at the park, and chased Ian who took to the beach like a fish to water.

Seriously this kid was born to live at a beach in cut offs and flip flops in his future life. Nothing phased him, not the sand, the water, the relentless "fun" the older boys had digging a hole and putting him in or covering him in sand, or dragging him on a float. This list goes on that he loved every minute and is telling of our summer plans including 2 beach trips.

By Thursday afternoon we packed up, took the boys on the ferry and headed home. But... what trip wouldn't be without some need for material to write a comedy set.

Enter an hour once on the road with 4 hangry children who all need to go to the bathroom. Enter a pundunk-ville one stop light town, with a Piggy Wiggly supermarket and Family Dollar as the only options in town for clothes.

Enter into Beaulahville, NC. Someone (like me) said let's stop and sit down to eat. Famous last words, "Hey isn't that a Western Sizzlin' steak house?"

Famous last words and I kid you not this was the place of my childhood with a salad bar that contained non-salad bar options, like fried fat back.

Over an hour later after 4 bathroom trips, 2 baskets of rolls, undoubablty some of the worst food ever consumed, and yes a photo of me trying the fat back later we were on the road home.

Just in time for me to head out 12 hours later for the weekend SC run.

Nice to be back, nice to have electricity again, nice that I am not trapped in a van with 4 boys anytime this week. Nice to have friends that only because of our husbands work did we ever meet but when it comes to the phone it in Moms Club we are charter members.

99 Words and We are Road Tripin’

2011-04-19T02:51:00.005-04:00

To follow up with on the uber long post of yesterday to one of the SHORTEST ever:

FINALLY got power back last night. Lost my fridge and part of my freezer but STILL so very glad for the extent of our damage.

Pray for us around 8 am. Heading to the beach with long time friends and kids. Think 4 boys under 8, think there will be chocolate and wine consumed to counteract the testosterone overload.

While I do have work each day with power I am caught up from the weekend. I have all any and all reasons to be outside, enjoying the beach, watching the V boys take on the P boys. Simply enjoying a break from the past few weeks of (un)fun. Perfect Timing.

I will be heading on Friday to SC for Easter weekend. Back Monday friends.

Direct Hit or Why I should have gone with Plan C

2011-04-17T23:46:00.005-04:00

The bottom line is everyone is ok and save a blown out screened in panel on my porch and lots of sticks in the yard our house was unscathed. Ben and I were very, very lucky during Saturday’s tornado.

This is a long (ok longer than even normal for me, but after a couple of edits I feel compelled to just post it. Read on for how after finally beating 2 weeks of poison ivy, sickness from all 4 of us, I had the best week ever ending in a tornado.)
This is a story of “more moments of (not) great parenting along with I have a major character flaw of snap judgments resulting in not thinking of consequences.”

So to back up mid week I knew that a bad storm was going to hit likely Sat afternoon. We had some plans that started to shift including getting together with friends who have moved to NC from Tulsa.

After talking Friday night and checking the forecast they decided they would go ahead and come. It was the best weekend before their 2nd baby arrives in May and to quote my friend, “uh, we just moved here from Oklahoma, I can do bad weather”. The plan was to meet up with the friends in the am before the storms arrived so that all could get home. Plan B was to ride out bad weather in the museum if it hit with the worst of the storm. I live 20 mins from downtown and know this museum well so we moved ahead with Plans A and B.

I should have made a Plan C. Again, bottom line is that person and property all are ok and minus the lack of power that is expected until Tuesday we are good. Ben’s preschool took a direct hit hence the pictures of the fence and also the house next door to the school. We live about 2 miles from the school and again, minus debris no one had major damage in our neighborhood.

So here in order was the list of why I SHOULD have gone with plan C:

1. I was running a good 30 mins behind from the time I got up, got my hair cut, drove back to drop of Ian, finally found parking, met friends for brunch, got the museum. Not surprising that I am late. I am late everywhere I go no matter what I do to leave sooner. An extra kid has not helped.

2. I lost my watch last fall and have yet to replace. I keep my phone tucked in the bottom of my bag after losing it last summer so I continually ask everyone around me what time it is not to take it out over and over and risk losing it again. I also forget to charge my phone so it usually has little power. Sat was one of those days so I turned it off thinking I would just keep asking Amy what time it was and save my power for the drive home.

3. I should have checked for downtown street closings. At least 2 major events were going on and all parking was gone anywhere close to the museum.

4. The museum was crowded with people on an ick Sat as well as coming in from the downtown events. Being they had never been to Raleigh/museum we wound up staying much later.

5. I kept checking out the weather from the window as my plan was to be home by 2 pm. I even asked a staffer what they do in case of a full on evacuation to shelter.

6. Thinking it was getting close to 2 we parted ways. The kids were crashing so we quickly said good bye and we left. I forgot to ask what time is on the way out and didn’t think to pull out my phone to check. (here is my best reason ever to buy at watch)

7. Get to the car after walking several extra blocks and realize it was not 2. It was 3 pm. I call Bill and get voicemail. Try him again, voicemail. Decide that he is likely asleep so all must me ok at the house. I didn’t think to turn on the radio or check my phone as realizing it’s late think just let’s go (NOTE this is my character flaw in all its glory, a snap decision without thinking or consequences.) I could give you lots of examples including getting poison ivy 3 times in 3 years, kids falling out of Bumbos. The list is endless and as a mom I’m frankly embarrassed that I can’t do better with this part of myself.

8. Start to drive out of downtown and since there are still lots of road closures have to take several detours, all good I know downtown. Only light rain and almost no wind as we get onto the beltline home.

9. When we get about 15 mins from home we hit heavier rain and now wind is starting to push my car into the other lane. I start thinking what businesses are on the next exit that we can get inside and by this point we would have to drive at least 5 more mins once off the exit to a grocery store. I am only one exit away from getting on the last road home so I again think just push it and get home, likely you are ahead of this storm. I later found out the storm was going close to 70 mph and was something like 50 miles wide!

10. I get off and head down the road towards my town as I’m getting closer its starts to look like nighttime as it was black outside and lighting is hitting all around us.

11. Thinking of every big building left on the way home I can’t think of anywhere closer than my own house by now and don’t want to be outside my car with Ben risking us getting hit by lighting. It was so close that there was no time between the struck and the thunder and I think we have to be safer in the car. I gun it and run a red light and pass through town. On the way a tree is blocking the main intersection.

12. I take side streets and avoid branches and huge limbs and see broken power poles/trees/debris everywhere.

13. We are home in the next 5 mins just as the sun is breaking through and the rain stops.
Lucky, damn lucky that I should have gone with my gut (and the Plan c) of getting out of the car and getting into any open business when my car was being blown by the wind. I also should have called Bill again but once home realize that all cell service was knocked out ahead of the storm. He had been trying to reach me to tell me to stay put and ride it out (plan B).

There are few things as scary as thinking how if I had been in that intersection about 10 mins earlier that we would have been directly in the path of the storm.
Yes to a really bad call and yes that I need to scribe to the weather warning on my phone. Yes that I need to buy a watch, yes that when I have a gut feeling I need to act on it. A big resounding YES that I need to work on the “think this through Heather” snap judgment mentality. When my kids’ safety is at stake there is nothing else that should be important.

No need to give me a big old “told you so” you can on what I’m sure will be the next bad snap judgment you see going down you can point out so please do. And maybe buy me a watch and remind me to plug in my phone.

Very glad to have put my kids to bed even in a dark house and to know we dodged a direct hit.

If a picture was worth a thousand words

2011-04-15T08:38:00.000-04:00

I *think* he enjoyed his cake.

And by *think* I mean he shoved his entire piece in his mouth.

A wonderful day (minus the no nap may I add), but still under the most perfect of April days to celebrate many years to come.

Thanks for happy birthday wishes for my extra, extra sweet (literally) Ian.

one

2011-04-14T09:39:00.005-04:00

And on the day you were born...I kissed the face of God.

Happy birthday my beautiful blue eyed, strawberry-blond boy. You were everything worth waiting for, hoping for, praying for. Re-reading your birth story makes me smile and also a little sad to know that you are quickly transitioning to a (very) active toddler who idolizes his older brother and is quick to laugh as Ben's favorite audience.

Over the last 12 months you have gone from helpless to self reliant, from a baby who didn't want to sleep to a toddler who still thinks sleep if for the weak, from sweet infant coos to full on screeching mama/dada. Watching your relationship with Ben develop makes me smile. Yesterday at the park when Ben was intent on telling everyone that my brother is one and "you should tell him happy birthday."

While you are not walking unassisted, you are so very close as you step in place, realizing you are standing alone before collapsing under your weight. You are fast and sneaky and a common reply from those who are around you, "wow, he's a burst of non stop energy". Yes, over overhead as my common response, "I'm on the two boy weight loss plan."

It's hard to look at a child you wanted so very badly and not carry just a little bit experience with you every day of that child's existence. Not that I am going to be screen printing t-shirts for your first birthday with that sentiment, but I agree that infertility changes your conception of pregnancy and the anticipation of a dream realized.

I am among the moms who understands something they wish they didn't. Those moms who are carrying around a little extra thankfulness to be in the sorority of motherhood after a long process to be there.

So on this first of many, many birthdays to come know how much I/we love you. How much even in the most difficult times of the last year you were always the reason to get up, to make it to the end of the day, to realize that motherhood demands flexibility, and that I was given the 2nd chance to do it all again for a reason. You helped me realize that I needed to slow down, reconsider my priorities, and not miss the best years of my life. Mostly, that I am enough just to be called mom.

Ben and Ian, my sweet boys, you are all my reasons.

Happy 1st birthday most precious Ian,

love mom-

Most Worthy of its own Theme Song

2011-04-13T07:08:00.003-04:00

~Heather: The only person I know with her own theme song. Ok, so that was in the sorority days but she's funny enough to deserve one. Heather is another of my sorority sisters whom I have reconnected over a shared love of Disney. She came to it kicking and screaming, but she's a fan now nonetheless. I was delighted when our travel dates overlapped and we were able to meet up for tea at the Grand Floridian.

Such was the intro from my friend's Disney blog earlier this week on the 1 yr anniversary recapping some of the guest posts.

She nailed me to a T I tell you. Yes I really did (still do if you were to read Fb comments from old college friends) have a theme song. Complete with a dance and obnoxious lyrics best belted out room to room in our sorority house by Shon, Stacy, or Amy K.

Those were the days, right. It got me thinking about the evolution of friendships, esp in light of how easy it takes Ben to find a playground playmate. I've been lucky to have had a great group of girlfriends in high school that I literally grew up with from preschool on. We all keep up through Fb and have managed to see on another at least yearly in passing through on the way to SC.

Speed forward to college and I joined a sorority, much to most anyone's surprise. I'm NOT a sorority girl (wait, I do have a 3rd generation silver pattern and do own some monogrammed earrings, does that count?) But, in general I'm not what you would think of as a Delta, Delta, Delta can I help ya kinda girl. I namely joined to make friends. And I did with my pledge class, non-sorority roommates that I later lived off campus with for 2 years, and believe it or not also an ex of Bill's from freshman year.

I am looking forward to a sorority reunion this July at the Grove Park Inn with my old friends for a weekend of spa treatments, good food/drink, sitting by a pool with drink in hand sans kids for 48 hours.

This weekend the above author who so perfectly pegged me is going to be in Raleigh so we are getting our families together. Her family has recently moved to NC about 2 hours away and is making their first trip to Raleigh. Fun to show off my home for the last 12 years.

The evolution of friendships over time to now adult friendships both in person and those we keep up online does take effort. An effort to make sure that the relationships don't get relegated to the back burner in place of kids, spouses, work. All the things that I personally can talk myself into being more important rather than taking the time needed to catch up.

As an ESTJ personally I need to be out and about and around others. I know that when I don't make it a priority, then the walls start to close in. This morning I'm getting together with a friend who I taught with a decade ago, we reconnected at another school be both wound up teaching. We both happened to be off with new babies this past year so things kinda fell into place.

We've been trying to walk at a local park once a week when we can manage to get out of the house. Today, we are heading to Logan's for plants and a midday outside lunch while the babies play. Nice to have a reason to have on earrings and maybe if she's lucky makeup too.

Oh, did I mention that my sweet Ian will be ONE tomorrow. Not possible that a whole year has passed. I actually got a little choked up when someone saw us yesterday and asked me if he was my youngest. Yes the youngest and always my baby, even at 18 when he is most likely going to be 6 feet and all boy. Sniff.. SO not possible tomorrow.

0-60

2011-04-12T12:53:00.006-04:00

You might want to remind me that I did willingly ask for what's coming in the next 6 weeks and likely summer when I am stressed out and whining.

As of yesterday morning we have a realtor after the barrage of potential agents in the last week. By Sunday afternoon on the 8th agent I swear I could have recited all the features of our home by heart. It felt like a Christmas pageant with everyone gunning to be Baby Jesus.

We went with an eerily looking agent to Phil Dunphy of Modern Family. He seemed to really know this area, didn't blow sunshine about what we needed to do to list in a crappy market, in general exuded a higher level of professionalism. Please no comparisons to Phil and his words of wisdom or the fact that he plays a freakin' realtor on the show. Something tells me Phil COULD NOT sell a katsup popsicle to a lady in while gloves unlike the perception of our agent.

Bill and I over the weekend came up with our big, ginormous list of room to room decluttering plan. We are taking ownership over zones of the house with a deadline of May 30th to have everything cleaned out, packed up, and extra moved to a rental storage unit.

I'll be honest while we don't live like packrats we do just have a lot of STUFF after 10 years, 2 kids, pets in this house. We also set up a budget for improvements as well as a moratorium on all non necessary spending.

I will be gone later this month for almost a week and then in Florida for another week in late May. My hope is Bill can use the time to tackle some of the bigger jobs sans noise/kids/general level of nuts in the house. Our goal is to knock out the punch list of items to be done to be market ready by June 1st.

So yes to an insane, crazy next 6 weeks. While I hope we can sell by end of summer as well as be moving before Ben starts school or within the first months, I also know that we may be here another 6 months to a year based on the current market.

The reality is we SHOULD have started this in January, but we didn't. To take advantage of the best season of the year to show our house (ie. screened in porch, outside yard, plants in full bloom) we don't want to bypass the summer. At least we finally are moving on this long standing goal instead of complaining that we are on top of each other in this 1400 square paradise (make that 1600 once we get the unfinished bonus permitted).

So help me God if anyone shows up looking like this guy A REAL IMAGE FROM A LOCAL REALTOR's site (luckily, none that we interviewed), I am running scared.

Mini Race and Mac Daddy Race

2011-04-11T07:51:00.004-04:00

The pox on the house of Vinson is starting to lift. Laying low did us all good this weekend. As the boys were feeling good by Saturday morning and Bill's cold was better we opted to go ahead and run the 1 mile family fun run as part of the Cary Road Race.

Luckily the rain held off long enough for us set Ian's stroller decked out in balloons, a happy birthday banner, and the birthday boy himself in a cute ONE onsie. It was everything I had hoped for to meet Mondo Goal #32. Ben was overly excited to be racing and we let pull ahead in the last .25 mile so he could cross the finish line first.

He was beside himself to be the winner over the rest of the Vinson clan.

Up next was Bill's first 1/2 marathon. Last year he ran his first race, the Raleigh Rocks 5k, same race this year just the 1/2 option. Wow what a year to now have 4 5ks and now a 1/2 under his belt. Afterwards I arranged for him to use up part of a massage package I had purchased. I took the kids and met up with a friend so he could return to a quiet house and crash.

Last year I was a sobbing mess watching him cross the finish line in what now seems like a million (miles) away. In part due to being 38 weeks prego and also the sheer excitment for him. No tears this year, just a quiet undersanding that this is a new normal for us. The one where we now have a Go Mommy/Daddy Go sign that is traveling from race to race.

Have sign, will travel :)

Somewhere overheard in the last 48 hours how crazy would be be to do Vegas 1/2 marathon for our 40th birthdays together?

Crazy thoughts? Or just the start of something bigger?!?

Phone Photo Friday- A Case of the Mondays times 7

2011-04-08T01:43:00.008-04:00

UNCLE Universe. I totally hear you and apologize for ticking you off.

This week has been an example of 7 straight days of SUCK.

As much as I really (no really) try to keep it positive in this space I gotta say this week hands down has been horrible. Just to recap in case you want the litany of Hell.

Sunday- Baby shower is a success minus that I had a full on head cold and sounded like I had been chain smokin' Kools 10 mins before it started. I intentionally tried not to touch any food or stand anywhere around it in hopes of not spreading the misery. I got home and Bill was out the door for a loooong training run for the next 2 1/2 hours.

Took the boys outside, paid Ben $ to pick up sticks and pine cones and Ian played on a blanket. I mistakenly (again) picked up poison ivy after swearing I didn't see if around the same place I got it last year. I tried to stop it Sunday night but alas it was full on by Monday am. Worked until midnight grading and making up the loss of time from LAST weekend in SC. I'm really behind and have been all week. It's midterm, it's push time with 7 weeks left and also spring break for their schools over the next weeks. We don't get a spring break so I feel like I motivating no one.

Monday- Even sicker with the cold and poison ivy. Work all day and make myself go to the gym once I get Ben. As insane as this sounds I take advantage of when I'm sick and not eating much to really work out and bust off weight. I know it's BAD idea. No need to tell me, but I do it every single time because it's always a kick start a plateau. Ian and Ben also have colds but seem to be getting better. Bill is staying far away from all of us to avoid being sick with race day in 6 days.

Tuesday- Repeat of Monday misery, this time with the chore of grocery shopping added after the torrential rain passes. Kids better, my cold is better but poison ivy spreading. I run 3 miles, walk 2 in the afternoon. Feel ok and bail on a nighttime commitment when a work meeting runs way over until almost 9 pm and I feel like crap and not sociable. Realtor visit while Ian was napping so lost time working so I make it up unit 1 am.

Wednesday- Ben had puked in the night, mainly dry heaving and was better by am but keep him home. Ian better, Ben is in time out before 9 am for hitting Ian and talking back to me. Oh brother, looong day ahead. Cold better, but poison ivy is spreading to both arms and to leg. Skip all gym due to kids sickness and walk the neighborhood for the dog. Another 2 Realtors appointments while kids in quiet time. Thought about cancelling but it's late, I give them the upfront about the pox on my house. Loose any work time and work I kid you not until 3 am. SOOOO not a goood plan as I kept falling asleep and having to redo work to get it in by morning deadline.

Thursday- Ben has been puke free 24 hours, seems ok and is jumping off the cough so I take him to school. Another potential realtor dowb, then go see a house in an attempt to start looking at neighborhoods in play. SHOULD have cancelled, but really want to be out of the house as a friend is keeping Ian. Cold almost gone, but poison ivey has now spread to both legs and I'm trying to keep it wrapped up (see pic above). I missed getting Bill's help in wrapping it yesterday and Ben refused when I asked him to hold the end. I wind up using the kitchen counter and it's a mess resulting in more itching all day. NOTE: Ben V will never be a doctor with THAT bedside manner.

Bill comes home early by 5 sick with my cold, pissed about the 1/2 race he's been training for now in jepordory (rightly so). Get the Ben has puked call after lunch. Ian thankfully takes a nap. Ben sleeps then puked all over the couch and floor by 3. Fun. No luck to get an morning Dr appointment for a steroid shot we split the kids and I take the non sick one.

ALSO in the file it under stupid and obstinate, I will do must anything to avoid taking a round of steroids. After having walking pneumonia and packing on a 6 lb weigh gain that SWEAR I still have not lost from steroid treatment, I always try to avoid them. YES I would rather be sick than fat. SO much wrong with that :(

I consider walking the 2 miles to the dr as it's close by and I've now gone 48 hour without exercise and I know the more days I miss the harder it is back. Not a fast walk, but thought I could do it with the jogging stroller. I opt (by some good sense) to drive. We wait 30 mins in which time I run into people I know who are chatty and I am not. Gotta love small town living.

The poison ivy is bad to the point that I am prescribed antibiotics to treat where it got into a cut. The shot really, really hurts. Probably because I was holding a squirming Ian as I forgot the stroller and he was full on wild after all that waiting.

Get home, take the dog out, make something to eat for all concerned. Punt on book club as no one needs to be around me and my walking germ factory self. Grade until after 1am as I missed time again today. We have a front runner on agents and by Monday will be done with this part of the process. Again we are at the point of do this now or wait and miss the window.

Friday- Ben will be home all day, we are staying put, laying on the couch with the puke bucket and Mom working to get caught up. Ian will be Ian into everything. Bill may (I really hope) work from home so he can take a nap and work on getting better and hope upon hope help me with the kids. Uh.. have I had a nap all week, even on the 3 hour of sleep day).Ben puked in his bed about 11 pm, got him cleaned up in time for Ian up near midnight crying but he thankfully is back in bed. He has been sleeping until 6:30 all week. Something positive. Really.

Next week has, has, has to be better. Cary Road race a bust this weekend for me and the boys (very glad this was not my original first race), disappointed but if we can get everyone well by Ian's birthday that is a better goal.

The final realtors and a landscaper coming this weekend. There is a definite post on the intentional speed up but man I tired and going to bed.

Thanks for hanging in there if you are still reading. Give my your address and I'll mail a co pay. Really I will as only someone who really love me or is possibly I would have to pay for the session would hang in there with me.

PS. I love you people for NOT telling me that 1. things can be worse (I know, I don't need the guilt) 2. Working out while really sick is a bad idea 3. not taking a medicine because I fear weight gain is STUPID. Yeah to all so don't say it.

Back Monday with a better attitude, hopful poison ivy free body and no cold/sickness for any family member.

Ugh. UGH times 7

Better Late than Never

2011-04-06T00:06:00.007-04:00

So much for a 4/1 month goal post, 6 days late sounds like my MO for life. Always 10 mins late for life. I read that Elizabeth Taylor's funeral started intentionally late per her desire to commemorate her predilection for tardiness. uhm...may have to consider that for my will.

April Goals already in progress, some already accomplished.

1. Keep the good thing going on the whole sleep and work thing.

2. Cary Road Race this weekend. Only running the 1 mile family fun run with Ben and Ian, but what a happy 1st birthday for my sweet boy.

3. Celebrate Ian's first birthday. Mainly a family focus, but in the last days have thought about a small pay it forward as a personal celebration. More to come but just thinking about the possibility is smile inducing.

4. On the birthday front, get Ben's booked for June. Checking out several options. Top contender is a pool party, but want to check on expected parent participation. Can't think of a nice way to say, "expect to be in a swimsuit" in the invite. Our gym has a beach entry and all kids that can't swim are in life jackets. Thinking on this one as the May/June birthday party onslaught is time consuming for parents. Don't want ours to be a dreaded party.

5. Family Pictures at Duke Gardens. Jon-jon induced cuteness guaranteed. I'm from SC so I get a pass for one shot in sweet smocked goodness. Seersucker pants and white bucs on Ben would push it, right? Like I could ever get those clothes on him unless I allowed wind/athletic pants in all the other shots.

6. Book spa treatments for summer sorority reunion at the Grove Park Inn. DONE and now dreaming of 48 hours sans children, sitting by a 5 star spa with drink in hand.

7. Continue logging min 20 miles or 300 mins per week. Have hit a plateau in the weight loss dept, trying to change up cardio and did spin, fartleks, and weight training in place of 2 days of running last week. My knee is acting up again, think I may need to be seen to prevent injury.

8. One new date night idea with Ben and one with Bill. May date night?- Hangover 2 for sure.

9. Most likely another SC run to help out with mom. Brian needs it and on some level I do to to live with myself long run.

10. BIG huge, already rolling plan: Get going on the getting out of the house goal. Interviewing realtors this week and a need get going on the laundry list of repairs. Still most likely no way until much later in the year to actually get it on the market, but Bill and I are ready and together on making this a priority for 2011.

Bring it April, I plan on spending any and all reasons outside loving my 2nd favorite month of the year.